Jane sat quietly on the sofa drinking a cup of tea. She hadn’t slept all night, as the nightmares had returned with such vengeance that she had decided it wasn’t worth going back to sleep. She had tried to watch TV, read, do anything to keep her mind from the brothers and their tormenting, but they plagued her the instant her concentration lapsed. Somehow they knew what she was going to do today and were making a last desperate attempt to stop her.
Mark came in and sat down beside her. ‘Bad night?’
Jane nodded and sipped her tea.
‘Then the quicker you do your solo journey the better,’ he said, leaping off the sofa and swiftly clearing a space on the floor so Jane could lie down.
Jane watched him, trying hard to detach herself from what he was doing, but something seemed to reach inside of her and twist her stomach inside out. She rushed to the bathroom and was sick.
She wondered again why she was doing this, as she splashed water on her face and stared at the dark rims circling her watery eyes. She was a mess, and all because something inside her didn’t want to do this. She hesitated for a moment, gathering up her strength and pulling together every last resource she had, then she opened the bathroom door.
Mark was waiting outside. He took her into his arms and hugged her. ‘Courage Jane, I promise you it will feel fantastic once you have done it.’
Jane wasn’t so sure, but snuggled into his body. It made her feel secure and comfortable, so she absorbed all he was giving her.
Gently, he guided her to the place on the floor, which was covered in soft cushions and a blanket. ‘A bed fit for a princess,’ he joked.
Jane didn’t laugh, she was too busy fighting off the sickness. She settled herself down on to the cushions. “This is it, this is it,” she kept thinking to herself as she watched Mark place Jasmine’s pointed crystals around her body.
Finally she took in a deep breath, took her crystal and prayer stick from him and laid them across her body. Instantly the sickness subsided.
Mark sat crossed-legged next to her. ‘I’ll be here, so don’t worry.’
Jane gave him a faint smile and closed her eyes, forcing the images of the brothers from her mind as she listened to the CD of Jasmine’s voice. Gradually her breathing began to deepen and her mind cleared of all thoughts.
She visualised the field near the forest where she had first met Three Wolves and almost as soon as she looked up towards the forest she saw him.
He walked over to her and gave her a smile. ‘Brave Jane, I see you are ready.’
Jane lifted up her prayer stick.
‘It is good and very powerful. You have done well. Come, I have prepared a sacred place.’
Jane wondered what the sacred place would look like and soon noticed a circle of stones just outside of the forest. A fire burnt in the centre and Three Wolves beckoned her to sit with him within the circle.
‘What happens now?’ Jane asked, a little nervous.
‘We summon your demons and you will release them by the act of forgiveness.’
Jane stared at him, shocked. Her voice was bitter. ‘You want me to forgive them for what they did? No, that’s impossible. I can’t.’
Three Wolves seemed unaffected by her tone. He spoke softly. ‘Unless you can forgive them you will never be rid of them.’
‘But you don’t understand,’ Jane pleaded. ‘What they did was bad, it was wrong. I… I just can’t forgive them.’
Three Wolves touched her arm sympathetically. ‘I know it feels hard, but if you cannot forgive them how will you ever forgive yourself?’
Jane swallowed hard. ‘I can never forgive myself. What I did was awful. It wouldn’t have happened if I hadn’t…’ Jane turned away from him. ‘It was my fault. All my fault.’
Before Three Wolves could speak Spirit Wind walked into the circle and sat down between them. He spoke quietly but with conviction. ‘Jane, none of it was your fault. You must see the truth.’
Jane shook her head. ‘I already know the truth. I cannot change what happened.’
Spirit Wind offered her his hand. ‘Come with me into the past.’
Jane looked at him. She didn’t want to relive the past; she already knew what it would reveal and she didn’t want to face it. He stared back at her, his eyes deep and piercing. Reluctantly she placed her hand on his and was once again eight years old.
She was dawdling behind her mother, walking through the passageway of a house to the backyard where their three-roomed flat was. The passageway carpet had a square pattern on it and Jane was practicing her hopscotch skills, while her mother continued on to the back door carrying her heavy shopping. As Jane hopped to the final square, she heard the front door of the house open behind her. She turned and saw one of the two brothers entering with his bag of shopping. Joe was an elderly man who walked with a heavy limp.
