*Beck hadn’t had much of an appetite for the pancakes, but his mom and aunts and granddad had wanted to come to the annual rodeo pancake breakfast, which had surprised him. So he’d played dutiful son and grandson. He’d brought the plates of pancakes and bacon to the table. He also brought everyone a large drip coffee before he finally sat down to stare at his stack, glistening with butter and dripping with syrup.
His stomach revolted, but his granddad dug enthusiastically into the food and happily talked about the Bash tonight. His mom and aunts chatted—all the details were finished, and they were going to watch the finals, a fact that Beck found hard to believe, but he kept that thought, like everything else in his life, locked up tight.
He stared across the park with the sea of people and the tables with blue tablecloths and families eating, laughing, so much life.
Bowen and Bodhi arrived and lined up—Langston and Nico chatting like old friends.
“No Ashni this morning?” his mom asked.
“No.”
He didn’t have an excuse. He waited for his mom to weigh in with some dismissive remark.
“What’s wrong?” And for once, heavy judgment didn’t weigh down her question.
Everything. Nothing. Both words vied for an exit strategy from his mouth, but instead he pushed his plate away. The coffee he could maybe keep down.
“She wants to break up,” he admitted. “She’s angry I waited so long to ask her to marry me.”
“Why did you wait? It’s not like you didn’t adore that girl from the moment you met her.” His mom, her coffee cup halfway to her lips, paused and looked at him. Some of what he felt must have been in her expression. “Ah. Yes. I can imagine my parade of husbands was hardly a conducive example to wedded bliss.” She rolled her eyes. “At least I was persistently and consistent in my disasters.” She grimaced, and it was the most self-aware moment from his high-powered, driven mother that Beck could remember.
“Do you want to marry her?”
“Yes.”
“So what’s the problem?”
And that was the crux of it. He didn’t know. And his mom with four marriages under her belt was hardly the person to ask for advice. Should he tell her about the baby? No. Not now. The baby should be celebrated. Not admitted to like some guilty secret. And not when he had no idea where he stood with Ash. He knew he had to fight for her. He just didn’t know how, and if he let himself play out the worst-case scenario, he saw himself in front of a judge begging for partial custody of his own child, and he just couldn’t let his mind go there. He’d be destroyed.
“Women are complicated,” his mom mused, much to Beck’s growing astonishment. She’d always dismissed his problems with a wave of her hand because she was too busy. His problems were too small, beneath her notice. She’d snap out a solution and move on.
“They want love. They want romance. They want to be taken outside of themselves. Transformed into someone new by love. They want a fantasy that they can float around in where they are loved and cherished and everything glows.”
Beck stared at his mom. That didn’t sound like Ashni at all.
“At least I was like that,” his mom said. “I wanted this mirage, but life is hard and reality cold and the mirage would always implode, and I was myself again. Alone.”
“Was that so bad to be yourself?”
“It must have been. I lost each one of my husbands. Drove them right out the door,” his mom admitted. “Drove you out too.”
That was true, but Beck now saw it from his mom’s perspective—wanting something that the other person was unable or unwilling to give.
“You pushed so hard,” he said. “I was never good enough.”
“You were always better than good enough,” his mom said. “I just wanted you to be strong. Achieve your potential. I was worried that you would settle because you didn’t have a fire under your feet. Ashni has always looked at you as if you hung the stars and moon for her—Dad used to say that about our mom. That she thought he decorated the sky for her, and he would have if he could. He was the most loving man I ever met.” She smiled at her father. “I never found another man even close. You’re like that. Ashni is very blessed. I hope she realizes that.”
Beck blinked. His mom had never complimented him that he could remember. Ever. And she’d never mentioned her parents’ marriage.
“Maybe Ashni just found Mr. Right too soon so she doesn’t know what she has. You should show her. Fight for her.”
Beck sipped his coffee for a few more moments. “I intend to,” he said. “Just trying to think of a strategy.”
“Make it a game.” His mother didn’t look at him, but her lips curved in a smile. “You and your cousins always excel at games. My sisters and I are still always trying to one-up each other. And Dad doesn’t stand on the sidelines,” she said affectionately.
“Ugh, no,” he groaned. If his mom only knew. “Making a game out of winning her back is the last thing Ashni needs.”
