Mark settled himself on Jane’s sofa, holding the crystal pyramid in his cupped hands, resting gently on his stomach. He was nervous. Jane agreed he could do his solo journey at her flat and she was sitting attentively beside him on a chair.
‘Are you ready?’ she whispered.
Mark nodded, not daring to speak in case his voice shook. Inside he wished he could be somewhere else, but a promise was a promise.
Jane started the meditation CD and turned back, giving him a reassuring smile.
He closed his eyes as Jasmine’s voice came from the speakers, gently urging him to breathe deeper.
He found it difficult to concentrate on his breath, to fully let himself relax into the soothing tones of Jasmine’s voice. Every sound seemed to be heightened; the soft ticking of a nearby clock, the rustle of Jane’s clothes as she bent down to scratch her leg, even the pulse of his own beating heart pounding in his ears.
He tried to block the sounds out but instead they grew. This was not going well, he thought, and was about to give up when Jasmine’s voice overpowered all else, saying: ‘Picture a place in nature, a familiar place, and go there.’
Mark was no longer on the sofa, nor could he hear Jasmine’s instructions, for he was once again at the top of the cliff where he had first met his guide, the Mayan priest called Kukulcan.
He was alone, with the fresh wind blowing from the sea onto his back. The sun was shining and the vibrant green of the grass in the fields before him flashed in colour as the wind brushed over them. Mark waited, expecting the priest to suddenly appear, but when he didn’t Mark decided to walk in the direction he had gone before, looking for the walled garden and entrance gate.
He seemed to have walked a long way, further than he remembered going before, and nothing had materialised yet. Just miles of fields and farmland stretched out in front of him. This didn’t seem right.
Mark stopped walking. This journey was so that he could go back to the garden and face the well. His stomach churned at the very thought of it. So where was it? Why hadn’t it appeared, and where was Kukulcan?
He looked at the farmland all around him, wondering why he couldn’t just imagine the well and Kukulcan by thinking about them. Was this not what meditation did? Materialise your thoughts? So why wasn’t it working?
He wondered whether he should just open his eyes and forget about doing the meditation, but he knew Jane would be disappointed. He decided to continue walking and see what transpired.
After what seemed a long time Mark saw something shimmering in the distance, and made his way towards it. As it got closer he realised he was approaching a large lake with a small sandy beach, where the path ended. The pale blue lake stretched some distance to the horizon, ending with mountains rising up from the lake itself to the clear skies above. Tall reeds and foliage crowded its edges so that nothing could reach the lake, except by the beach.
Mark moved to his right, searching for a path or some way of getting past the lake, but as he pushed away the reeds he found water spread out across his path. He moved to his left, and again his attempts at pushing through the reeds were met with spreading water. He backed away, watching the water recede to its original position. This was like a puzzle where he could not go any further until he had mastered or achieved something.
He returned to the beach and sat down on the coarse sand, staring at the still water. There was one way he hadn’t tried, and didn’t want to; that was to enter the water. Minutes went by and nothing happened. Finally he stood up and walked to the water’s edge. If he was to swim across, then so be it.
He stepped into the water, his shoes sinking into the sand. At the same time the water seemed to surge forward, washing over his ankles. Mark tried to lift one of his feet, but it was stuck fast. He tried the other, with no success. The water surged again, this time becoming level with his shins.
He knew this wasn’t real yet still he felt the fear of being trapped grip his body. He broke into a cold sweat trying to control his panic, forcing his body to remain calm, but when the next wave of water reached his thighs, all rational thought was lost. He struggled and battled to release his feet from the concrete grip of the sand. Thrashing at the water, gripping his trouser legs and yanking as hard as he could. The water level rose higher to his waist, and he fought the urge to scream for help. Then his mind cleared and he remembered something. He reached down, dug his fingers through the sand and pulled at the laces of his shoes. As they came loose he heaved with all his strength and flung himself towards the beach.
He lay breathless, trembling on the sand. When he sat up and looked back, the sand where he had stood was undisturbed, and his shoes were still on. ‘What the f… I’ve had enough of this,’ he said under his breath and got to his feet. He was about to leave the meditation, when he noticed Kukulcan standing at the water’s edge, looking out across the lake, so quickly he walked over to him.
‘Hello Mark,’ Kukulcan said, turning as Mark reached him.
