Chapter Twenty-Three
Bea rarely used her desk anymore, opting to spread her papers on the office floor so she could be close to Dexter. With each passing day, he grew more like his old self, pouncing on her to play and covering her face with slobbery kisses. He didn’t seem to notice Allyn’s absence. No dashing to the window when a car went down the street, no circuits through the house to see if she was hiding in one of the other rooms. On the contrary, he seemed to sense that Bea was out of sorts and stuck beside her like glue.
Out of sorts was a mild way of putting how she’d felt since Saturday night. Four days of walking around like a zombie and four nights of fitful sleep. Allyn would appreciate the irony.
Bea didn’t expect hers to last as long as Allyn’s had. It wasn’t as though they’d been married, or even committed to one another. They had only ten weeks of history, barely enough to honestly call it love. No wonder it had crumbled so quickly when Melody returned waving hearts and flowers.
As of right now, it sure felt as if it had crumbled. Allyn said she’d call in a couple of days but she hadn’t. Obviously, she’d accepted Bea’s surrender and felt no need to beat a dead horse. By petulantly taking herself out of the picture, Bea had given her the perfect exit strategy, one she could rationalize as what Bea wanted.
For the third time since sitting down she lost her place matching the inventory sheet to her order form. If she didn’t get her mind on her work, she’d end up with a whole truckload of packing tape and no boxes to wrap.
“Hey, boss.” Kit darkened her doorway and stooped to pet Dexter. “Is it okay with you if I cut out a little early? Grady’s got the counter and I need to go put some air in our practice balls before the match.”
“Sure, go ahead. Speaking of volleyball…I think I’m going to bail tonight. I’ve got a headache that won’t quit.”
“Bullshit.”
“What do you mean bullshit? Are you inside my head now?” Kit could be infuriating when she went into her know-it-all routine.
“You’ve been in a shitty mood all week. Something’s going on with you and Allyn.”
“Something that’s none of your business.”
Kit joined her on the floor and traded kisses with Dexter. “I saw Melody at the game last week, so I take it she’s back in town.”
Bea should have known better than to think Kit would take “none of your business” for an answer. “Not yet, but it’s just a matter of time. She came into town to talk with someone at the UW about getting her job back, then she showed up on Allyn’s doorstep. Allyn went with her last weekend to visit her family and got caught up in all the old memories. Now Melody wants her back, and all of a sudden she’s developed amnesia about all the shit she dragged her through last year.”
“So that’s it? You guys are done?”
“Who the hell knows? I have to let her try again if that’s what she wants, or live with the fact that she’ll pine away for Melody and resent me for the rest of her life. I want her to be happy. I just hoped it would be with me.”
“If she goes back to that conniving bitch, she’s fucked in the head.” The coarse words sounded even more vicious coming from someone as physically imposing as Kit. “But you might as well come to the game tonight and get your mind off it. I just got a text from her about five minutes ago, and she’s not going to be there.”
“That figures. I don’t even get the satisfaction of sulking.”
She could hardly fault Allyn for bailing on volleyball since she’d been prepared to do the same. From the way they both were acting, they were finished.
But not from the way Bea was feeling.
* * *
Allyn checked the clock and shut down her employer contacts file. Since Monday she’d dreaded the end of her workday knowing she’d spend the hours before bedtime sitting in the dark brooding, much like when Melody left. Only now she was brooding over how she’d treated Bea. It felt nearly as bad as being on the receiving end, except it wasn’t over. She still had a chance to make things right.
“That stupid cake.” Could she have been more thoughtless? As though it wasn’t enough that she’d shown up over two hours late on her birthday. As though she hadn’t spent those two hours entertaining pleas to come back to her ex-wife. As though they hadn’t kissed.
All afternoon she’d waffled on whether or not she could face Bea at the volleyball match. The women on the team were Bea’s longtime friends, and she’d already come between them last week when she caused her to skip the gathering at JoJo’s. What if she went and their teammates picked up on the rift?
