If someone had told me at the beginning of the summer that (A) I would fall in love with Trevor Lewis, and (B) my family would be broken and fractured, I would have told them they were full of crap.
The Trevor Lewis thing came from nowhere, and sure, I’d known my family was hurting, but as it turns out, I just didn’t know how badly.
Funny how things work out.
My dad lost half of his parish, but the ones who stayed were amazing. They were supportive and nonjudgmental, and well, it was exactly what he needed.
I’m not going to lie. Things were tough at first. Hell, they still are. As much as I wanted to accept who he was, who he’d been all along, it’s hard getting past the broken family his truth had destroyed. I got it. I really did. But it still hurt. In a perfect world my family would be whole and intact.
We’re working things out, and for now that’s enough. I’m happy that he’s found some kind of happiness. He’s on his own. I think he’s seeing his first love, Kirk, but it’s not like he shares that stuff with me. And for what it’s worth? Not like I want to hear the details of my dad’s love life anyway.
I’ve learned to accept things and move on, because really, there’s no point in living in a past that was a lie. Mom moved to Maine with Isaac to live with her brother. I hate that Dad doesn’t get to see Isaac all that often, but I get why she did what she did. My dad hurt her, and in a way, he destroyed parts of her. I just hope one day she finds someone who can help put those pieces back together.
She deserves to be loved. Everyone does.
We talk all the time, and I Skype with Isaac, who I miss more than anything. But we’ll be together again, and for now, I know that his life is settled.
As for me? I’m loving college, although I miss Trevor so much sometimes that I ache. At first I wanted to come to New York City with him, but then I realized that was his dream and he needed to do it on his own. Prove to himself that he could.
But that doesn’t mean that I don’t still love him. I think about him every day. About the way his eyes get all dark when he’s about to kiss me. Or the way he holds me, touches me.
I miss every little bit of him, even the imperfect parts.
But that’s okay. I’ll see him in a few weeks when I go home for the holidays. And in the meantime? I’m working on me. Working on happy.
Working on some kind of normal.
And right now, in this moment, it feels pretty awesome.