‘What the hell is going on? This meditation is trying to kill me.’
‘Are you sure?’ The priest asked.
‘Yes. I was trapped and the water...’ Mark saw Kukulcan raise an enquiring eyebrow. ‘Well, I couldn’t move… Oh, forget it. Where’s the well?’ Mark said stiffly.
The priest smiled. ‘Patience, enjoy what is around you, there is no rush.’
‘But there’s nothing…’ Mark looked to where the priest was pointing, and found his thoughts distracted from what he was about to say.
The sides of the lake had changed, and they were now abundant with vibrant coloured flowers, whose reflections in the still, clear water, sparkled and shimmered like bright coloured stars.
He had never really taken the time or trouble to look at flowers. They were things you bought for your mother, wife or girlfriend on special occasions. In his case he never remembered birthdays or anniversaries, so he usually brought them to say sorry.
But the beauty of the scene before him touched him in a way he had never experienced before, allowing all his anger and annoyance to melt away, leaving him calm and relaxed.
Kukulcan touched his arm, urging him to move forward, and they walked together to a clearing at the side of the lake amongst the flowers. They sat down.
‘Look at the beauty, Mark, and then draw back slightly and tell me what you see.’
‘They’re just flowers,’ Mark said.
‘There is more to see than the physical form. Try again.’
Mark wasn’t sure what the priest was getting at but he decided to do it. He concentrated on a bright, violet orchid-type flower in front of him. Deep veins of dark purple flowed from the centre of the flower, along the petals, to their tips. Splashes of white broke the petals’ surface at the centre point where they joined together drawing Mark’s vision to the flower’s middle and masterpiece, its flume. He became so engrossed that he nearly found himself travelling into the flower itself, until Kukulcan’s whisper told him to draw back.
As his vision pulled back, it blurred and that was when he saw it, a shimmering band of colour, flexing and changing around the outside of the flower’s petals. He continued to watch, and saw the band increase and decrease in size periodically.
‘Now move your hand so that you are touching that band of colour with your fingertips,’ the priest said.
Mark did, and suddenly saw a faint shimmering at the edge of his fingertip. He saw it expand slightly until it touched the coloured band emanating from the flower. As they connected he was filled with an incredible surge of wonderment.
‘Now see the beam of coloured light flowing from the flower into your heart. This beam of light contains pure love.’
Mark did as the priest instructed and when the beam of light from the flower touched him, his whole being filled with such joy and contentment that it overwhelmed him, sending tears to his eyes. He blinked rapidly, pulling his gaze away and breaking the connection.
‘That was, unusual,’ he said, pretending to shield his eyes from the sun as he dried his tears.
Kukulcan smiled at him. ‘It is all right to experience such emotion.’
Mark dropped his hand, feeling a little foolish. He realised that no matter what he did or experienced, the priest would know about it. ‘I wasn’t expecting it, that’s all.’
‘All things have emotion or feelings, and this is a good way of sharing them. You should practice this every day.’
Mark gave the priest a quick nod, he had to admit that the sensation was something he would like to experience again, but he was concerned about what people would say if he were to suddenly sit amongst the flowers in a public garden. Perhaps he would experiment with this in his own place. ‘What I saw coming from the flower, and from my own hand, wasn’t just emotion, was it?’
‘It is much more. It is the unseen life force that flows within and through all of us. You already know how important it is to your life purpose.’
‘Yeah, you got that right.’ Mark hesitated, forcing away the thoughts that entered his head. Quickly he changed the subject. ‘So can we move on now?’
The priest stood up and walked back to the place where Mark had first noticed him.
‘What now?’ Mark asked as he joined him, impatient to face the well and get it over with.
The priest gestured behind Mark, and as he looked back Mark saw that the pathway they had just walked along was awash with water. It had crept up all around the small amount of land they were now standing on, cutting them off from the shore.
As Mark stared at the water he noticed its clarity allowed him to see right to the bottom of the lake. The pathway between the small mound of land he and the priest were standing on and the shore had vanished, creating a drop right to the lake floor. ‘What’s happening?’ Mark turned to the priest.
‘You must have trust,’ Kukulcan replied.
‘Trust in what?’ Mark countered, stepping closer to Kukulcan as the water lapped at his feet. The water rapidly rose over his shoes and up his shins. Mark gulped back the sudden panic rising inside him. ‘What the hell do you want me to do?’
