19

Cancer as My Gift

‘A scar does not form on the dying. A scar means I survived.’

—Chris Cleave

The survival rate of stage-IV ovarian cancer, according to the American Cancer Society, is only 19 per cent.¹ But I am still here—alive—despite not being expected to live. In a way, I defied my genes, my past turmoil and the dips and the valleys of my life. I do not know what worked for me, but something obviously did.

This perhaps means that anybody can be in that 19 per cent group. So please do not let go of hope. To all those who are diagnosed with cancer, fearing it or battling it, let me put your mind at rest. Cancer is not a death sentence. There is hope. Medical science has advanced and research is going on around the world to get to the root of cancer. Just as we have created a polio-free world, maybe we will soon have a cancer-free world. Many more people are living with the disease now than in the olden days. So please hold on to hope.

Look at your life closely. Perhaps cancer is your wake-up call to simply change your life’s lenses? To live life differently? Perhaps it is an opportunity to bring back harmony and health into your life? Could it be that your condition is not a disease, but a dis-ease? Perhaps your body is longing to be in harmony.

I urge you to use this as an opportunity to examine your lifestyle carefully and invite harmony back into your life.

Live Mindfully in the Here and Now

Stress has become rampant in each person’s life today. Just look around you. Everything is in frantic motion; everyone is filled with anxiety. I see many youngsters rushing to meet deadlines. People are living like robots—performing tasks mechanically. Unfortunately, I too was living life in a rush and look where I landed.

It took cancer to make me more mindful of everything around me. To live life one day at a time. So today I make a conscious effort to be truly present in each moment. I try to be mindful all the time.

Mindfulness is a state achieved by awareness of the present moment, while watching our thoughts or ‘mind chatter’ which generates feelings and bodily sensations. When you become aware of your anxieties and bodily sensations you realize that you can take a different course.

Let me share some things that have worked for me positively. These practices helped me get through my dark times. Perhaps they could help you too.

Introspect, dig deep and get clarity

Introspection has truly worked for me. I simply dip within and find my answers.

Re-evaluate your life. Sit quietly, pay attention and get clarity.

On a scale of 1 to 10 where are you now? In your job, relationships, finance, health?

Remember, it is important to be honest. Please be mindful of the fact that we tend to lie to ourselves more than to others!

Be kind

Be kind to yourself. We are often too harsh with ourselves, so please be kind. If you find yourself having slipped in any area, please put yourself back on track gently. The keyword here is ‘gently’.

Stay committed to change

Focus on change. Change is the most difficult thing to do as we are habitual beings and tend to follow certain patterns. Most of these patterns are unconscious. That is why, even when we want to change our unhealthy habits, it becomes difficult. But try to remain committed to change, however difficult it may seem.

Please be focused on why you wanted to change your unhealthy habits in the first place.

Develop an Attitude of Gratitude

How many of us feel deeply grateful for the blessings we receive each day in the form of basics such as food, shelter, clothing and the people who support us in our day-to-day life? Perhaps, over time, we take these for granted and somewhere, begin feeling entitled.

Cancer made me awash with gratitude. It opened before me the treasures of everyday living. I felt like a child being shown a treasure house and set free to discover it.

Cancer taught me to pay attention to the taste of the fruits I ate—the juiciness of apples and the tartness of lemons. It taught me to choose and enjoy nourishing foods. It taught me to marvel at the magnificence of sunrises and sunsets, to be awed by the star-studded night skies and to be fascinated by the shapes of clouds. It taught me to appreciate the colours of all the marvellous birds I saw flying around and rejoice at god’s handiwork. It taught me to pay more attention to the expressions people wear every day, the marks of their struggles and the laugh lines imprinted by life.

In short, it taught me to appreciate minute things. I found beauty in mundaneness. Having noticed all this wealth around me, I was overcome with gratitude.

Develop Positivity, Drop Negativity

A positive attitude, they say, can create more miracles than any wonder drug. The Law of Attraction also explains that one gets more of what one focuses on. So why not create a beautiful life for oneself by focusing on the positive?

Of course, life is all about difficulties, ups and downs and disappointments. But it is also about success, happiness and fulfilled dreams once we overcome our struggles.

