J.R.: My grandfather, Poppy, died before Christmas in 1977. He died in his bathtub. He liked to take baths. He took one, and his heart stopped. Poppy worked hard his whole life and had a good time fishing and writing his stupid poems. He was a good man. He loved water, and he died in a tub of warm water, so that was that.
Poppy kept a jar with our grandmother’s ashes. He wanted my sister and me to mix them and spread them on the ocean in New York where we used to fish. He wanted to lie in the water with our grandmother by the city where they met and fell in love.
I did not want to go out and freeze my balls off in the middle of the winter in New York dumping ashes off a boat. My idea was to wait until summer, but my sister got really freaked out and made things difficult.
JUDY: I dreamed that Poppy was trapped in the ash jar and he couldn’t be with our grandmother until we mixed their ashes in the water. It was a terrible dream. I called Jon and said, “Poppy wants to go into the ocean now. We can’t wait.”
Jon can be such a good brother. He dropped everything and flew to New York and rented a helicopter, and we went up over the water with the ashes. The pilot told us it was illegal to put ashes in the ocean where we wanted, but Jon informed the pilot the only way we were going to do it was his way.
J.R.: When my sister called and told me about her nutty dream, I said, “This is ridiculous. This ain’t our grandparents no more. It’s a couple of coffee cans full of ashes.”
But my sister can have a very strong will, and it’s easier not to battle her. So I came to New York. I got the helicopter. I argued with the pilot to let us dump the ashes where we wanted. We opened the door up to spread the ashes, and it was a mess. Freezing cold. Ashes blowing every which way. At least it got my sister off my back.
JUDY: Did Jon tell you he cried? He became very emotional when we put our grandparents’ ashes in the water. Jon was so close to Poppy. I used to fly down and stay at his house on Indian Creek. As Poppy grew weaker, Jon had to carry him from the car in his arms. We had wonderful meals together. Jon can be volatile, but he was never volatile around Poppy. He was so caring around him.
I know why Jon cried after Poppy died. He let go. Jon held everything in when our mother died. With Poppy, he felt safe because he knew Poppy loved him. Once he started crying, everything came out that he’d been holding back for years. He broke down. He finally cried for our mother. My dream was right. But it wasn’t just our grandfather trapped in that jar, it was Jon. His best side came out that day. I was so glad to see it. It became a joyful day.
J.R.: My sister makes that nightmare helicopter ride sound like Gone With the Wind. I wasn’t crying. I had tears in my eyes because the wind was blowing Poppy’s ashes back in my face.