A week later, Levi paused outside the door to the pub and ceremoniously pushed it open. “Ladies,” he said grandly, making an ostentatious gesture with one hand to usher them both inside.
Izzy, who’d decided that Levi’s easygoing charm and general flirtatiousness hid a serious and caring soul, grinned, took an excited Gus by the arm, and walked with a certain degree of flounce into the pub.
They’d just come back from Gus’s shopping day in Queenstown, and a very successful day it had been too. Not only had they hit the shops, they’d also gone for a nice lunch on the waterfront, then much later had met up with Levi, who’d taken them to a very hipster burger joint with lines out the door for dinner before the trip home.
He’d blanched at the number of bags Izzy and Gus were carrying, making jokes about having to hang them off the chopper’s skids in order to get them home, but he’d somehow managed to fit them all inside, and now they were stacked up at HQ, ready to be taken back to Chase’s house.
Chase wasn’t at HQ himself, and given there were relatively few places he could be, they’d all trooped over to the Rose so Izzy could deliver Gus safely back.
Her stomach fluttered hard as she stepped into the pub, twisting and coiling with an excitement she couldn’t pretend she didn’t feel—an excitement that had been there ever since they’d spent the night together the previous week.
It had been, quite simply, magic. There was no other word for it.
From the moment he’d ushered her into his shower, to the passionate sex in his bed, to sitting on the deck in his arms, wearing his T-shirt, telling him about Josh, then looking up into his eyes as he’d told her that he didn’t want easy, that she could be difficult, that he liked her like that…
Yes, it had all been amazing.
They’d made love on the deck, right there in the bush, and afterward, they’d eaten and drank wine and talked. Chase had told her more about his business and what he was trying to do with it, his passion for the environment and this little valley and all the people in it evident in everything he said.
She’d told him about working in the oil company and how she’d tried to change things, and if nothing else she’d been proud of that at least, that she had managed to effect some change.
Chase had been very approving and had told her so, and they’d then gotten into a discussion about the environment and green energy and how best to build an ethical business that made money for the local community.
He was such an interesting man, full of ideas and passion, and it was inspiring. He was inspiring.
They’d gone up to bed after that and spent a good couple of hours exploring each other and the magic they could create between them. He was a generous, inventive, and rather wicked lover, clearly experienced, and yet she’d managed to surprise him a couple of times, which satisfied her very much.
The next morning, she’d woken up before he did and had gone downstairs to cook breakfast, eggs and bacon and toast. She’d figured out how to work the coffee machine and had brought him up a coffee. He’d been so pleased he’d dragged her back to bed and the breakfast had nearly gone cold.
It had been wonderful and she hadn’t wanted to leave.
But they both knew that this had only ever been a one-off, and since they couldn’t leave it too late for him to drop her back at the Rose, not without generating a few questions, eventually she’d dressed in her clothes from the day before and Chase had run her back to the pub.
He’d pulled up just before the township, so they wouldn’t be totally on show, and even though she’d wanted very much to kiss him goodbye, she hadn’t. Instead, she thanked him for the wonderful night, meaning every word, and had slipped out of the truck the way she had the night she’d looked after Gus—without another word and without looking back.
When she’d heard the rumble of his truck driving away, the day somehow darkened, the sun seeming a whole lot less bright, but she told herself that was just a cloud.
It had nothing to do with him.
Just like the low mood that had dogged her this entire week had nothing to do with him. Or the broken sleep she’d had, dreaming of him and his hands running over her skin, his mouth brushing the back of her neck, his arms holding her tight. Nope, that had nothing to do with him specifically either.
She’d probably dream of any man she’d had sex with like that.
What had been annoying though was that the other two had noticed. Beth kept asking her what was wrong, Indigo wondering aloud if she was coming down with something. But luckily the pair of them had been very involved in getting supplies for their separate businesses, not to mention viewing the house the three of them were going to move into imminently.
Izzy had tried to be enthused about it, just as she’d tried to sort through the inevitable paperwork that came with setting up a business, double-checking finances, and beginning to look at marketing.
It was all stuff that she should enjoy, since she liked doing admin work, but not having internet access for any of it was a pain in the butt, especially when it came to dealing with the finances, and she wished for an office that wasn’t one of the tables in the Rose’s dining room, where someone stopped to chat—or the library that the old guy used as his bedroom.