Negativity is injurious to health. Yet many of us keep dwelling on the negative and see only problems instead of opportunities in every situation. Is it any wonder that the lives of such people are joyless and unhappy because of this attitude?

Post cancer, I switched my attention to positivity and remained focused on staying afloat emotionally. Of course it was a struggle. A web search on the outcomes of my kind of cancer threw up a lot of depressing information. But having made up my mind to remain positive, I could focus on the life I would live after getting cured.

Even now, I consciously seek out positive stories about people and fight the mind’s tendency to dip into the negative and the depressing. Have you tried this? When you consciously make an effort to develop such a mind state, you are rewarded with what you are looking for—positivity.

There is an age-old Native American parable that I would like to narrate to you. An old Cherokee indigenous man was teaching his grandson about life. ‘A fight is going on inside me,’ he said to the boy. ‘It is a terrible fight and it is between two wolves. One is evil—he is anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority and ego.’ He continued, ‘The other is good—he is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion and faith. The same fight is going on inside you—and inside every other person, too.’ The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather, ‘Which wolf will win?’ The old Cherokee simply replied, ‘The one you feed.’

We Are Not Just Our Physical Body

I had a wonderful session with my psychotherapist after cancer. He helped me navigate and discover my childhood’s unresolved issues. Once these issues are brought out from our unconscious (subconscious) into our conscious, it is our job to take the right action.

I’ve done enough reading to understand how the mind and body are interconnected and intertwined. One affects the other in ways we cannot even fathom. We simply cannot ignore one aspect and expect to be cured fully. Only when we treat these as one wondrous unit can we expect to live a healthy life. In fact, a lot of scientists have done experiments on the placebo effect and there are many theories to confirm this. This is why I felt it was important to work on my own issues with a psychotherapist.

The ultimate goal of holistic healing—something I strongly believe and support—is wholeness. The power of holistic healing is now being accepted and understood by medical science too. It gives me immense joy to see that this understanding is now helping shape modern-day medicine as well.

We Are Interconnected, Not Separate; We Are Powerful, Not Helpless

As a novice and amateur explorer, I began reading about life, death and the natural laws governing them. It was then that I stumbled upon the intriguing topic of quantum physics. Quantum physics is a complex subject which I will dare to offer a simplistic explanation for.

In physics, this is a fundamental theory. It deals with the study of atoms and subatomic particles which are the smallest scales of energy. The Merriam-Webster dictionary explains quantum mechanics as a branch of physics that deals with the structure and behaviour of very small pieces of matter.

Danish physicist Niels Henrik David Bohr received the Nobel Prize in Physics in 1922 for his introductory work in the area of understanding and explaining quantum theory and atomic structure. ‘Anyone not shocked by quantum mechanics has not yet understood it,’ he said.

This science has blown away the myth of humans being the dominant creations on earth. The truth is we share the same composition at the atomic and molecular level with everything—with the tree outside our window and the insect on the grass. We are made of the same stuff. This means that not only are we humans connected to each other, but also to everything around us. We are not superior. We are same. In fact the chair on which you are sitting right now has the same composition as your body. What a humbling discovery!

Our interconnectedness has been backed and supported by many studies, as well as by the discourses of many philosophers down the ages. This completely shatters our illusion of separateness. In his book Moving through Parallel Worlds to Achieve Your Dreams, Kevin Michel writes: ‘You are deluded if you think that the world around you is a physical construct separate from your own mind.’

We are all deeply interconnected, regardless of our geographical distance, race or religion. Because of this, we get impacted at a deep level by any drastic event that occurs in any part of the world. Studies in quantum physics validate these beliefs. This is also one of the concepts I learnt at Oneness University. Those interested to know more might like to watch the documentary What the Bleep!?: Down the Rabbit Hole (2006), directed by William Arntz, Betsy Chasse and Mark Vicente.

We are all energy in motion (e-motion) and can impact life around us. It also means that we can impact our lives by the thoughts we think. My favourite author Dr Bruce Lipton has explained this theory beautifully in his books Wisdom of Your Cells and The Biology of Belief.

He has explained cell biology in a fascinating way. This new area of study takes us from the victim to the creator mode. He says that we are powerful enough to create and unfold the lives we lead. He says, ‘The moment you change your perception is the moment you rewrite the chemistry of your body.’

