When Dave wants feeding, she either attacks you or does this weird thing where she sits about half an inch from your face and stares at you. In the back of my head, all during the morning, Erin is doing both of these things in my head. Since the chat with Bradley I can’t get her out of my mind.
She’s still there when I sit down to eat lunch. Lauren joins me. She’s still full-moon crazy—even for her. I try to take my mind off my … mind by chatting about just about anything else. You can tell how desperate I am to do this as I decide to talk about classes.
“Have you done your history homework?” I ask Lauren. We had to imagine being a resistance fighter in a war. I spent ages on mine.
Lauren proudly pulls her work out of the bag. “I have done it!” she declares. “And I’ve done it with a twist!”
Lauren’s twists on anything can be either total genius or madness. There is no in-between.
“The twist, Millie, is I am a resistance fighter, BUT I’m not actually human. I’m a bear.”
Even for Lauren this is bizarre.
Lauren can see I’m completely confused and explains.
“Millie! A bear fought in World War Two in the Polish army. It’s a true fact. Google it!”
Lauren can see I’m still wearing my WHAT THE HELL face. This is a serious subject.
“It’s simple,” Lauren says. “I’ve done the whole resistance thing from the perspective of an animal. Basically, I hate the enemy, I’ve got huge paws, and I can still smell a picnic from miles away.”
This makes me laugh, but I immediately feel guilty.
“I don’t think you should make a joke out of a major global conflict, Lauren.”
Now it’s Lauren’s turn to look confused.
“I’m not! I’m SERIOUS,” she shouts. “I’m just trying to do something a bit different. The teacher is going to see the same essay about thirty times. I just want people to know that animals fight in things that humans create, too! Think of War Horse—this could actually become a classic!”
I very much doubt this, but I don’t tell her that. I just say, “I think the picnic thing sounds a bit … funny.”
“You’ve got to be authentic to bears,” Lauren snaps. I decide to leave it there because when she’s in a mood like this, you cannot convince her.
“Tell you what,” she whispers, “Dave would be a terrible animal soldier. You couldn’t tell her what to do. She’d just walk off. That reminds me—have you checked the vlog reaction yet?”
No, I haven’t. I used to check it immediately. Sometimes I still do. Other times I squirrel myself away from it. It’s a mental mood thing. I usually like to do it when I’m on my own and I can just take everything in. Especially when it’s about something like my dad leaving. It’s too emotional to have a real live audience.
My dad is leaving. I’m getting my head around it—but in real life, not vlog life. I need more time.
What with Bradley, Erin, and Lauren’s rebel bear I’d completely forgotten all about it.
My phone vibrates. It’s a message from Erin. It’s a photo of someone who looks totally incredible but it also looks like they are wearing no makeup at all. It’s fantastic. A work of art.
With it Erin has written:
The look I did for my cousin, I’d use with you. Natural. Know you don’t like fake. E x
I exhale very hard.
“Who was that?” Lauren asks. She’s suspicious. We know each other so well that she can read my breathing sounds. She can tell that I’ve just received something that’s left me in a bit of a mess.
“Oh, no one,” I say. “Seriously, I’m just … just … just looking at comments.”
Lauren peers at me through a crumpled-up face. “Millie, when you do a stutter thing I know you are lying.”
I can’t tell Lauren that I’m speaking to Erin. Erin made Lauren a global laughingstock after she couldn’t walk in high heels. Me speaking to Erin is like the Polish Army bear defecting to the enemy for a nice piece of cake.
“No, Lauren, honestly,” I say quickly, “my brain is just buffering all the messages I’ve got.”
Lauren picks up her tray. “You know, I’m your best friend. You can tell me anything.”
“I know, Lauren, and I love you for it! Seriously, there’s nothing wrong!”
Lauren disappears to the bathroom, leaving me to wonder if I’m the worst person on earth. Is it terrible to go behind Lauren’s back? She’ll find out. OR would I be terrible for not giving Erin a second chance? Bradley is right—we DO all vlog in our heads naturally.
Bradley is also right about something else. Erin knows what she is doing, and the sooner I get her on board the better.
I message her back.
Talent! Shall we try to do something together?
I’m just picking up my lunchbox when my phone goes off again.
It’s Erin. She messages back immediately.
Love to! What time would work?
I look around the cafeteria. It’s like she’s spying on me. I decide to reply later. I need a delay to give me a bit of text power.
I think I’ve agreed to Erin coming around my house. Erin!
Not so long ago, it would have been preferable to let Lauren’s rebel bear in the house.