LAUREN dug her nails hard into her palm as she fisted her hand. Dammit! Why did she have to let him get to her like that? And why had she snapped back such a snarky reply?
“Maybe we should find a new subject then,” Tanner said, his voice softer than she’d expected. “I know I was a jerk the other day, but right now I’m actually just trying to make conversation.”
She took a deep breath, eyes shut, before facing him. “Yeah, I know. I don’t know where that came from.”
His laugh took her by surprise. “It was pretty darn funny though, I’ll give you that. I’m guessing those kind of pithy statements are how you manage to hold your own with a team of jocks.”
The atmosphere in the plane changed as quickly as it had soured. “You really think it was pithy?”
He grinned. “Don’t go getting a big head, but yeah, maybe I did. Now what do you say about another drink?”
“I’d say it’ll be my last, otherwise I’ll be drunk and then hungover all on the same flight, and that wouldn’t be pretty.”
Lauren pushed her shoulders down and wondered what the warm, slow feeling spreading through her was. She stared out the window into fluffy white clouds, already imaging how good her second glass of champagne would make her feel.
Relaxed. That’s what the unusual feeling was. She was relaxed! She would have laughed out loud if Tanner hadn’t been seated so close, but she didn’t want to have to explain herself. Instead she just smiled to herself and enjoyed the feeling as the clouds drifted by.
“Ms. Lewis? Would you like another glass?”
She turned when she heard her name and gratefully held out her glass. “Absolutely.”
Lauren took a little sip, wanting to take this one slow. It was easy to drink fast instead of trying to make conversation, but she wasn’t going to fall into that trap again.
“So tell me how it all happened. I’d actually like to know how you ended up with the Rangers.”
She settled back, deciding not to make direct eye contact with him again. What was it about this man that affected her still, after so many years? But she knew what it was: She’d never wanted to end things in the first place, and part of her had always wondered what if. What if they’d stayed together? What if she’d turned her back on her family instead of her boyfriend? What if she’d told him the truth about why she’d had to call it off? She wasn’t unhappy with how her life had turned out. She’d landed her dream job and she’d worked hard for everything she’d achieved, but there would always be that little niggle, wondering what could have been.
“I suppose my college years were fairly uneventful,” she said, smiling as she remembered Casey dragging her to parties and insisting she wasn’t allowed to stay in their dorm room on her own on weekends. To start with, it had taken all her willpower not to call Tanner, to beg his forgiveness and apologize for what she’d done. Then she’d look around and remember why college was so important to her, why she wanted to have control of her future and do the work she’d always imagined herself doing. She’d never wanted to have to rely on a man, she’d wanted to create her own future and her own financial independence, and nothing had changed. “I wasn’t exactly the life of the party there, but I knuckled down and worked hard. When I graduated, I started working in the sports medicine industry, at a private practice, and eventually I had the chance of a lifetime.”
His chuckle made her pause and she chanced a quick peek at him, diverting her eyes the moment she saw his were trained on her face.
“Let me guess, you charmed your way in there?”
Lauren bristled. She hated anyone thinking that she used her looks or charm or anything else “female” to get where she’d gotten to. “You know, I’ve never had to charm anyone,” she said, taking a sip of bubbly and refusing to give him a reaction. “My work speaks for itself and it always has.”
“Hey, no offense,” he said, holding up a hand. “You’re a beautiful woman working in a man’s world, that’s all. I bet you charmed the hell out of them without even realizing.”
“You really want to know what I did?” she asked, not giving him the opportunity to say anything else. “I found out their therapist was retiring at the end of the season, and I gave up my job and worked for them for free so I could learn from the best and prove myself. I had to live off my savings and move into a tiny place that I could barely afford, but I was determined to land the top job.”
“Sounds like the girl I used to know. You never did change your mind once you’d decided on something.”
Like them breaking up. They were the words that hung unsaid between them. But he was right, that was something about her that definitely hadn’t changed.
“When the season finished, I was sweating big time. I didn’t know if I’d done enough to impress them or if they were interviewing other candidates, and I was down to my last few hundred dollars. There was no way I could keep paying my rent, and I was terrified I was going to have to tell my parents I was back bartending. I mean, it was fine when I was at college working part-time slinging beers at night, but their little girl all grown up and graduated working a bar would have killed them. They didn’t put aside all their savings for me to get a Doctor of Physical Therapy degree and then walk away from a paying job in the first place!”
Tanner’s laugh echoed around them, warmed her like a cashmere sweater being wrapped around her shoulders. How could he still do that to her? How could the soft, deep timbre of his laugh take her back years, reminding her of being in his arms and listening to that same laugh with her cheek pressed to his chest?
“But you got the job,” he said.
“Yeah, I got the job. Turns out they were just letting me sweat, but the players had all gotten together and requested me. I was able to make my rent check, and soon after I was able to put a down payment on my own place.” She smiled, thinking how much life had changed, and how proud she’d been inviting her parents over to see the house she’d brought with no help from anyone. “I’ve been with them for two years now and my contract has been renewed.”