He pushed the door open a little wider with his walking stick and smiled when he saw her. He tried to raise his hand holding the shopping bag to wave to her and she didn’t know whether it was the shopping’s weight shifting or his failure to see a bit of raised carpet, but he seemed to stagger forward and then fall hard to the floor. His bag of groceries went flying from him to land at her feet.
Jane quickly ran over to help him; picking up his stick and trying to support his weight with her tiny body as he pushed himself off the floor.
‘Thank you, thank you,’ he kept muttering.
He was shaking badly and extremely unsteady, so she tried to support him as best she could until he was able to lean against the door and steady himself with his stick.
Looking down the corridor, Jane realised that her mother had already gone through the back door to the yard and had missed seeing the incident.
She turned back to Joe, noticing how heavy his breathing had become and the uncontrollable shaking of his hands. Instinctively she slipped under his free arm and put her arm around his waist. As Joe moved Jane struggled against his weight but then he used his stick and they managed to shuffle along the corridor to the front door of his flat, which was just before the back door of the house. The flat overlooked the yard where she often played.
Joe leaned against the wall and fumbled in his pocket for the key. She waited patiently until he handed it to her and she opened the door, holding it back wide so that Joe could get himself through it. He made for a chair in the lounge and sat down heavily.
Jane returned to the hallway and picked up the fallen groceries. The bag was quite heavy but she half-carried, half-dragged it back to the flat. As she entered the lounge she saw that Joe had gone really pale, and closed his eyes. Suddenly frightened he was going to die, she ran to get her mother.
Jane watched, concerned as her mother sat next to Joe and took his hand. To her relief Joe opened his eyes. Her mother spoke softly. ‘Shall I call a doctor for you, Joe?’
Joe shook his head. ‘No, no, no. I’m fine, just a little shaken.’ He took a deep breath and closed his eyes again.
‘Then perhaps some tea?’
Jane saw him nod and followed her mother into Joe’s kitchen.
‘Will he be okay?’ she asked her mother.
Her mother smiled as she switched the kettle on. ‘Yes. A strong cup of tea will bring the colour back to his face. Don’t look so worried, Jane. When an elderly person falls it can be quite a shock for them, so how about we stay a while until he looks his old self again?’
Jane was much happier. Her mother always knew how to make her feel better, so she had no doubts that Joe would get better, too.
Soon after drinking the tea, as her mother had predicted, Joe’s face returned to its normal colour. ‘We could have done with your tea in the war,’ he said smiling. ‘My brother and I served together you know, that was until we were bombed and I was injured.’ He tapped his right leg. ‘I didn’t lose it, but they couldn’t get all the metal out.’ He paused, then said, ‘my brother, Derek, he was always the lucky one, he didn’t get a scratch, but now he has chronic arthritis in both his hands. He’s at the hospital at the moment and should be home soon.’
Jane had sat mesmerised listening to his story, but now turned to her mother with a puzzled look on her face. ‘What’s chron… arth...’ She stumbled over the words and her mother curled her fingers into her palms to show what it looked like. Jane copied her mother and realised how difficult it must have been for Derek to do anything.
‘Is there anything else you need, Joe?’ Jane’s mother asked.
‘No thank you, I’ll be fine now.’
‘I don’t feel happy leaving you alone.’
Joe smiled. ‘I’m all right, please don’t worry, Derek will be back any minute.’
As Jane and her mother walked back to their flat, her mother ruffled Jane’s hair. ‘That was a very kind thing you did, Jane. I’m really proud of you.’
Later that evening Jane was lying in her bed, unable to sleep. The walls were thin and she could hear her mother talking to her father. ‘Our Jane helped out poor old Joe today. He had taken quite a tumble and she helped him back to his flat.’
‘Was Joe hurt?’ her father asked.
