Dave death-stares me all the way up the stairs. She is very unhappy that I have taken her from Rod.
I sit down in my vlogging space and I check that the biscuits look really obvious on-screen. I’ve seen basic marketing stuff—you have to make sure that the product is king. I hold on to Dave gently but firmly and begin recording.
Hi! Millie here! Hashtag Help my cat is a flirt and she prefers my mum’s new boyfriend over me.
I have no idea if Rod and Mum are public knowledge yet, but they’re so loved up—I’m sure they won’t mind.
Yeah, so my mum has a new boyfriend. Who just happens to be the dad of my best friend. I’m not going to lie—it is odd. I only found out yesterday. They’re nice people, but it’s an “opposites attract” thing. That’s not the problem, though. The problem is Dave.
My cat is in love with my mum’s new boyfriend.
She does tricks for him that she would never do for me. She follows him around the house. She sleeps in the bathtub looking sad when he’s not around. The message I am getting is—“Millie, you’re not number one in my life anymore.”
However, today, thanks to Feline Friends snacks I have, as you can see, Trout Infused Gourmet Treats with a Hint of Sea Bream Broth. And there’s nothing my cat likes more than a cheeky luxury chow-down.
(I get some of the biscuits out and hold them in my hand. In terms of fish smell intensity, it’s like holding the entire Pacific Ocean. Dave shows no interest at all. In fact, she jumps down and heads toward the door.)
That’s actually quite reassuring in a way. It proves you can’t totally buy the affection of things. Sometimes love is the thing that conquers.
Dave suddenly decides she IS interested, leaps onto me, buries her head into the packet and tries to claw me when I try to take the treats off her.
Dave looks like she’s been hypnotized.
Oh, you can buy the love of things. I think Dave might miss my boyfriend, Danny, too. We’re both doing some comfort eating! Brilliant news! Anyway, if your cat is a diva like mine, get her or him some of these!
(I rattle the treats.)
Leave your comments, and I’ll see you soon.
I turn RECORD off and watch my vlog back. It feels a bit wrong—like I’m on a TV shopping channel. I can’t think of a better way to do it, though, so I upload and put my phone in the front pocket of my bag. I don’t want to keep refreshing for feedback about cat biscuits and it’s still too early for Danny to call. I decide that I am not going to look at my phone for a bit. I am consciously uncoupling from the world for a few hours.
Dave paws me for more biscuits. I give her some. We don’t do diets in this house.