According to him, gene activity can change on a daily basis. If the perception in our mind gets reflected in the chemistry of our body, and if our nervous system reads and interprets the environment and then controls the blood’s chemistry, then we can literally change the fate of our cells by altering our thoughts. I was bewildered. I found this to be hugely empowering!

I would like to quote Dr Lipton’s beautiful piece of wisdom, ‘If humans were to model the lifestyle displayed by healthy community of cells, our societies and our planet would be more peaceful and vital.’

Accepting Death as a Natural Process of Life

All of us fear it, but none will escape it. We all know that everything that is born must die. Life is believed to have four stages—birth, ageing, sickness and death. Once one accepts the inevitability of death, we get closer to reality.

Yet most of us deny, refuse to talk about it or sweep it under the carpet. Death remains a hush-hush, ominous, taboo word.

Cancer made me face my own mortality. I realized that the fear of death was crippling my emotions. I told myself that this fear was unnecessary since death was a natural process of life. I understood that life was finite and limited. That calmed me down a little.

My death will come when the time is right. So why not accept it instead of spending my days fretting about it or remaining fearful of it?

Of course, on my wish list is the desire to die in a peaceful, dignified manner, whenever my time comes. For death is indeed a natural cycle of life.

Cancer also gave me the understanding that the only time we have been given on earth is the interval between birth and death. So why not live our days fully and meaningfully?

My journey towards understanding the concept of death led me to reading many books. I discovered that Hinduism views death as something spiritual. It is here that we find the concept of rebirth and reincarnation of souls. According to Hinduism, death is regarded as a natural process in the existence of soul as a separate entity. Hindus believe that when a person dies, the soul travels for some time to another world and finally returns again to continue its journey on earth. The Sanskrit word for this is antarabhava—the intermediate, transitional state between death and rebirth. And moksha is the ultimate goal of the soul’s journey. It refers to various forms of emancipation, liberation and release in Hinduism, Buddhism, Jainism and Sikhism. Moksha refers to freedom from samsara, the cycle of death and rebirth. Buddhists also call it nirvana.

My curiosity to learn more led me to a fascinating and extremely profound book—The Tibetan Book of Living and Dying by Sogyal Rinpoche.

It was in this book that I came across the word bardo. According to the Oxford dictionary, bardo is a state of existence between death and rebirth, varying in length according to a person’s conduct in life and manner of, or age at, death.

Bardo (antarabhava in Sanskrit) is the period after death and before one’s next birth when one’s consciousness is not connected with the physical body. Yet one experiences a variety of phenomena in this state. I was fascinated by this concept and am still in the process of understanding it at a deep spiritual level. When my bardo comes, I wish to be prepared for it.

I have heard a fascinating story about ancient Egyptians. They believed that upon death, the soul was asked two profound questions. Those are the ones I wish to ask you now.

The first question is, ‘Did you bring joy?’

The second is, ‘Did you find joy?’

I urge you to read and ponder over these questions deeply. Many times over. After you have done so, why not go about implementing them in your lives? Let us not wait for death to ask us these questions. Let’s build our present lives on working on answering these questions happily.

To Sum It Up

Cancer became my teacher. It taught me to seek out help in various aspects influencing my health. It led me to learn yoga and pranayama and it encouraged me to deepen my spiritual understanding by going to Oneness University. It taught me not to shy away from seeking advice from experts. I sought advice from my life coach Santhosh Babu as well as a spiritual teacher named Kiran-ji (earlier called Naman-ji). I have also become more mindful of the company I keep. I initiate positivity and ensure that my work environment remains healthy. My doctors remain my go-to people whenever I need to take a new step towards my health. For they are the magicians who saved me. And that makes me feel deeply grateful towards them.

Most importantly, cancer made me focus on my behaviour as a person. I have worked hard and continue to work mindfully at becoming the best version of myself—emotionally, spiritually and physically. I grew to become the kind of person I would like to be with. Liking your own company is the first step towards healing.

So I have a question for you. Are you the kind of person you would like to be with? Are you the friend people would seek out for company?

I hope the answer is yes.

All the best!