Chapter Ten
Big Words in a Little Toolbag
Wherever I go in the world I’ll visit a beautiful cathedral or church, temple or mosque. I pray every day, but I don’t attend services on a regular basis. I haven’t found a resting place; I’m still a wandering gypsy.
I don’t have one spiritual home, but I do have a toolbag. I imagine it like a medieval suede bag slung over my shoulder, with all the shiny stones from those amazing experiences I’ve had. Coming to live in California, meeting people who understand my jackdaw nature and the point of the message I was given by the three psychics, has meant I’ve been in the perfect place to collect more shiny stones and learn how to use them. It’s also a place where people I’ve met haven’t thought that the things I’ve experienced in the past are implausible.
Those stones have become a compass for my life, and the tools I use to help me. I’ve realized that things I once thought were terribly serious, and rather difficult to understand, are actually not like that at all, and that I can use them in very practical ways.
Therapy
I wanted to go to the Café Malibu and didn’t fancy going by myself, so I phoned this guy I’d dated a few times. I hadn’t seen him for a couple of months, but on a whim I decided to call him. He said he was tired but would meet me there. When he walked in I couldn’t believe it. He looked so alive. Whatever he’s on, I thought, I want it. I asked him what had happened and he told me he’d just done The Forum. I felt I needed a jolt so I did it, too. I found it really useful. It’s a personal development programme that helps you get behind the scams you set up when you’re a child, and that have been covertly governing your life ever since. It helped me start living more honestly with myself and others.
The guy was Colin. Since that time, he and I have shared a path and a friendship. We’re the first to admit that it’s a work in progress, and that every day we have struggles with ourselves. I can have a tendency to be terribly controlling and Colin to be very judgemental. We call each other ‘Judgement’ and ‘Control’.
Colin and me – ‘Judgement’ and ‘Control’
Colin started dating my friend Lindsay Wagner. She and I had met and become friends while we were filming To Be the Best with Anthony Hopkins in Hong Kong. Colin thought she was wonderful, which she is, but he couldn’t stop going on and on about her and I said something mean. Colin glared at me. ‘You’ll only be forgiven for that remark if you spend one thousand dollars on yourself – not on your children – and do ten sessions with Margie Paul.’
Margie Paul has developed a very simple and practical approach to emotional health – it’s called Inner Bonding. It’s a therapeutic process of personal development, but with a strong leaning towards the spiritual. It acknowledges that we’ve all been wounded in our lives in one way or another and need to heal, but it emphasizes that we’re responsible for our own healing. It also encourages people to connect with God, or spirit, or however you define the higher power, and to start living as a loving adult rather than a wounded child. I have to have practical solutions, and Inner Bonding provides one. Every time I’ve been like a little Tonka truck and driven myself right into a wall and got stuck, Inner Bonding has helped me go into reverse, back up then carry on my way.
The Daily Routine
For Muslims, the ‘call to prayer’ really is a call to prayer, five times a day. I find that most inspiring. I have spiritual purpose; I just don’t have spiritual form. I’ve stopped worrying about it and just get on with my own routine.
We all have our habits and routines, like teeth-cleaning and hair-brushing. I’ve developed a few spiritual routines. I start my day with a quick prayer – a moment of gratitude in silence. I invent a new prayer each day, so that it doesn’t become a mindless habit. It doesn’t need to be any more elaborate than ‘Thank you for this wonderful day, so full of opportunity, that I’m now beginning.’
Mentally I go through the list of what I’ve planned to do that day, checking off the ‘to do’ list I made the night before. I may forget my list during the day but the important things will get done without me having to think about them. I like to start each day with optimism. When we were rehearsing Master Class, Jonathan Church, the director, commented, ‘It’s amazing, Stephanie, but every day, never mind how bad yesterday was, you walk into rehearsals with such positive energy.’ I said, ‘Thank you, Jonathan,’ and I thought, ‘Thank you, God.’
