Jerden hadn’t held a woman in his arms and kissed her like that in months. Yet even after such a long layoff, the effect on him was surprising. He would never have guessed she could feel that good or make him want her any more than he already did. Unfortunately, her neutral scent made him want to break down and cry. He could give her such joy if only she would allow it.
One kiss, Jerden. It’s only one kiss—and the first real one, at that. Be patient.
It was difficult to be patient when his heart ached and his blood sang—everywhere, that is, except his cock. This time, he was sure the problem wasn’t on his side of the equation. She was the one holding back. He was giving it his all.
While purring drove most women wild, Sara seemed immune to its effects. At least she wasn’t fighting him—was even kissing him back. Sort of. Then it occurred to him that the last man to kiss her had been Nate, and she’d passed out from fear. This was a definite improvement.
Telling her she could trust him with her life—and her heart—wasn’t enough. Kissing her wasn’t enough. He had to convince her by doing. She hadn’t lost her desire overnight and it wouldn’t be restored overnight. That Jerden wanted it to return before the next heartbeat was irrelevant. He had to give her time.
Still, her scent was uniquely hers, be it neutral or drenched with passion. Inhaling deeply, he let it fill his head and seep into his blood. His hands trembled with the need to tear her clothes from her body and caress every inch of her skin.
Unlike so many others he’d fucked, this one woman had him falling hard and fast for her. The one who’d saved him, whether she knew it or not—whether she’d done it intentionally or not. Salan would’ve given her right arm for the chance to rescue a Zetithian man and earn his undying gratitude. Sara had taken him in with no more emotion than was required to take in a stray puppy—perhaps even less. Most people liked puppies. Sara had apparently put men in the same category as rats raiding the feed bin.
It occurred to him then that he’d done just that. He’d come into her life, taken her horse, her hospitality, her food. Even rescuing her from Nate was something Zatlen or Reutal could’ve done. It was high time he gave something back. Something only he could give her…
The answer to that was obvious. Joy, unlike any you have ever known. How many times had he said that to a woman? Hundreds? And strictly speaking, it had always been true. Even women who had been with Onca or Tarq before had rated his performance as superior. Not that he could hold a candle to either of them now.
Still, he had been told he was the best kisser…
“Mmm, Sara,” he murmured against her lips. “You taste delicious.”
She drew back slightly. “Thought I was—what was it you said—neutral?”
“Your desire would taste better,” he conceded. “But every woman has her own unique flavor and scent. I like yours very much.”
“You certainly taste better than Nate—though that isn’t saying a whole lot. He’s a smoker.”
“Filthy habit,” Jerden agreed.
“Yes, it is. I can hardly stand the smell. Makes me want to throw up.”
Jerden chuckled. “Sure it doesn’t make you pass out?”
“Not usually.”
“Speaking of passing out, did you notice anything just now?”
“You mean did I notice that I’m still conscious?”
“Yeah. I was half expecting to have to carry you into the house again.” Good sign, though. “Care to explain that?”
She straightened up as he released her. “Well, you did warn me to expect it.”
“That’s all it takes? A warning?”
Sara touched her lips—lips that appeared more succulent than ever for having already been kissed. “I dunno. Haven’t been kissed much.”
“And now you’ve been kissed by the best.” Jerden stifled the urge to do it again. Better not push my luck.
“Cocky bastard.” Her smile took the sting out of her words.
“Hey, when it’s true…”
To his surprise, she didn’t argue, but her smile changed to a frown in an instant. “Apparently Salan called here, wanting to know if it was true we were sleeping together. Reutal, of course, told her we were, which means Nate will probably be the next to know.” She glanced up, her troubled green eyes meeting his. “I don’t mind telling you, I’m scared to death he’ll come back.”
“Guess we’d better have that date soon, then.”
“Yeah, I guess we should.” Drawing in a ragged breath, she continued. “I handled it the last time, and Reutal and Zatlen are right out there in the stables if I need them, but…” Her sentence trailed off as her eyes swept over him.