‘No, just shaken a little, but I do worry about him and his brother. They are both disabled and living alone. They have no visitors or relatives. It’s so sad they ended up like this, especially as they both fought in the war. It’s a shame they can’t have happier lives.’
Jane felt the concern in her mother’s voice and she decided there and then that whenever she could she would help the brothers to try and make them happy. Next morning she told her mum and dad of her intentions.
Her mother smiled at her. ‘It’s so nice of you to want to do that, but sometimes elderly people don’t want any help.’
‘But…I want to do it.’
‘All right, but you should only help them if they want it. You mustn’t pester them.’
The next image Jane saw was of herself waiting at the back door of the house. She knew Joe did his shopping on a Wednesday and when the front door opened she ran up to him and took the shopping bag from him. ‘I’ll carry this for you,’ she said, smiling.
For a moment Joe was surprised at her actions, but then he smiled and nodded.
She followed Joe into the flat and put the groceries away in the kitchen as he directed. Afterwards, Joe thanked her and she left. The second time she did it he had brought some sweets and gave them to her.
Jane remembered that each week she would help Joe put his shopping away and spend a little time talking with him and his brother, Derek, about their time in the war. Although Jane didn’t understand everything they said she often relayed it back to her parents, who would nod appreciatively.
The next image that came into her mind was the first day she had tea with Joe and Derek. She remembered how delighted she was when one day Joe had knocked on their flat door and spoken to her mother about Jane staying for tea once a week in thanks for her help. Jane remembered eating cake and listening to their stories, even watching TV together, sitting on the sofa.
On this occasion Jane was dressed in a pretty pink dress and pink shoes. She was skipping out of her flat waving goodbye to her mother, who was standing at the door. She was going to a special tea party the two brothers had prepared for their birthday. Her mother had brought them a present of embroidered handkerchiefs for Jane to give them. They were delighted to see her and said how pretty she looked. Jane saw herself doing a twirl in front of them. This was the day they asked her to do something she had never done before.
Jane didn’t want to remember any more and tried to slip her hand from Spirit Wind, but he gripped it tighter whispering, ‘You must see, Jane.’
The image flashed vividly back into her mind. They had all just finished eating the tiny shaped sandwiches and cake and were making themselves comfortable on the sofa to watch a movie on the TV. Jane was sitting between them as usual.
Joe nudged her and said, ‘Janie you have made me so very happy, come sit on my lap so I can give you a cuddle.’
She saw herself eagerly sit on Joe’s lap and put her arms around his neck. He gave her a gentle kiss on the cheek and then turned her round so she could watch the telly. After a short while she became uncomfortable because of something hard beneath her. She tried to shift to a more comfortable position but Joe just pushed her down harder on him. He then whispered in her ear, ‘I’ve eaten too much cake, Janie, and my tummy’s got too big for my trousers, that’s all. You’re not hurting me, so stay where you are.’
Jane pulled her hand from Spirit Wind’s firm grasp and shook her head. She didn’t want to remember it. ‘I can’t do this,’ she said quietly, looking down at the ground, her hands half covering her eyes.
Spirit Wind turned to her. ‘It was not your fault they abused you.’
Jane looked up, tears in her eyes. ‘But I let it happen. I should have known what they asked me to do was wrong. I took the gifts and sweets they gave me afterwards. I allowed it to go on.’
Spirit Wind twisted round, took hold of her arms firmly and stared directly into her eyes. ‘No. You didn’t. You did it out of kindness. Out of wanting to help make them happy.’
Jane shook her head violently. ‘No, I’m to blame. I shouldn’t have accepted the gifts. I took payment for what I allowed them to do to me.’
Spirit Wind gripped her harder. ‘You must remember the truth, Jane. Look back and see it with clearer eyes.’
Jane looked deeply into his eyes and immediately saw her child-self sitting on Derek’s lap. He was wriggling in discomfort and Jane remembered how hard his lap felt. She could see his disfigured hands with the fingers all curled inward. ‘Please, little Janie, can you ease the belt on my trousers? My hands are too painful.’
Jane had eased off his lap and did as he asked, but still his face was in pain. ‘Now the zip, dear.’
