Chapter 8

“Watch your head,” Lindsey said as Max climbed into the cab of her truck. “Dr. Lee told me you like to listen to classical. How do you feel about Tchaikovsky? It’s either ‘Swan Lake’ or the soundtrack to Titanic.”

“What?”

“It’s a movie that came out a few years ago. Never mind. You ever think about replacing some of your old records with CDs? They’re a little more durable. Not to mention it’s pretty hard to find turntables these days.”

“What’s a CD?”

“A compact disc. You have been out of it for a while.”

“I guess.”

“I’m sorry, Max, I’m not snapping at you. It’s just a little hard to believe.” The first strains of “Swan Lake” came through speakers all around Max. He leaned back against the leather seat in surprise.

“This is a nice truck,” he said. “Do psychiatrists need to carry a lot of things around?”

“This isn’t a truck per se. It’s called a sport utility vehicle. An SUV. I guess you could say it’s like having all the comforts of a van with the ruggedness of a truck.” When she started the engine, he heard a beeping sound. “The seatbelt is next to the door, near the roof. You need any help?”

He fumbled around until he found the seatbelt. He pulled it across his body, but couldn’t find where to plug it in. Lindsey took the seatbelt from him and he heard it click into place. “Thanks. It’s been a while since I was in a car.”

“It’s fine. Let me give you the grand tour, then. This is a 2003 Ford Explorer. The lease is up in about two months, so I’ll probably get something else. Anyway, it’s a maroon exterior with gray leather seats. There’re our two seats in the front, then one row of seats and a third row that can fold up for extra storage. Not that I use all that room.”

“Why do you have such a big car—SUV—then?”

“Oh, because everyone else has one. Because in theory they’re safer, unless they roll over. Mostly, it’s because a big girl like me needs a big car. Me getting out of a sedan looks like one of those clown cars in the circus.”

“That makes sense.”

“Actually, I think I need to see a shrink myself.” She laughed, but he noted a deadness to the sound. “Well, any other questions before we get rolling?”

“No.”

“Great. Now, I think the place to start looking for a gift for your lady friend is Wal-Mart. That’s a department store, like Kmart except with lower prices.”

“Oh.”

“They have all sorts of things: clothes, electronics, decorations, housewares, beauty supplies. Pretty much everything except cars.”

“Sounds like a good place to look.”

“They opened one on McAlbee Point about five years ago.”

“Really?” He thought of all the times he and Rodney Jackson had gone up to the point to watch the fishing boats come in. After he lost his sight, Max still went up there when he wanted to be alone. By middle school he’d heard about what the teenagers did on McAlbee Point at night and dreamed of taking Alicia Hauptmann up there. He would have asked her the night of her birthday party, if his parents had allowed him to go.

“On the left, in an old field, is where they’re going to put in a new assisted living center. That’s like apartments for old people. My mom moved into one of those outside Chicago a couple years before she died. They’re pretty nice. You’re still independent, but there’s help nearby if you need it. Not like a nursing home where they have to mush up your food. Max, is something wrong?”

“No, I was just thinking of how much things have changed.”

“Maybe we should go back. This might be too much for one day. We should go a little more slowly.”

“I’ll be fine. Let’s keep going.”

“You’re the boss. Where did your parents live on the island?”

“Our house was on Farnsworth Cove. Dad said we were lucky to get it when we did, because five years later the prices skyrocketed. Do you suppose it’s still there?”

“I don’t think so. There’s been a lot of building over there in the last couple years.”

He thought of the old house. It wasn’t much bigger than the cottage he’d built for Sarah. Before his parents moved in, the house had been rented out to tourists for the summer. After he lost his sight and was feeling his way around for the first time, he sometimes came upon initials carved into a floorboard or the back of a closet door. He always wondered how he’d missed those in his sighted days. Now it was gone, like his parents.

He wondered how many of the people he knew from his childhood still lived on the island. What had become of Rodney Jackson or Alicia Hauptmann? Did Rodney ever get to play linebacker for the Seahawks? Alicia, she was so good at math and science, maybe she’d won a Nobel Prize.

The car came to a stop and Lindsey turned off the engine. “We’re here,” she said. Max reached for his seatbelt and made sure to duck his head when he exited the SUV. “This place is always busy, so make sure you stay close. If you get lost, they’ll use you as slave labor.”

“Really?”

“No. Hold on a second and I’ll get a cart.” He leaned against the side of the Explorer and felt the sun on his face. What was Sarah doing right now? Was she happy? Was she in trouble? Maybe he could take the bus later to check on her.

He heard a rumbling of wheels like at the hospital and flattened himself against the Explorer, but it was only Lindsey. “Here, hold on to the edge of the shopping cart. That way we can stay together.” He did as instructed, gripping the plastic cart with his right hand while holding his cane in the left.

They proceeded slowly through the parking lot, stopping to let a car go past. The music coming from the car thumped with bass, but he couldn’t make out the words. “I’ll have to explain hip-hop and rap to you later,” Lindsey said.

As soon as they went through the doorway, Max heard voices coming from every direction. He heard a child crying, a couple arguing, and a trio of girls giggling. Then there were the sounds of beeping and plastic rustling from his right. He heard a voice coming through overhead speakers say, “Kathleen to register thirteen. Kathleen to register thirteen.”

He tightened his grip on the cart as they waded into the swirling hurricane of activity. “Are you all right?” Lindsey asked.

“I’ll be fine. This place is so busy.”

“Some days it seems all of the greater Seattle area shops here. So where do you want to go first?”

“How about clothes?”

“Sure, that’s straight ahead. What are you thinking of buying? Blouse, pants, skirt, dress, nightgown? How about some lingerie? I’m just kidding.”

“I guess a dress to start with.”