Without really thinking about it, and certainly not actively going in search of it, what the three psychics told me has definitely come to be. When I was softened by motherhood, after Phoebe was born, I couldn’t possibly have refuted God. Exploring what that means for me personally has become an important part of my life.
Karma
When life doesn’t seem to make sense, and God is a step too far, I never fall lower than karma. That’s the bottom line of truth for me and it’s really simple. If something’s not plain and simple and down to earth, what use is it to us mere mortals?
According to karma, what you do is what you are. Give a child too much sugar and you could get a raging tantrum. You might say, ‘That’s not karma, that’s chemicals.’ I think karma can involve chemicals. Karma is action and result, it’s cause and effect; they’re the same thing. Without a spiritual practice I don’t feel complete and whole. If I don’t do any exercise, my muscles wither, my metabolism goes out of kilter and I feel out of sorts. This is cause and effect, action and result; it’s karma. Someone can steal and get away with it, but they’re still a thief. It makes so much sense. I love it. It’s a simple and practical concept that enables me to accept responsibility for who I am at any moment.
I believe that if we ignore karma and don’t do the work we’re here to do this time round, we’re going to meet the same lessons again and again until the work’s been done. We come into life with a ‘to-do’ list; it’s not written down, but it’s there. Homework does not get excused.
Mindfulness
The days rush by so fast. I try to take time to meditate and stay calm and see the beauty in any situation. Meditation is sometimes hard. If I’m in a really public place I just breathe in on one word, and breathe out on another. I make up a simple mantra that’s easy to repeat; two words, like ‘love’ on the in-breath and ‘being’ as I exhale. As I go round and round with them, they become ‘being, love’ as well as ‘love, being’. I don’t make it any more complicated than that. There’s no need to do more than have a straight spine and concentrate on breathing. You’d look pretty silly trying to do full Lotus Position on a crowded train. Meditation’s purpose is to clear the mind and become present. It lowers my blood pressure and makes me calm. In the evening, there are always questions I’ll have about my day. I’ll often use the Bible, the runes, animal medicine cards or sayings from the Dalai Lama, to reflect on the day and find answers to the questions that have come up. I use these divinatory tools as a way of contacting my innermost feelings.
I always keep a little book of positive wisdom tucked in a pocket to take out and find a good phrase in, throughout the day. It’s uplifting.
In my diary I have written: Have a GREAT Day!
G – Give
R – Relate to others
E – Exercise
A – Attend to the world around
T – Try something new
I love this little list; I carry it with me wherever I go. My boyfriend Bernie gave it to me; it’s from The Happiness Institute.
Dr David Hawkins, the author of Power vs Force, among other books, has been developing theories about human consciousness for the last 50 years. All of them have practical applications. Dr Hawkins highlights the relationship between emotions and vibrational frequencies. His ‘Map of Consciousness’ lays out a spectrum of emotional states, each of which he has calibrated with a corresponding frequency. They range from low – for example, shame calibrates at 20, guilt at 30 and fear at 100 – to the highest states – where enlightenment calibrates from 700 to 1,000, and unconditional love and a dog’s wagging tail calibrate at 540. A moment of joy, by the way, is also 540. I try to keep my calibration level as high as possible. I seldom get over 250, which is neutrality, but I’m happy if I get to 310, which is willingness.
Trying to maintain as high a calibration level as possible requires remaining mindful of what is happening in the present and what feelings are being experienced from moment to moment. It might sound obvious and simple, but it isn’t. It’s hard to shift from having a defensive and fearful attitude to having a willingness to learn and an attitude of openness and loving. Using Dr Hawkins’ tables and charts makes the process easier. It’s a bit like a Weight Watchers point system for the emotions, rather than the calories.