The priest just stood still with his eyes closed.
Mark searched for any bit of land that would allow him to wade back to the shore, but for some reason all trace of land surrounding them had disappeared, leaving a deep ravine of water. His only escape from the submerging mound was to swim for it. He prepared to lower himself into the water and swim back to the field, even though it now looked a good distance away. ‘I’m not staying here. I’m going to swim back. Are you coming with me?’ Mark yelled over his shoulder as he began to lower himself into the water.
Kukulcan suddenly grabbed his arms, pulling him back. ‘You must face this if you are to go to the well,’ he said.
Mark turned his head to look at the priest. ‘Why?’ His heart was beating faster as he waited for the answer, the water now creeping up towards his chest. ‘Answer me, damn it. Why are you trying to drown me?’ Seconds later the water had reached his neck, and Mark tried to tread water, but Kukulcan’s hands move from his arms to his shoulders, forcing him downwards until his feet touched the ground.
The priest said quietly, ‘You will not drown, but you must allow the water to go over your head.’
‘I can’t,’ Mark spluttered.
‘You must.’
The water reached Mark’s nose and he took his final breath, instinctively pulling away from the priest so he could keep his head above the water. The priest grabbed him around the chest, forcing him to remain standing on the submerged land.
The water washed over his head, making him close his eyes. He fought to breathe, convulsing and twisting as he struggled and thrashed out at the priest, his legs kicking for the surface in a desperate attempt to break the grip on his body. But the priest was like a weight strapped around his chest, holding him firm and preventing him from floating upwards. Through the turmoil in his mind, came the soft smooth voice of the priest. ‘Be calm, Mark, you will not die. Open your eyes.’
Mark obeyed the command, his body relaxing against the priest’s hold. The scene under the water was clear and unspoiled. He could see the rays of the sun penetrating the surface and streaking towards the bottom, where small fish darted and dashed around clusters of rocks. Clumps of reeds swayed, mesmerising in the light that swirled around the lake. There was a sense of peace and quiet.
From the far end of the lake Mark saw something moving, and as it got closer he recognised it as a dolphin. It swam purposely towards him, and as it got closer he felt Kukulcan take his hand and place it on the dolphin’s fin. The next moment Mark was shooting upwards.
They broke the surface of the water and he gulped in fresh air, letting go of the dolphin as he began treading water. The dolphin playfully circled him a few times before diving back down.
Feeling incredibly relieved to be alive, Mark swam back to the beach, which had mysteriously reappeared. He walked out of the water and plonked himself down on the sand to dry off in the sunshine.
It must have only been minutes later that Kukulcan emerged from the water and joined him. ‘How do you feel now, Mark?’
‘I should be bloody angry at you for what you did, but I’m not. I’m not even shaking with fear after nearly drowning. I’m strangely calm and peaceful. Why did you do that?’
‘You know why.’
Mark thought about it. ‘I’ve always been frightened of water and even though I learned how to swim I’ve never liked having water come up over me like that.’
‘So how will you feel if it should happen to you again?’
Mark smiled. ‘I think I could cope with it now without feeling panicky.’
Kukulcan pulled him to his feet. ‘Good, then it is time for the well.’
Before Mark had time to think he found himself in front of the well in the garden. He stared at it, feeling sick, tension rising in his body.
‘I will lower you down,’ the priest said, retrieving a rope from beside the well.
Mark pulled out the pyramid-shaped crystal. ‘What do I do with this?’
‘You will not need it here. The crystal has another purpose at another time. You will know when to use it.’
Mark pushed the crystal back into his pocket and positioned himself on the edge of the well wall. This is it, he thought.
The well was uninviting, its interior deep, silent and black. It didn’t want him within its walls and he didn’t want to go down.
For a few seconds he thought about abandoning this meditation but something inside of him told him he had to get on with it. He took hold of the rope Kukulcan offered him, placing his foot in the loop at the end. Kukulcan took the strain, and Mark slipped gently away from the wall. Slowly the descent began. He kept his gaze on the priest’s face as gradually the light from the top began to fade and darkness swallowed him. His eyes quickly became accustomed to the dark, and when his foot touched the bottom, he discovered he was now six years old. He was hanging on to his ten-year old sister, Angela, and they were sitting in water next to some broken timbers. He could feel his body shaking with fear and the cold. ‘Angie I’m scared,’ he wailed. He felt Angie’s arm slip around him and hug him tightly.