Of course, the reality was that her problem didn’t have to do with having no internet or an office, but a distinct lack of Chase Kelly.
What was even more difficult was that, unlike a city where she could actively avoid him, a small town was different, and unfortunately he was basically everywhere she turned.
Tall. Broad. Gorgeous. Striding around dealing with tourists or talking with various members of the town. Leaning against the counter chatting to Bill in the general store or greeting Gus at the school bus. Somehow always in the hallway of the Rose when she was going past or sitting with Finn and Levi whenever she was in the pub enjoying a shandy with Indigo and Beth.
What was worse was that he didn’t seem to find the constant proximity a problem. He seemed to have no issue meeting her gaze or being in her presence. He treated her the same as he always did, like a business associate or a new acquaintance.
She tried to do the same, but it was difficult. Too difficult.
She should have understood when he’d told her that getting involved with someone in a small town was hard, but she hadn’t. And now that she did understand, it was too late.
Taking Gus out had been a bright spot and Izzy had loved spending time with her. The kid was a delight. She had her father’s passion and seriousness, leavened with his slightly wicked sense of humor. She was open too, and somehow she’d decided that Izzy was someone she trusted and had talked candidly to her about her mother, who sometimes sent her letters since Gus couldn’t get emails, but whom she basically never saw.
Gus seemed remarkably sanguine and mature about it—she told Izzy she didn’t remember much about her mother anyway—but Izzy knew that Gus wasn’t as okay with it as she made out, and Izzy thought that might have something to do with Chase and his daughter’s fierce loyalty to him.
They were quite the pair, both incredibly protective of each other, which she admired, but it was also tough, since although Chase had his brother and Levi to talk to, Gus didn’t have anyone. Or at least no one female. Hence Gus’s abrupt embrace of her.
It was a responsibility, and one Izzy took seriously.
She glanced now at Gus as they walked through into the pub, the girl’s gray eyes shining, a grin just about splitting her face.
Instantly she spotted her father and shouted, “Dad!” dragging Izzy up to the bar where Chase was standing with Finn.
Izzy tensed instinctively as she and Gus neared the pair. A bright flash of lightning showed in Chase’s eyes, but then it was gone, and his gaze shifted to his daughter instead.
He smiled, the guarded look dropping, his expression softening in that way that made Izzy’s heart ache whenever he looked at Gus.
“Hey, Gussie,” he said. “How was your day?”
“It was fantastic!” Gus let Izzy go and gave her father a massive hug. “You should see what I got.” She looked up at him, her expression turning serious. “Fashion show, okay?”
“Fashion show,” Chase repeated blankly. “What?”
Despite the fluttering in her gut, Izzy couldn’t help smiling at his bemused look.
“Yes,” Gus said. “I want you to see what everything I got looks like on.”
Chase blinked a couple of times, then glanced at Izzy as if for some explanation. “I’m sure everything will look great on.”
“Wrong answer,” Finn muttered.
“Why don’t you go tell Beth and Indigo about what you bought,” Izzy said to Gus, “while I instruct your father about the importance of fashion shows?”
Gus grinned and raced off.
“It went well, then?” Chase’s gaze came to hers and stayed there, the warmth in his eyes and the humor in his tone making that fluttering sensation inside her intensify.
“Yeah, it was great.” She couldn’t help smiling at him. “Gus is really the most fantastic kid.”
“We like her.” Chase smiled back, little sparks in his eyes. “I mean, she is my daughter after all.”
Izzy’s heart gave a sudden hard beat, a flood of happiness washing through her.
She’d missed his company the entire week and it felt so good to be near him.
You’re a lost cause, you do realize that, don’t you?
Finn coughed ostentatiously, making Izzy nearly jump. “I have…a thing,” he said vaguely. “Going to see…someone about…something.” Without another word, Finn headed off through the crowded pub.
Chase’s smile faded, his gaze following his brother’s tall figure. “Damn,” he muttered.
“What?” Izzy asked, still lost in a happy glow.
Chase glanced back at her. “I think he’s picked up on you and me.”
Well, you were just standing there staring at Chase like a lunatic.
