Over the next two weeks, Danny and I spend a ton of time together. I’m hardly home. Mum is busy working out stuff with Handyman Rod. The bathroom ends up looking incredible. Perhaps blue and yellow twists (my idea) was too brave. Lauren keeps messaging me asking me if her dad is with my mum with an eye roll emoji, but I haven’t been worried about that too much. It’s all about Danny right now.
We go to the movies, we hang out in his room, we hang out at my house. I don’t do any crying and I’m a nonstop comedy machine. The truth is, I don’t want to turn into a girl who waits.
But Danny has a lot of good-byes to do, so I DO turn into a girl who waits. And just before he’s due to go, he drops a bombshell. He doesn’t want me to come to the airport, as he thinks they are very charged places. I had absolutely banked on seeing him and his family off at the international terminal. I had the scene in my head! I knew how it was going to pan out, and what we were going to say to each other.
Finally, the moment comes when the suitcases are packed, Danny’s mum has checked the passports about fifty times, and the Uber driver is waiting, looking at his phone and getting more annoyed. The house is cleared and locked up, so there’s no alternative.
Danny and I say good-bye near a Dumpster.
Not any old Dumpster, either. A Dumpster that people are taking things from. It’s hard to be romantic when someone is wondering whether Danny’s parents have thrown out a priceless antique. CLUE—the label says Ikea. I don’t think they were around in the eighteenth century.
Danny and I have a final huge hug. He starts tearing up, but manages to keep it in. That’s what toxic masculinity does to even lovely guys. It makes them scared just to lose it in the street. I tell him he can cry. It’s the sign of a real man.
Danny looks at me tenderly. “Millie. I think I need to be strong for both of us.”
“No, really, you can cry,” I reassure him.
“I’m okay, Millie,” Danny says.
If this weren’t our good-bye, I’d let myself be a bit annoyed at this. He doesn’t have to be strong for both of us. I can handle my feelings, thank you. Also, he’s frankly not as upset as I think he should be. Sometimes being so laid-back and “Zan” seems a bit inappropriate. I’m quite grateful for the anger, as it stops me going into full snotty-mess mode.
Danny finally gets in the car. As it pulls out of the driveway, he waves and blows me a kiss.
I discover an important fact—sidewalks are lonely, and empty houses are huge, sad, hollow reminders of people who are just about to fly thousands of miles away from you.
I text Lauren. He’s gone.
Lauren texts back with
Don’t forget, just like me, he’s just a text away. We all live on earth! And earth is tiny compared to Jupiter.
There’s no intelligent life on Jupiter, I message back.
There isn’t much at school but we cope, Lauren snaps back.
By the way have you ever seen a camel’s mouth? Google it.
I do, and I wish I hadn’t.
It does take my mind off Danny, though.
When I get home, I check my e-mails. I’m not as upset as I’d thought I’d be about Danny, to be honest. Or I’m not until I read the latest e-mail from Lydia Portancia.
Hello Millie! Where’s a vlog? Let’s keep that heat up on your brand! It bonds that relationship with the audience. It’s the daily stuff that keeps us connected with you as a REAL person. People get bored very fast. Keep it personal, keep it you, and keep it coming at us! Has the boyfriend gone? How does that feel?
L
I’m not a brand. Lydia treats me like Coca-Cola—not a human being. I am not brown fizzy water. I have feelings. There are times when the only logical and very sensible thing to do is to go to bed very early. I put Lydia Portancia away in the compartment of my brain marked “Later” and close the curtains. Good night, world. For the rest of the day, all of humanity is officially canceled.