We didn’t study Tuesday because Trevor had an appointment with a specialist at the hospital. He didn’t elaborate on what the specialist needed to see him about, and since it was none of my business, I didn’t ask. Besides, I was mortified every time I thought of how my mother had acted at dinner.
She’d been drunk. My mom, Terry Jenkins, who only drank the occasional glass of wine, had gotten drunk and acted weird in front of Trevor. And if that hadn’t been bad enough, I’d fallen into his arms like an emotionally unstable crazy person who’d cried her eyes out and then hiccupped most of the way to his house.
But it had felt good. Not the embarrassed part or emotionally unstable part or crying part either. The holding part had felt amazing. His arms around me had felt better than good, and I’d spent a lot of time thinking about it. Comparing him to my ex-boyfriend, Jason. So much so that when I met Hailey down at the pool, she’d known something was up pretty much right away.
I waited for her shift to end, and then we walked over to buy some ice cream. As I pondered my choices, she turned to me, eyebrows askew.
“Why are you so distracted?”
“I’m not.”
“Yes, you are.”
Annoyed, I made a face. “Why would you say that?”
She ignored my question and ordered us both a chocolate cone with chunks of peanut butter.
“Is it Trevor?”
“No.”
“Are you sure?”
“Of course I’m sure.”
“Then why are you blushing?”
“I’m not…” I started, but I totally was. In fact, the longer she stared at me with that half smile on her face, the hotter my cheeks felt.
“Did he kiss you?” she asked, handing me my ice cream cone.
“What? No, we’re just study buddies.”
“Uh-huh.”
I licked the top of my cone. “He’s pretty intense.”
She got this “duh” expression on her face. “Of course he is. Trevor Lewis is an artist. A guitar player. Those dudes are all intense. Link’s the same.”
“Really?” I replied. “So you and Link are dating?”
“Dating?” She looked horrified. “No one dates, Everly. Geez, what is this middle school? We hang out.” Her grin widened. “A lot.”
“So you’re hooking up.”
“No, it’s more than that.”
“Then what is it?”
She giggled. “I don’t know, but I’m having fun finding out. He’s so artistic, you know? Like he paints and has even done some sculpting. He’s got this thing at his house, it’s this big…” She laughed, holding her arms wide. “I don’t know what it is exactly but…hello! Sculpting? What guy does that? And oh my God, does he know how to kiss.”
Great. I had to listen to a detailed account of Link’s fantastical tongue and this technique he used with his… I’m not sure what she was talking about, because my mind was wandering into uncharted territory.
The Trevor Lewis kind of uncharted territory.
“So do you like him?” Hailey asked.
“Who?”
“Trevor, you idiot.”
By this time we were nearly done our cones. “He’s intense.”
“You already pointed that out and I agreed, remember?”
I knew Hailey well enough to know she wasn’t going to let this go.
“I don’t think it matters if I like him or not.”
Hailey grabbed my arm. “Why?”
“He’s leaving when the summer is over, Hales. He’s heading off to New York City to hook up with Nathan Everets. He’s got his life planned, you know?”
“And you don’t? You’re going to college in the fall and so am I. So what? That doesn’t mean we can’t have fun this last summer. In fact, it means we’re supposed to be having the best summer of our lives. This is it, Everly. Our last blast of fun before the next phase. And who’s to say that a relationship can’t survive college?”
“Relationship?” I snorted. “So that’s what you have going with Link? You guys just started hanging out last week and…”
“And what?”
Did I have to spell it out? “He’s Link. I don’t think he’s ever had a serious girlfriend.”
“People change, Everly.”
I thought of my parents. When had things changed for my father?
She hugged me. “Besides, we’re not sixteen-year-old kids anymore.”
“No.” I shook my head and tried not to laugh. “We’re a whole year older.”
“I’m serious,” she said with a giggle. “Our lives are about to change forever, and right now is the time for us to experience anything and everything. If we don’t grab what we want now, it might pass by and we’ll never know.”
“Never know what?”
She shrugged. “Well, for starters, you’ll never know if Trevor Lewis is the best thing that could have happened to you right now, in this moment.”
“Wow. You’ve been reading too many John Green novels.”
“And you’re being way too pessimistic for a teenager.”
“We’re teenagers, Hales. We’re supposed to be pessimistic.”
We reached my place, and I noticed that my mom’s car was in the driveway, which was strange since normally she didn’t get home from volunteering at the old folks’ home until at least five o’clock.
“What’s up with your mom?” Hailey asked as we paused at the end of my driveway.
Okay. That wasn’t how our conversations ever went.
“What do you mean?” Instantly, I was on high alert. I’d not said one word to a soul about what was going on at home. I knew the cracks were starting to show, but still, the only one who’d witnessed it had been…
“Did Trevor say something to Link?” I asked hesitantly.
“Trevor? No, why would he?”
“Well, what do you mean?” I asked, not answering her question.
“Nothing, really. I ran into her at the coffee shop this morning, and she just looked, well, honestly she looked like she’d been crying.”
I didn’t know what to say, so I shrugged and said nothing for a few moments. I hadn’t come down for breakfast until Mom had left for work and Dad left for his part-time job at the local community college.
“PMS?” I offered up.
“God, she must be as bad as my mom is. Man, she’s brutal lately.” She scrunched up her face. “I bet they’re going through menopause. My grams told me she was like a witch when she went through it.”