So she had. Great.
“Sorry,” she said automatically. “I didn’t mean—”
“This isn’t a good idea.” Chase’s voice got abruptly low and urgent, the gunmetal gray of his eyes flickering silver. “You and I together in public like this.”
Her stomach twisted, the happy feeling beginning to fade. He’d always been clear he hadn’t wanted anyone to know about them, so his reaction wasn’t entirely unexpected. Then again, it wasn’t as if they were doing anything incriminating. And it was only Finn who’d picked up on it.
“We were just talking, Chase.” She tried to sound cool. “Not having sex on the bar or anything.”
His eyes darkened. “I know but…” He stopped abruptly and glanced around as if checking for eavesdroppers. “We can’t talk about this here. HQ. Meet me there. Five minutes.” Without another word, he pushed himself away from the bar, moving quickly over to where Finn had gone to sit with Indigo and Beth, pausing for a brief chat, then striding out the pub door.
Izzy blinked, then took a breath, her pulse ramping up. Okay, so no doubt she’d get a lecture on why keeping their distance in public was important and how he didn’t want Gus to find out. Great.
Part of her was tempted not to meet him because she was tired of lectures. Tired of being told what was permitted and what wasn’t. And she was very tired of battling her feelings for him.
She’d told herself that getting involved with someone was the last thing she wanted after Josh, but a bit less than four weeks ago, Chase had arrived on the scene and had blown all her good intentions sky high.
Just physical, he’d told her. But it had never felt just physical to her. Sure, maybe she was reading into it something that wasn’t there, but she couldn’t deny that fluttering, desperate, excited thing that lived inside her, that flew dizzily around whenever he was in her vicinity.
That wasn’t just physical. That was something deeper and she wanted more of it. She wanted more of him.
So no, she wouldn’t leave him to stew. And perhaps meeting him now was a stupid idea, but she didn’t care. She wasn’t going to pass up the chance to see him in private and maybe…tell him that she didn’t want to keep her distance any longer. That twice wasn’t enough.
You’re falling for him.
Was she? Was that what the feeling was? The swoop and dive of her stomach and the rush of happiness whenever he was around?
She hadn’t felt that with Josh though, and she’d loved him.
Did you, though? Or did you only tell yourself you did?
Izzy stood there for a long moment, staring at the door of the pub Chase had disappeared through, the buzz of the conversation around her fading as the beat of her own heart became more insistent.
No, she’d never felt this with Josh. She’d never wanted to be with him the way she wanted to be with Chase. Never had the day darken when he wasn’t around and never had a flood of fizzing happiness wash through her whenever he appeared.
He’d told her, with what she could now see was casual cruelty, that he hadn’t known what love was until he’d met the woman he’d fallen for, and Izzy hadn’t understood. She’d always thought that they’d had love between them already.
She understood now though that they hadn’t. They’d never had it.
But she did with Chase.
And maybe it was time he knew that.
***
Chase paced back and forth upstairs in the living area of HQ, trying to force away the roiling sense of possessiveness that had gripped him the moment Izzy had come into the pub with Gus.
It had been dogging him the whole week since the night they’d spent together, and he knew it was tempting fate, but he found himself lingering in the places where he knew she was going to be and then watching her as he pretended to talk to someone else, hungry for the sight of her.
It was ridiculous. He wasn’t a teenage boy, mooning after a girl. He was a thirty-five-year-old man with a twelve-year-old daughter. He was above that shit.
Yet here you are, desperate to get her alone.
Yes, but that was only to tell her to keep her distance. That they had to watch themselves out in public, otherwise people were going to guess what was going on and that would be a mistake.
Finn was okay. His brother wasn’t a gossip. But it couldn’t go further.
Not after he’d seen Gus’s shining face as she’d come into the pub with Izzy. It was clear she’d had a wonderful day and the way she’d clutched Izzy’s arm as they’d come in together, looking at her as if she adored her…
He couldn’t have his daughter getting attached. Not to a woman who’d only committed to staying here for three months. A woman on the run from the life she’d left behind in Houston. He couldn’t blame Izzy for that though, not after that night on the deck when she’d told him what had happened.
