It was Wednesday, late afternoon, and Jane was busy working at her desk.
Fiona came into the office carrying two parcels. She placed them on an empty space on the left side of the desk. ‘I thought you’d be leaving early today. It is Wednesday, you know.’
Jane looked up at her. ‘I’ve decided to work late.’
‘But what about your date?’
Jane sighed and turned to face her. ‘It wasn’t a date, we were attending a course together, that’s all.’
Fiona smiled. ‘Yes, but that’s how it starts.’
‘Well, I’m not going any more. I’m far too busy.’
Jane saw disappointment in Fiona’s face as she moved away from the desk. Before she got to the door Fiona stopped and turned back. ‘What course was it?’
‘I actually don’t know its name, but it had something to do with changes in our lives. I never really got into it.’ Quickly Jane changed the subject. ‘What’s in these parcels?’
‘The bottom one contains the notebooks you ordered, but I have no idea what the smaller one on the top is. It’s addressed personally to you.’ Fiona left the office.
Jane looked inquisitively at the small parcel and picked it up. A yellow and red feather gently fell from the bottom of the packaging to land on top of the pile of work on her desk. Her eyes fixed upon it and she froze. It can’t be, she thought as she stared at the feather.
The image of the wooden box, still on her lounge table, appeared in her head; the card with the red and yellow feather on it pictured clearly in her mind and the words in the file; the words she had resigned herself never to believe, “within this week a feather special to you will present itself,” buzzed into her thoughts.
Jane put the parcel down, her eyes never leaving the four-inch long feather. Slowly she reached out towards it, her hand trembling.
The feather was one she had never seen before; it almost mirrored the feather painted on the card. It seemed to shine and flicker in the light like a flame in a fire and when she gently placed it on her right hand she immediately felt a sensation of warmth. She shivered violently.
How could this happen? What did it mean?
For a long time she stared at the feather, not sure what she should do. Instinctively her eyes darted across the desk to the tissue box. She pulled out a tissue and carefully laid the feather upon it. Somewhere deep inside of her she knew the feather was important to her future, so she wrapped the tissue around it and placed it in her handbag.
As she returned her bag to the floor she remembered the parcel from which the feather had fallen. She opened it hesitantly.
Inside there was a box containing a round glass ball on a stand and suspended in the middle of the ball there was a star-shaped pure white crystal snowflake. A little note inside the box stated, “The water crystal captured in this ball represents Love and Appreciation.” Under the inscription was the initial “M”.
Jane trembled, suddenly cold. The initial was written in the same style as the one on the first note she’d received.
‘Fiona, come in here quickly please,’ Jane shouted as she got to her feet and grabbed her handbag.
Fiona rushed into the room, flustered. ‘What’s the matter, Jane?’
‘I need you to pack away all my work, I have to go.’
Immediately Fiona relaxed and smiled. ‘Changed your mind then?’ she teased as she handed Jane her coat.
‘Well, yes. What do you think of this? It was in the parcel.’ Jane gave Fiona the glass ball as she put on her coat.
‘Oh it’s lovely,’ Fiona said, holding it up to the light before handing it back.
Jane placed it into her bag as she walked towards the door.
‘A present from him?’ Fiona called after her.
Jane stopped, halfway out of her office. Could it be him? The initial was the same. ‘I’ll let you know tomorrow,’ she said, glancing back over her shoulder. ‘Bye.’
Jane reached Jasmine’s house a few minutes before the group was about to start. She saw Mark and pulled him aside. ‘Did you get your feather?’
‘Yes. Yesterday, outside my front door. It’s a pure white one, exactly the same as the one painted on my card. And you?’
Jane pulled out her tissue and showed him the feather. ‘Just a few moments ago.’
‘Wow. What a beauty. Do you know what bird it’s from?’
She shook her head. ‘Do you?’
‘No, but I don’t think it’s from around here.’
As she placed the feather back in her bag, her hand touched the glass ball. She pulled it out. ‘I got this at the same time. Did you send it to me? It has your initial on the inscription.’
He took it from her and read the words. ‘No, but I wish I had.’ He handed it back and Jane raised the ball up to the light to get a better view of it.
‘Oh, well done, Jane,’ a voice from behind her exclaimed.
Jane turned and saw it was Jasmine.