‘We’re okay. Just keep on shouting. Someone will hear us soon.’
An hour later the water had crept up to reach his sister’s chest. ‘Get up Angie. The water is coming. It’s coming,’ he screamed.
Angie struggled and then shook her head. ‘I can’t. Here, you stand on the timbers out of the water and hold on to me.’
Mark did as she told him and heard her cry out in pain as his weight pushed the timbers down. ‘What’s wrong, Angie?’
He could see her shake her head. ‘It’s nothing, just you stay above the water.’
He began to shiver as the icy cold water continued to rise and cover the timbers. Angie was still sitting on the floor, and the water had reached her neck.
She pulled him down towards her. ‘No... No matter what happens you must keep hold of me.’ She shivered violently with the cold. ‘When I tell you, place your knees on my shoulders and hold tight to the wall and my hand.’
‘I’m scared, Angie. I want to go home.’
She stretched her head up to kiss him on the cheek. ‘I know, but I’m here with you. Now I need you to do something for me.’
Mark looked fearfully at the rising water. ‘It’s coming higher,’ he whimpered.
She turned his face towards her. ‘You must promise not to let go, even if I stop holding you.’
‘Don’t let go Angie, I’m scared.’ Mark said, tears flowing down his face and his tiny arms hugging her tightly around the neck, catching her blonde hair.
She pulled his arms away. ‘Promise me you will hold on no matter what.’
Mark nodded.
‘You mustn’t let go,’ she said firmly, then kissed him again, stretching her neck further upwards as the water reached her mouth. ‘Now you must hold on to the wall. I love you, little brother.’
She pushed him up so that his knees rested on her shoulders as her head went under the water. He quickly grabbed hold of her raised hand and held tightly to the well wall with the other. He could feel her squeeze his hand reassuringly.
After a few minutes he felt her hand tighten hard, to the point it was hurting him, and then it relaxed. He gripped it tightly as it tried to slip from his grasp, remembering his promise not to let go of her.
The water reached his chest and he yelled and yelled until his voice became hoarse and sore. Just at the point where he could shout no longer he heard a noise above him.
‘Hello, is anyone down there?’
‘Help. Help,’ he screamed.
A short time later a light began to make its way towards him. The water was to his neck and his fingers had got so cold they seemed frozen to the wall. A fireman came into view.
Mark turned to look down at his sister as the fireman’s light reflected through the water. She was staring up at him with unblinking eyes. ‘A man has come, Angie.’
The fireman touched the surface of the water near him and extended his hand. ‘Take my hand son. You’re okay, now.’
Mark shook his head. ‘Not to let go. Mustn’t let go.’
The fireman tried again but Mark adamantly refused to let go of his sister. Finally the fireman swung down, grabbed hold of him and forced his hand from his sister’s.
‘No! No! Angie!’ Mark screamed, reaching out for his sister as the fireman restrained him. Slowly they began to go up the well and Mark’s screams turned to sobs.
At the top, Mark found himself back in his adult body. He slipped over the well wall and slumped down on to the grass. Kukulcan dropped the rope and knelt next to him by the well wall.
Mark stared at him, deeply upset. ‘I left her. I let her die down there. I was responsible for my sister’s death.’
Kukulcan shook his head. ‘That is not what happened.’
Mark hung his head to his chest as tears flowed. ‘They told my parents I drowned Angie in my panic, because I stood on her and pushed her under the water.’
‘How do you know that?’
‘Because I overheard the fireman say it to my father as my mother was carrying me away.’
‘It is not true, Mark. Remember what Angie said to you? Remember what you saw under the water? She pushed you up on to her shoulders. She told you to hang on even if she let you go.’
‘Yes, but why didn’t she get up when I told her?’
‘She couldn’t. Remember the timbers and her pain.’
Mark’s head shot up and he looked at the priest. ‘She was trapped?’
Kukulcan rested his hand on Mark’s shoulder. ‘She saved you by giving up her own life. You were not responsible for her death.’
‘How can I believe that? I heard what was said to my parents, why would someone lie about it?’
‘Because not all was known at the time, they were assumptions. Why don’t you ask your parents?’