She did as he asked and saw relief on his face as the object in his trousers slipped out. He then pulled her back on to his lap.
Jane pulled her gaze away from Spirit Wind. That was how it had started. She had done it to help ease their pain and they had corrupted her innocence. Gently Jane began to cry.
‘You see the truth of it. You did it out of love, not greed nor for want of anything,’ Spirit Wind said.
Jane nodded through her tears. How could they have done that? Taken advantage of a caring child, an innocent child.
‘All this time I blamed myself for allowing it to happen. But why didn’t I stop it when I knew it was wrong?’
Spirit Wind released her arms. ‘You did try to stop it. Remember what they did?’
Jane returned to her memories remembering how upset she had been when they began to make her touch them and they touched her in return. It was on that day they both got very excited and what they did to her next had caused her great pain.
Hurting inside and crying with the pain, she realised that this wasn’t right despite their gentle assurances they were showing her how much they loved her. It was when Joe told her that it would not hurt her as much next time, that she really became afraid.
Jane saw herself twisting out of Joe’s grip and crying out at the two of them that she wasn’t coming back and she was going to tell her mother they had hurt her. It was then that Joe had grabbed hold of her and dragged her into the kitchen. He took one of the carving knives from the drawer.
Jane remembered instinctively drawing back as he touched the blade to her neck.
‘I will kill your mum if you say anything,’ he threatened. ‘Do you want your mum to die?’
Jane shook her head carefully, feeling the knife-edge move slightly against her skin.
Joe smiled, pushing his face close to hers. ‘And if you don’t come back, I’ll come to your flat in the night and cut her up. Now promise me you won’t tell anyone and you’ll come back.’
Jane’s eyes widened as the knife moved up to her face.
Joe gripped her tighter. ‘Say it, little Janie. Say you promise, swear on your mother’s life.’
‘I promise.’ Jane blurted out, her whole body shaking.
Joe let go of her and as she made for the door he said. ‘You come back in two days, little Janie. Two days, do you hear?’
Jane didn’t even respond, she yanked open the door and ran as fast as she could back home.
The tears began streaming down Jane’s face as she remembered how she had endured the two brothers’ abuse and how each time it seemed to get worse because they knew she could not tell.
Spirit Wind said nothing and they sat quietly until Jane stopped crying.
‘I was stuck in a situation I couldn’t get out of. How could I have not remembered it as it was? Why did I think it was my fault?’
He spoke softly. ‘As you grow older and you comprehend what they did, you become filled with guilt. You think and remember the events as an adult and because of this you believe you allowed it to happen. It is very easy to forget how innocent your actions were as a child. Your intentions right at the beginning were honest, kind and loving.’
Jane understood for the first time the truth of what had happened to her.
‘Now you must see the truth once more.’ Spirit Wind said.
Jane wiped the wetness from her eyes. ‘I don’t understand.’
‘The secret you have been keeping.’
‘There is no truth to see this time. I killed him, I don’t deny it.’
Spirit Wind shook his head. ‘Come and see.’
Jane took hold of Spirit Wind’s hand, gripping it tightly. They returned to that awful day. The day her family moved from the flat into a house on the other side of town. Jane thought it would be the happiest day of her life, and the end of all her abuse. She would finally be free of the brothers.
Unexpectedly her mother had arranged for Jane to stay at the brothers’ flat for most of the day whilst the move went on, telling the brothers she had things to do and asking them to look after Jane whilst she did them. The brothers knew nothing about the move, as Jane had tactfully persuaded her mother not to tell them until the move had been completed. She had used the argument that they would get upset at not seeing her again. Jane knew they wouldn’t see the removers for since the abuse started they had kept the curtains drawn in their flat. But she hadn’t expected her mother to send her to be with them that day.
Hour after hour Joe and Derek took turns in abusing her, sometimes making her do things to one of them whilst the other touched and pawed her. It seemed never to stop and as Derek grabbed her from Joe for the umpteenth time, Jane finally snapped. She twisted out of his grip, yanked up her pants and screamed at them. ‘No more! I hate you.’