He hoped his grin wasn’t too smug. “Why, Sara. Are you actually asking me to stick around?”
“Much as I hate to admit it, yes.” She paused, chewing thoughtfully on her lower lip.
Jerden stared at her mouth. If she kept that up, she was going to get kissed again. He was surprised he wasn’t drooling. With any other woman, his dick would not only have been hard as a rock, it would have been dripping all over the place. It was strange feeling the way he did without that response. Neater, perhaps, and certainly more discreet, but at the same time… disappointing.
Cria gave him a nudge just below his knee. He glanced down at her huge yellow eyes—eyes that advised patience.
He gave her a wink. Message received.
“You’ll probably think this is funny,” Sara went on, “but when Nate was here, I imagined you standing behind me, snarling at him. It… helped.”
“Glad to hear it, but it’s still good that you were able to deal with him on your own. Shows progress.”
Sara didn’t argue. “I guess so.” She glanced at the horse she’d been riding and then back to a spot somewhere near the center of his chest. “You’re early. As you can see, I haven’t even started dinner yet. The gang wanted hunela tonight, and it takes forever to make.”
“I thought I might help you with that.”
“You mean you really can cook?”
He grinned. “Kissing isn’t the only thing I’m good at, Sara. Does that surprise you?”
“Well, yeah,” she admitted. “Kind of.”
“I was on a refugee starship for twenty-five years. Our rescuer taught us all sorts of things. Languages, customs, history—you name it.”
“Including how to kiss?” Her mischievous smile and twinkling eyes did peculiar things to Jerden’s heart.
“I learned that on my own.”
“Ah. I see.”
She was learning, too—very quickly. Still, it was possible that she didn’t even realize her coy expression was quite so teasing, beckoning, even seductive. But it was.
“Want me to do it again?”
Sara shrugged. “That’s up to you.”
“No, it isn’t. It’s entirely up to you.”
“I didn’t ask you to kiss me the last time.” She frowned and began devouring her lip again. “Did I?”
Jerden didn’t think he could take much more. If she didn’t stop biting her lip, he was going to pounce on her and rip her clothes off with his teeth—whether his dick was hard or not. “Not in so many words, but you did say you missed me.”
“And that’s all it takes?” She sounded every bit as puzzled as she appeared.
“Sometimes.”
She looked up at him with a grimace. “Look, I told you—or if I haven’t, I should have—I’m not any good at this stuff. If you want something from me, you’re gonna have to come right out and say it.”
Had a man ever been given an opening like that? And not taken advantage of it? “I probably shouldn’t. I wouldn’t want to scare you.”
This time, her upper lip was the target for her teeth. “Oh. Well, maybe we should put these horses up and forget about it for now.”
Jerden blew out a pent-up breath. “Okay, I’ll say it. I want at least one more kiss.”
He barely had time to register her nod before yanking her back into his arms and kissing her the way he wanted. Slowly, deeply, with all the sexual heat he could pack into it. She not only didn’t resist, he could’ve sworn he heard her moan.
“Whoo hoo!” Reutal hooted as he hopped over the fence. “It’s about fuckin’ time! Hold on a second.”
Scurrying over, he attached his fingertips to Sara’s bare forearm. His eyes narrowed in concentration. “Not yet,” he said as he released her. “But close. Very, very close.”
“What are you talking about?” Jerden demanded.
“Never mind,” Reutal said, giving him a pat on the back. “Keep going. You’re doing a great job.”
Jerden didn’t think he could pick up right where he’d left off, particularly since Sara was now giggling uncontrollably. At least she wasn’t mortified or taking a swing at anybody. More than that, he couldn’t have said.
“Aw, c’mon, Jerden! Kiss her some more!” Jerden spotted Drania peering at them through the fence rails, her long pink ears wiggling like crazy. Zatlen stood next to her with a broad grin, looking far more masculine than usual. Apparently his male side appreciated watching a good seduction as much as the next fellow.
If it could be called a seduction. From Jerden’s perspective, it was beginning to seem more like a Rhylosian circus. He reminded himself that every circus he’d ever seen on Rhylos had included sexual acts, but that was beside the point.