Divination
I love the runes. They’re an Old Norse system of divination. I love animal medicine cards, too. Whether it’s the runes, animal cards, the I Ching or the stars, you’re accessing your subconscious. They’re all methods of divination. Each applies a set of variables, representing your world, against a variety of meanings. Each has its own structure and set of codified meanings. They’re like combination locks to the vault of the subconscious. I always see my readings as positive, even if they’re warning me of something.
Intuition
When Phoebe was a baby she always used to have a morning nap in the basement. One day, for some reason I decided not to put her down there. There was a flash flood and the basement turned into a lake. The house’s wiring came from the fuse box in the basement. If Phoebe had been sleeping there that morning, she would have been electrocuted.
Another time I was in Selfridges, rushing around – however fast a person can move through their life. I suddenly thought, ‘I’ve got to go to Chester Street.’ It was where my friend Christina lived, but not the same house where the fire had happened in 1996. I didn’t know why, I just knew I had to go there, so I went. When I got there her son Nicky was sitting on the wall looking very miserable. ‘I knew you’d come,’ he said. He’d put a call out for me; a mental call. He knew that I’d come, and I did. He had total faith, total trust. What was that? Telepathy? My mother could heal telepathically. Is that some kind of fine-tuning? I don’t know, but if a mother’s love was great enough I think she could find her baby in a blizzard.
Determination
When I want something, I reach for it and take practical steps. I’ve always been like that. When I was at RADA my scholarship wasn’t covering my outgoings. I wrote to Barnet Borough Council:
Dear Sirs
I would like to take this opportunity to thank you from the bottom of my heart for the bursary you have very kindly awarded me that is enabling me to study at the Royal Academy of Dramatic Art. I cannot emphasise enough how extremely grateful I am for your generosity.
As you know I have every intention of being a very famous actress one day but I find that I am not able to keep myself in tights, and as I am sure you will understand I just won’t wear laddered stockings. I am going to be such a good representative of the grant you have kindly given me that if you could possibly find it in yourselves to give me an extra pound a week in order for me to look respectable then I would be incredibly grateful.
Yours faithfully
They may have laughed when they read it, but they gave me that extra pound.
It was this determination to do something about my situation that got me off the floor after I became an emotional wreck and was struggling as a single parent.
Getting Out of My Own Way
This is the way I do it: I let go and let God and get out of my own way. But I can’t let go if I haven’t done the work. I can’t just let go and expect God to do the work.
When I let go of my ego, I let go of the outcome. If I’ve already made up my mind about what I want the outcome to be, I’ve already limited the possibilities.
I like this little Zen story:
A farmer’s son was riding his horse when he fell off and broke his leg. His father said, ‘This is a tragedy; my son’s an invalid.’ The Zen monk said, ‘We’ll see.’ Later all the young men were called up to fight in the war. The boy couldn’t go because he’d broken his leg. The father said, ‘This is terrible; my son can’t join the young men and fight for his country.’ ‘We’ll see,’ said the Zen monk. None of the young men came home.
When I was wallowing in self-pity, thinking the life I’d known had come to an end, I was getting in my own way. As soon as I let go and let God, my life began to change.
Self-responsibility
I’ll eat a blueberry muffin if I really want to, but the chances are I’ll start the day with protein because it’ll give me a longer supply of fuel. I’m a coffee addict. A Japanese healer told me, ‘One cup is medicine, two is poison.’ If I can only have one cup I make sure it’s the best so I can really enjoy it. And if I have more than one, I’m aware that I’m poisoning myself.
I walk somewhere pretty, jog somewhere pleasant. I make it a spiritual experience. It doesn’t have to be in hills, woods or by the sea. There is always the park or the pavement.
Separate your woes into different piles. It makes them so much easier to cope with. Twenty problems piled on top of each other are impossible to deal with.