Derek was furious. ‘Get back here, you little bitch. I haven’t finished with you yet.’
Jane shook her head. ‘You’re horrible old men. I’m going to tell the police about you.’
Joe smirked and picked up the knife that lay on the table.
‘You can’t hurt me, or my mum anymore. We’re moving away.’
Derek jumped up from the sofa and grabbed hold of the front of her dress. ‘You’re not going anywhere.’
She struggled and started kicking him. ‘You can’t stop me, I’m going to tell everyone what you’ve done.’
Derek seemed to go extremely pale. He turned to Joe, who had heaved himself to his feet.
Jane saw anger and fury on Joe’s face. He slashed the air with the knife as he moved towards her. ‘Time to teach you a lesson,’ he snarled.
Fearing for her life, Jane twisted out of Derek’s gnarly hands and fell backwards over a cushion on the floor.
Derek drew his hands to his chest and staggered towards her. In desperation Jane leapt up and rushed forward into Derek, shoving him backwards. He tripped over his trousers that had fallen to his knees and fell to the floor, hitting his head hard on the corner edge of a glass table.
Joe stared down at him as a pool of blood spread out around his head. He caught Jane by her arm and forced her to look at the blood. ‘You’ve killed him. See what you’ve done. You’re a murderer. You killed a defenceless old man.’
Jane began to shake her head as she stared wide-eyed at Joe. ‘I didn’t mean to. I just wanted it to stop.’
He sneered. ‘We are respected men of the community. Do you think anyone is going to believe your story? What do you think will happen to you when they find out what you’ve done? They’ll take you away and put your parents into prison. You won’t ever see them again.’
Jane swallowed hard as she looked down at Derek’s unmoving body. He was dead. She had killed him and she didn’t know what to do.
She looked at Joe’s hard, determined face and heard him say, ‘Tell anyone about what we did to you and I will tell the police you killed my brother. Who do you think they will believe, Janie? Me or you?’ He placed the knife against her throat. ‘Do you love your parents?’
‘Yes.’ Jane cried, tears filling her eyes.
‘Then this will be our secret. I won’t tell if you don’t.’ Joe pressed the knife harder against her neck. ‘Agreed? Say you won’t tell, say it, damn you.’
‘I won’t tell, I won’t tell.’ Jane screeched.
Joe released her, and with his words buzzing in her head, Jane ran from the flat.
Later that evening in their new house, she heard her mother talking to her father when they thought she had gone to bed. She was actually sitting at the top of the stairs. Their voices were low but she could still make out what they were saying.
Her mother said, ‘I have just heard that poor Derek has died. It happened this afternoon. Apparently he fell over in the lounge and hit his head.’
‘So Jane doesn’t know?’ her father asked.
‘No, and I don’t think she needs to know just yet. Let her settle into the new house first. She will be upset enough because she won’t be able to see the brothers again, and this will only make it worse for her. Poor Jane, she really liked Derek.’
Jane grimaced at her mother’s words. She would never be able to tell them what the brothers were really like, and what they had done to her.
‘When are you going to tell her?’ her father asked.
‘Just before the funeral, I think. I met Joe as I finished cleaning the old flat this evening and he asked if Jane could come and visit him after the funeral to help him get over Derek’s death.’
Jane shivered. She could tell from her mother’s voice that she saw nothing wrong in Joe’s request and was sympathetic to his needs. Jane crossed her arms over her body. There was no way she was going back. No way.
She crept into her bedroom and slipped into her bed, pulling the bedcovers tightly around her. Tears slipped down her checks as she sighed deeply. She could never tell her parents the truth about the death or about the abuse, they just wouldn’t believe her. They would probably question her about why she carried on visiting the brothers and taking their gifts. Her parents wouldn’t understand about the threats and why she had to lie to them. They also wouldn’t realise that the gifts had gone into the bin the next day.
The abuse and the murder would have to remain a secret. A secret she would bear for the rest of her life.
Jane came out of her memories and looked up at Spirit Wind, who was facing her. She had refused to attend the funeral and had never gone back to see Joe. Her parents had put her behaviour down to the fact she was grieving for Derek and it was too painful for her to see Joe. They were right, but not in the way they thought.