She should have kept her promise and called earlier in the week. With every day that passed it grew harder to know what to say. Bea would want an answer and she still didn’t have one.
The decision should have been obvious—Melody had destroyed her. Yet she couldn’t bring herself to close the door once and for all, not when she had a chance to turn back the clock and pretend the whole tragedy had never happened. That future was there for the taking, since the job at the UW had come through and Melody was already plotting her move back to Seattle in only two weeks.
There was another reason she couldn’t talk to Bea right now. The very idea she would consider returning to Melody was humiliating. Bea would say all the right things about how she had to listen to her heart and do what was best for her, but on the inside, she would judge her. Everyone would. She’d be like a battered wife returning to her abuser.
Her cell phone chimed and she knew who it was without looking. Melody had badgered her relentlessly until she gave out her number and knew she stopped work at five sharp.
“Hello,” she said flatly, not bothering with the social nuance of faking cheer in her voice.
“Hey…is this a bad time?”
“No, it’s okay. I’ve been dealing with a stubborn client.” It shocked her how easily the lie rolled off her tongue.
“I’m sorry. If you want to rant, I’ll listen.”
This was the new Melody, oozing sympathy and compassion. Actually, it was the old Melody, the woman who used to call her from the car on the way home from work because she couldn’t wait to ask about her day. Allyn couldn’t remember when she’d stopped doing that.
“It wasn’t that bad really. In fact, I had a pretty good day.” Two placements and four new clients, thanks to the work habits she’d developed to keep herself busy after Melody left. They were paying big dividends, something she hadn’t seen back in the day when she was structuring her work schedule around taking care of the domestic chores while Melody was at her office. Now she was on pace for a six-figure income, her best year ever.
“The reason I called…I’ve been looking at some apartments online. I thought maybe you could give me some advice.”
Melody went on to describe a rental, an upscale complex less than half a mile away that Allyn had ruled out as too expensive. Unless her new job came with a whopping raise, she was over her head.
Jeremy’s advice after the divorce that she cut expenses was out of concern that her standard of living would drop considerably without Melody’s income, but in fact the opposite had occurred—at least for her. Melody, on the other hand, was probably dead broke, unless Naomi had supported her for the last nine months and allowed her to bank her salary. Money didn’t matter much where love was concerned, but it had a way of asserting itself when things went south. Allyn had no inclination to help her out financially, even though she’d gotten the lion’s share of the profit from the sale of their home. Melody had dug that hole for herself with poor decisions, and she’d have to climb out of it on her own.
She caught the tail end of Melody’s list of amenities and could hear in her voice that she was excited about it. “I looked at that place last year. It’s nice but it was too rich for my blood.”
“It’s higher than most, but it’s the only decent place I could find in that part of town that lets me do a month-to-month lease. I don’t want to be locked into a whole year.”
In other words, she was already counting on them getting another place together soon. “I assumed you’d want to live near the university. You always complained about the traffic.”
“I want to live near you, Allyn. I know it’s too soon for you to let me move in—and your place is probably too small anyway—but I want to be close enough that I can see you every day…so we can have dinner, hang out, watch TV. That’s what it’s going to take for me to prove that I’m the person you married.”
It would be so easy to say yes. Everything would fall back into place and her life would be so tidy. She couldn’t help yearning for what they’d once had, especially when she mentally scrolled through her memories of the times when they’d been close. The cards and photos she’d packed away in her closet told their story. Their love had been real. Deep. Passionate. So why couldn’t she do it?
Lingering anger and distrust. Sure, but Allyn felt certain she could make those go away once she decided to recommit. Something stronger was stopping her.
“Anyway, I’ll be coming back up again on Friday. I’m flying in late and I guess I’ll stay with Jillian & Tiff.” A few seconds passed, a transparent pause to see if Allyn would make her a better offer. “We’re supposed to look at this place on Saturday, maybe a few others. With any luck, I’ll be able to pick one and get started with this grueling process again. Want to come along?”