Phone a Friend
I was rushing back to England to say goodbye to my mother. I was going to her funeral and memorial service. I had a complete meltdown over packing my suitcase. I was crying and making the whole situation more awful than it already was. I just couldn’t do it. And then, like in Who Wants to Be a Millionaire, I thought, ‘Phone a friend!’ I called Philip and Steve, two of my best friends. They live in Houston now but were still living in Los Angeles then. Philip’s a minister but when I met him he was a film producer. We laughed from the second we met. Steve is one of the cleverest people I know. They both make me roar with laughter. They used to be Catholic but now they’re Presbyterians. They’re also on a spiritual search, and they’re great searching companions. They’re a fabulous couple and we’ve seen each other through a lot. I phoned them and told them what was happening. They came round, we talked it through and, before I knew it, my suitcase was packed. Death is hard to face alone.
You are allowed to ask for help, but be specific. We shouldn’t make the whole of ourselves somebody else’s responsibility, but it is OK to phone a friend with a particular problem. It’s a totally legitimate thing to do. Taking responsibility doesn’t mean being an island.
Thoughtfulness
Marlon Brando was very keen on mouthwash. ‘Even though the script might say two people are attracted to each other, you can’t force it in real life but the least you can do is make yourself presentable,’ he said once. The method actor of all time still had the consideration to know that mouthwash is a good idea if you’re in close contact with other actors.
Playfulness and Creativity
Playing is an attitude. I play when I’m cooking, which makes my meals pretty hit or miss. Children play when they’re having a bath. Daydreaming is playing. Painting, sewing, writing, mending: endless playing. Do the things the world considers to be important, but make sure you feed your soul by playing. Release yourself from all standards: they hold us back. Most of them have been inflicted on us and they stop us from playing. I love to paint. If you saw my paintings you might well think I’ve no talent for it. But that’s not the point. It’s a question of just doing it and playing with my imagination.
I feel I’ve got two bank accounts: one for money and one for spirit. My spiritual bank account has to be full; otherwise my light turns off, like Tinkerbell. Most of the theatre jobs I’ve done can’t be justified by the money they paid. Why would I do them? I do some jobs to fill my spiritual bank account, nourish my spirit and feed me creatively. Others pay the bills. Sometimes it’s possible to fill both at the same time, and usually every job has its moments. Those moments of joy when you’re working hard are a real gift. Joy isn’t something you can demand or expect. It’s a gift.
I remember sitting in the kitchen of our house in West Hampstead. The children were in bed. It was winter and cold. I was faced with a pile of bills and two scripts for two jobs I was being offered. One was for a play that I really wanted to do, and one was for a film that I really wasn’t interested in. At that point in my life I didn’t have the luxury to choose. The bills needed to be paid. The film was a low-budget sci-fi horror called Inseminoid. It might have been a bad film, but it kept food on our table and was actually a lot of fun to do. Judy Geeson and I laughed and played our way through the whole production. It was at a time in my life when I badly needed to laugh and play again. Taking on that job was absolutely the right choice.
I hear people talk disapprovingly about the Lottery. If one pound can stimulate that amount of imagining, let everybody put their pound in on a Saturday night and dream about how much munificence they’d bring to the planet. I believe in the Lottery if only for the dreaming. It’s not even the dream of money; it’s the dream of what you could do. That’s playing.
My friend Bitten Knudsen was one of my greatest playing partners. Her laugh will stay with me for ever. She was so beautiful – blonde perfection itself. Among other things, she modelled for Vogue and all the big fashion magazines. We were both Pisces and we both needed the ocean. We called ourselves the sea slugs. Bitten also needed the city; she’d take off for New York so she could hit hard pavement. We once went to a Matisse exhibition then afterwards spent days and days painting in the Matisse style. Bitten was completely wild, and fearless. I’ve always enjoyed my fearless friends; you can play so hard with them. Bitten took playing a bit too far, though, and died far too young.