“Right. So what do you know about Sarah? How old is she? What size is she?”

He thought of Sarah lying on the couch of that terrible house, looking old and tired. No, he wasn’t here to buy clothes for her. He thought about the young, beautiful Sarah he’d left behind. “She’s about twenty-eight I guess. Five-nine, one hundred ten pounds, I think. I might be a little off.”

“All right, sounds like plus size and junior miss are out then. We’ll just make sure to keep a receipt.” They wound their way through racks of clothes, Lindsey describing them to Max as they went. “Those are blue jeans that are cut really low so most of your rear and midsection are showing. Those are a little too trashy for your girl, I think.”

“I suppose.”

“And those right here are T-shirts in various colors, some with numbers like a jersey or others with clever titles like “Princess” or “Goddess” on them in glitter.” Max thought of that pink T-shirt with “Sassy Bitch” displayed on the chest and how that shirt couldn’t cover her bloated stomach. He shivered and then violently shook his head.

“Here we go, some nice lightweight summer dresses. Sleeveless, probably would go down to the knees on Sarah. The kind of thing I could never wear. What do you think?”

He imagined Sarah in such a dress. Yes, something simple that would let her natural beauty come through. “Sounds good. What colors do they come in?”

“All sorts of colors. We got red, yellow, green, white, turquoise.” He imagined Sarah in each color and stopped at the last one. Turquoise like the ocean water in her first dream. He pictured her standing on the beach in that dress and smiled. “Max, are you all right?”

“That’s the one. The turquoise.”

“If you’re sure.” After Lindsey put the dress in the cart, Max reached out to feel the soft fabric. He imagined it warm from Sarah’s body and pressed against him as they kissed. Someday, if she woke up, maybe she could wear this.

They continued through the clothing section with Lindsey describing everything to him. She insisted they go through the men’s section as well so he could update his wardrobe. “This is a polo shirt, the kind the golfers wear. I think you’d look good in it. It would look even better with some Dockers.”

“Dockers?”

“Dress slacks. Chinos. They don’t wrinkle so you wouldn’t have to worry about ironing.”

“That would be helpful.”

“If you’re going to work for the church, though, you’ll need a suit. They don’t sell those here. We’d have to go to the mall for that.”

“The mall?”

“Just down the road. It’s even bigger and busier than this place.”

“Oh.” They walked through every department in the store. So much progress had been made in the last twenty years. His mother had refused to buy a microwave because of fears about radiation, but now they were so small and cheap that Lindsey said everyone used them. “I’m not sure what I’d do without one of those,” she said. Then there was the dizzying array of electronic entertainment devices: Playsation 2, XBox, GameCube, MP3 players, DVDs, home theater systems, plasma TVs. Lindsey said people could even play games on portable telephones now. He remembered after Christmas in first grade when Rodney’s parents gave him an Atari 2600. They’d been so excited to play Pong. Now Lindsey said the graphics were lifelike.

“It’s amazing,” he said.

Then she showed him a personal computer. “You can do all sorts of things with these. Type reports, spreadsheets, slide shows, and of course play games. Then there’s the Internet.”

“Internet?”

“It’s a computer network. You can talk with people from all over the world about anything. Mostly people use it for pornography, dating, and discussing Star Trek.” She laughed and then squeezed his arm. “I’m kidding. For our next session we can do a little browsing.”

She showed him a multitude of decorations for the home: candles, throw pillows, rugs, lamps, and even recliners. He imagined them all in Sarah’s cottage, but it was too small to hold everything. She needed a bigger house. A palace where she could spend her days in comfort and safety.

When they finished their tour of the store, they went to the check-out, where Max again heard the beeping and plastic rustling sounds from earlier. They shuffled forward a few steps at a time until they reached a counter that felt like the table in the banquet room of Holy Redeemer. “Kathleen, our cashier, is going to take our items, swipe them over a laser scanner and put them in a bag for us to take home,” Lindsey said. She took the dress from the cart and Max heard a beep followed by plastic rustling. Now he understood.

Max reached for his wallet. He wouldn’t have enough money to pay for everything. “Don’t worry about it,” Lindsey said. “Take a step back and I’ll swipe my credit card through the reader here.” She punched buttons and then he heard a tearing of paper. “That’s all there is to it.”

“Oh.”

Outside, she said, “When are you going to see Sarah again?”

“Tomorrow, I guess.”

Lindsey clucked her tongue. “We should have got some wrapping paper. Maybe Mrs. Garnett has some at Midway House.”

“I suppose.” After they put the groceries away and Max got back into the SUV, buckling himself in this time, he turned towards Lindsey. “Thank you for all your help.”

“It’s no problem. I’m always happy to help a patient.”

“Is this part of your usual treatment regimen?”

“To be honest, Max, I haven’t ever had a patient like you.”

“Oh.”

“Most patients around here are just neurotic upper-class types. They need someone to hold their hand and maybe a prescription of anti-depressants now and then. You’re the first patient of mine I think really needs me.”

Max didn’t know what to say. He’d never heard any of his other doctors talk this way. It’s just another trick, he told himself. He couldn’t take anything she said at face value. She was still a doctor.

She was right, though; he did need her. He needed her eyes and her knowledge to make Sarah’s world better. The trip to Wal-Mart had been a good start, but he needed more. He needed a better idea of how to build a house for Sarah.

“I know this sounds odd, but there’s something I’ve been wanting to see.” He cleared his throat and worked up the courage to make the request. “I haven’t really been inside a house in a long time and I thought that maybe someday, when I got out of Midway House, or someday if Sarah and I—” He stopped speaking, knowing he’d said too much.

“I see. You want to look at some houses. I know just the place.” She reached into her purse, taking out her portable phone to make a call.