‘We will be discussing water this week, and what you have there is a replica of a water droplet that was frozen and viewed under a microscope.’
Jane noticed that the whole group was now listening.
Jasmine continued, with excitement in her voice. ‘A Japanese researcher has found that water is affected by thoughts, words, ideas, music and emotions. By freezing water that has been exposed to certain things and viewing it under a microscope, the crystalline structure of the water changes. I have some pictures, come and see.’ Jasmine moved to the left corner of the room and handed out some photos.
Jane took one that had two water crystalline structures on it. One was exactly the same shape as the structure in her glass ball; the other was a mass of black globules that looked like bubbling oil. The inscription under that one stated: “I will kill you.”
Suddenly Jane felt ill.
Jasmine touched her arm. ‘Are you all right, Jane? You’ve gone really pale.’
Jane stared at the photo, a growing feeling of dread rising inside her. She turned to Jasmine. ‘I don’t know what’s happening to me. This… This picture is making me feel terrible and I don’t know why.’
‘Your body is reacting to it because it already knows what it means. On a cellular level your body has recognised something.’
‘I don’t understand.’ Jane stammered, feeling even worse now.
‘Remember, our bodies are made up of water too, and I suspect somehow your body has experienced this sort of crystalline structure before.’
Jane could hardly contain the sickness now rising up inside. She gently shook her head. What was Jasmine on about?
She felt Jasmine’s hand reassuringly squeeze her arm. ‘All will become clear but for now, you will just have to accept that maybe this is something that needs to be dealt with when you do your meditative journey.’
Jasmine took the photo out of her hand.
Immediately the dread and sickness disappeared and Jane took a deep breath. She noticed Mark standing close by, concern on his face. She nodded and smiled to him, indicating she was all right and took her place on the cushion on the floor.
As she waited for the others to take their places, her thoughts returned to what had happened to her since she joined the course. All the strange occurrences and coincidences that just seemed to come about whenever she decided to stop being part of it. They were all pointing her in a certain direction and that was to attend and complete the course. But it was having a profound affect on her life and she wasn’t sure she really wanted these challenges now. All she wanted was to speak to the person who knew her secret. Why was that proving so hard to do?
Jane sighed heavily. She didn’t really want to be here, she didn’t want to do this stuff, but somehow “M” was connected to the course and the only way to get to this person was to be here. She had no choice but to play this game though to the end.
* * *
On Saturday, Jane woke early her stomach tight with nerves. She had hardly slept for worry at the thought of having a meditative journey with Jasmine. Give her a board meeting with ten accountants who hated her and she would have no trouble coping, but today this journey was scaring her.
She slipped out of bed and showered. What if it was some sort of hypnosis? She hoped not. There was no way she would allow herself to be controlled by someone else. She needed to be careful of what she said.
With her hair dried and brushed Jane dressed in a pair of loose-fitting jeans and a jumper. “Come in comfortable clothes,” Jasmine had told her. She hoped she wouldn’t be spending the whole session sat crossed-legged on the floor, that would definitely kill all the circulation in her legs, and leave her with the agony of getting the blood flowing again.
She picked up her car keys and hesitated. What on earth was she doing? She didn’t need to do this. Maybe it would just be best to call and say she was sick.
She felt uneasy as she really didn’t like to lie, but reluctantly she picked up the telephone and dialled Jasmine’s number. The busy signal beeped back at her, and she replaced the telephone.
As she walked to the flat door some part of her hoped the handle would come off as she pulled it, just like it had done before, but the door opened without trouble. She had to go; it was that simple.
Jasmine opened the door of Freedom House as Jane arrived, and escorted her into a side room opposite the normal room they used on Wednesday nights. In the room Jane was surprised to find a massage table. At the far end were two comfortable chairs and a small table, with two tall glasses of water standing on it.
‘Let’s talk first, Jane, shall we?’ Jasmine indicated to the two seats.
This is it, Jane thought. Jasmine is going to give her the blackmailer’s demands. She prepared herself for what Jasmine was about to say.
‘The meditative journey is a personal one for you. I have made preparations in the room so that you are comfortable.’
‘The meditative journey?’ Jane questioned.
‘Yes, it’s what you have come to do today. We agreed it last Wednesday.’
Jane sank into the chair, disappointed.