Tagging along on a rental tour with Jillian and Tiffany was the last thing she wanted to do. She didn’t even want them as friends, not after they’d chosen sides. It was weird to think she might forgive Melody’s betrayal but not theirs. She had nothing to gain from having them back in her life.
She didn’t particularly want to see Melody either, not right now. After a swarm of emails and phone calls since the weekend, all of them filled with apologies and promises, she needed time to process where she was. Melody had already leaped ahead, but she was taking a lot for granted.
The other looming issue was Bea acting as if she didn’t care one way or the other. She had a right to be angry, but not so angry that she was willing to throw it all away. That couldn’t be real love.
Or maybe Allyn was asking for too much compassion from someone who didn’t have it to spare right now. Bea was heartbroken over Dexter and didn’t need the aggravation of Allyn’s ambivalence over how to handle Melody’s return. No one wanted to feel like a consolation prize.
* * *
Bea knew they’d have a hard time winning without Allyn spiking from the front row, but she never expected to get slaughtered. It didn’t help that everything she touched sailed out of bounds because she hit it too hard, unable to rein in her aggression.
She fished a twenty-dollar bill from the bottom of her gym bag and handed it to Kit. “Here, buy a couple of pitchers of beer on me. I’m going to head on home with Dexter.”
“Come on, it wasn’t that bad.”
They both knew that wasn’t true, but her lousy play wasn’t the reason she was cutting out. She’d gotten a text from Allyn asking her to call. No matter what she had to say, Bea wanted to hear it without sharing her reaction with the whole team.
In a Hollywood romance, she’d have found Allyn on her doorstep tearfully proclaiming her love and renouncing Melody for all time. No such luck, though. She’d have to make do with a phone call.
Bea turned Dexter out into the backyard and twisted off the top of a Heineken. Celebration or consolation. A good lager was suitable for either.
Allyn answered on the second ring. “Hey, thanks for calling me back.”
“I usually do everything a pretty lady asks.” She cringed at how cheesy that sounded. “I know…that was a dorky thing to say.”
“It was sweet, just like you. How was the game?”
“Without our Tower of Terror on the front line, we got our asses kicked.”
“Sorry about that. I wasn’t sure where we stood and I was afraid it would make the others uncomfortable.”
If she’d called two days ago like she promised, she would have known exactly where Bea stood—she wanted it back the way it was before Melody showed up again. The more important question was where did Allyn stand. Bea’s anxiety rose with every second that passed without Allyn saying why she wanted to talk.
Bea decided against telling her she would have skipped the game too had Kit not told her about the message. “We missed you…and I miss you.”
“I miss you too. I still feel really bad about Saturday. I should have at least called you—no, I should have gotten there on time like I said. And the cake…”
“Forget it, seriously.” Just the same, she appreciated the apology.
“I wanted to call earlier but I wasn’t sure you really wanted me to. I thought a lot about what you said and you’re right. It’s not a competition, but if it were, Melody wouldn’t deserve to win. Not after everything she did.”
Bea’s heart would have soared with hope but there was something about Allyn’s choice of words that gave her pause. “So if it’s not a competition, what is it?”
“I don’t know. I’m afraid I’m going to screw around and lose everything. Melody keeps pressuring me, and I feel like you are too.”
“Me? What am I doing?”
“Nothing specific. I just feel like deep down you don’t want to give me time to think about it.”
On the contrary, she was sure if Allyn took the time to really look at it, she’d realize she’d never be happy again with Melody. “Whatever gave you that idea? I never said you had to decide anything right now.”
“You might as well have. You told me you had a bad feeling about it, and you didn’t even want to see me unless I made up my mind right that minute.”
“No, what I told you was that I was going to back off while you figured out what you wanted to do. I don’t want to be left dangling while you go back and forth between us.”
“That’s not how it sounded to me. You acted like you didn’t even care. As soon as I said Melody wanted me back, you practically pushed me out the door. It’s like you were insulted that I’d even think about it.”