“I’ll just take these horses to the barn,” Reutal said, gathering up the reins of Sara’s mount. “Then you two can get started again.”
Catching Danuban by the halter, he headed toward the gate where he handed the stallion off to Zatlen. Drania followed them down the path to the stable, her ears still quivering with excitement as she stole the occasional backward glance. Pausing at the doorway, she gave Jerden a firm thumbs up and then disappeared inside the barn.
Sara wiped the tears from her eyes. She couldn’t remember the last time she’d laughed that hard. Perhaps she never had. One glance at Jerden almost set her off again.
“Oh, my,” she gasped. “You should see the look on your face—somewhere between stunned and I don’t know what.”
Jerden grinned. “Stunned is right. What was that bit with Reutal all about?”
“Something about my essence,” she replied. “He can tell when the mares are in season, so I guess he figures he can do the same thing with me.”
He appeared to consider this for a moment, and then shook his head. “I carry around a much more reliable indicator. And right now, it says you’re not.”
Sara didn’t have to think very hard to know just exactly what he meant by that, somehow managing to keep her gaze from drifting toward his groin. “He’s always spot-on with the mares. Maybe his senses are more acute than yours.”
“I doubt it,” Jerden said. “But if he says you’re close, I guess I should take that as encouragement.”
Since Sara wasn’t convinced she wanted to be in season, she didn’t know if Reutal’s assessment was encouraging or not. What she did know was that this had been the strangest damn day of her life. “Whatever. Let’s go fix dinner and see what happens.”
***
The first thing Sara thought as she entered her kitchen was that it wasn’t big enough for Jerden. Out in the open he’d seemed much less daunting. Now that they were alone together in a relatively small room, her anxiety returned. She wasn’t afraid of him, but his size was—
No, it wasn’t just his size, it was his entire persona. He was simply too much man for her tiny cottage.
She’d never felt crowded with any of the gang in there, which wasn’t surprising, since she was taller than all three of them. Not only was Jerden taller than she was, but the sheer bulk of all those muscles made him seem much larger. She would have been more comfortable with him had they been in a palatial home with vaulted ceilings and arched doorways—one that had fewer places in which to be cornered.
The previous morning she’d been dropping things in his presence and had even ordered him out of her house. Now she understood why. She’d been cornered before—though in a much smaller space.
But not by him. She had to keep telling herself that. Nonetheless, her chest tightened and her hands started shaking. Again. “Um, why don’t you have a seat in the living room? I’ll fix dinner.”
“I’ve got a better idea,” he said, pulling a chair out from the table. “Why don’t you have a seat and I’ll fix dinner.”
Her first impulse was to carry that chair out to the porch. Unfortunately, Cria chose that moment to stretch out between the table and the stove, effectively cutting off her escape route. Her huge yawn revealed fangs even longer and sharper than Jerden’s. Suddenly, the room seemed to shrink by half. Sara ran a hand through her hair, her eyes darting back and forth in near panic as she tried to decide whether or not she could leap over the leopard’s sprawling figure without losing a leg in the process.
Jerden didn’t miss the gesture or her change of mood. “What’s wrong? Afraid I’ll mess up the kitchen?”
“No, it’s not that. I feel… weird.”
He stared at her for a long moment. “You’re going to order me out of here again,” he said flatly. “Aren’t you?” He turned away from her quickly, but not before she saw the pain in his eyes.
“I’m trying to relax, Jerden. Believe me, I’m trying. But I can’t help how I feel.”
He took a deep breath and blew it out slowly as though trying to control his temper or some other emotion. “I thought we’d gotten past this. Look, I can understand you being nervous, but please, just stay here and talk to me—about anything. I only want to be with you and hold you if you’ll let me. You make me feel… whole again.” He paused, frowning. “In fact, I’m not sure I’ve ever felt whole—or grounded. Not for a very long time. I’ve been… adrift.”
His gaze met hers; the glow from his vertical pupils was more apparent in the dim indoor light. He looked so alien with his upswept brows and pointed ears, and yet his expression was so intensely human.