‘What is it you thought you were going to do, Jane?’
Jane shifted uncomfortably on the chair. ‘I thought… I… it doesn’t matter now.’ She took a deep breath and said, ‘I’m a little apprehensive. I am not sure if I should be doing this.’
Jasmine smiled reassuringly. ‘You have nothing to be worried about. I will talk you through the relaxation part so that you are grounded and deeply relaxed. Then I’ll ask you to go to a place in nature where you are comfortable, and from there whatever you see or are told you can relay to me and I will write it down for you. You are fully protected in this room. Nothing can harm you.’
Jasmine’s gentleness and soft voice seemed to flow over Jane like a blanket and she didn’t have the heart to just walk out on her, especially after the preparations she had done. ‘Will I be conscious? Will I know what I am saying?’
‘Yes, of course. You don’t have to tell me anything, but I can help guide you if you do, and I will record it all so you have something you can look back on.’
Somewhere in Jane’s mind a panicky voice was yelling, “walk out now, it’s not too late,” but Jane decided to trust Jasmine and give the meditation a go. She wasn’t going to be hypnotised, so she would be able to control everything she saw or relayed to Jasmine.
‘Shall we start? If you just lie on the bed I will cover you with a blanket.’
Jane did as Jasmine asked and was soon comfortably warm on the bed. Jasmine pulled up a chair beside her and asked Jane to concentrate on her breathing.
Under the soft tones of Jasmine’s voice Jane began to relax and allow her breathing to deepen the relaxation. When Jasmine asked her to go to a place in nature Jane thought of a green field at the edge of an old forest. In her mind she saw herself sitting on the grass and enjoying the sun, whose heat she could feel on her skin.
‘What do you see, Jane?’
Jane saw herself get to her feet and look towards the forest edge. To her surprise someone was standing next to a tree. She walked up to him and saw that he was an American Indian brave with a single feather in his hair. Jane described him to Jasmine.
‘Ask him his name.’ Jasmine said softly.
Jane felt awkward, but did as instructed.
‘I am Three Wolves, and I am your guide.’ He lifted his hand towards her. ‘Take my hand, for I have much to show you.’
Jane took hold of his hand noticing how firm and strong it was. Her mind tried to convince her this wasn’t real, but how could it not be? Why would she make up seeing an American Indian much older than her? Why not a dishy, handsome young man in a white uniform? That would certainly be more like it. Immediately the saying on her wooden box came into her thoughts, “Belief is not required, only an open mind”. She decided to ignore her doubts and go with it just to see what happened.
She walked silently with the Indian though the forest, to a clearing where a small village was situated. As they approached it the sun disappeared and snow covered everything. Icicles hung from the roofs and ice crystallised on the windows and froze over the road. It was a cold, desolate and empty place.
‘Why are you showing me this?’ Jane asked
‘This is you.’ Three Wolves said.
‘I don’t understand.’ Jane said, staring at the cold, icy place.
‘This is you,’ he repeated.
It came like a swift bitter wind, the truth of what he was saying. ‘Are you telling me I am frigid?’ She felt his hand squeeze her own.
‘You are cold in emotion. You freeze out warmth. You are empty of love.’
‘I am cold and empty of love? No. I…’
‘You do not allow anyone to be close to you.’
Jane just stared at the frozen village, desperate not to believe even though she knew there was some thing in what the Indian was saying. From an early age she had learned to control her emotions, to harden herself against being hurt. Her work had forced her to distance herself from her colleagues as they tried to exploit her weaknesses, making her trust very few people. Those she did trust, she kept far enough from her so that she remained private and secure. This included the few boyfriends she’d had, which was why the relationships never lasted.
She had blocked out the truth and now it was staring her in the face. Tears slipped down her cheeks as she acknowledged to herself that what he was showing and telling her was true.
‘You understand?’ The Indian asked.
Jane nodded, brushing away more tears.
Three Wolves gave her hand another squeeze as if reassuring her that all would be well. Jane wasn’t sure she wanted to see anything else, but didn’t resist as the Indian guided her past the village, along a field to a very large house in beautiful gardens. This is more like it, Jane thought.
