Jane woke up with a start. It had been a terrible night, and she had tossed and turned until the early hours of the morning. She lay staring at the ceiling, wondering why she could see the light fixture above her without the light being on. She turned her head and glanced towards the window. Daylight was pouring through a crack in the curtains.
Oh, no! She leapt out of bed and rushed to the window, yanking back the curtains so the strong sunlight filled the room. How late was it?
Returning to the bedside table, she grabbed her watch. 10 AM! No, this wasn’t happening. The Manager’s meeting at 08.30, her presentation at 9.00 all lost. What would they think?
She rushed into the lounge, her heart thumbing madly in her chest. The answer machine was flashing and she pressed play. ‘Hi Jane, it’s Fiona. I noticed you weren’t in at your usual time. Are you okay? Please don’t worry about rushing in if you are unwell, as the building has suffered a power black-out and all meetings today have been cancelled. Give me a call when you play this. Hope you’re okay?’
Jane took a deep breath as relief spread through her body. The tension in her shoulders slipped away, and her heart slowed to a normal beat. ‘Thank you, thank you,’ she said to the silent room and sat down on the sofa. Her thoughts focused on her reaction. Why had panic and fear consumed her? Instinctively she knew the answer. It was a fear of failure, fear of having a weakness that could be exploited by others. That was why she had to be the best. Being the best brought you respect, kept you safe and gave you control. She picked up the phone, dialled her secretary’s direct number and waited for a reply. Fiona answered straightaway.
‘Hi Fiona, just got your message. Yes, I’m all right but I slept badly last night and fell asleep early this morning. Just this moment woke up.’
‘Well, you picked the right day to do it. The power cut has something to do with the circuit box to the building and it could be hours before they can fix it. I wouldn’t even bother coming in. I’ve told everyone you’re ill.’
‘Thanks Fiona, I think I will have the day off.’
‘Well, well, well. Finally taking my advice eh? It doesn’t have anything to do with that fellow you’re seeing, has it?’ Fiona chuckled.
‘I’m not going to answer that,’ Jane said, smiling. ‘See you tomorrow.’
‘I can wait, but I won’t stop fishing. Have a good rest, Jane. Bye.’
Jane put down the phone still smiling. Her relationship with Fiona had always been good, but lately it seemed to have got even better.
She moved into the kitchen and made herself a drink. The phone rang and she answered it.
‘Hi Jane, didn’t expect to catch you at home. Are you okay? Hope you didn’t catch a cold from the downpour.’
Mark’s voice filled her with excitement but she quickly brought it under control. ‘No. I overslept and then work has had a power breakdown so I’m taking the opportunity to claim some time back.’
‘Oh, lucky you. The reason I’m calling is to see if you want to meet first before we make that early appointment with Jasmine on Wednesday?’
‘Oh Mark, I don’t think…well, I’ve been thinking and…’ Jane stumbled over the words as they struggled to get out. Why was it so hard to say, “I won’t be going anymore”? She thought.
‘Is anything the matter?’
Jane glanced down at the floor, feeling guilty. Mark was so fired up about the course and what was happening, that she was finding it difficult to tell him her decision. She saw the wooden box he had placed on the floor by the coffee table and her eyes widened.
‘Are you still there, Jane?’
‘I … yes. Mark, I’ll have to call you back in a minute, something’s come up. I won’t be long.’
‘Not a problem, I’ll be here for the next half hour.’
She put the phone down and slipped to her knees. Carefully she lifted the box on to the coffee table. On the front of the box she saw: “Trust brings trust – Love brings love – An open mind brings belief and belief brings faith.”
No way, she thought. There had been nothing there last week, otherwise she would have seen it. This wasn’t possible. She reached for the phone and dialled Mark’s number. ‘Mark, you packed away my wooden box yesterday, did you see anything inscribed on it?’
‘Only the two sayings you told me about, why?’
‘There’s a new one.’ Jane repeated it to him.
‘You’re kidding me, aren’t you?’
‘No, I’m not. What do you think it means? Why is it happening only to my box?’
‘It’s another sign and it’s a message for you.’ Mark’s voice was calm and sure.