Spirit Wind said gently. ‘Do you see the truth?’
‘No. I still killed him, except no one knew I had done it but Joe.’
‘No you did not. Yes, you caused him to fall, but his death was not because of it.’
Jane just stared at him.
‘Remember when he staggered towards you? What was he doing?’
‘He had his hands to his chest.’
‘And what was his face doing?’
Jane thought hard, recalling the vision. ‘It was creased in… pain.’
Spirit Wind smiled. ‘Which you mistook as anger. You did not kill him.’
Jane suddenly saw it. Was Spirit Wind right? Or was it just her desire to want it to be true? ‘He didn’t die from the fall? But I heard my mother tell my dad.’
‘She was only recalling what Joe had told her.’
She sighed heavily. She could make some enquiries; check death certificates. What harm could it do?
‘I hope you are right, I really do, but until I see the evidence I will still believe I killed him.’
Spirit Wind nodded gracefully. ‘The untold truth will surface if you search for it.’
Jane cleared her throat and said, ‘What happens now?’
Spirit Wind got up and began to chant. He walked around the inner circle of stones and scattered some herbs. When he reached Jane he showered her with more herbs before throwing the rest in the fire. The fire blazed hot for a few minutes as the Indian sat down again.
‘Now we call forth the brothers.’
Jane stared at him in shock. Hadn’t she been through enough already? She didn’t know whether she could face them now.
Spirit Wind must have known what she was thinking. ‘You must forgive them, so their spirit is released from you.’
‘I don’t understand. You are asking me to forgive them after all this?’
‘Yes. Forgive the person but not the deed. You must also forgive yourself for the blame and guilt you have carried all this time.’
Jane picked up her prayer stick and held it to her chest; the eight-year-old little girl in her was filling her with dread. ‘I’m frightened,’ she stammered.
Spirit Wind looked at her compassionately. ‘We will keep you safe. Now ask the brothers to show themselves.’
Jane took a deep breath and called out. ‘Joe, Derek, show yourselves.’
Immediately from the forest there came a tide of darkness. It completely covered the trees and flowed across the ground towards them.
Jane held her breath, and the sound of her quickening heartbeat pounded in her ears. She wanted to escape this menace coming towards her, run away and hide; go anywhere rather than be sitting here facing them. Her whole body stiffened as the darkness swirled into a mass, and out of it emerged two elderly men. Jane recognised them at once.
They walked towards the circle and stopped a short distance from its boundary.
Spirit Wind turned to Jane and nodded.
Jane cleared her throat, for it had suddenly become dry. ‘I for… I forgive…’ Jane couldn’t speak; her voice had croaked into a faint whisper.
The two brothers started laughing.
Jane quickly turned to Spirit Wind who took her hand and squeezed it. ‘Again, Jane.’
‘I… I…’ Jane could hear the laughing in the background as she struggled to get the words out. It made her push aside her childlike self and allow the anger of her adult self to emerge. In a roaring voice she yelled. ‘You BASTARDS, You FILTHY, EVIL bastards, I HATE you!’ She drew a deep breath, her anger gaining momentum. Then she heard Spirit Wind whisper, ‘Forgiveness, Jane, forgiveness.’ She looked back at him and her anger melted away. In a quiet, controlled voice she turned back to face the brothers and said, ‘What you did was wrong, but I will forgive you.’
Joe moved closer, his laughter turned into a snarl. ‘We don’t want your forgiveness. We liked what we did.’
Jane shivered.
‘You were the best we ever had, Janie and don’t tell us you didn’t enjoy it too.’
Jane quickly shook her head. ‘No, that’s not true.’
Derek stepped up next to his brother. ‘You wanted to do it. You did it willingly and we paid you for it.’
‘No I hated it, I wanted it to stop,’ Jane cried.
The brothers both roared with laughter. ‘You wanted more so you kept coming back. Little whore.’
Spirit Wind interrupted. ‘Jane has seen the truth. YOU corrupted an innocent child. YOU used her gentle nature and kindness to fuel your own desires.’
