When I get to Granddad’s house, I let myself in. The house is very quiet. I look around. It’s sad without Dad. It’s like a balloon with most of the air let out of it. I can hear someone moving upstairs and I can tell it’s Teresa because she clomps her feet like a horse. I don’t tell her I’m in the room. I just fancy a moment to get used to all this and the new situation.
When Teresa finally does come in the living room, she doesn’t say, “Hello,” she greets me by saying, “Millie. Promise me one thing: You’ll never pick up a bat! You can never be too careful.”
Even Teresa has had a slight attack of the sensibles these days. She’s learning about tropical diseases and sometimes comes out with the most random pieces of advice ever.
I don’t want to ask, but I have to. “Why?”
Teresa looks at me like I should know and the answer is obvious.
“Bats are just a flapping nocturnal mound of terrible death!” Teresa shrieks. “Rabies. Lyssavirus. For all we know, vampire … disease!”
I find knowing about illnesses just leads to more worry, so I try to escape from Teresa fast. She isn’t that easy to get away from, though, when she’s in this mood. She wants to tell you everything she knows.
“Possums, though,” she continues, “they are mainly fine. Very clean animals with cute faces. Just don’t corner them in a store. They can turn very nasty if you threaten them in the chilled food section. Have a look on YouTube! How’s the vlog going, anyway?”
It’s very hard to keep up with Aunty Teresa when she’s like this but yes, THE VLOG. I’m worried I’m boring people like Mum and Lauren. Perhaps Teresa can give me a new opinion on things.
“It’s hard,” I tell her. “I’ve got to keep my profile up, but producing interesting stuff all the time is hard.”
Teresa nods at me. “Yeah, because you need things to go viral a lot. It’s become kind of serious. It’s all very (and she does an impression of me) ‘I’m going to miss my boyfriend.’ I think you need to remember your core audience a bit more.”
This is very annoying, and I wish I hadn’t asked.
“Thanks for that, Teresa!” I reply grumpily. “Do you vlog often?”
“No, BUT I watch lots of them. A lot of my medical knowledge comes from experts on the net!” she says proudly. “I could take an appendix out with a coat hanger. Probably. If it was an emergency on a plane.”
I can’t think that’s a good thing. I’m too angry right now.
“People follow you for fun, Millie. You need to get something out there that’s just a bit fun and light and frothy!”
I know Teresa is right, but I just don’t feel this way at the moment. So, I snap at her and feel bad immediately afterward.
“I’ll tell you what—when you’re a viral sensation you can tell me how you managed it!”
Teresa manages to remain really calm. “You’re very irritable, Millie. Have you had your hormones checked recently for imbalances?”
I find my inner sass. That, at least, has not left me.
“No. But I have been checked for annoying aunties and I’ve got a positive result!”
Teresa, at this point, would normally storm out of the room, but she has a new air of authority. She sits on a dining room chair and leans forward like she is a doctor doing a consultation.
“Millie, I am going to choose to ignore that, and I’m going to think of a way to put fun back into your life. It’s part of my remit as a healthcare professional and as your aunty.”
I’m a bit suspicious of Teresa’s attempts at positivity, but I haven’t got the energy to argue. I want to see Granddad. At some points in your life, you just need old.