When I get to school, Lauren might as well have had a huge flashing sign above her head that says YOU HAVE RESTARTED THE ERIN SOCIAL MEDIA PHENOMENON! I can see that she’s trying to keep it all in, but every part of her face is YELLING it.
As I approach, she sits down. I invite her to say what she likes. At times like this, you might as well get it over and done with.
But Lauren says something that I’m not expecting at all.
“I’ve been thinking. I have to say, Millie—and I’m being fair here to the point of giving myself a cramp—BUT I’d be hurt if I were Erin. I thought she has no feelings at all, but…”
I interrupt. “What was I meant to do, Lauren?! Did you expect me to just carry on with it? It wasn’t right. I wasn’t evil to her in any way.”
Lauren cranes her neck. She tries to calm me down because she can see that I’m getting upset.
“You just dumped her. I get it, Mills. I’m just saying I’d be hurt, too. But don’t worry, because GIRLS MUST KNOW GOALS!”
I know this is Lauren trying to make me feel better. Unfortunately, it doesn’t help at all.
It’s a reminder of another relationship that I’ve messed up by, perhaps, being too me. I’m keeping a score of them at the moment. I haven’t heard anything from my dad in a few days. He has gone completely quiet. I think I’ve scared him off by being too emotional. I’ve texted him. I’ve left messages. NOTHING. And I don’t think he’s the only one, either. I look around the school. There are lots of people but someone is missing.
Danny is still not here.
I slump onto the bench next to Lauren.
“Do you know what? I don’t care this morning, Lauren. Danny is not here again and he hasn’t texted me and it’s like…”
Lauren does a sharp intake of breath—“Karma! As you dump, so you shall be dumped!”
I can’t have another conversation with Lauren about how karma doesn’t work like this. There’s no point. Secretly I really hope she’s not right. I couldn’t deal with it, to be honest.
Suddenly, Bradley appears. He’s wearing a blazer, but it’s not a school one. I think it might belong to an old airline or something. It’s tailored geek from sleeve to sleeve. Let me tell you, he looks incredible. He’s like a pilot who’s lost his plane but seems completely relaxed about it.
“Hello, Millie,” he sneers. “More drama, then?”
This is where a lot of people get Bradley wrong. He’s not being nasty. He just doesn’t have the same filters in his brain that other people do. Things go into his head, he shreds them like a wood chipper, and then just sprays them out at will, confetti-style. I’m usually very patient with this because I know Bradley is lovely. However, this morning I am not patient. I am very annoyed indeed.
“No, not really!” I yell. “A business arrangement didn’t pan out the way we both thought it would. That’s all. Nothing too serious! Anyway, who told you?”
Bradley stares at me. “Things get around. It wasn’t Erin. She genuinely understands it. I’ve spoken to her. She’s a professional. It’s other people who think you’ve changed a bit. You do have a habit of using people and then sort of dumping them. It’s sort of what you did with me.”
Lauren opens her eyes wide. I jab my elbow gently into her side. I do not need for her to add to this conversation at the moment.
This is the wrong thing to say, and Bradley gets the full force of everything I’m frustrated about, from vlogging to Erin to my dad leaving and the fact I’m going to have to start vacuuming again now that Gary has gone.
“You know what, that is totally YOU bringing YOUR agenda to my day. I am NOT a user. I use people’s skills and I either promote them back or—”
Lauren ignores my elbow dig and cheerfully says, “Buy them a doughnut!”
I am very grateful for this and I realize I was very wrong to try to silence her.
“Exactly, Lauren!” I nod at her and give her a small hug. “I buy them a doughnut or a coffee, so I pay for their skills. Anyway, I thought WE were friends, Bradley. This is SEXIST. If I were a boy, people would think I was just going for it in a dynamic take-no-prisoners way! Boys wouldn’t be accused of dumping anyone to get what they want. It’s all a huge double standard!”
Bradley looks a bit scared. “Okay! Okay!” he pleads. “I’m just saying that, perhaps—”
“Well, don’t!” I shout. “I AM NOT A BAD PERSON. I AM JUST ME.”
“I know that!” Bradley whispers. He backs off and slinks away, looking upset. Add Bradley to the ever-growing list of people I am mean to. I am officially horrible.
There’s a big gap in the conversation. I shuffle my feet about a bit and Lauren scrolls through her phone. I can tell that she’s not properly looking at stuff. She looks at a photo of an otter eating and doesn’t favorite it. It’s obvious she’s not paying attention. I think she’s too frightened to talk.
“That was probably a bit much, Mills!” Lauren eventually whispers.
“I know.” I sigh. “I really like him, but I’ve just had enough. I’ll apologize to him later.”
Lauren gives me a big hug that I don’t think I deserve and my phone vibrates. It’s Mum. She does one of her legendary just-at-the-right-time psychic texts.
Hope you’re okay. Life isn’t easy. Success comes with its own problems. It’s not easy being a sensation. I should know.
She’s joking because she adds a winky face, but Mum is a sensation in her life. I’ve seen people shrink in her presence, but I’m not sure I want to be that way. At the moment.
My phone goes again.
Turn notifications off, Millie! Basic error!
They’re not notifications. It’s another message, and it’s from Danny.
Mills, I’m a bit better. Need to c u. D x
“Oh, at last!” I exclaim. “It’s Danny and he wants to see me after school!”
“That’s a relief,” Lauren whispers. “I thought karma was working too fast. I was thinking about all the terrible things I’ve done over the years!”
I am fairly sure that Lauren has not done anything too terrible as she is 87 percent wonderful, but I have to ask what.
“I’m not going to tell you,” Lauren mumbles. “Just in case karma is listening. Things are okay in my life at the moment. My parents have realized they are better off not together and my best friend is going to be a vlogging millionaire so I don’t have to worry too much about exams! EVER!”
This is the first time Lauren has told me about her long-term plans.
“You’ll be able to buy me a house, won’t you? I can just go and look after stray dogs or something … I KNOW! Let’s open some kennels! We can call it … WoofHouse TM!”
I know this is silly but I would love it, so I just agree. Lauren and me working together would be peak living. There’s nothing wrong with dreaming. It’s actually creative visualization and all the really successful people in this world do it. Not just people. I think Dave does it. Next time she seems like she’s just being quiet, you look at her. I think she persuaded Lauren’s dad to buy her food before he came to our house. She visualized the chicken-flavored treat, and she got the chicken-flavored treat.