Joe sneered. ‘And it was good. So very good.’
‘Then you went and killed me, you little bitch,’ Derek interjected.
‘That’s not true.’ Spirit Wind came back. ‘Tell her the truth.’
Both brothers laughed again. ‘No, we like watching her suffer.’
Jane turned to Spirit Wind. ‘What do they mean they like watching me suffer?’
Before the Indian could answer, Joe spoke out proudly. ‘We’ve been with you every day since our deaths. Haven’t you felt us, dear Janie? Every time you met a man? Every time you had sex.’
Jane suddenly felt sick. The very thought of the brothers watching her, revolted her. She realised all the bad dreams she had been having was really them, taking pleasure from her pleasure. Her anger returned and she sprang to her feet.
‘You filthy old men, I hate you. You’re parasites and you disgust me. I don’t want you anywhere near me again. I want you gone!
The brothers laughed harder.
This time Jane could feel their presence, smell their smell; almost feel their touch on her. She looked at Spirit Wind, alarmed. She didn’t know what to do.
‘Remember what Three Wolves said to you about forgiveness. Do not just say the words, you must believe and mean it,’ he said.
Jane now understood what had to be done, but she didn’t know if she could do it. Could she really feel genuine forgiveness for the two brothers? She turned to face them trying desperately to release her anger and fear. In a soft calm voice she said, ‘I will no longer hate you, all I will have for you is pity.’
Derek suddenly looked afraid, but Joe moved towards her. ‘We don’t want your pity,’ he spat.
Jane recalled how she had felt towards them when she had first decided to help them. She became enriched with a strange power; the power of an innocent child, and with it came the power of true forgiveness.
She continued: ‘I’m really sorry you became so horrible. That you were tempted into such evil ways.’ She said it with conviction and belief.
Joe looked at Derek before turning back to face Jane. ‘Shut up, we don’t want to hear your words.’
‘I know that you have goodness in you, and by giving you my forgiveness I hope that you will find happiness in other ways.’ Jane’s voice was sincere and serene and in her heart she felt peace as she said it.
Derek grabbed Joe’s arm. ‘Stop her, make her stop.’
‘I ask that you also be forgiven by a higher power and released …’
Joe rushed forward and Jane leapt back as Spirit Wind stepped in front of her chanting words she didn’t understand. In a blinding flash a huge Phoenix appeared in the circle between Jane and the brothers.
Joe came to an abrupt stop inches from the circle edge.
Spirit Wind issued a warning to Joe and Derek. ‘Be gone from Jane’s life or the Phoenix will engulf you and renew you.’
Immediately Joe and Derek stepped back with fear on their faces.
Jane turned to Three Wolves who was standing beside her. ‘What’s happening?’
‘Spirit Wind has invoked your guardian, the Phoenix. The brothers are resisting your forgiveness and are not prepared to go. Spirit Wind has given them a choice: if they do not leave you willingly, the Phoenix will renew them. This means it will remove their present attachment to you and send them into the light.’
Joe recovered himself and scowled. ‘We don’t want to go. We like being with Janie.’
‘Then the Phoenix will engulf you,’ Spirit Wind said, forcefully.
As the bird made to move out of the circle, Joe and Derek backed away. ‘OKAY. We will go. There are other victims out there who will serve us.’
‘Do not return for there will be no pre warning. The Phoenix will just renew you,’ Spirit Wind warned.
Jane watched as the brothers melted into a dark mass and then the darkness ebbed away and disappeared. She felt a huge sense of relief overwhelm her and burst into tears.
The Phoenix turned to face her. It moved forward and wrapped its massive wings around her.
Jane became engulfed in a warm glow that flowed through her body. It intensified into pure white light and in the light and warmth of the cocoon she received pure love. It filled every cell in her body and she experienced joy, happiness, contentment and peace all at once. After what seemed like ages, the light flickered away and the Phoenix stepped back.
‘Thank you so much,’ Jane whispered, feeling like her whole life had been wiped clean.
