Erin corners me by the sinks. These days, it’s not really cornering. It’s more a cuddly surrounding.
I feel embarrassed. I don’t like people catching me doing my personal pep talks. They are for my ears and eyes only.
“Millie, your latest vlog was so raw and incredible.”
Erin is in full compliment mode. It’s very hard to trust this. I fact, I still do not trust this.
“Was it?” I say. “Thank you!”
“Yeah,” Erin continues, “I just love how you manage to make the really emotional stuff funny, you know, with Dave? It’s a really tough thing to carry off, but you totally seem to manage it.”
“Thanks!” I say. Again. I’m still not good at the whole praise thing. It makes me feel prickly. Especially with Erin. She used to be the queen of the backhanded compliment. What she gave with one hand, she took away with the other, and then poured a bucket of ice water over your head. Not actually, but on Instagram. That’s who she was.
Who she is now is someone who could help me do what Lydia wants. I KNOW THAT SOUNDS TERRIBLE, but it’s TRUE.
“Erin. I had an e-mail this morning from my agent and she thinks I could do with looking more professional to up my brand values. And I wondered if, perhaps…”
I can’t believe I’m saying this.
“… you’d like to help me do my makeup for my vlog?”
Erin basically leaps in the air and nearly slips on a paper towel. Even when she has an accident, she still looks glam.
“Millie, seriously, I’d LOVE to. I think I could just make your vlog feel a touch more polished. You’re professional already. Just more together as a product. Nothing too heavy. I do understand light and flattering angles and filters. NOT that you need them. I think you’d get even more subscribers. Truly I do.”
Erin is very convincing and seems really sincere. I try to be honest.
“What’s worrying me is I’m not a makeup vlog. I don’t think all that contouring stuff is really me. I’m about the real stuff, not … fake stuff.”
I can’t believe I’m talking to Erin like this. She used to be terrifying. Now she’s just another girl in a bathroom trying to have a conversation over the sound of a hand dryer.
Erin tries to comfort me. “I can still make you look like you! Just a better you.”
A horrible thought goes through my head. What if Erin makes me look incredibly terrible? The sort of terrible that I won’t notice but when other people see me I will look like a clown. Not even a happy clown. A terrifying, living-in-the-drain sort of evil clown.
No. That’s Old Erin. This is New Erin. Wise and improved and—no, I still don’t trust her.
“I really appreciate this, Erin. I’ll e-mail my agent and get back to you.”
I’ll e-mail my agent and get back to you? Who do I think I am?! A Kardashian?!
Erin stares hard at me. “Sure!” she says breezily. “You know where to find me. I’m around.”
Erin glides out and I type a quick reply to Lydia. I can’t wait till the end of the day. My agent feels like a huge thundercloud following me constantly overhead.
Hello Lydia,
I think I’ve found someone that can help me with looking more pro.
Thanks
Erin x
I fire it off, feel good about how I’m handling everything, and then realize I haven’t even signed the e-mail with my own name.
I have never been so grateful to go to chemistry class in my entire life. Hurrah for atoms and molecules, they have got me out of being a total spoon and they get me in to seeing Danny.