That was true, Bea conceded, except she wasn’t insulted. She was hurt, and she knew she’d never measure up against Melody. “I told you I loved you.”
“You have a funny way of showing it.”
“Listen to yourself, Allyn. You’re doing to me exactly what she did to you—trying to make this my fault. It’s like you just want an excuse to cross me off your list so you won’t feel guilty about running back to her. If you really cared about me in the first place, you would have told her to get lost already. No way am I going to sit home and wring my hands over what you’re going to decide. ‘Pick me, pick me!’ Fuck that. Save us all the trouble and pick Melody. You can justify it later by saying you had no choice.”
She ended the call and slammed her phone on the table before letting out a frustrated scream so loud her neighbors had to have heard. After four quick breaths, she felt dizzy and went out to sit on the glider, where Dexter joined her to lie at her feet.
Tears sprang to her eyes as he thumped his tail and looked at her mournfully. He was the only creature on this earth she could truly count on to love her no matter what, and he was leaving her too.
Chapter Twenty-Four
Bea breathed a sigh of relief to find the circular driveway empty but for the van. Today’s visit would be hard enough without the added stress of knowing the Huangs were upstairs pacing and waiting for her to leave.
For the last two weeks she’d artfully dodged questions about Allyn, hoping it would all blow over and Allyn would realize going back to Melody was a big mistake. Wendy would pick up on her sullen mood and drag all the details out, after which they’d both probably have a good cry. At least Dexter was feeling great.
Krystal showed her into the sunroom where she dropped the leash and allowed Dexter to race across the room. It was always fun to watch their reunion as he stood on his hind legs and licked her face while she cooed about what a sweet boy he was.
“I should hold on to him a little longer so I can kiss you before he does. It’s like licking his food bowl.” After a peck on the lips she clutched Wendy’s hand to her chest. “How are you feeling?”
“How should I know?” they both answered simultaneously, laughing at their familiar schtick.
“We went out yesterday,” Wendy said. “Drove up to Altamont. Had lunch at The Beach House.”
“We should go out too sometime. It would be fun to drive out to Mountain Forest or up to the Observatory. Better yet, you could come with me to Seattle for a few days.” She’d thought about this before, even going so far as to find where she could rent a hospital bed to set up in the living room. With Grady up to speed, she could take time off work.
“I’d like to see your house for real.”
“We could have a big cookout over at Kit’s and get the whole gang to come out. Think we could get The Doctors to agree to that?”
Wendy snorted. “Sure, why don’t you ask them?”
“I’m serious. Krystal can come along so they won’t have to worry about me forgetting to set your parking brake.”
“Maybe I should ask them instead. I can cry. Want to see?”
“Oh, please. You’ve been pulling that one for eight years. No one falls for it anymore.” She tugged the wicker chair closer, making sure to stay in Wendy’s sight line. Then she kicked off her clogs and crossed her feet in Wendy’s lap. “Bad news about Allyn, I’m afraid. Looks like she’s gone back to that sleazebag who cheated on her.”
It came out exactly the way she’d practiced in the car, candid and unemotional. If Wendy knew how dejected she was, she’d feel bad too because there wasn’t anything she could do to help.
“I knew something was wrong,” Wendy said glumly. “You haven’t talked about her.”
“Nothing to say. I was hoping she’d come around, but it’s been about ten days since the last time we talked. Melody got her job back at the UW, so she’ll be moving back to Seattle any day now.”
“That’s just wrong. Allyn loved you.”
“Evidently not enough.”
“So that’s it? It’s over.”
“Appears that way.” At least she hadn’t told anyone else she’d been in love with Allyn, so she wouldn’t look like an utter fool when she got thrown over for the ex-wife. “But I can’t complain, you know. I got an awesome camera out of the deal.”
“You’re so full of shit.”
“I know. I’m just trying not to let it get to me.”
“It should get to you,” Wendy said sharply.
