THIRTY

The radio in the kitchen fizzed when Mum’s voice came through, it felt like the rains had come. She said they’d be back at Timber Creek before we knew it.

Knowing Alex was so close to the station made us fidgety and nervous when we waited for them to arrive. Dad was the worst. He couldn’t sit still. He kept getting up and down, looking at the clock, opening and shutting the fridge without taking anything out. When we finally heard the cars pull into the station, for a moment we all went quiet, so we could listen again, to make sure we hadn’t imagined it. Once we were certain, Emily and me ran out of the kitchen toward the back door, like it was a race. I wondered what Mum and Sissy thought seeing us running toward them. It must have looked like something in the house was about to explode.

The doors on the car opened like Brahman ears twitching a fly away. Sissy looked tired and happy, and Mum looked exhausted, but clean as well. She had on a different shirt—one I’d never seen before—and she’d had her hair cut. Dad arrived at the car last of all. He hugged Mum and kissed her cheek. They walked toward Sissy. Dad and her kind of looked at each other for a bit before he asked her if she was OK. Sissy nodded. She looked as awkward as I felt.

Aunty Ve was struggling to get out of her car, as usual. Mum was hugging Emily and she came over and put her hand on my neck. It felt warm, but nice, not sweaty. She said, “How are you, Danny boy?” I said I was OK. I could hear Buzz braying in the distance and felt bad that he was stuck with the poddies, so he couldn’t join in.

Even though it was nice to see Mum and it felt good her being home—and Sissy too, I suppose—we were all really waiting to see Alex. Dad had opened the back door and I heard him say, “So here he is then?” Mum and Sissy both smiled and then shushed him. “You’ll wake him,” Mum said. Dad asked how you undid the little seat thing Alex was in—it looked like it was all tangled up in the seat belt. Sissy leaned in and easily undid the straps so Dad could lift the car seat out. He held it all wrong, but seemed too scared of dropping it to change where his hands were. I could see a bit of white poking out of the seat, but that was all.

Mum said, “Come here, will you, Derek?” And took the seat off him. She lowered it down almost onto the dirty ground so we could all bend over and have a look.

I didn’t know what Alex’s skin would be like—whether he’d be more black or white, but it wasn’t either. It looked real pink. He was much smaller than I’d expected and he looked like someone had accidentally sat on him. His hands were all squashed into his chest and his eyes looked like they’d never open. He had this thin layer of fluff on his head too. It made me wonder if there was something wrong with him because I couldn’t see how anything that weird looking would ever grow up to be a normal person.

When we all went toward the house, Alex’s hands suddenly moved, like someone had flicked a switch to turn them on. One hand opened wide, but it was sudden and mechanical, like he was a robot. Then his mouth twitched and he wiggled a foot inside the miniature overalls he was wearing. Sissy wanted to take him inside then, she reckoned it was time for a feed. Bobbie said she’d make everyone a cuppa and Dad said me and Emily should go outside and help him unload Mum and Aunty Ve’s cars.

We finished bringing everything into the house, so I went to get Buzz. I reckoned he’d been left out for long enough. I let him go in the garden, so he could hear what was happening inside the house. Sissy came out of her room with Alex and sat with Mum on the sofa. She held Alex on her knee, but he was all floppy and useless, like he couldn’t even move his arms in the direction he wanted them to go in. She rubbed his back until he puked.

“D’you wanna hold him, Danny?” Sissy said after she’d cleaned him up. I didn’t know if I did or I didn’t. Emily said she did though, so Mum made her sit next to Sissy on the sofa. Mum carefully laid him on Emily, so his head was propped up against her belly. Once he was there, it was like no one knew what to do next. After a minute or two, with Emily just staring at her belly, I sat next to her and said I wanted to hold him. Mum told me to bend my arm a bit, so I did and she laid him sideways on my knees, with his head balanced on the inside of my arm. He felt warm, which I hadn’t expected, and for someone so small, he seemed very alive. I was scared to move in case I hurt him, so I stayed very still.

Dad came back in from putting things away in the cool room and stood behind the sofa. When Sissy realized he was there, she scooped Alex up from my knees and walked round to where Dad was. She asked him if he wanted to hold his grandson. Dad didn’t say anything, he just nodded. She laid him in Dad’s big arms and he stroked Alex’s little hand with his giant thumb.

“Is that camel eating my plants?” Mum screeched, as she looked out of the glass doors. “He is!” She answered her own question as she flung the doors open and shouted, “Who put the camel in my garden?” Even though I was in trouble, I quite liked it. I raced past her to grab Buzz. I needed to get him before she could get a clothes prop and flog us. As we ran together out of the garden I looked back as I shut the gate and I could see Mum smiling in the doorway. I guess we were all too happy to get angry. I reckoned the end-of-muster party was going to be the best we’d ever had.