I eyed my mom’s car again. Why was she home already?
“I’d ask you to come in, but I have a feeling her PMS is still hanging around.”
“That’s all right. Mom and I are heading to the city for a bit of shopping, remember?”
Oh. Right. I passed on that when she’d asked me the day before.
“Are you sure you don’t want to come? We could swing by and scoop you up in half an hour.”
“I’m really not in the mood for shopping. Go have fun with your mom.”
“Yeah, while I have a PMS-free window,” she said with a giggle. She paused. “Has Trevor said anything to you about the big party Friday night?”
I shook my head. “No.”
“Oh.” Hailey looked surprised. “I’m sure he will. Link and I are going and so are the rest of the guys from the band. I heard that Nathan might be home for the weekend, and Brent is back too.”
Something hot twisted inside my chest. It felt like everything was changing way too fast. Like I was spinning in circles and everything that meant anything to me was disappearing.
“Don’t worry about it,” I said with a tight smile. “Trevor and I aren’t…well, we’re not anything. Like I said earlier, we’re just study buddies.”
Hailey gave me a big hug and whispered, “But you guys would be so good together. I bet he asks you.”
“I’m not exactly Trevor Lewis material.”
Hailey stood back and frowned. “What do you mean?”
“Hailey. He dated Hannah Modar, and we all know she’s been having sex since the eighth grade, and then he moved on to Jade Dearling,”
Hales rolled her eyes and nodded when I mentioned Jade.
“And he just broke up with Bailey. I’m nothing like any of those girls.”
“No, you’re not. You’re just you.”
“Yeah. But why would Trevor be interested in someone like me when he can be with someone like Jess? Or any of those other girls? They’re playing at an entirely different level than me.”
“Who’s Jess?”
“Who’s Jess?” I repeated loudly. “She’s the girl who was all over him at the drive-in.”
“Oh,” Hales replied, dragging out a one-syllable word until it sounded like four.
“Exactly.”
“I still don’t get why you think those girls are somehow above you. That’s just ridiculous.”
“Well, it doesn’t feel that way,” I muttered.
“Is it because they’re having sex and you’re still a virgin?”
“Um, yeah. That’s a pretty big difference between me and them, don’t you think?”
“What I think is that you’re overreacting. Sex is a big deal, and it’s supposed to mess with our heads, but you can’t let it rule your life. Either you’re doing it or not. You just have to be true to yourself. You’ll know when the right time and the right guy comes along.”
“But isn’t that what most boys think about? Like 24/7?”
Hailey made a face. “Well, yeah, but that doesn’t mean girls aren’t thinking about it 24/7 either. That’s kind of a sexist comment.”
I shook my head. “Not me.”
She squared her shoulders. “You’re full of crap. You don’t honestly expect me to believe that you’ve been hanging with the very hot and very available Trevor Lewis and not once has sex crossed your mind.”
I opened my mouth but nothing came out.
“See? You can’t lie to me, Everly Jenkins.”
She was right about that.
“Sure, I’ve thought about sex, but…”
Her eyebrow popped up as if it was a little soldier standing at attention. “But?”
“He hasn’t even tried to kiss me.”
She elbowed me. “I bet you’ll find out this weekend.”
Hailey’s expression was comical, and I couldn’t help but giggle with her. “I guess we’ll have to wait and see.”
She gave me another quick hug. “You sure you don’t want to come with us and buy something super trashy to wear to the bush party?”
“No, go and have fun with your mom.”
“Okay,” she said, taking a few steps backward. “I’ll text you pics later so have your phone handy because I might need your opinion. Lord knows my mom has no fashion sense.”
I watched Hailey until she rounded the corner and then pushed past the gate, only then spotting my brother sitting under the large oak tree, picking at the grass.
“Isaac, what are you…”
But my sentence remained unfinished because it was then that I heard the raised voices. Or rather, raised voice. My mother’s. I couldn’t make out the words exactly, but did it really matter? My parents never fought, or at least they’d never fought in a way that we noticed. But maybe the polite ignorance they’d been dancing around for the last year wasn’t good enough. Maybe a loud in-your-face fight is exactly what they needed.
Or maybe this was finally the end.
I slowly slid into the grass beside Isaac and tried to ignore the butterflies diving around in my stomach. They were nervous butterflies. Anxious and unsure. And man, did they make me feel yucky.
“Has that been going on for a while, buddy?”
His skinny shoulders hunched a bit and then he nodded.
“We should probably hang out here for a while then,” I said gently, feeling hot tears prick my eyes as Isaac slowly nodded. He didn’t say a word. He inched closer to me and rested his head in my lap as he continued to pull at the grass and send it flying.
I glanced up at my house. My perfect, beautiful, and well-maintained house, with the neat driveway and clean, respectable vehicles parked there. Our grass was lush, the flowers vibrant, the paint fresh.
As I listened to my mom’s voice get loud and then fall again, I couldn’t help but wonder. Why couldn’t they maintain our family the way they did their things? Why was the picture they presented to the world so much more important than the people behind the portrait?
And why was my dad living a lie?
Pretty heavy questions, and I wasn’t naïve enough to think that I’d get answers anytime soon. In fact, I had a feeling things were going to get worse before they got better, so I should get used to it.
This was my so-called perfect life.