A steady rain precluded her escape into the backyard with Dexter, but even that was preferable to another drubbing from Wendy on why her romantic life was such a disaster. “It’s not my choice, obviously. She wants what she used to have. I understand that, probably better than most.”
“If you’d still pick me over her…you’re crazy as hell.”
Her tone was bitter, and if Bea didn’t know her so well, it might have sounded self-pitying. Instead, it was anger and frustration that she’d steadfastly refused to move on.
“What do you expect me to do, Wendy? Knock her over the head and drag her back to my cave? She wants Melody. End of story.”
“Because you won’t fight for her. You’re afraid to lose.”
There was more truth to that than she wanted to admit. “Losing would suck. At least this way I can keep my pride.”
“Is your pride worth that much?” She was clearly still angry, and she waited two beats for the respirator before she continued, because yelling took more air. “You’re being a chickenshit…just like when I decided…to have the surgery.”
“In the first place, calm down.” She stood and took Wendy’s hand again. It was true she’d been terrified when Wendy insisted on having the surgery in hope of regaining use of her hands, but her fears were ignored. “And about your surgery…not to be too obvious, but look how that turned out. You lost control of your lungs and you nearly died again, so forgive me if I don’t take your advice.”
“It’s all about the reward, Bea. If you lose Allyn…you won’t die…and you won’t be paralyzed. The only risk is your pride.”
“But it’s her decision, not mine.”
“Very noble. Does Melody feel the same way?”
Bea huffed. “She’s probably doubling down. Flowers, candy, the whole nine yards.”
“While you’re sitting on your ass.”
No answer to that except to agree.
“Melody is showing her that she wants her. What are you showing her?”
“That I…respect her. That I trust her to make the right decision. That I…shit. That I can’t be bothered to show her how I feel about her.”
“Yes, that one.” Wendy finally smiled, albeit smugly. “Go see her. She needs to know that you love her.”
Bea sighed and nodded her agreement, grudgingly conceding that it was her pride talking when she told Allyn she wouldn’t “play the game.” She might as well have pushed her out the door. “I’ll go sometime this week.”
“Go now.”
“Right now? We drove all the way up here to visit you.”
“Chickenshit.”
“What am I supposed to say?”
“You’re stalling. Go.”
“You can be such a terrorist,” she groused, even as she pulled on her jacket and grabbed for Dexter’s leash. After a parting kiss, she started toward the door, calling out over her shoulder, “I love you…and I’ll love you even more if you’re right.”
* * *
Allyn walked again through her apartment to see if she’d left anything undone, any little chore to keep her busy. Weekends were almost unbearable. A steady rain kept her indoors, and with no work to fill her day, she had too much time to mope.
A week and a half had passed since Bea broke things off, and the hurt hadn’t eased at all. No calls, no updates on Dexter. A friendly night out for a movie would have been nice. She’d been tempted to show up at the volleyball game and at least offer her hand in friendship. Then she’d played back Bea’s hurtful words in her head. Fuck that .
In contrast, Melody seemed to be everywhere all at once, calling several times a day, texting, sending photos and links, and writing long, drawn-out emails detailing every facet of her day. Allyn had taken to dodging many of the calls, most of the emails and all of the texts. It annoyed her that Melody increasingly behaved as if their reconciliation was a foregone conclusion. She hadn’t agreed to anything.
At least Melody wasn’t pressuring her to remarry, though she repeatedly said she would prove her love as long as it took for Allyn to take her back. If only Bea had shown her that kind of patience.
She felt trapped by Melody’s attentions. Bea told her she would, and that she’d end up choosing Melody and justify it because Bea had refused to play.
No one ever took responsibility for their choices. Why should she be any different?
She’d fallen into her old habit of not eating, but the moment she realized she was losing weight again, she bought a jar of protein powder to mix with yogurt and orange juice. A scoop of this, a cup of that, a splash of the other. As her blender whirred, another sound caught her attention and she turned it off to listen. A knock at the door.