“I don’t know, she’s fairly competitive,” his mom said. “Speak of the devil.”
“Hey, Beck.” Ashni’s voice jump-started his heart. “Do you have a moment?”
*
Nothing like opening up your heart in front of the town. Ashni switched her weight from side to side and gripped her fingers together as she stood behind Beck at the pancake breakfast. So many of the tables were already full, and the Daughters of Montana volunteers were still cooking pancakes and bacon on massive griddles. She wanted to flee, but she’d screwed up, and she had to own it, and she had to confess her feelings and her fears before Beck competed today so his head would be clear.
“Sure.” He popped to his feet, sending relief washing through her.
He looked a little haggard, as if he’d slept as poorly as she had.
“Hi.” Ashni waved as Beck’s mom and his aunts smiled and greeted her. His granddad patted the empty place next to him and told Beck to go get her a plate.
“I will, Granddad, but we’re going to take a walk first.” He lightly wrapped his arm around her and steered her through the crowd.
“Do you want me to get you some pancakes?”
She was having a hard enough time with this. Eating something would definitely be a disaster for her queasy stomach.
“I want to apologize,” she said in a rush as they headed away from the crowds and around to the other side of the courthouse so that they weren’t on the path leading to the fairgrounds.
“You don’t…”
“I do.” She placed her hand on his chest. His heartbeat was steady and that gave her courage. “I’ve been all over the map this week emotionally.”
Massive understatement.
“A lot of changes,” Beck said—accepting, steadying like he always was. Her throat clogged with emotion and her eyes pricked.
“You’re right. I should have confronted you when I was hurt. I should have shared that I was tired of touring. I should have insisted we keep the dog. I should have told you about the job offer. So many mistakes to keep the peace.”
“Water under the bridge,” he said.
“No. Because I was hurt and angry but didn’t do anything about it. I let it fester, and I closed off. But really, it started before that. You re-upped for the tour without discussing it with me, and instead of calling you on it and telling you how I felt, I started shutting myself off from you.”
“I felt that. All year I felt it,” Beck admitted. “I didn’t know what to do, and I didn’t ask you what was wrong.”
“I’ve been blaming you for our lack of communication,” Ashni said. “But it’s been me too, and I think I have a bigger role to play because I recognized what was happening, and I let it. I felt self-righteous about it, and I think Reeva’s wedding, when you didn’t come with me, just made all of my resentment blow up. I felt you valued the rodeo and your points more than me.”
“Ash,” he said. “No.”
She dragged in a deep breath. “It was easier to blame you for my unhappiness instead of myself.”
She held on to his hands that were so large and warm and callused from hard work. They always steadied her. She gazed into his beloved sky-blue eyes.
“I realized last night that I was acting like my mother. She’s so passive sometimes. She won’t share her hurts or anger or disappointments and instead withdraws and then just strikes fast and retreats like an eel. It maddened me when I was a teenager, and I swore that I would be stronger than that—that I would be emotionally honest with myself and with you and I would be an active participant in my life, and yet when I hit my first hurdle really, I did the same thing—shut you out and looked to place the blame on someone else. I’m sorry, Beck. So very sorry. You deserve better.”
He rubbed her chilled hands in his. “It’s not all on you, Ash,” Beck said. “I can see why you thought I valued the rodeo more than you. I did get obsessive about the points, always comparing myself to my cousins. And I didn’t come to you to talk about my worries about Bodhi this year. And I never confessed how much my mom and her string of failed marriages bothered me. Or how her endless criticisms just kept flaying pieces off of me. I pretended nothing hurt when it did. I didn’t want to look weak to you because you always looked at me with stars in your eyes, and I loved that. I needed that.”
“I still do,” she said shakily.
“Ash.” He pulled her into his embrace, and he felt so good—so warm and strong and Beck that she just clung to him. “We’ve both made mistakes, but we can learn from them. Communicate better.”
“We’ll need to,” she mumbled against his so strong chest. “That’s why I didn’t tell you about the job at the public health department in Crawford County. I was afraid you’d talk me out of it, and I really, really needed a change and to feel like I was doing something for myself, not just always have your goals as a top priority.”
“We can share our goals and support each other.” He made it sound so simple, and maybe it was. She just had to stand up for herself and what she wanted more. Not defer and resent as her mother had so often done.