They entered the house through the large, white front doors and found themselves in a magnificent entrance hall. The marble flooring was etched with dark veins and contrasted well with the darker walls. A crystal chandelier illuminated the whole room and most of the wide, heavy-carpeted staircase. Jane fell in love with it immediately. This was a place she could get used to. It had elegance, character and every part, right down to the door handles of the doors, screamed wealth.
Three Wolves tugged her gently, so that they moved through another door on their left, into a room that was just as luxurious. It had a deep-red thick carpet and rich red, patterned curtains draped each side of a tall window. The walls were adorned with old paintings and in the centre of the room stood a long highly polished wooden table and eight chairs. At the far end of the table sat a well-dressed, plump man who was counting money. As Jane watched, a maid entered bringing him some wine and food. The man stopped what he was doing and eyed the maid suspiciously until she had left.
In the quiet of the room Jane noticed that the man ate the food alone, his only company the jewels and money on the table in front of him. In between mouthfuls he would affectionately stroke and touch his possessions.
‘This is you.’ Three Wolves said.
Jane stared at him. ‘I’ve got money but I’m not that wealthy.’
‘The amount and style of wealth is not what matters.’ Three Wolves said.
Jane watched the man and realised what the Indian was trying to say. She shook her head adamantly. ‘I may be on my own but I’m not obsessive like him. No. I work hard for what I have. I have earned everything myself so why can’t I enjoy them?’
‘What part of this fulfils you?’
Jane looked at the wealth in the room and thought about it. ‘Having money and material things allows me to do anything I want, isn’t that enough?’
Three Wolves pointed to an object on the table and Jane recognised it immediately. It was her mother’s ring. Jane had inherited it when her mother had died. She moved forward to the table and picked it up, feeling the emotion and love of her mother.
‘What part of this fulfils you?’ he repeated.
She instantly understood. ‘This ring, it is precious in more than value.’
Three Wolves smiled at her. ‘Material objects, if valued for more than their wealth, are a good thing. Money, if used to the benefit of all, is a good thing.’
‘So if like him,’ Jane pointed to the wealthy man, ‘You amass loads of money and material things just solely to possess them you will still remain unfulfilled?’
‘He remains unfulfilled because he does not use his wealth to make himself and others happy. He will never experience the joy of giving and in return never feel the uplifting power and strength in receiving gratitude.’
Jane watched for a few minutes and felt a sudden sadness for the man. ‘I suppose he won’t get to have true love and affection either. He won’t trust the people he deals with because he will believe they only want his money. I don’t want to be like that.’
Three Wolves bowed his head as recognition she had found the truth within her. He took her hand again and they left the house. This time they moved to a green hill on the edge of a forest. Standing outside a tepee made of assorted animal skins, next to a campfire, she saw another Indian. He was much older than Three Wolves and wore a headdress of many feathers.
‘This is Spirit Wind. Wisest of our medicine men and chief of our people,’ Three Wolves announced respectfully.
She saw that the Indian was dressed plainly, with beads and animal teeth sewn across his upper tunic. Around his neck hung a small pouch, but the headdress was the most stunning aspect of his whole attire. She wasn’t sure what the correct etiquette was in greeting someone like him so she offered a slight bow.
He bowed his head in return and indicated that she and Three Wolves were to sit with him around the campfire. As Jane sat she could see his face was well weathered but kindly in expression.
‘You must go on a vision quest. You have something you have been hiding. Something you have kept secret, which must now be exposed.’ He spoke in a quiet soft voice.
Jane stared at him in horror. ‘But do you know what that will do to me?’
Spirit Wind closed his eyes for a few seconds. ‘There is something you must discover, some untold truth that needs to be revealed. It is time for you to confront it.’
‘I don’t think I can do it. You don’t know what you are asking of me.’ Jane could feel the panic rising up inside her.
‘It will be difficult, but you have already been given some help.’
‘What help?’ Jane blurted out.
Spirit Wind turned, picked up something beside him and showed her a feather identical to the one that had landed on her desk. ‘It is the feather of the Phoenix. When you prepare for your vision quest you will need to bring it with you.’
Jane’s heart was pounding. She could feel the fear slowly gripping her, filling her whole being. She was scared, afraid of what she was being asked to do.
Spirit Wind gently placed his hand on her shoulder. ‘Come back again and we shall talk more. Three Wolves and I will guide you through this. Have courage.’