She’d quite categorically been rejected by everyone in her life, and God knew he understood what that felt like. It made him ache for her. But still…
What if the company she’d left behind saw the mistake they’d made in getting rid of her and asked her to return? What if the asshole who’d broken off their engagement decided he wanted her back?
She was a woman in a million and no idiot in their right mind would let her get away, so it could happen. And if she’d left Houston for New Zealand, she could certainly leave New Zealand for Houston.
There wasn’t anything keeping her here. She liked Gus and Indigo and Beth. And she liked everyone in town. They liked her too, if what he’d heard from people was true.
But what else would keep her here once the store was up and running? She wasn’t providing stock for it the way Indigo and Beth were. She was doing the admin, and while that was important, it could also be done by someone else. It didn’t have to be her.
She could leave this all behind quite easily.
She could leave you.
No, this didn’t have anything to do with him. What was between them was casual, and anyway, that was over now.
The itch had been well and truly scratched.
Keep telling yourself that.
Chase ignored the thought as he heard the door downstairs close. He stopped pacing, turning toward the top of the stairs, his pulse beating loudly and insistently in his head.
A moment later Izzy appeared, a determined look on her lovely face. She wore a little denim skirt with a plain white T-shirt that molded to the curves of her breasts in the most distracting manner. Her hair was in a loose ponytail and he couldn’t help but notice that it wasn’t as poker straight as it had been when she’d first arrived here, but curling prettily over her shoulder. Framing her face were loose tendrils the same sooty black as her long lashes. Her eyes were that dark, rich espresso and they were glowing the way they always did when she was aroused…
Hell.
Electricity pulsed through him and he moved without thought, as natural as breathing, striding toward her, his hands landing on her hips, propelling her up against the wall near the kitchen area. He bent his head to take her mouth as she wrapped her arms around his neck and rose up to meet him, her kiss as hungry and desperate as his.
Heat ignited inside him, the taste of her making the hunger that had been simmering all week rise up to choke him, and it was all he could do not to shove her skirt up and bury himself inside her right then and there.
She felt soft and hot and perfect in his arms. As perfect as she had the night they’d spent together…
God, would it be so wrong to have another night? Just one more. That would surely put an end to this need.
He tore his mouth from hers and lifted his head. They were both breathing hard and her face was flushed, her body pressed to his in the most distracting way.
“Izzy,” he began roughly.
But she got in first. “Chase, I want to keep seeing you,” she said before he could continue. “I’ve been trying all week to treat you like everyone else, and it’s not working.” Her eyes were very dark, very wide. “I know you have good reasons for not wanting us to get involved, but…can’t we try it? Can’t we see what happens?”
Her scent wound around him, sweet and musky, and he didn’t want to talk about this. Didn’t want to think about it either, because thinking involved logic and logic dictated that trying anything with Izzy would be a bad move.
He couldn’t risk anything on “try.” Try implied failure and that wasn’t an option when Gus was part of the equation.
Gus, tonight, looking at Izzy adoringly…
Gus, who’d cried after Olivia had left. Who’d looked at him with her big gray eyes, expecting him to do something—the way Finn used to look at him, expecting him to do something, every night after their father had left to go to the pub, leaving two little boys at home on their own.
He was the leader; he was the one in charge. It was up to him to do the right thing, the responsible thing, no one else. After all, that’s what his mother had told him just before she died, that he had to take care of the family, that it was up to him…
“It’s a bad idea.” He knew he should push himself away, but he couldn’t seem to do it. “If things between us go south, it won’t be just us affected. Any kind of difficulties people have with each other only get worse in a town this small, and that’s not even going into how that would affect Gus.”
A small line deepened between her brows. “I know, believe me. I understand and I don’t want to hurt Gus. But we’re adults, aren’t we?” Her hands rested against his chest, her touch doing nothing but making the heat inside him burn hotter. “If we start something together and it doesn’t work out, we can stay friends, right? We don’t have to let it affect anything or anyone else.”
The softness of her body was a temptation he didn’t need, and parts south of his belt were being enthusiastically encouraging, telling him that she was right, that of course they were adults. They could have an affair and it would be fine.
But his head kept insisting that it was wrong.
Now was not the time for selfishness, not when he had Gus to consider. And anyway, it was only sex, wasn’t it? He could get that from anyone; it didn’t have to be her.
