I wake up with a brilliant full stomach and a not-so-brilliant full phone.
Lydia Portancia must have an alert for every vlog I do. She’s already watched my latest vlog “a few times” and sent me this e-mail.
Hi Millie!
Watched the new one a few times now. I think it’s a fantastic progression in your brand value. I sense a bit of discomfort from you, but that will pass as you get more comfortable with an everyday style of glamour. Just keep doing it. Don’t worry about the lost subscribers. It’s not just the numbers—it’s the quality of your numbers and your audience. Better to have 5,000 subscribers with money than 50,000 with none! First rule of business!
Can you give me all the details of your makeup artist please?
Thanks Millie,
L x
Lydia is BRUTAL. She’s harder than my mum. I send her a thank-you and a link to Erin’s Instagram.
My agent obviously loves my new direction, but I don’t—and I’m not the only one.
There is a text in capital letters from Lauren.
MILLIE. WHO DID YOUR MAKEUP? PLEASE TELL ME IT’S NOT WHO I THINK IT IS.
It IS who Lauren thinks it is, but I can’t have an argument in the morning before I have toast. Carbs help confrontation. Mum is right about that.
I reply with
We’ll talk at school. Love you
As I reply, Lauren walks in my bedroom door. I will have to fight this one without bread support.
“Your mum let me come up. She said you were upset!”
“I am a bit, Loz. Please go easy on me.”
Lauren tries to keep her temper but can’t.
“It was, though, wasn’t it?”
I decide playing innocent might be a good idea.
“Was what?” I ask.
Lauren makes a face of fury. Playing innocent is not a good idea.
“You know what I mean!” she shouts. “It was Erin who did your makeup!”
“Yes, it was.” I can’t lie about this fact. It’s obvious. “My agent thought it was a great idea and I asked her to help me.”
Lauren is incredulous. “Why would you do that? Have you got amnesia? Have you had a bump to your head recently? Seriously, see a doctor!”
“Because,” I reply, “she’s really good at it! She gave Bradley his makeover and look how that turned out! Incredible. He looks amazing. I thought she could help me out. I don’t see what the big deal is!”
I totally do see what the big deal is, obviously, but I’m trying to calm the whole situation down.
Lauren stamps her foot and starts pointing at me. She’s got a very aggressive-looking finger when she’s in full fury mode.
“Millie. She ruined my life and you, YOU! My best friend since forever, YOU gave her a second chance!”
I try to defend myself. “Just professionally, Lauren. It was just a business thing!”
I can’t really defend it. I know that.
“Who do you think you are?” Lauren yells. “It’s a betrayal of us.”
“Possibly,” I mutter. “But don’t you think she’s suffered enough? Bradley does!”
“Bradley is a lift geek. He spends most of his time looking at buttons. He’s hardly a good judge of character!”
I won’t have this. I don’t like anyone attacking Bradley. He was bullied for years and he didn’t, and doesn’t, deserve any of it.
“That’s not right, Loz. He’s a good guy!”
Lauren starts to get a bit too harsh.
“Well, he wasn’t good enough for you to go out with, so…”
This makes me angry. I interrupt and shout, “Can we PLEASE move on? Look, if you want the truth, I don’t like the way I looked, but my agent loves it. I’m trying different ways to be viral. It hasn’t worked. Give me a break. Now I’ve got to tell Lydia that I want to go back to NORMAL. The thought of doing that puts me in a flat-spin panic. Plus, I’ve lost lots of subscribers! Happy?”
Lauren sits on the end of my bed. She goes quiet.
“I’m not happy that you’ve lost loads of subscribers, but it does kind of serve you right. You made a deal with the makeup devil and she stole part of your soul with her evil brushes. You looked good, but you didn’t look like…”
“Me.” I finish Lauren’s sentence. “I know. I KNOW! Weird, isn’t it?”
And it is odd. I can’t explain it. I just know that I can’t ever have Erin help me again and …
Oh, no. I’ve just realized something very big and exceptionally frightening.
I sit down next to Lauren and grab hold of her hand.
“And now I have to work up the courage to tell Erin that I don’t want her to do my makeup anymore. I think she thinks that she’ll be doing it forever.”
Lauren’s eyes go wide. “Good luck with that one. I don’t think Erin will take to THAT kindly at all. Even this new, improved Erin. I’ll think she’ll go all Incredible Hulk. Hulkess! Old Erin will be reawakened by rage.”
She’s probably right, too. I have to admit it.
“The thing is, Lauren, I wasn’t clear. She did everything right, too. It was perfect. It was just—”
“Too Erin and not enough Millie.” Lauren finishes my sentence.
Yeah, that’s exactly right.
I’m still scared of Erin. I wonder if I can hide in my Zen Loo at school. I can for a while, but I can’t do that forever. I’m going to bump into her at some point. She’ll be looking for me, for a start. She would have read the comments on the vlog. Lots of people loved what she did. She won’t be able to understand why I don’t want her to help me again. Nor will Lydia.
I can’t think about that. It makes me feel quite sick. Instead I think about why my best friend has appeared at the end of my bed before breakfast.
“Anyway, why are you here so early?”
“Your mum has invited my dad to have a look at your tiles.”
“That was fast!” I say. I’m shocked. “She only mentioned them like, hours ago!”
“I know.” Lauren yawns. “She told my dad she just wanted a fresh start as soon as possible … Something to keep an eye on, Millie, I think. My dad can be a bit of a flirt,” Lauren snaps. “Have a look what he’s doing now!”
We peek out my bedroom door. Lauren’s dad is singing “Hey Jude” by the Beatles to Dave. He is using a loofah as a guitar, and Dave is purring around him like he is the best thing in the world. He is a complete cat charmer.
Lauren stares at me and pulls a face. “Yep. That happens a lot with Dad. He forgets what he is actually meant to be doing and starts playing tunes on bathroom equipment to pets. This is completely normal. Watch it, though. Some women think it’s cute.”
Not my mum. She would NOT fall for that sort of nonsense.
Mum comes up the stairs and starts giggling. “Oh, Rod, you are a character!” she says with a grin. Rod smiles at her and pulls a cat treat from his pocket.
“Does he always carry fish-flavored treats around with him, Lauren?”
“Oh, yes.” Lauren sighs. “He prefers animals to most humans. He knows how to get them on his side.”
All I can think is how easily Dave becomes friends with any random person.
“Dave will just be friends with anyone if she gets something from them!”
Lauren pulls a smug face. “Just like her owner! She’s learned from the best!”
I wanted to say something really clever back, but I can’t because at the moment this is a bit true.