‘But why me?’
‘Maybe you need it most.’ Mark said. ‘Maybe you need to start believing. I know I do. Yes, the feather could have been planted. The rain falling just on us at that particular spot could have been coincidence, but your box, with sayings just as you need them. Well, that’s freaky.’
‘Oh, you’re a great help,’ she sighed.
‘Happy to oblige,’ Mark laughed. ‘So are we going to meet or not?’
The words just seemed to fly out of her mouth without her thinking. ‘Fine, I’ll go along with this, but I’m not saying I believe it completely. Can you pick me up at 5.15?’
Mark confirmed the time and Jane rang off.
She sat looking at the box. Last night she had decided to give it all up and now it was back on again. Why did it have to be so confusing? And why was she having so much trouble keeping to her decision to stop the course?
She got up and walked into the bedroom. The course file lay by the side of the wardrobe intact, without even a scratch on the cover. She picked it up and placed it in the lounge next to the box. She paused staring at the box, half expecting it to suddenly come alive and begin to inscribe something on the one remaining empty side. She waited, but nothing happened. Finally she went for a hot bath.
On Wednesday evening, Jane and Mark arrived at Jasmine’s house just before 5.30 pm. Jane was nervous. She had purposely avoided looking at or doing anything more with the course, since last Sunday. The file and box were still on her coffee table in the lounge and she had only opened the box to retrieve the crystal in its bag that morning.
‘Are you ready for this?’ Mark asked when she hadn’t moved to open the car door.
‘No, not really. I’ve not slept properly since Sunday and going in there tonight is making me feel sick. What’s wrong with me?’
‘I expect it’s nerves, I’ve got them too.’
‘It feels like more than nerves. It’s as if something is making it difficult for me to carry on.’ Jane saw him look at her, puzzled, and as he was about to speak she quickly opened the car door and got out.
Mark caught up to her at the door of the house and took her hand. ‘You’re not on your own, Jane. We’ll do this together.’
Jasmine opened the door, smiling, but her expression suddenly turned to one of concern when she saw Jane. ‘You are unwell, Jane, and we must do something about that before we continue.’
‘What do you mean?’ Jane asked, feeling her stomach suddenly grip with pain.
Jasmine led them into the small room where Jane had been for her meditation. She picked up a bottle and sprayed its contents around Jane from head to toe and from back to front. The scent was slightly sweet, but pleasant, and soon the sick feeling Jane had in her stomach began to lift.
Jasmine told Jane to sit down on one of the chairs and gave her a tiny glass of clear liquid. Jane swallowed it in one mouthful. After a few seconds, she could feel a warm glow flowing through her, and the heaviness on her shoulders seemed to disappear, making her body feel lighter than it had been for days.
Jasmine smiled. ‘You are looking much better now.’
‘What was it?’
‘It was you,’ Jasmine said.
‘Me? I don’t understand.’
‘It was the part of you called your ego.’
‘Ego?’ Jane looked at her puzzled.
‘The best way I can explain it, is that it’s like your own personal security system. It is that part of you that doesn’t like change. It likes the familiar and wants things to remain exactly as they are. Can you relate to that?’
‘Yes,’ Jane said.
‘Well, it upset the balance in your body’s energy system and that made you unwell.’
Jane looked at her in shock.
Jasmine knelt down beside her and placed her hand gently on Jane’s arm as she tried to explain. ‘Do you remember how you felt when you saw and read that water crystal, the bad one?’
Jane nodded.
‘You remember I told you that your body already knew the feelings that created that crystal structure?’
Jane nodded again.
‘Well, it was your ego making your body react. Your body recognised the crystal structure and your subconscious remembered its effect on you, so your ego made you feel unwell to stop you continuing with it.’
‘But why should it do that?’
‘Because it is that part of you that doesn’t want you to experience the same hurt, it wants to keep you safe and it’s uncertain about the way you are changing.’
