The next day at 6:05 a.m., Lauren wakes me up with a text.
Look at Erin’s insta.
My stomach lurches.
The first photo in her feed is new. She already has hundreds of new followers. It’s Erin looking atypically fabulous. Her hair is swept back off her face and her cheekbones are like knives. Not normal knives. The samurai-style ones that you see on TV that can cut through mountains and car tires.
She’s not upset anymore.
She’s written below the photo.
New day. New look. Woke up early. Thought I’d have a little play with this face? Like?
Then she’s hashtagged everything from dawn to mindfulness to cats to makeup to probably car tires.
She has LOTS of likes and her comments are incredible.
This leads to an early-morning crisis. Have I even made the right decision? Erin is a real talent. Perhaps I don’t know what I’m doing.
But no, I DO. Mum is right—I am ME and I have to do what is right for me.
And you know what? I’ve just decided that’s ALL fine because I didn’t mean to hurt Erin and it’s completely okay for me to have a clear sense of my own boundaries.
I know this is true.
So why do I still feel bad?
I’m so glad the school holidays start soon.
Dave saunters in and sits on the end of my bed. She shuts one eye and keeps her other big green on me. It’s a power face. I need to be more like Dave. I’ve seen her kill cute baby squirrels in the garden. She waits till they are eating nuts on the bird feeder and then she strikes. She never shows any regret! Plus Mum is on her side because she says the squirrels are thieving off the robins and deserve everything they get.
I know where I get my ruthless streak from. Clue—it’s not from my dad.
It’s time to tell Lydia Portancia that I want to be natural. It’s time to tell Lydia Portancia that I will decide where my vlog goes.
Not now, though. Later.