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I was out in the yard with Buzz when Reg pulled up in his bull catcher. He’d come to get some diesel, but when he saw me with Buzz he shouted, “He sure is a beauty!” When he saw Reg, Buzz forgot about everything else and ran over to say g’day. I guess he could tell Reg was a decent fella and wanted to get to know him. Reg held his hand up to Buzz and said something quietly to him. I strolled over to see what he thought. He nodded at me and said I’d done a real good job—he could see I’d be riding Buzz in no time.

Dad came out of the house then. He said Dr. Willis had called to say Lloyd was well enough to come home. “How’s his leg?” Reg asked. Dad said he’d be scarred, but he’d live. Reg reckoned Lloyd had been lucky. Dad nodded and then asked what he thought of Buzz. “He’s done a fine job with him,” Reg said. That’s when I told them I’d like to muster with Buzz one day. That made them laugh. Dad reckoned it’d be like going back sixty years. Reg agreed, but added, “Hell, it’d be wild though, wouldn’t it?” He shook Dad’s hand and then turned to me and held his big, rough hand out for me to shake too. I’d never really shaken hands with anyone before. I put mine in his and felt him take a firm grip and give my hand a couple of shakes. I felt so good about that, I almost forgot to let go.

As we said see you later to Reg, Mum came out. She said I was meant to be helping get things ready for the muster party. I was going to explain I’d been talking to Reg, but I knew she wasn’t interested. Mum was too busy getting all crazy about the party. She said my job was to get the tables lined up outside, so when she put the tablecloths over them, it made it look like one big table. Then I had to find enough chairs for everyone to sit on.

It took a while to find enough chairs for everyone, and moving the tables was pretty hot work. Once it was done, I was real thirsty, so I went inside to get a drink. No one was around except Aunty Ve—I could hear her singing to herself as she folded the laundry in the lounge. I went into the kitchen and was just putting my glass back on the draining board when I heard Mum and Dad. They were in the dining room, and it sounded like they were having a bluey. Mum said she reckoned Dad never kept a close-enough eye on us kids—that he let us run wild like the Blackfellas. Dad said something back about how he should have known better than to have told her about what had happened at the yards with Danny—because he knew what she’d think. That was when Mum said, “What I’d think? What d’you mean—what I’d think? What is it I think, Derek?” Dad didn’t reply. “SAY IT!” she shouted. “SAY IT—DAMN IT!” Mum never swore.

Dad’s voice sounded small when he said, “You reckon Jonny . . . You think it was my fault, don’t you?”

Mum’s voice was real small when she said, “I just don’t want to lose any more children, Derek.” She said she was scared they were going to lose Sissy and Alex too, if they weren’t careful. She reckoned Gil was a good kid. He’d tried to call Sissy when they were in Alice to make sure she was OK. Mum started to cry then. I heard her sniff a bit.

Aunty Ve came through with the laundry basket, so I couldn’t eavesdrop any more. I told her I was going to see Buzz and ran outside. My heart was beating faster than normal and I had to stop and use my inhaler. I hated it when Mum and Dad rowed. Knowing it was because of what I’d done at the yards made it even worse.

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I was with Buzz in the calf pen when Emily came to get me. She said Aunty Ve had brought her camera and wanted me and Buzz to go to the garden to be in the family photo. I heard Aunty Ve shouting, “Yoo-hoo, Danny! Come on. I want a photo of everyone . . . Come on—you can bring Buzz too . . .”

We all lined up in the back garden. Aunty Veronica had put three plastic chairs in a row, for Mum, Dad, and Sissy to sit on. When I looked at Mum, I reckoned she’d been crying. Dad kept his hand round her shoulder the whole time, like he was trying to keep his balance, or something. Mum saw me staring and kind of smiled at me. I didn’t know what to do so I smiled back and then looked at my boots. Sissy had Alex in her arms. She looked different too. I dunno how to explain it, but it was like she’d got older.

Liz looked out of the window then and said she’d take a picture of us all if we wanted. Mum thought that was a good idea. She sat down on the front row with Dad and Sissy, while Aunty Ve stood at the back with me, Buzz, and Emily. Aunty Ve said we should get a move on, or we’d never be ready for the party. We all smiled while Liz took our picture. Once she’d finished, it was funny because Mum said, “I wish Jonny was here.” Then she stopped and looked round like she hadn’t meant to say it out loud. Even though it made everyone feel weird and we didn’t know what to say back, I liked it. Mum didn’t talk about Jonny very often—no one did, so it made me feel like it was OK to think about Jonny and to touch his picture every day. But Dad got up and walked away. He didn’t look at anyone or say anything. I felt kind of empty again then. Like I was wrong to think about Jonny after all.