“Teaching at Harry’s House this week has made me realize how much I want to work with kids and have art in my life as well. I do want to work at the public health department. That’s important to me, but I also want to have time for my own art and to volunteer at Harry’s House.”
“I want you to have those things. That’s why I quit the tour, and it wasn’t just because of the baby,” he said. “Look.” He scrolled through his phone and showed her the sent email to the tour.
“The date.” Her breath caught. “That was before I told you about the baby,” she said, her heart feeling like a balloon that had been released.
“And before I knew you’d taken a job here. I just wanted to make the commitment to you, to us, that we would start a new phase in our lives. And that I would support you in your dreams just as you supported me.”
“You’re sure you’re ready, even if Bodhi and Bowen don’t quit?”
“I’m ready,” he said. “I won’t lie and say I won’t miss parts of the rodeo. I will. I love competing. I love the camaraderie, but I’m ready to start something new.” He pulled her into his embrace. “I’m ready for all of it Ash—a home, an art studio for you and a woodworking shop for me and our baby and when you’re ready and if you’ll have me, marriage. We can have it all, Ashni. Everything we’ve ever wanted. Everything.” His voice took on a deep significance.
*
“This is going to be the best Ballantyne Bash ever,” Ashni sang out. She’d watched the finals with Beck’s family, but she’d kept her pregnancy a secret. Beck wanted to make the announcement together tonight, and she suspected that he’d probably produce a ring at some point in the evening.
Her reluctance to get engaged seemed more like a bad dream that had faded in the daylight. Beck loved her. She loved him. Sure, the baby might have inspired him to propose, but after talking to Sky last night and confessing her feelings to Beck this morning, she felt more confident. This was a new step they were both taking. And she’d have some time. Her new job started Monday, and in a week, Beck would leave for the last leg of the tour, giving her a few weeks to be on her own and settle into a new normal. She didn’t want to move onto the ranch without him, and he hadn’t pushed it. A pleasant surprise. She liked the studio, and she’d never had time to live on her own. She’d gone from her parents’ home to a college dorm, to living with Beck in an apartment or his rig.
Beck went back to the truck to bring in another keg of beer, and she hurried ahead into the log cabin on Plum Tree Hill where they were staging salads and desserts. She had two boxes of rodeo-themed cookies she had ordered from the Copper Mountain Gingerbread and Dessert Company and a large collection of dark and milk chocolate mini cowboy boots from Sage’s.
She’d begun to put the cookies on a platter when the tall, gorgeous woman with auburn hair she’d seen with Bodhi a few times this week sauntered in and offered to help. Ashni was eager to meet her. Bodhi rarely hung out with the same woman twice. Had someone finally captured his heart?
“Nico Steel,” she said. “You’ve been having fun with Beck this week,” she observed.
That was one way of putting it.
Nico stole a cookie and took a bite then she smiled. “These are delicious.”
A vaguely familiar blonde walked in.
“This is Langston,” Nico said. “She’s our competition although it’s all friendly from our end. We’ve become friends when we were roped into helping set up and decorate for the bash, but Beck’s been keeping you under wraps.”
“I was teaching an art class,” Ash said, hoping she wasn’t staring too hard at Nico. She’d never seen Bodhi take an interest in another woman longer than a one-night stand.
“Hey, Ashni,” Langston smiled and also grabbed a cookie from the plate Ashni still held. “Good to see you. Last time I think was when you’d just graduated high school and you came for a visit with Beck.”
“That is a blast from the past,” Ashni said, charmed that both Bodhi and Bowen had dates for the bash for once. Usually they were just about granddad and the ranch when they were home.
Maybe they too were getting the urge to settle down.
“What did Beck offer you?” Langston asked startling her out of her musings about Beck’s cousins’ potential romantic lives.
“What?”
“Other than the obvious.” Nico laughed.
“What did you get out of the game?” Langston asked. “Bowen did a favor for me with my ex. Nico’s new in town and Bodhi’s been showing her around and teaching her how to live in the moment. Even though you’ve been together forever, Beck must have dangled something to play the game.”
“What game?” Ashni felt her blood begin to chill. Bowen, Bodhi and Beck were forever challenging each other, making bets, playing games, keeping score. But what did this week have to do with a game?