Sunday afternoon. It couldn’t be anyone else but Bea, and she excitedly raced across the room and flung the door open wide—to Melody.
Clad in a calf-length raincoat with the hood up, she produced a bottle of champagne from one of her oversized pockets. “Guess who officially lives in Seattle again?”
“What are you doing here? I thought you had another week in Tucson.”
“I had a few vacation days and I blew off the rest. Naomi was making it impossible to stay, so I rented a truck and moved everything up here myself. I thought maybe we could drive out to Snoqualmie Falls for dinner.”
She invited herself in and hung her raincoat on the hook by the door, revealing a disturbing coincidence—she was wearing the same brown pinstriped pantsuit and ankle boots she’d worn the day she came home and announced she was leaving. She looked sharp, especially compared to Allyn, who was wearing yoga pants, a Seahawks jersey and bright blue bedroom slippers. Making herself at home, she began opening cabinets in search of wineglasses.
“Top shelf over the dishwasher.”
As she popped the cork and poured, she told of her twenty-three-hour drive from Tucson and how Jillian and Tiff had picked up her apartment key and met her last night to help her unload. “I would have been over here sooner but I was up half the night unpacking.”
Allyn walked behind her and emptied the contents of the blender into a glass. “I just finished making a protein shake. You want one?”
“Ditch it. Wouldn’t you rather have a nice big steak at the Salish Lodge?”
“I can’t. I have…other things to do.” Another lie easily told.
Melody’s face fell for an instant but she recovered with a smile and handed Allyn a glass of champagne. “At least do me the honor of celebrating with me. No matter how everything turns out, I finally feel like I’m back where I belong.”
Allyn went through the motions, clinking her glass and taking a sip as Melody took a seat on one of the barstools. The strength of the bubbles took her by surprise, and she vividly recalled the last time she’d had champagne. Dom Perignon. They’d shared a bottle with several other couples after their wedding.
“I have to admit it’s kind of nice having my own place,” Melody went on. “Nobody yelling at me…or worse, giving me the silent treatment. Living alone is way better than that. It isn’t something I want to get used to though.”
The last bit was a none-too-subtle hint about moving back in together, and Allyn found it irritating, especially given the teasing grin that came with it. “Don’t you think you’re being a little presumptuous?”
“I didn’t mean to be. Just…hopeful. I honestly don’t want you to feel rushed about anything. I know this isn’t easy for you and I don’t blame you. We’ll take everything nice and slow just like we said.”
“Just like you said. I never told you I was coming back.”
Melody’s smile faded again but there was still a twinkle in her eye that said she wasn’t taking Allyn seriously. “No, but if I keep showing up with flowers and champagne, I’ll wear you down eventually. I could see it last weekend when you were playing with Hunter. Plus Mom said if we didn’t get back together, she was going to kick both of our asses. You don’t want to get on Sheryl Rankin’s bad side. Nobody does.”
Allyn was tired of seeing her tune out everything she didn’t want to hear. “That’s exactly what I mean. You’re just so sure of yourself. I’m not the same person you walked out on. It was hard on me when you left, but I learned I can take care of myself, and being alone is a perfectly fine way to live. I also learned even the people you trust most can lie to you, so don’t think you’re going to win me back with flowers and champagne, or with cute stories about Hunter and your mom.”
“Whoa, I hear you. I’m not asking you to do anything you aren’t ready for. All I’m trying to do is find a way to get back to where we were. Whatever it takes.”
“We’re never going to be where we were. I don’t want to be your housekeeper anymore. When I’ve worked all day, I want to go out with friends—my friends, people who care about me . If I’m going to be with someone, I want her to care more about me than she does about herself.”
Obviously taken aback by her assertiveness, Melody leaned backward slightly on the stool as though pulling away from a possible slap in the face. “I’ve changed too, Allyn. I’m not that asshole who cheated on you. I learned my lesson. All I ask is a chance to prove it.”