“You did good, Lol. I’m proud of you.”
She froze. The warm feeling that had engulfed her had fallen away, replaced by a shudder of goose bumps that coursed rapidly across her skin. She hadn’t heard a man use that nickname since … since Tanner. Her sister was the only other person who ever called her that, and it had been years since she’d heard it even from her. It was a silly name that Tanner had started, because everyone always joked that she was always laughing out loud.
“It was an uphill battle for a while there, but life’s good now. I’m happy, the work is rewarding, and I don’t have a lot of downtime so it pays to enjoy my work.”
They sat in silence awhile as Lauren sipped her drink. The seat was so comfortable and she tucked her legs up beneath her as she went back to staring out the window. She’d never been to a tropical island, and Fiji sounded like heaven. The only part of the equation she didn’t like was not knowing what she was going to say to Tanner for the next three weeks.
“So while you were being a nerd studying at college, I was pretty busy too,” Tanner told her. She listened but she didn’t look. “I studied, my dad wouldn’t have it any other way and I agreed with him, but I only lasted long enough at Baylor University to get my undergrad degree, and even then it took me forever to get it. I rode bulls between semesters, and eventually I took up riding full-time.” He laughed. “I’ve secretly always wanted to do an MBA, maybe once I’ve retired, but it’ll probably never happen.”
Lauren was pleased she wasn’t watching him, because then he’d have seen the surprise written all over her face. He’d impressed her, but then wasn’t that why he was telling her? Or maybe he just wanted to make it clear that he hadn’t been moping around with a broken heart.
“You’d probably be the only rider on the circuit with an MBA if you did it,” she said. “You could do it online.”
“Haha, I probably would be. It’s not something I ever bothered to ask when we were shooting the breeze, waiting to climb aboard some asshole of a bull.” He sat back as she watched him. “Maybe I should look at doing it online—it’d be easier than having to turn up on campus somewhere. I’ll think about it.”
Lauren stroked her fingers up and down the stem of the glass. How were they just doing this? Suddenly talking like old friends catching up when earlier there had been such an overwhelming sense of animosity? And if talking to him was like this, what was it going to be like touching him? She was going to have to put her hands on him, she was going to have to breathe in the air around him and place her skin against his.
“Dammit,” he softly swore, his mutter commanding her attention.
“What is it?” she asked, pushing her glass away and turning in her seat. She could see the pain etched on his face, even though he was clearly trying not to let it show. She was used to men trying to be tough guys, and she was just as used to seeing right through any façade they tried to put up.
“Nothin’. I just—” He sucked back a breath. “Mother f—.” Tanner glanced at her, not finishing his curse. “I’m fine.”
She stifled her laugh. It was cute he’d stopped himself from swearing around her, and she remembered how polite and charming he’d always been. A true Southern gentleman, even when he’d been sneaking into her room late at night or roaring off down the road on his motorcycle with her hanging on from behind.
“Let me help,” she said, getting up from her seat. She held onto the armrest for a moment, the champagne hitting her faster than she’d expected it to. No more drinks for you, missy.
“No, just sit down,” he ordered. “It’ll pass.”
She watched as Tanner stretched his leg out, wincing as he shifted his weight.
“Where does it hurt?” she asked, taking the step to his chair and dropping to her knees. She watched his face and saw him hiss in a breath of air as he lengthened his leg.
“Just sitting here, it’s…” He shook his head. “I don’t know. Maybe it’s being stiff because I’m not moving here but, hell, nothing feels right. Shouldn’t I be feeling better than this after being in a cast?”
She shrugged. “Honestly, I don’t know that you should be feeling better yet. You’ve just had your cast off and you’ve been through one hell of a trauma, and all that’s happened is that the bone has healed, not everything around it.” She dropped to her knees and touched her hand to his leg, glancing up at him to catch his eye before she went any further. “May I?”
He grunted and she took that as a yes. Lauren pressed more firmly, the softness of the worn denim at odds with the tight, solid muscle beneath it. His calf was bunched up, and she knew that the only bit of relief she could give him now was a massage of sorts. She leaned in, head bent as she ran her fingers up and down his leg, pushing into his muscles to try to help him, even though what she really needed was to be touching skin not denim.
Lauren startled when he exhaled, the noise taking her by surprise, and when she looked up at him, her eyes fixed on his, she saw so much there. The pain of what they’d once had, longing and dammit, she’d be lying if she didn’t see desire matched by the heat coursing the length of her own body right now.
“Lauren…”
“Oh, I’m so sorry!”
Lauren’s head snapped up, her skin ignited as if she’d been set on fire. The poor attendant was standing there, face as red as Lauren’s felt, backing up so she could disappear into where she’d just emerged from. She looked at Tanner, at her hand on his leg, at the way she was bent forward …
“I’m a physical therapist,” she choked out. “I…”
“It’s none of my business. Excuse me,” the attendant said. “Please let me know if there’s anything you need.”