Jane stared at her, remembering how her thoughts had affected her on Sunday night. That night she had recaptured the feelings of strength, determination and absolute control she had experienced in the past, and she had felt better. But the evening had ended in disrupted sleep while she struggled with other feelings that were resistant to her decision to stop the course. Then on Monday, after she had agreed to go with Mark to see Jasmine, she had steadily become sick, getting worse as Wednesday drew closer. Even Fiona had suggested giving it a miss this week because of the way she’d looked when she left that afternoon.
‘So when you give into these ego thoughts your life settles down again but then there are other thoughts that seem to counter it.’
Jasmine agreed. ‘The other thoughts are from your higher self or intuition.’
‘ How did you manage to get rid of my ego?’ Jane asked quietly.
Jasmine shook her head. ‘You can’t get rid of it, it’s a necessary part of you and you need to be able to recognise when to listen to it and when not to. I countered the reaction of the imbalance in your body with the power of crystals. The spray is made from crystals to cleanse your aura, and the water you drank was an elixir made from other crystals that enhance calmness and stability.’
Jane got up. ‘I feel so much better, I cannot believe it.’
‘Belief is not required, only an open mind.’ Mark said, smiling.
‘That’s a great saying, Mark, well done.’ Jasmine raised herself from her knees.
‘It’s not mine it’s Jane’s. It appeared on her wooden box.’
‘Really? How interesting. Jane, you must tell me all about it, but first, shall we go into the other room so that I can tell you the information I have regarding your crystals.’
Jane and Mark followed her into the main room and sat in their normal places on cushions facing her.
Jasmine turned to Jane. ‘Can I see your crystal first, Jane. Just take it out of the bag and lay it on the top. I don’t need to touch it.’
Jane did as she was told and the pink carnelian tingled in her fingers as she gently laid it on the bag.
‘You have picked a pink carnelian, interesting. The carnelian helps to restore love and trust after abuse or manipulation.’
Jane saw Mark look towards her. ‘I... I don’t understand what that means?’ she stammered, unsure what Jasmine was trying to say.
Jasmine smiled reassuringly at her. ‘It means that if you have lost the ability to love or trust people because of what people have done to you, then it will help restore that love and trust. There are many kinds of abuse. It could represent verbal abuse from colleagues; intimidation or manipulation at work; an unhappy break-up of a relationship.’
Jane nodded. ‘I do have to deal with a lot of male opposition where I work. Could that be what it means?’
‘Only you know. If you are unsure, then you should quieten your mind and let the answer come to you. Your inner self will tell you if you let it.’
Jane looked away. Her mind had already given her the answer but she was resisting it, pushing it away.
Jasmine continued, ‘The carnelian will allow you to trust yourself and overcome negative conditioning.’
‘Negative conditioning, what do you mean by that?’ Mark asked.
‘It can be something which has been enforced in the past and which impacts on the person in the present. Let me see if I can give you an example. Oh yes. Let’s assume you’ve been told as a child you’re not good enough. It’s possible that all through your life this negative condition takes over whenever you attempt to do something new or are faced with a challenge. It’s like a little voice in your head which says “you’re not good enough” every time you are about to start something and because you believe it you will tend not to finish whatever it was you were working on, or even just give up on it without really trying at all. Do you understand what I mean?’
Mark nodded. “That could have a huge impact on your life couldn’t it?’
‘More than people realise.’
‘I don’t know what that means for me,’ Jane said, trying to recall any negative conditioning in her life.
‘It may be buried, Jane, so I would suggest you undertake meditation to explore it,’ Jasmine said.
Jane tried not to show her horror at the thought. She had been avoiding any more meditations because she was worried about the solo journey her guides had suggested. As her stomach churned she got the feeling that whether she liked it or not, sooner or later she would have to do it.
Jasmine must have again picked up on the expression in her face for she said, ‘Don’t fight it, Jane. Meditation will not harm you. It’s there to help you. Your fear of what you will see or discover about yourself is making you see it as worse than it is. Try to feel what’s in your body when your mind is saying something to you.’
‘I know what it’s saying, but you’re right, I’m scared to face it.’
Then Mark was suddenly sitting next to her, his arm around her shoulders. ‘I’ll help you. Remember you are not alone.’