It does have to be her. Only her.
He nearly growled at the thought, trying to disengage his unruly nether regions and think with his head.
“I can’t have anyone knowing,” he insisted. “If you want an affair, then fine, I’m up for it. But we have to keep it on the down low.”
“So more sneaking around? Is that what you’re saying?”
“Yeah, that’s exactly what I’m saying.” The more he thought about it, the more excellent an idea it seemed. The sex was fantastic, and they enjoyed each other’s company, so why not? He could still have her. He didn’t have to stop…
But a telltale spark of temper was glittering in her eyes. “No,” she said slowly. “No, I don’t think I want that.”
This time it was his turn to frown. “What? Why not? You said before you liked the idea of sneaking around.”
“I did. But I don’t want to now.”
“Why? What difference does it make now?”
Izzy said nothing for a long moment, staring up at him. Then abruptly she shoved at his chest. Hard.
Chase got the hint and reluctantly stepped back, his body very unhappy with this development. “What?” he demanded. “What’s going on?”
She was breathing very fast, the currents of her emotions shifting and changing as he watched. Hurt and anger and something else he couldn’t name rippled over her delicate features.
“Izzy.” He tried to moderate his tone. “Izzy, I—”
“Tell me,” she interrupted flatly. “Tell me why you can’t be with me openly.”
He blinked, not understanding. “Be with you? But we’re not together. This is only casual sex and—”
“It’s not just casual sex.” There was something bright in her eyes, something fierce. “At least it was never just casual sex to me. And I don’t think it’s casual for you either.”
Something lurched inside him, like he’d been climbing some stairs and had missed a step.
Come on, did you really think she wouldn’t feel something for you?
Oh, he’d hoped she wouldn’t. Or rather he hadn’t considered it, thinking that it wouldn’t happen.
“Izzy,” he began, “I told you casual is all I do.”
She pushed herself away from the wall, anger glowing bright in her eyes. “Why?” she demanded. “Why is that all you do? I made an exception for you in Queenstown. Why can’t you make an exception for me?”
His own temper sparked. “I did,” he snapped. “And I told you what I could and couldn’t give you. You can’t turn around and change the rules on me now.”
Izzy shut her mouth, storms in her eyes. Storms he didn’t understand. She looked so distressed he couldn’t bear it.
Chase took a step forward. “Beautiful…”
“No. Stay where you are.”
He stopped, a tight feeling in his chest. A tight feeling that was getting tighter and tighter.
“I know what you told me,” she went on, her voice calm, the look on her face the opposite. “And I know this is changing the rules. But…I’m falling for you. I didn’t want to, Chase. Honestly, it was the last thing on earth that I wanted. But…you’re so…” She made a vague gesture with her hand. “So much of everything that I admire. You’re honest and passionate and caring. Responsible. You’ve got this wicked side that I just can’t resist and you make me feel…so happy.” The fierce light in her eyes glittered, and it wasn’t anger this time. “I couldn’t help it.”
His heart twisted, like a towel being wrung out, squeezing all the breath out of him. “I…can’t,” he said, struggling to find the words.
“I should be quiet,” she said, her gaze very level. “I shouldn’t say a damn word. I should take whatever you give me and be grateful, shouldn’t I? I shouldn’t make this difficult, I shouldn’t make this hard.” A tear sparkled in the corner of her eye. “But you know what? Screw that. I’ve been doing that all my life and I’m not going to do it anymore. You wanted me difficult, Chase, so here’s difficult for you.” She took a step toward him, the look in her eyes suddenly blazing again. “I don’t want any more casual sex with you. And I don’t want an affair. I want more than that. I want to be with you. I want a relationship with you. I want to try and see where it goes because I think what we could have together could be…magical.”
She was trembling, and that squeezing sensation in his chest wouldn’t go away. He wanted to reach out and drag her to him, tell her that he wanted to try too. But…it wasn’t possible.
He shoved his hands into his pockets, his fingers itching to reach for her. “I’m sorry.” He had to force out the words. “My position hasn’t changed. Casual sex is all I can give you. And I told you why.”