“The Rodeo Bride Game.” Nico rolled her eyes. “It was Bodhi’s idea. And all three boys jumped in boots first. The goal is to encourage his granddad to stay on the ranch instead of sell it.”
“Sell,” Ashni echoed. Beck hadn’t mentioned his granddad selling the ranch. She’d sat with Ben Ballantyne for two days at the rodeo, and he hadn’t said a thing, the sly fox. He’d just told her to stay strong, and that he’d look out for her. This was going to be bad. Worse than bad.
Ashni put the plate of cookies down on the counter very slowly, trying to suck in some air.
“So they are playing a game,” she questioned forcing calm in her voice when she wanted to scream. “What are the rules?”
“First one to get engaged, but it’s got to be public in front of their granddad and moms and somehow dramatic or memorable. Granddad and moms are the judges,” Langston said. “Surely, Beck told you all this.”
“So what did Beck offer you?” Langston asked again.
“Marriage,” Ash said, her throat dust dry.
“You don’t have to spew the party line for us. We’re all in on it.”
“I wasn’t,” Ash admitted, but somehow it all made horrible sense. Beck’s dogged persistence. Not for her. For the game. For the ranch.
“Hey, Ashni.” Beck entered the kitchen, a huge smile plastered on his stupid, deceptive face.
“Beck, you jerk.” Langston turned to him. “Didn’t you tell her this was a game?” she demanded. “I thought since you guys have been together forever that she’d be in on it. Bowen assured me that all the women were in on the rules.” Langston crossed her arms and glared.
“The Rodeo Bride Game.” Ashni faced him. “That makes so much more sense than you suddenly deciding it was time to quit the tour and settle down. I’m out.” She pushed past him. “You lose.”
*
Beck stared at the open doorway where Ash had just disappeared. He heard the front door slam. He felt like everything was in slow motion and he had to move. Fast.
No. No. No. This could not be happening. She could not be running out on him again.
Beck sped out the door just as Bodhi headed in.
“Hey, have you seen Nico? It’s showtime.”
Beck shoved Bodhi out of his way and ran out into the night.
It was beautiful and macabre at once. The barn was ablaze with lights and a country band played inside. More than a few couples danced. Others were lined up at the various food trucks. Several bonfires were set up waiting to be lit. The stars blazed overhead. The fiddle player launched into a dreamy solo that made his heart ache. Everywhere people were laughing, talking, enjoying life. He heard his granddad laugh. But no Ash.
Would she run? Hide? Cry to Sky? Slash his tires? He didn’t know. A week ago he would have said he knew her as well as he knew himself, but this was a new Ash. Stronger. Mysterious. Sexy and so appealing and part of his heart that he didn’t want to live a day without her. But she still didn’t trust him, and she was still running.
All the damn games over the years. The challenges. The bets. The dares. When are you boys going to grow up? He’d heard it from the moms. From Ash. From Granddad. And now this. The biggest game—the one with the most potential to hurt—only he hadn’t been playing. Why couldn’t she see that?
You never once backed down from a Ballantyne challenge.
He kept walking down Plum Hill until the party was far behind him. He looked out over the valley below. This used to be his favorite place growing up. Plum Tree Hill. The barn. The view. He’d felt like a king as he’d eat his fill of the ripe fruit in the summer and dream. He’d made love to Ashni the first time in the hayloft with the valley and the future spread out rich and verdant below them.
“Showtime,” he heard Ash mock behind him. Relief coursed through him. She hadn’t run away. She was confronting him. He could work with that.
“Don’t you want to watch Bodhi and Bowen make fools of themselves with their big ta-daaaa! We’re getting married?”
He didn’t bother to turn around. He closed his eyes. “You don’t trust me.”
“You don’t talk to me,” she parried.
He winced. It was true. But since she’d stopped running and was up in his face, he could give her the answers she needed even when it was hard.
“Why the game, Beck?”
“Bodhi’s game. I thought it was stupid, but yes, for a moment I got caught up in the competition.” He faced her. “But for me, it was real. My proposal was sincere. Our marriage when it happens will be forever. I tried to propose to you at your apartment, not in front of anyone. Just us. I ceded the field. You are everything to me, Ash. Baby or no baby. Ranch or no ranch.”
She blew out a long breath. Then nothing. Silence. Finally. “Why?”
