“Welcome aboard the HMS Explorer World Cruise!”
The resounding pain of the cruise ship’s horn still lingered in Hank’s ears. His body trembled violently for a few seconds while he emerged from his deep slumber. It took him another moment to realize where he was, standing on a gangplank boarding a … a cruiseship?
Where am I?
A light touch on his shoulder revealed creamy white, French-manicured fingers. Their owner lovely: Almond-shaped eyes, perfect white teeth, and curly nutmeg hair framing a face that would make even a fairytale princess envious. His wife, Sarah. She was shuffling up the gangplank behind him.
“Wow, babe,” she laughed nervously. “I knew you were tired but you were really out of it there.”
Hank’s throat was so dry his tongue had swelled two sizes. When he finally managed to talk it was barely above a hoarse whisper. “Honey, where are we?” He wanted to scream the question at her. The whisper was all he could manage.
“Hurry up, Daddy, hurry up?” He lowered his gaze and saw his daughter, sweet Annabelle tugging on his hand.
“Patience sweetheart,” Sarah answered for him. “We have to wait in line like everyone else.”
“But I’m so-o hungry,” Annabelle complained.
“Have some more Goldfishes, honey,” Sarah answered. Without missing a beat the box came out of her purse, and with two quick shakes Annabelle beheld the delicious golden baked treats in her small hands.
His son was still snoozing soundly in the kid carrier upon his back.
Hank took this all in, but none of it answered the question that still burned in his aching head: Where the hell am I?
He peered at the people in the port around him. The port was a bustle of activity as a thousand passengers waited in line to board the majestic cruise ship at the dock.
When did we decide to take a cruise? This didn’t make a lick of sense.
“Look Mommy, look!” Annabelle yelled wildly beside him. “A seal, Mommy, a seal!”
Hank turned his head and groaned at the stabbing pain in his temples. He rubbed at them: If his hand wasn’t already there, he’d have thought he’d been stabbed on both sides of his head with an ice pick.
Must’ve slept wrong.
“Oh Hank, she’s right.” Sarah cooed beside him. “There’s a seal in the water over there.”
Just beyond the end of the dock he could make out a seal frolicking in the bay.
The line started moving again and Hank suppressed the urge to throw the overweight passenger plodding in front of him over the railing. The guy had the height and build of a former WWF wrestler who had let himself go about a decade ago. And if he was moving any slower he’d be moving backwards. When the rollers of his equally oversized luggage got stuck in-between the floorboards of the gangplank, Hank instinctively lent a hand and lifted the errant wheels out of the cracks for him.
The guy turned around to see who had grabbed his luggage. He sported a bushy walrus mustache and a grey comb-over that barely covered his baldness. His face and neck were unshaven by at least several days. When he muttered a word of thanks, Hank could see a mouth full of crooked, tobacco-stained teeth. This was a man who stopped caring about his job, his life, and personal hygiene a long time ago.
Sarah tapped him on his shoulder. “Do you see him?” Before he could answer, she dug frantically through her mommy purse the size of a saddlebag. “Now where’s my camera?” To their daughter she said, “Annabelle, honey, do you know where mommy’s camera is?”
This doesn’t make sense. We live in Wyoming. I don’t even remember deciding to take a cruise, let alone driving to the port.
A cheery voice at a podium located at the top of the gangway suddenly announced, “Okay, whose next?”
The cruise director at the podium was a short, middle-aged, cherubic woman, plump as she was cheerful. Hank thought he detected a Canadian accent. He could just make out her nametag.
Ophy, what an odd name.
And the young woman she was talking to had the lithe form of a dancer. The way she was gazing around at her surroundings with uncertainty, she appeared as dazed and confused as he was.
Spotting the girl, the cruise director said, “Ah, you must be Emma Hudson. It’s not often we get a New York City Ballet dancer on board. I’m sure you’re going to enjoy working with the entertainment department.”
“Oh, bag boy!” the cruise ship director called, practically yelling. A luggage handler appeared as she commanded, “Please help Mrs. Hudson carry her bags to her room.”
The luggage handler was an oversized man dressed in overalls and a baseball cap, with big meaty hands. Baggage handler and ballet dancer entered into the dark corridor behind the podium and vanished into bowels of the ship. Although he couldn’t explain it, Hank was fairly certain he didn’t want to follow them.
A second luggage handler appeared and stretched out his scrawny arm towards him. “Allow me sir,” the handler said.
Hank studied the porter. Although he couldn’t place him, there was something oddly familiar about the guy.
The man was hardly threatening, little more than 5’9” and impossibly lean, like a marathon runner. In fact, there wasn’t an ounce of body fat on him. An emaciated athlete would have been a good way to describe him. But that wasn’t the strangest thing about the lean porter. The strangest thing about him was the creepy smile upon the guy’s face. It reminded Hank of the jack-o’-lanterns he had carved on Halloween; the same wide, toothy grin with firelight flickering behind the eyes.
“Thanks,” was all Hank could manage, handing over his bags, his mind in a fog.
Before letting go of his luggage completely however; Hank asked him. “Hey buddy. Do I know you?”
The luggage handler thought seriously about this for a moment before answering, “Why, I don’t think so, sir.”
Hank stood there, forehead sweating despite the brisk morning air. He finally let go of the bags. “Thanks,” he said a second time.
The luggage handler flashed him another creepy mischievous grin and replied, “You are most welcome sir.” He was about to turn away and lead them into the ship, but he stopped in his tracks and said back to Hank. “You know, I think you, and your family, are going to absolutely love it here.”