“You left your homeworld by choice. Mine was blown to bits along with all of my family. I haven’t had a real home since.” His eyes swept the room. “Nothing like this. It’s no wonder I wound up in a brothel on Rhylos. And then Audrey was murdered because of what I am. I’m sorry if it sounds selfish, but I need you, Sara. Most of all, I need you to understand.”
She could’ve sworn there were tears in his eyes—or were those her own tears clouding her vision? Nodding, she sank down in the chair he’d offered, her gaze locked on his. “Go ahead. I’m listening.”
He blinked, and yes, there really were tears. She could see them glistening at the corners of his eyes. “Our enemies had been very thorough. There was no way off the planet. We could see the asteroid heading straight for our world, and there wasn’t a damned thing we could do to stop it.
“Then a ship landed, and my parents made sure I got on it. I was five years old and the only child they had left. I was screaming my head off when they handed me over. I didn’t understand why they couldn’t come with me. There wasn’t room for them—I realized that later, but at the time…”
He paused, shaking his head. “Then the ship lifted off and left orbit just before the asteroid hit. Some of us were only babies, but the rest of us were watching the viewscreen and saw it happen.” His voice dropped to a whisper. “Our entire planet was gone in a matter of seconds. I’ll never forget the screams of those children until my dying day.”
He brushed away the tears. “Later on, we were told that Rutger Grekkor, the husband of our rescuer, was responsible for the war against our kind. Amelyana had taken a Zetithian lover, and Grekkor, a very rich, powerful, and insanely jealous man, had retaliated by attempting to kill all of us. She stole one of his ships and did what she could to save as many children as possible.
“We spent the next twenty-five years in space, waiting until she deemed it safe to land. It wasn’t until Grekkor was killed and the bounty was no longer being paid on any survivors that we came to Terra Minor. Grekkor’s assets were then divided among the remaining Zetithians. We went from penniless to rich almost overnight.
“Some of us settled here. My friends Tarq and Onca and I decided to pool our funds and open a brothel on Rhylos. We’d been trapped on that ship for so long… I guess we were all a little nuts. Anyway, we made a fortune, but then Audrey was killed—and you know what that did to me. I came here to live and try to forget and maybe get back to normal.” He sighed. “I’m not quite there yet—if I even know what normal is. Anyway, that’s my story. When you’re ready to tell yours, I’ll be here to listen.”
Sara sat gazing at him, trying to imagine the depths of his pain. The darkness in her own past was nothing compared to what had happened to him. Nothing, and yet she still couldn’t find the words to tell him about it. She had never been able to speak of it—to anyone.
As if he read her thoughts, he went on, “And don’t be thinking that what happened to you seems trifling compared to my history. Nothing hurt me. Not directly. I suffered no injuries—emotional trauma, yes, but nothing physical. I believe it was different for you, and therefore even more devastating—more critical to your life and who you are. When you do decide to tell me, don’t make light of it, Sara, and don’t compare your pain to mine or anyone else’s. Believe me, it won’t do any good. All that matters is how it affected you.”
The only time Sara had initiated physical contact with a man was when Jerden had been lying unconscious in her bed. If she was ever going to do it with a conscious man, the time was now. Getting to her feet, she held out her arms.
And he walked right into them.
The impact of his body against hers was even more intimate than when he’d kissed her. She’d never clung to anyone like that before, and he returned her embrace with a fervor that shocked her to the core. Tears slid down her cheeks and onto his chest as she cried for those he’d lost, those he’d loved, but most of all, for him; one of the few left behind to remember the horror—who had to go on living, trying to be normal, trying to stay sane.
Sara had no idea what to say to him. What words could possibly make a difference? “I won’t tell you to go. I’ll… get used to you being here. I need you too.”
She felt the tension leave him as he pressed his lips to her cheek. Apparently she’d said the right thing.
“Then I’m staying.” He released her slowly, reluctantly, his tentative smile steadily gaining strength. “And I will be fixing dinner.”
“We’ll do it together.”