Jane’s anxiety eased as she looked into his soft brown eyes. Something about him told her she could trust him.
Spirit Wind said, ‘It is time for you to go.’
Three Wolves had already risen and was stood waiting for her.
‘Thank you,’ she said as she got to her feet, and Spirit Wind bowed his head in reply.
Jane turned away from the campfire and walked with Three Wolves back into the forest. She was silent trying to figure out if any of this really meant something.
‘An open mind, Jane, is all you need.’ Three Wolves said quietly.
‘But all this is in my mind. It’s make believe, isn’t it?’
They reached the place Jane had first thought about, the open field next to the forest edge. Three Wolves turned to face her. ‘You are a being of spirit and energy. The world is a being of spirit and energy. You intermingle with each other on different and all levels. The answer to your question is already within you. I hope to see you again soon.’
Jane watched him walk back into the forest before sitting back down on the grass. She felt the sun on her skin and concentrated on her breath.
‘Okay, Jane, start to move your fingers and toes, and then begin to register your body on the bed and the room around you. When you are ready you can open your eyes,’ Jasmine said quietly.
Jane opened her eyes and felt the tears stream down her cheeks. She gently brushed them away as Jasmine gave her some water to drink.
‘That was a fantastic journey, Jane.’ Jasmine looked down at her notes, ‘Do you know what your two guides were talking about regarding your vision quest?’
‘Yes, but I don’t know what a vision quest is.’
‘Native American Indians would make a journey to an isolated spot, say a mountain top, in order to be in nature and get insights or messages from Spirit. Hence the name “vision quest”.’
Jane immediately thought “you must be joking?” and the expression on her face must have portrayed her thoughts for Jasmine immediately said, ‘But for you, Jane, it is a meditative journey using the same process but you will do it on your own. In that, I mean you do not relay it to anyone like you have done here. Is it going to be a traumatic event you have to face?’
‘Yes.’
‘I would recommend that you have some clear, single-pointed crystals to lay around you when you do this, for protection, I can help you with that. Also you should have a close friend nearby in case you need some assistance afterwards.’
‘Thanks, but I don’t think I am ready to do this yet.’
‘Your guides did say they would prepare you, so you need to do some more meditative journeys to contact them. I have a CD of my voice and the process which will give you a 20 minute meditation if that will help.’
Jane got off the bed. ‘How can I be sure that this is not just something I have made up in my head?’
‘I can’t answer that,’ Jasmine said, ‘but let me ask you this: Why pick an American Indian to see in a forest? Why not a Knight at the court of King Arthur or a priest in the Himalayas? Why didn’t you have a great time on the beach drinking wine instead of being in a frozen village? Why would you make something up like that and put yourself through such emotional pain?’
Jane stared at her for some time. Jasmine was right, if she were going to make something up she wouldn’t have thought of things to upset her or make her cry.
‘You make a good point. Thank you for this and taking the notes. It’s given me a lot to think about.’
Jasmine walked Jane to the door. With a gentle smile, she said, ‘you have been given a message by your guides and you should listen to it. It is the same as the message you received to come to see me.’
‘What do you know about that?’ Jane asked in a whisper.
‘I know you were given a message because that is how people find me. You have a special purpose, Jane, as does Mark. I was told to expect you both and to help you.’
‘Who told you?’ Jane asked. Could this be the mysterious M?
‘My guides told me. They sometimes don’t give any reasons for what they say but I know for you and Mark they were very persistent. They said it was important for you both to find and work with me regarding your life purposes.’
Her guides? Thought Jane. Did Jasmine really expect her to believe that?
A little disappointed on not learning the name of the person who had sent the message Jane turned to leave, when Jasmine spoke again. ‘Come a little bit earlier on Wednesday and we shall talk some more. Please bring your crystal, for it is important I give you information on it. When you see Mark, ask him to come, too.’
Jane looked back, puzzled. She hadn’t spoken to Mark since Wednesday and they had made no plans to meet. Jasmine waved goodbye and shut the door.
The answer machine was flashing when Jane entered her flat and she listened to the message.
‘Hi Jane, it’s Mark, hope your meditative journey went all right. Would love to hear about it and do some more study with you. Are you free tomorrow? Call me.’
Jane stared at the answer machine as it clicked to reset itself, then picked up the telephone and dialled Mark’s number.