Lauren pushed up, palm to Tanner’s leg.
“Shit, you trying to hurt me or heal me?” he muttered.
She quickly pulled her hand back, wrapping both arms around herself. “She thought I was giving you a blow job,” she whispered. “Oh my god, she thought I was … shit! What if she knows someone from my team? What if…”
Tanner looked amused. A smile played across his lips as she glowered at him.
“If you’d spent your entire career trying to prove to everyone around you that you were beyond professional in your role, you’d be pissed too,” she fumed. “You have no idea how hard I’ve had to work to get the trust of the players’ wives and girlfriends!”
“Hey, I wasn’t the one who told you to drop to your knees, sweetheart.”
She opened her mouth to say something back but bit down on her lip instead. Asshole. Just when she’d been wondering if walking away from Tanner all those years ago had been a mistake, he went and acted like a total jerk.
Lauren sat back in her seat, downed the last of her champagne, and pulled out her headphones and iPad. It was going to be a long flight, and she intended on watching a movie or two and not looking up until they’d landed.
She certainly wasn’t going to give Tanner the satisfaction of showing him how much he’d hurt her. Not now, not ever.
* * *
Tanner looked up from his device and watched Lauren. She’d been ignoring him for almost two hours, and he was starting to realize just how much his joking around had hurt her. The attendant had been brave enough to come back out, offering Lauren a cashmere blanket and bringing her bottled water, but other than seeing her shy smile and watching her mouth move as she’d spoken to the attendant, that was it. She hadn’t looked at him, hadn’t spoken to him, and she sure as hell hadn’t smiled at him.
The girl he’d known way back when had liked to joke around and hadn’t stopped laughing. She’d spent more time with her lips stretched wide into a smile, head back, laughing the hell out of whatever dumb thing he said. Her eyes had danced when she’d spoken, lighting up whenever she was happy. But Lauren was every inch a woman now, no longer just a fun-loving girl, and from her reaction before? One who had worked her tail feathers off to get where she was today. And defying others’ expectations and walking your own path were two things that Tanner respected.
He tried to stretch his leg out but his ankle was stuck and everything felt rigid. He needed Lauren’s help, and he needed it badly. Her nightmare might be someone thinking she wasn’t behaving in a professional manner toward one of her clients, but his was never climbing aboard a bull again. And right now she was the one thing standing between his retirement and his comeback.
I’m sorry. They were the words he needed to say. He just had to find a way to actually get them off his chest, which wouldn’t have been so hard if they weren’t the two words he’d been waiting twelve years for her to say to him.
“Mr. Ford, would you like me to serve lunch now?”
He looked up into the warm, pretty-as-a-picture blue eyes of the attendant, but suddenly all the pretty blue eyes in the world didn’t appeal to him. The only eyes he wanted up close and looking back into his were a different color.
“Thanks, that’d be great,” he said.
“I have turkey and Swiss cheese sandwiches, or I can fix you something different,” she said, her smile fixed as she spoke. “We are well stocked with fresh fruit, cheese and crackers—”
“The sandwich is fine,” he interrupted. “And an OJ please.”
She nodded and then moved on to Lauren. His view was obscured, but he watched the way Lauren looked up, the polite way she said thank you and enquired about the attendant’s plans for Christmas.
Lauren was familiar enough to make him yearn for what they’d had in the past, yet at the same time she was a complete stranger. He just wasn’t sure whether he wanted to keep things that way, or whether he wanted to know every damn thing there was to know about the woman who’d made him shut off his heart to the world from the day she’d walked away.
* * *
“It’s not you, it’s me,” Lauren said, arms wrapped tightly around herself as she pulled her shoulders forward, hunched over, stomach concaved. “We’re too young, Tanner, and I’m off to college. Everything’s changing.”
He stared at her, feeling like he’d been sucker punched. “What?”
One minute they’d been making out, her back against the wall, one leg curled around his butt as he pushed hard up against her. He was still catching his breath from kissing her, from having her body warm to his and her fingers clenched in his hair. And now she was breaking up with him?
“Where the hell did this come from? Did your parents put you up to this?”
She shook her head, but he watched the way she sucked in her lower lip, catching it beneath her teeth as she stumbled backwards.
“Tanner, it’s for the best. We’ve been way too serious and we’re too young.”
He clenched his fists. They were Tan and Lol. They were supposed to stay together, they were going to be the couple who kept it together no matter what. “Lauren, come on. You’re not thinking straight. What the hell is up with you?”
She moved back toward him and pressed her hands to his chest, leaning in. Her mouth touched his, warm and soft, as tears fell to her mouth, salty as he kissed her back.
“Goodbye, Tanner,” she said, stepping away so he could see her tear-stained cheeks before she turned and ran.
He’d stood there, waiting for her to come back, to tell him it was some kind of sick joke. But Lauren had never come back, and no matter how many times he’d slammed his fist into the wall, the pain in his knuckles never caught up to the aching, grinding pain in his chest that almost split him in half.