Mark stared at him. ‘They know the truth? But why didn’t they tell me?’
The priest sighed. ‘Because they thought you already knew.’
Mark rested his head against the well wall. It made sense, seeing it as it happened with older eyes gave it clarity. He got up and the priest moved with him. ‘Why did you give me the lake experience first?’
‘You needed to face your fear of rising water so that you could experience the truth in the well. Your fear may have masked what needed to be revealed.’
‘And my fear of being trapped.’
The priest nodded.
‘If you are right about this, and this is the truth, then my sister was so brave.’ Mark forced back a lump in his throat. ‘I never said goodbye to her. Not even at her funeral. I felt so bad about what I had done.’
Kukulcan smiled. ‘You can say goodbye at anytime. Even here if you wish.’
‘You mean now, in this meditation?’
‘Yes.’
‘How?’ Mark asked.
‘Ask her to come to you. Think of her.’
‘Is that all I need to do?’ Mark said surprised.
‘Yes. It has always been that simple.’
Mark looked around, unsure if he should do this now. ‘I would like to do it, but not here, not so close to the well.’
‘Then think of a place you will both enjoy.’
Mark did, and the next minute he was sitting amongst the flowers by the lake and his sister was next to him, exactly how he remembered her on that fateful day.
‘Angie. I... I...’ Mark couldn’t get the words out and tears streamed down his face.
Angie’s small hands took hold of his and squeezed them. ‘I am glad you were saved.’
‘I thought I drowned you,’ Mark stammered.
She shook her head sadly. ‘I am so sorry you had to live your life believing that. You have suffered so much because of it. But now you know the truth.’
‘I wish you had been saved too,’ Mark croaked.
Angie smiled. ‘We all have a purpose and mine was to save you. I am glad you have done so well.’
‘I still wish you had been with me.’
‘I was and still am, as long as you remember me.’
Mark felt her arms slip around his neck as she gave him a hug and suddenly it seemed that all those years of repressed guilt was lifted from him, and in its place there came a feeling of tremendous love. His tears flowed freely.
Angie pulled away. ‘You must not feel guilty any more.’
Mark wiped his face. ‘You were so brave to do what you did.’
Angie smiled and pointed her finger at him. ‘You have a great purpose to fulfil, and someone who will help you. Don’t leave it too long to tell her the truth about you.’
Mark pushed her finger away playfully. ‘You always did boss me around.’
Angie laughed and got up to go.
Mark got up quickly, anxious for her to stay. ‘I don’t want you to go,’ he blurted out.
Angie pulled his head down towards her and kissed him on the forehead. ‘I shall be watching you on your path, little brother,’ she whispered in his ear. Gently she let go of him and walked away through the flowers.
Mark called after her. ‘I love you, Angie.’
She turned, smiling, and waved. ‘We shall meet again, don’t worry.’
Mark watched her figure fade and disappear into the surrounding scenery before returning to the sandy shore where Kukulcan was waiting.
‘You have done well, Mark. Now you are free to follow your path. I will be here anytime you feel you want to return.’
Mark shook his hand. ‘Goodbye.’
Mark opened his eyes and saw Jane hovering over him. She gave him a tissue and he wondered why until he registered wetness in his eyes and down his face. He wiped the moisture away and sat up.
Jane sat next to him. ‘Are you all right?’
‘Yes. That was quite an experience.’
‘Do you want to talk about it?’ she asked.
Mark took her hand and squeezed it. ‘Of course, but I need to wash my face first.’ When Mark had finished freshening up he returned to the lounge to find a mug of tea waiting for him. He sat down with Jane on the sofa and relayed to her the events of what had happened during the meditation.
‘So all this time you believed what you overheard. You believed you forced your sister under the water. Oh Mark, how awful for you.’
‘I never visited her grave or kept anything of hers with me. I felt so ashamed of what I had done.’
‘But why didn’t your parents say something to you? They must have noticed your behaviour?’
Mark pondered for a moment then said, ‘I think they felt it better that we didn’t speak about it. Maybe they thought my behaviour was due to me grieving, so they didn’t bring it up.’
Jane gave him a hug and they sat for a few minutes enjoying each other’s closeness. ‘What are you going to do now?’ Jane asked as she eased away.
Mark kissed her tenderly and stood up to go. ‘I’m going to contact my parents and find out the truth.’