I also play spiritually; and why not? I did some soul retrieval work with a shaman. There’s nothing kooky about shamanism. It’s probably the oldest form of medicine and healing on the planet, and has been part of human activity, in one form or other, on every continent – it still is. I visited a lady called Amanda, up in a leafy part of Topanga Canyon, who uses shamanism as a tool for healing, guidance and personal development. If you’ve had an enormous trauma, part of your soul goes to live somewhere else. Soul-retrieval involves finding where that is and getting it back. I don’t quite know why my ex-husband should have taken my feet, but that’s what seemed to have happened. Maybe he had, because he always used to tease me about the way my toes turned in. I tend to stand with my feet in a turned out position, but my toes naturally turn in. He’d taken my feet; my joyful dancing feet. I got them back in such a vivid way. How could it be that I was on the back of a panther, leaping across rivers and up trees; where did that come from?
It’s a bit like when you’re dreaming and you wake up and think, ‘Oh dear, being awake doesn’t feel nearly as real as that did.’ I was entranced by the experience; I was in trance. It was very powerful.
Shamanic journeying was another thing I did with Amanda. That also involved going into a trance, then going on an image-streaming journey into the Earth. It started no more strangely than a doctor’s appointment. Amanda asked me to lie down on a blanket on the floor and close my eyes. A drum began a very steady beat, and then Amanda told me I had to enter the Earth and go to the lower world where I would meet my spirit guides. ‘How do I get into the Earth?’ I asked. ‘Think of a place where you can see the ground open,’ she replied. ‘Can I make myself tiny?’ ‘Yes,’ I was told. I thought of the little stream that came out of the ground, near the old house on Dartmoor. I imagined myself as really tiny and slipped into the Earth alongside the stream. It was all taking place as visualization but was becoming completely real. I saw a little animal trotting along. It turned to face me, but continued to trot, and began to lead the way. It was a fox. Ever since, the fox has been a very important animal for me – one of my animal spirit guides.
Urban fox, Brighton shopping arcade
This little foxy darling led me from one adventure to another until, finally, we went up a hill where a Native American was sorting 12 charred sticks from a small fire. He turned to me. ‘Just because you have facility, doesn’t mean you can be facile,’ he said. I was jolted out of my trance and that was the end of the journey.
I’ve also been to a sweat lodge. That didn’t really do it for me. I thought it was probably one of the most disgusting, smelly things I’ve ever done. I couldn’t understand why you’d want to use steaming hot stones when you can just go into a perfectly nice electrically-heated sauna and do the same thing. It was a bit too old fashioned. I know it’s different and there’s chanting, but I didn’t get it. I was simply faint with the heat. I did get to be in another space, but it was called dehydration. Spiritual bungee jumping – without a doubt.
Attitude
Sometimes I find myself feeling discontented; I forget that, really, I have more than enough. I really don’t need any more. Sometimes I get caught in the thought that I live in a universe that’s limited by scarcity. Then I notice there’s little gratitude for what I do have. Whenever I notice that I’m feeling envious or insecure, I try to think about what I have that I am grateful for. It’s the most practical thing I can do and it stops me from looking sideways. When I’m doing that, I’m looking at people as competition. There’s only one person I have to deal with, really, and that’s myself. If I find myself feeling envious, I really give myself a good talking to. Be pleased for other people’s achievements – they’re proof it can be done.
If you can’t change the circumstances, change your attitude.
Procrastination
Procrastination is the enemy of free time. Do what needs to be done now. I often think I’ll get round to whatever it is eventually, but at the moment I don’t have the time. The fact is, I don’t want to do it. We’ll do anything to avoid doing things that are painful, but if they’re going to come around anyway, it’s best to do them before they become more painful, like paying that parking ticket.
I used to put off paying parking tickets until they’d gone beyond the fine and passed through the court. I got to know the bailiff so well we were on first-name terms. ‘Hello, is that Stephanie again?’ the receptionist used to say whenever I called their office.