Jane looked at him and a warm glow began to fill her as she stared into his eyes. She recalled the words on her wooden box: “trust brings trust, love brings love…” Yes, for the first time since her parents had died she really felt someone cared about her and Mark was that person. She knew he was meant to help her and that she should trust him. She took his hand and squeezed it. ‘Thanks, I appreciate it.’
Jasmine smiled at them both. ‘I can see why you both came to me. You have a connection, and this connection involves your life purpose.’
‘Do you know what it is?’ Mark asked, suddenly excited.
‘No. I’m sorry, I only know mine, which is to help people like you to find your own way.’
Jane could feel Mark’s disappointment as his body slumped so she asked, ‘How did you find it?’
‘By doing what you are doing. Using meditation to understand myself better, and once I had done that I just knew what I had to do.’
Jane turned quickly to Mark. ‘I think I understand why I was so ill when I came here.’
‘You do?’ Mark’s attention was back on her.
Jane gripped his hand tighter. ‘I had listened to my ego on Sunday and convinced myself that I should go back to my old way of life. That I was going to give up doing the course. But inside I knew that decision was wrong. When I agreed to come here with you on Monday, my whole body seemed to go into turmoil whenever I thought about it.’
‘How do you feel about the decision now, Jane?’ Jasmine asked.
‘Suddenly uplifted even though I feel scared at what I should do, I actually feel it is right, and my body is calm.’
‘Then you’re on the right path to your life purpose. And what about you, Mark? Have you had doubts about the course and why you are doing it?’
Mark sat quietly for a while, thinking, then he said, ‘I was sceptical at the beginning, but I still felt the urge to continue. Then, when Jane and I began to do things together it was just so right. I don’t think I have ever been so comfortable with a person, as I am with Jane. I know we must do this together, but I don’t know how I know that.’
‘You both have a life purpose which is connected, and by moving forward together you will discover what it is. I cannot say it will be next week or next month, or even a year’s time, but if you keep listening to those feelings that say it is right, then you are on the path you are destined to be on.’
Jane knew Jasmine was right. All this seemed so uncanny, so weird but it was so good. Her body, her mind needed this, and she was determined to listen to her true feelings and not let doubt overrun her anymore. A sense of peace and understanding filled her and in that moment Jane felt a surge of energy flow over her. To her amazement, as she looked at Jasmine she noticed a faint shimmering around her body. Like a heat haze it seemed to spread out all around her. Jane turned to look at Mark, and noticed the same heat haze around him, but less pronounced than Jasmine’s. Finally she dropped her gaze to her own hand and there it was again, but the intensity was so strong Jane swore it had a blue colour to it.
Jasmine’s voice broke into what she was doing. ‘I can tell you are much stronger now, Jane, well done. Shall we see what crystal Mark has got?’
Immediately the shimmering Jane could see disappeared, but the elated feeling she had, remained. She watched with anticipation as Mark returned to his seat to open his crystal bag.
Mark’s crystal was beautiful, a fiery orange-red stone.
Jasmine clapped her hands together. ‘Oh how exciting, an agate crystal! This crystal centres and stabilises physical energy. It represents the Yin and Yang, the positive and negative forces holding the universe in place.’
Jane noticed Mark become uncomfortable as he asked. ‘What do you mean when you say physical energy?’
Jasmine closed her eyes for a moment. ‘You already know about energy forces, Mark, which is why the stone came to you.’
Jane saw Mark swallow hard.
Jasmine opened her eyes and looked at him. ‘The stone generates acceptance of one’s self and the perception of hidden circumstances. It encourages the speaking of truth, Mark, and helps to over come negative and bitterness that stem from the heart.’
Mark’s face had gone pale.
‘It will help you to heal and create safety and security for those around you. I sense you know what this means.’
Mark stared at her, not speaking.
‘Mark, I think you have already touched on your life purpose, but without really knowing it. You need to explore this further with your guides.’
‘I...I’m not sure you’re right, Jasmine.’
‘Then I think you need to do your meditative journey next and find out.’
Jane stared at both of them. This was so interesting and exciting she could hardly contain herself. What was Mark’s life purpose?