Practically speaking, Allyn wasn’t even sure what that meant. Dating? Sleeping together? Melding their lives again? Her gaze moved down the pinstriped pantsuit to the polished ankle boots. She couldn’t envision herself doing anything with Melody. Not now, not ever.
With startling clarity, she put her finger on exactly the reason Melody didn’t have a chance. It wasn’t because of her affair or the cruel way she’d cast her aside, and it had nothing to do with Bea.
It was because she no longer loved her.
No attraction, no chemistry. And no desire at all to know her again.
Chapter Twenty-Five
“It’s over, Melody.” Allyn marveled at the steadiness of her voice, a sign of her certainty. “We had some good years but now it’s time for us to go our separate ways.”
Melody’s eyes went wide with panic and she began to shake her head. “No. I don’t accept that. It can’t be over, Allyn. I watched you at my mom’s, and you were so happy. That’s exactly how you used to be. I know we can get it back. I swear I’ll never hurt you again.”
“I love your family very much, and I hope I’ll be able to keep them in my life. I hope you’ll be in my life too, but it won’t be as my partner. There isn’t anything you can do to change that. I just don’t feel that way about you anymore.”
“That’s it. We need to talk this out, get all our feelings out in the open. Maybe we can go to counseling or something.”
“I don’t want to. And I don’t want to listen anymore, because it isn’t going to change how I feel. You should just go.”
“That’s all I get? No explanation? Just…it’s over?” Increasingly agitated, Melody pointed a finger across the counter. “I fucked up—I don’t deny that—but after all we’ve been through together, I deserve better than that.”
Allyn sneered at the wagging finger, Melody’s go-to gesture for asserting authority and putting her in her place. “Do you really want to have a conversation about what you deserve? We could start with all the lies. With the calls and emails of mine that you ignored.”
“That wasn’t the same thing. You already knew all the hows, whats and whys. You just wanted to keep talking because you couldn’t accept it.”
“And how is that different from this?”
“Because I don’t have a clue why you’re saying this.” Melody squeezed her eyes shut and rubbed her head with both hands. “Look, I know it’s going to be hard for us, but I’m willing to put in the work. I believe we’re worth it. I also believe we’ll be even stronger for going through all this together. If that means we have to start over at the beginning, then I’m willing to do that.” She thrust her hand across the counter. “Hi, I’m Melody Rankin. Pleased to meet you.”
Allyn ignored her hand, recognizing her attempt to trivialize her words and retake control of the conversation. She didn’t want any more of Melody’s apologies, nor to hear another string of senseless pleas. Only cold, harsh words would shut her down once and for all. “I forgive you for Naomi. I forgive you for how you treated me. But it doesn’t change anything. Even if I got past all the ways you hurt me, it wouldn’t make any difference. I don’t have feelings for you anymore. I’m not attracted to you and I don’t see that ever changing. In fact, I…I’m not sure what I ever saw in you in the first place. I didn’t want to have to tell you all that, but you keep acting like it’s just a matter of time before I come around. You need to understand that it isn’t going to happen. Not ever. That’s all there is to it.”
Melody stiffened on the stool but made no move to leave. With her chin jutting out and her eyes closing to a squint, she looked ready to spit nails. “That’s not all there is and we both know it.”
Allyn bristled at her tone.
“You’re trying to make it sound like it’s all about me, but not once did you mention Bea Lawson.”
“What about her?”
“It’s obvious you’re using her to get back at me. Jillian told me how you two put on a big show in front of her so she’d run back and tell me about it. I guess it worked, because I couldn’t stand to think of you settling for someone like that.”
Allyn could feel the hairs stand on the back of her neck, and she gripped the edge of the kitchen sink. “Settling for Bea Lawson? Someone who loves and respects me, who always thinks of me before she thinks of herself? Someone who doesn’t have a deceptive bone in her body? I’d hardly call that settling.”