“You mean more to me than a future on the ranch or working with my cousins or the tour. I couldn’t turn that into a game.”
“Why a Rodeo Bride Game?” She came up behind him, and he could feel the brush of her body against his. Her arms slipped around his waist, and she rested her cheek against his back. “You were the only one in a relationship. It makes no sense for Bodhi to come up with that.”
“We were worried about Granddad. He’d said he was thinking about selling the ranch, and it seemed so out of character. He’s Mr. Marietta. He’s still on so many ranching committees. The rodeo committee. He knows everyone. Still works every day. He has always taught us to love the land, to be stewards of the land, and we were worried that he was ill and not telling us. Or needed money, and he wouldn’t ask. Or maybe that he was tired of being alone and running the ranch so he’d let the moms finally talk him into selling and moving to an assisted living facility near them in Denver.”
He felt Ashni’s fingers tighten on his. But he couldn’t move his fingers to hold on to her.
“Keep talking.”
“Bodhi thought that if one of us got engaged, Granddad would feel like the future of the ranch was assured.”
“And Rodeo Brides was his answer?”
“Ironic since he’s never dated the same woman twice as far as I know.”
“But even with the game, you didn’t swoop in, tell me about it and ask me to play?”
“No.” Beck was adamant. “I know Bodhi and Bowen told the other women about the games, but you and I had problems, real problems that a quick conversation couldn’t fix.”
“I got lost somewhere,” she said. “Just as I think you got lost.”
“I was never lost, Ash.” Beck covered her hands with his where they rested on the bucking bronc buckle he’d won today. “You are always my home.”
He felt her lips press against his back, and he turned around to face her, ignoring the view he’d always coveted. “I just left them to play. But I am worried about Granddad, and he put me off each time I tried to talk to him. And Bodhi and I fought. He went too far, and I punched him.”
Ash tilted her head.
“But Three Tree Ranch and your granddad and cousins and Marietta are you, Beck. They define you. What you’ve always wanted in life.”
He shook his head. “I define myself. And you define me as well. The life we make together will define me. I’ll miss this if it’s gone. Won’t lie about that.”
Ashni’s eyes narrowed in calculation. They loved each other. What else was there to solve?
“Now that sounds more like my Beck,” Ashni said musingly.
“I wanted to be yours from the first time I saw you. I never stopped wanting to be yours, but I can’t marry a woman who doesn’t trust me.”
“I know.”
“I can’t marry a woman who thinks the worst of me and won’t come to me with her concerns or problems or fears.”
“I know.” She sighed. “Good thing I’m not that woman anymore. Or I’m slowly trying to shed that passive role. I panicked in the kitchen, but once I got outside, I realized that you don’t have a deceptive bone in your body. And also I’m tired of running. So I turned around, but you’d already hoofed it halfway back to the farmhouse, just like I tried to find you at the steak dinner afterward to apologize but ran into Sky who set me straight.
“This morning after you and I sorted through everything, I felt confident again. I was even thinking you’d propose tonight, and I’d say yes because I was confident in us again, but the game explanation threw me. It’s like you and your cousins and the two women were all on a team, and I felt left out again, like I did that night you were talking to Bodhi about other women.”
“I could never leave you out. You’re a part of me,” he admitted.
“For reals?” She widened her eyes and crossed them.
“Of course!” How could she joke at a time like this? His eyes burned looking at her. She was like a living flame—her dress a bright red and her yellow scarf draped around her graceful neck and trailed down her back. She looked like a goddess out of a Greek myth.
“You are mine, Beck Ballantyne.” She pulled away enough to gaze up into his face. “Let’s never shut each other out again.”
“Never.” He kissed the top of her head loving how her hair was so silky against his lips.
“So…” She looked up at him, the sparkle back in her eyes. “Do you want to really piss Bodhi off and go win this thing?”
“What?” He coughed out a laugh.
“It would serve him right. You got a ring, right?”
“I do,” Bodhi admitted.
“So that’s a yes? You agree to be my husband?”
“Hell yes.”
“Let’s go win the Rodeo Bride Game.” She linked fingers with him, and she tugged on him until side by side they walked back up Plum Hill toward the party and his family and their future.
The End
Want more? Check out Cruz and Axel’s story in A Son for the Texas Cowboy!
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