“No, you didn’t. All you gave me were excuses.” Her chin lifted. “And don’t tell me it’s about Gus again. Stop hiding behind your daughter, Chase, and give me the real reason.”
She’s right. You’re using Gus as an excuse.
No. Shit. She was not right.
Anger shot through him. “Leave Gus out of this.”
“Gus is a wonderful, mature, and perceptive young woman,” Izzy snapped. “And if you think she’d be devastated by us getting together and wouldn’t be able to handle our breakup, then you’re fooling yourself and underestimating her.”
She’s right again.
Something inside of Chase shifted, his anger simmering and red-hot. But it wasn’t at Izzy, and it wasn’t at Gus. It wasn’t even at Olivia.
“When I was eight, my mother died,” he said roughly, the words coming out before he could stop them. “My dad was left alone to bring up Finn and me. But do you think he actually brought us up? No, he bloody didn’t. He spent every night at the pub, drinking away his money. Drinking away his grief. And drinking away his goddamn responsibilities.” An anger he’d thought he’d left behind years ago was coursing through him and he had to grip hard onto himself to stop it from overflowing. “He abandoned us. He left us alone. He gave us nothing.” His voice was shaking, vibrating with the force of his fury. “I was the one who had to take care of everything. I was the one who had to make sure there was food on the table. I had to go to Bill and beg for food because Dad was always too fucking busy to check we even had the basic necessities.” His jaw ached—everything ached. “He left us, Izzy. Maybe not physically but in every other way that mattered, he was gone. Just like Olivia was gone. Just like my mother was gone.” His heart felt as if there had been fractures in it that he hadn’t known were there, and they were suddenly coming apart. “I can’t do it again. I won’t. I won’t trust someone, feel something for someone, care for someone only to have them leave. Not again. Never again.”
Tears collected in Izzy’s dark eyes, the light from outside shining on them. The anger had faded from her face and all that was left was a terrible sympathy.
“Oh, Chase.” Her voice was soft. “I’m so sorry. I had no idea.”
“No, because I didn’t tell you.” He took a breath, fighting to get his anger at his father, at Olivia, at everyone who’d ever left him to deal with everything on his own under control.
Anger at yourself, come on.
He ignored the thought.
“What can I do?” Izzy took a step toward him then stopped. “Tell me. I’m not like your dad, you should know that by now. And I’m not your ex-wife. I told you I was here for three months and—”
“You left Houston when things were tough,” Chase interrupted, knowing it was a low blow yet saying it anyway because he was angry. Because this was all coming apart and he hated it. It made him feel as if he was losing something precious and he didn’t know how he could stop it. “You just up and left without a word to anyone.”
Shock rippled over her face—and a dawning hurt. “That’s not fair. The situation here is entirely different—”
“It’s not,” he cut her off. “What’s to say if things went wrong between us you wouldn’t do the same thing? Get back on that plane to Houston and never see us again.”
She opened her mouth, then shut it, pain shining in her eyes. “Is that what you truly believe? That I’d up and leave you at the first sign of trouble?”
“Everyone else did.” It sounded pathetic, but he couldn’t stop himself. “Why wouldn’t you?”
Izzy stared at him. She looked small and delicate and pale, and he wanted to sweep her up in his arms. But he couldn’t let himself do it. He couldn’t. He wasn’t going down that path again.
“What about love?” Her voice was very quiet. “What if I said I loved you?”
The fractures in his heart widened, deepened. He could barely breathe.
“If you think love makes any difference, then you’re deluding yourself,” he forced out. “Love was the reason everything went wrong. It’s either too much or not enough, that’s the problem with love.”
Another expression crossed her face like a shadow, pain or shock or something else, he didn’t know what.
She lifted a hand and wiped away the tears, and he felt like the biggest asshole on the planet. Like he’d deliberately smashed something beautiful and delicate and very important.
You have.
Yeah, maybe he had. But at least the feeling wouldn’t last long. The pain would stop. It always did.
“Okay,” she said, her voice thick. “Okay. If that’s the way you want it, I won’t force you.” She turned and headed toward the stairs before pausing and turning to look at him. “But if you think I’m leaving on the next plane out of here, you’re mistaken.”
And before he could say another word, she vanished down the stairs, the door slamming behind her as she went out.