The bird bowed its head and stepped backwards into the fire. In a whoosh it was consumed by flames and disintegrated. Then from the ashes a new bird emerged. Jane looked on in amazement. It bowed to them all once more and vanished.
Spirit Wind turned to Jane and said, ‘You’ve witnessed a rare event. The Phoenix is a powerful ally. It is your guardian.’
Jane rushed forward and hugged him. She didn’t know whether it was the right thing to do in Indian custom for someone as wise as him, but she just couldn’t help herself, she needed to do it. ‘Thank you, thank you so very much. I couldn’t have done this without you.’
Spirit Wind waited until she had released him and then bowed graciously. ‘We will meet again.’ He turned, nodded to Three Wolves and walked away.
Jane watched Three Wolves kick dirt on to the fire to completely extinguish it. She could still feel the power of the Phoenix, the love that had liberated her. It was such a wonderful feeling.
Three Wolves gently took her arm and guided her away from the circle of stones. ‘You did well, Jane. Now you can move on with your life.’
‘Are the brothers truly gone forever?’
‘Yes. They will not dare to try to come back. Your guardian will always be watching over you.’
Jane grasped her prayer stick. ‘I can’t describe how I feel. I never realised how much of a burden this was for me. How much it had affected my life.’
‘Now you must go on and fulfil your life purpose.’
Jane turned and hugged him. ‘I don’t want to say goodbye,’ she said sadly.
He eased away and smiled. ‘I will always be here for you, so until our next journey...?’
She smiled back at him. ‘Until our next journey,’ she repeated.
Three Wolves turned away and walked back towards the forest.
Jane watched him until he had disappeared before sitting down upon the grass and closing her eyes. She concentrated on her breath once more.
When she could feel the lounge floor beneath her, she opened her eyes. Tears flowed down the sides of her face.
Mark instantly took her hand and gave it a squeeze. ‘Are you okay?’
She smiled, not wanting to say anything as she registered the feelings flowing through her body. It was as if she was floating, light as a feather, and all her cares and worries had been scooped away. It was truly an amazing feeling.
After a few minutes she sat up and Mark helped her to her feet. She swayed a little and Mark held on to her. ‘Oh wow, Mark, it was incredible.’
He smiled. ‘Feeling elated?’
‘Oh, so much.’
He made her sit on the sofa whilst he fetched some water. She drank it quickly and rested back against the cushions. ‘I wish I had done this years ago.’
‘Did you sort out your problem?’
‘I did.’ She saw the anticipation on his face and remembered how she had felt after his journey.
‘I am glad. I know it must have been a really bad issue, because it affected you so much. I’ll get you another drink.’ He took the glass from her and went into the kitchen.
Jane thought about the secret she had kept to herself for all those years and this time she felt different. When Mark returned she said, ‘I want to tell you the secret I have kept for over twenty six years.’
Mark sat down immediately. ‘You don’t have to if you don’t want to.’
‘I feel I want to.’ Taking hold of his hand she said, ‘When I was a child I was abused by two brothers and I ended up killing one of them or thought I had. But now I’m not so sure I did.’
Mark looked shocked. ‘And you kept this to yourself all this time?’
‘Yes. I felt guilty and ashamed, and at eight years old I was afraid that I would be taken away and my parents put in prison. As I became an adult I feared that I would be charged with Derek’s murder and all that I had achieved taken from me.’
Jane quietly told Mark about her solo journey and he listened without interruption. It was so liberating to have no more fear of telling someone about what had happened to her as child. Her journey had released that fear.
Afterwards they sat in silence. Finally Jane looked at Mark. ‘What are you thinking?’ she said quietly.
‘I… Well, I was just thinking how hard it must have been for you today to do this journey. I cannot imagine what you must have gone through. I’m sorry you had to do this on your own.’
‘I wasn’t on my own. You were here.’
‘Yeah, but I didn’t do anything, did I?’
Jane grabbed and squeezed his hand. ‘You don’t realise how much you’ve done just by being here. Your support helped me a lot.’
He smiled. ‘What are you going to do now?’
Jane thought about it then said, ‘Next week I am going to visit the records office.’