THIRTY-ONE

When Dad brought Lloyd home, we all got to have a look at the dressing on his leg. It was real big, but you couldn’t really see any blood or anything. As he rolled his trouser leg back down, Lloyd said I could watch when Mum changed the bandage, if I wanted. Sissy said we were all gross.

After that Aunty Ve told Emily not to bother Mum and Dad. They were getting ready for the muster party. She went to find Emily a big piece of wallpaper to draw a picture of the poddies on and Emily took it outside. She was leaning over the little table in the shady area outside the front door where the fellas were drinking coffee and smoking. Elliot pointed at the sky of her picture and asked her what she’d drawn. Emily stopped what she was doing and looked at Elliot like he was dumb. She said, “That’s Elaine.” Elliot laughed and said he’d heard pigs could fly, but not cattle. I guess he didn’t know Elaine was at the carcass dump.

We all heard Alex start screaming again inside and Lloyd looked like the sound made his head hurt even more than his leg did. Elliot got up then and said, “I’m going for a lie down.” He slung the last bit of coffee out of his cup onto the ground. I guess everyone was bushed after the muster.

When Emily heard the crying, she got straight up to go and help Sissy with Alex. It was like she had a new poddy calf, or something. She left her picture and ran inside. The wallpaper curled in on itself and the wind caught it, so it rolled off the table onto the ground. Lloyd bent down to pick it up. He uncurled it and looked at the picture she’d drawn. I could tell he didn’t get it either. He put the paper down on the table and pushed the tin of crayons on top of it. We both looked up when we heard a car pull into the yard. It was Mick and Gil Smith. That’s when Lloyd said, “The in-laws!” I watched the car pull up and could see Gil staring at me. Lloyd said I’d better get Mum and Dad, so I went inside.

Mum and Dad were both in the dining room with Sissy. I told them that Mick and Gil were outside. Dad looked at Mum and then they looked at Sissy. She looked at the tablecloth. Dad put his hat on and said, “Come on then.” Mum looked at Sissy and said, “You wait in here with Alex.” Sissy nodded. The two of them went outside to see Mick and Gil. Aunty Ve asked Emily to help her in the kitchen and Sissy went into her room with Alex.

I hadn’t had a chance until then to touch Jonny’s picture, so I went over to the piano. I held the sides of the picture and then before I put it back down again, I touched his face with my nose. The glass felt cold and it steamed up with my breath. When I put my thumb on Jonny’s face, it made a clear mark in the wet condensation, bringing him back into focus. When I turned round Aunty Ve was there. She said. “D’you miss him, Danny?” I didn’t answer. I looked at her and then at the floor. She said, “Because I do.”

I dunno why, but part of me was glad she’d caught me touching the picture, but I felt embarrassed too, hearing her talk about Jonny like that. I shrugged at Aunty Ve and said, “Yeah, he was real good at stuff, like remembering birthdays and the numbers on the cattle tags.”

Aunty Ve laughed and sat down. She pulled another of the chairs out and patted it, so I’d sit down with her. She was laughing about the time Jonny fell into one of the dams and accidentally caught a yabby in his hat. Then we both sat there for a while, saying nothing. I guess we were both just thinking about Jonny. Remembering. That was when Aunty Ve smiled and said it was nice to talk about Jonny. I told her no one else did and she nodded. She reckoned it was because everyone was so sad about him dying. I guess it was because no one had ever really said Jonny was dead to me before, but hearing those words made me blub. A red-hot tear burned a streak down my right cheek and then my chest heaved and I didn’t think I’d ever breathe again. Aunty Ve pulled me to her and I felt small and cold against her big, warm body. After a few minutes she took a hanky out from her sleeve and handed it to me. It felt warm when I wiped my eyes on it and blew my nose. “D’you need your inhaler, love?” she asked. I shook my head and said I was OK.

“You’re not the only one who misses him, you know? How d’you think I feel—and Gil?” Sissy had overheard everything we’d been saying. I shouted at her to rack off—I didn’t want to hear about her and Gil, and I didn’t want her to know I’d been blubbing either. That’s when Aunty Ve held her hands up and said, “Enough,” and that we had to call a truce. She put her soft, warm, fat hand over mine and said I had to listen to her, so I did. She looked into my eyes and smiled right at me. She said that if ever I wanted to talk about Jonny, I should just say whatever was in my head. I said I wanted to, but it was hard. No one else ever really talked about him—especially Dad. Sissy nodded, like she knew exactly what I was talking about. Aunty Ve paused, like she was thinking and then said, “Well that’s just Dad’s way. It doesn’t mean it has to be your way.” She said the three of us should all make a deal. She said that I should talk to Sissy or we could call her on the phone and talk to her about Jonny because she liked talking about him too. Aunty Ve held out her hand for me to shake, like we were making a deal. As I shook it, I felt different. I dunno why, but it felt good. Like when you’ve got a secret. I smiled at them both.

Mum came into the house then and asked Sissy to get Alex. Sissy didn’t say anything, she just went to get Alex and took him outside in his basket. As Mum held the door open for her, Sissy turned round and smiled at Aunty Ve and me, so I smiled back.

I went to my bedroom to see what was happening from my window. Mum, Dad, and Mick were all leaning against Mick’s car, with the empty basket on the bonnet. Sissy was standing opposite them, watching as Gil held Alex in his arms. They were out there for ages, talking and handing Alex from one person to the next, until eventually he started to cry, so they gave him back to Sissy.

Mum, Dad, and Sissy came back into the house. Dad said me and him were going to have a talk—man to man. Mum went with Sissy and Alex into the kitchen. As Dad shut the door, I wondered what it was I’d done wrong. When he sat back down he looked at his hands for a minute. Then he looked right at me and said, “Like it or not, Daniel, Gil is Alex’s dad. We all have to accept that.”

I stared back at him, waiting to hear what else he had to say. Dad breathed in and then said, “We’ve known the Smiths a long, long time. Mick’s been a mate of mine for years and Gil was mates with Jonny.” Dad hardly ever said Jonny’s name. Almost never. Then Dad said something about how he reckoned Sissy and Gil were both far too young to have a baby, but there was no point in thinking about that because Alex was here and we all had to do our best to help him. He reckoned Alex was just like me when I was little and that he deserved just as many chances as I’d had. He said, “He’s your nephew, Daniel. Remember that.”

Mum came in. Dad looked at her and then back at me and said how they’d talked about it with Mick and they reckoned me and Gil needed to shake hands and put things behind us. I said there was no way I was shaking his hand. He was Jonny’s mate and he’d been rooting with Sissy. I dunno why the two things were important, but somehow I knew they were. I said it wasn’t my fault. That’s when Mum said sometimes it didn’t matter whose fault things were. She said sometimes things happened that were no one’s fault and that we had to find a way to move forward. Dad put his arm round her then and they said I had to go out and see Gil. I didn’t want to. I said I’d do it another day. Dad said, “No, Daniel, now.”

He followed me outside. The sun was real hot and I didn’t want to look at Gil. He was leaning against Mick’s car, with his arms folded. When I got to where they were, I didn’t look him in the eye—not straightaway. I stared at his yellow T-shirt instead. Dad said something about how he reckoned me and Gil should let bygones be bygones. Mick nodded. Gil and me just stood there. No one said anything for a bit and then Dad said, “Well we haven’t got all day, so come on, you two, just shake on it, will you?” Gil held his hand out then and I heard him say, “Fair dos.” I didn’t want to, but I took his hand and shook it a bit harder than I’d shaken Reg’s a few hours earlier.

Mick kind of laughed and said, “Good. Let’s go.” Him and Gil got in the car and Dad and me went back inside.