I used to use smoking as a tool for procrastination. I’d put off doing things until I’d had a cigarette. I smoked for many years until I saw a friend at a dinner party. She looked so good, I asked her what she’d done. She’d given up smoking. I gave up smoking on the day George W. Bush was re-elected. I couldn’t do anything about the world, but I could change myself. I haven’t smoked since.
Think Ahead and Eat That Chocolate
When I was young and going out I kept a £5 note sewn into the lining of my jacket – just in case. Today it would probably need to be a £50 note. I didn’t know if I was going to find myself in a sticky situation. That £5 note would have got me out of it: away from the rough crowd. It could have got me a train or a taxi. I wouldn’t have to get into a stranger’s car in order to get a lift home. It was my emergency money. The clubs in Soho in the early Sixties had the best music, but it was a part of London from which you needed to be ready to make a quick getaway.
It’s the practicalities in life I like to remember. I know the lines for the audition, but do I know where the audition is being held? Do I know what time I have to be there, and have I ironed my skirt?
If you need some retail therapy, sew a £50 note into the hem of your jacket and think of it as money you’ve spent on your own protection. Invest in looking after yourself. If there’s nothing you want more right now than a bar of chocolate – drink a pint of water to make sure that your stomach is full. Eat some greens and some protein. You still really want that chocolate? Go and buy it. Eat one square and give the rest away. You’ve got what you needed.
Be conscious of what you’re doing from moment to moment. This is the essence of practical consciousness.
With any addictive behaviour, there’s always way more going on. When I realized that, I started thinking about getting some really practical therapy. I wasn’t interested in going to see some therapist who was going to nod wisely, listen and say, ‘I’ll see you the same time next week.’ I might as well just talk to a friend on the telephone. I see no point in that. For me, Inner Bonding is about as good as it gets, and I fell into that by serendipity and being bitchy.
Intention
This is another of the big words. If it’s your intention to learn, you will. If it’s your intention to succeed, you’d better know what you’re going to succeed in first. Simply having the intention to be famous or notorious is a very strange scam to pull on yourself.
We all know we can do whatever we want. I don’t have to eat well today, but if not today, when? Will I wait until the pain arrives? It’ll be more uncomfortable. Think ahead.
I try to live in the moment. I plan for the future but live in the present. Living in the present doesn’t mean that I haven’t set my sights, but there’s no need to live in the tension of those sights. It’s called ‘do without doing’. It’s straight out of the universe’s magic box, but it takes a lot of trust. If you’ve made a statement of intent you can rest easy; it’s in process. Do without doing. If you have put the intention out into the world, you’ll naturally start acting towards it. If you’ve really decided to do something, a way will come. It’s there, it’s stated, and it’s in the universe. But be careful what you intend to ask for, because you will get it.
If you do an unexpected and unnecessary act of kindness, the strange and wondrous thing is that the universe will always give you back a strange and unexpected act of kindness. It works like that. But it has to be done with the correct intention. Not with the expectation of getting it back.
16 Things
If I fall into a funk, I give myself 16 things to do. Moving the teacups into the dishwasher, washing up the saucepan, cleaning down the tiles, making the bed; all the way to 16. I could tell when a particular friend of mine was depressed because he’d always be immaculately presented. He’d say, ‘I can’t stop being depressed but at least I can do the ironing while I’m feeling down.’ He used to make himself feel better by ironing his shirts.
Give yourself 16 things to do and then see how you feel when you walk out the door.
Be Positive and Have a Good Day
We use so many negative words. It’s just a habit we get into. The habit of positivity can replace the habit of negativity. There’s something cultural about it. We British love to tell stories that are both self-deprecating and end badly. ‘I ended up in a field, in the mud, the car wouldn’t start and it started raining’ – the perfect end to a British story. I love telling a story in which I run myself down. It can be really funny, but what’s not so good is to set that negative story for my day, or for my life, with that same self-deprecating gloom. It anticipates failure. We also have a problem with the way Americans seem to be so positive; it seems boastful. It’s a bit like the way they say, ‘Have a nice day.’ At first I thought it sounded pretty hokey, but it’s actually a good thing to say to someone and I don’t see the problem now.
