So why have the Victorians got such a bad reputation when it comes to sex? Why do we only think of them as sexually repressed or sexually explicit? The answer, I think, has to come from human memory. We have a tendency to remember only the very best of times, or the very worst, and history (or the writing of history) tends to follow the same rules. So the most extreme events, people and attitudes are the ones that have been written about and repeated. No one really cares that Mr. and Mrs. Smith of No. 24 were having an enjoyable and healthy sex life if their neighbours were either living a life of debauchery and sin or pious chastity. And this is how historical misinformation happens – the extremes are repeatedly discussed and taken to be the attitudes of everyone who lived at that time. So what were people’s sexual attitudes, ideas and practices for the whole Victorian era? This is what I want to explore – and the historical reality is really quite surprising.

The Victorians were dedicated to the idea of mutual physical sexual fulfilment, albeit within the boundaries of married life. Although sex outside marriage was seen in a negative light by the press and popular opinion, sex within marriage was hugely important. Finding the right person who would physically match you and with whom you could spend the rest of your life was driven by one single idea: True Love. That sounds pretty modern to me. The quest to find the right person with whom you can have a physically rewarding relationship and create a home and family is still argued about and discussed in great detail by our literature and society, although we tend to use blogs and TV shows whereas the Victorians used pamphlets and treatises.

Of all the surprisingly modern things the Victorians thought about sex, the one element that I never expected to find was their knowledge and understanding of the female orgasm. As far as the Victorians were concerned, especially at the beginning of the nineteenth century, the only way a woman could become pregnant was if she experienced an orgasm at the same time as her lover. So ideas of female sexual pleasure, and advice for getting it right, were written about and shared throughout the century, which really makes the Victorians just like us – just as worried about how to find that ‘right’ person, just as worried about married life and just as worried about how to have a happy and healthy sexual relationship.