There’s another whole box of tricks called NLP, Neuro-Linguistic Programming. In brief, it goes along with ‘And the Word was made flesh.’ What you say will manifest. It’s the next step on from:
‘As you think, so you are.
As you imagine, so you become.’
Positive intentions bring positive results.
Have a successful day. Make that decision early on. When you fire an arrow, you make the trajectory higher than where you know the arrow will fall. I set the sights on my tasks in a similar way.
MAP
The Co-Creative White Brotherhood Medical Assistance Program (MAP) is fascinating. It’s a personal healing, diagnostic and wellness system that draws on the energy and wisdom of a collective of non-terrestrial beings known as ‘The Ascended Masters’ or ‘Great White Brotherhood’. Despite the connotations of the name, the group includes both males and females and a rainbow of complexions. As I said before, I’m a spiritual bungee jumper. If it’s not going to kill me or anyone else I’ll try anything that’s been recommended to me by a reliable source.
The MAP system involves lying down in a comfortable room, repeating an evocation that you read from a book to surround yourself with a protective field of psychic energy, and then calling on your personal medical assistance programme team. It sounded very unlikely when I first thought about trying it but when I did I was amazed to experience being visited by a French doctor, who looked incredibly like Agatha Christie’s character, Hercule Poirot. When he appeared and started poking me I could feel it physically. There were other people with him. I noticed a very attractive woman among them. She looked as though she was in her early forties. Her hair was tied up and her styling suggested 1940s wartime.
‘It’s Mummy,’ I suddenly thought. She turned to me in a manner that seemed to say, ‘Yes, it is me.’ ‘Mummy, I’ve got to talk to you,’ I said. ‘I’ve desperately wanted to see you.’ She looked at me as if to say, ‘What’s the problem?’
At the time I had a particularly challenging and sensitive family issue that was taking up a disproportionate amount of my energy. Her response was so contrary to what I would have said or thought myself, and so unexpected, it convinced me of MAP’s truth and validity. She said things to me that I really didn’t want to hear and found very hard to accept. They were far from what I would have ‘made’ her say if I’d been conjuring her up in my imagination.
I’m not sure if she said it, or simply communicated it to me, but she let me know that from where she was looking she could see that everything was perfect – exactly as it was meant to be and that I needn’t be so concerned. She let me know that everyone was doing exactly what they were meant to be doing and that everything would be OK. It was really most odd.
What was strange, and interesting, was actually being able to physically feel the MAP team poking me. Whether they were actually there but in some parallel dimension, or being channelled through my imagination, I have no idea. What I do know is that the team diagnosed a problem with my right breast. I had a mammogram the next day which revealed a slight abnormality. Fortunately it didn’t require surgery.
You can use the programme whenever you require some kind of medical assistance – be it physical or mental. I find the process enormously helpful and completely effective, and it was absolutely amazing to meet my mother as one of the great doctors in the sky.
The Last Thing
You might be thinking, ‘Stephanie, all that really does sound totally preposterous and hokey Californian psychobabble.’ But I’m someone who gets to work on time, knows my lines, and functions very well in the real world. When everything’s going well I can tell you how to put on eyeliner and lipstick and what it’s like to be a star in Hollywood, but life doesn’t always go beautifully and we need to be able to help ourselves when we’re down on the floor. I can also function even better if I’m maintaining a very different set of priorities to the ones I take on as commercial commitments – priorities that involve me exploring spiritual purpose. I’m only doing what the three psychics said I would. It wasn’t clever of me to nearly end up seriously hurting somebody when I put destiny to the test, driving head-on towards that lorry. It’s been worth slowly re-learning the way I think, and now I know I want to live the rest of my life happily and consciously.