“Bea Lawson isn’t who you think she is.” The veins on Melody’s forehead were bulging with anger and her voice rose with every word. “Do you have any idea what she did to Wendy Huang? That poor woman broke her neck and now she’s paralyzed. Did Bea think of her? Hell, no. She thought of herself. Divorced her, dumped her back on her parents and left her to rot in a wheelchair for the rest of her life. That doesn’t sound like love and respect to me. She’s a loser, a low-life scumbag, and you’ll be left high and dry the second you need her most.”
“Everything you think you know about Bea Lawson is a lie. Wendy Huang too. I know them both. I’ve seen them together and it so happens they’re more devoted to each other than any two women I’ve ever met.”
“Great, so you’re settling for a woman who’s in love with somebody else.”
Never before had Allyn felt such an urge to slap someone, but she couldn’t lower herself to do something so deplorable. “Isn’t that the same suit you were wearing the night you came home and told me you’d fallen in love with another woman?”
Melody looked down to check herself and then gaped at Allyn with bewilderment. “What the fuck?”
Allyn flung her sticky protein shake across the counter, landing most of it on Melody’s face and chest. “Let’s call that your Asshole Suit. Dry clean only, isn’t it?”
“Jesus Christ, Allyn! You’ve totally lost it.”
“No, I’ve found it. I finally have closure with you once and for all. Now get out of my house. And get out of my life.”
Melody opened her mouth for the last word but thought better of it when she saw that Allyn had grabbed the blender jar and was threatening to throw its contents as well. Muttering under her breath, she stalked out and slammed the door behind her.
Allyn’s hands shook wildly but not from fear or fury. She was proud. She was thrilled. She was whole again.
Holding onto the counter and then the barstool for support, she carefully navigated the slippery floor, laughing aloud at the awful mess she’d made. Besides soaking the floor, the spray had also drenched the couch and coffee table. Papers, magazines, pillows. It was well worth it to see the shock on Melody’s face.
She plucked the stepladder from the closet by the door and carried it into her bedroom. Still trembling with exhilaration, she climbed up and retrieved the box she’d stashed only a few months earlier on the closet shelf. Photos, cards and mementos of her life with Melody. Still in her bedroom slippers, she marched unflinching in the rain to the trash bin where she’d dumped the cake. With a giant heave, she tossed the whole box inside, along with all the stress and doubt she’d wrestled with since Melody’s return.
If it wasn’t too late, she could turn her focus to Bea. Only now she was in Melody’s shoes—trying to win back a woman she’d mistreated. Ironic indeed. It would serve her right to lose everything.
She’d learned from Melody that being sorry wasn’t enough. She had to start back at the beginning…be a friend first and hope Bea would fall in love with her again.
Melody had shaken off the biggest globs of goo as she walked toward the door, making a mess all across the room. It took an hour to rub it out of the carpet, and all the while she laughed to recall the sticky liquid dripping from Melody’s face. If only her phone had been within reach, she’d have taken a photo to preserve the moment forever.
Another knock on the door tightened her gut. Surely Melody hadn’t come back for more.
This time it was Bea, and she was struggling with Dexter’s leash to keep him from jumping. Both were dripping wet as though they’d timed their dash from the car during the worst part of the downpour.
She brushed her damp hair from her eyes and looked at Allyn solemnly. “I was wrong about what I said. If this is a contest between Melody and me, I’m in. More than anything in this world, I want you to pick me.”
Tears of joy welled up instantly and she threw her arms around Bea’s shoulders and squeezed hard enough to nearly send both of them tumbling. Then she tugged her by the elbow toward the door. “Get in here!”
“What about Dexter?”
“Bring him. I don’t care if I get thrown out.”
* * *
It was supposed to have been Bea’s moment for a bold declaration, and on its heels, a sweeping off the feet Rhett Butler would have envied.
Allyn clearly had other ideas.
Bea had barely closed the front door when Allyn yanked her into the bedroom and pushed her across the bed. What followed was a tender, determined assault in which their clothes were strewn in every direction and the bed linens thrown to the floor.
She found herself flat on her back with her arms pinned above her head while Allyn covered her face, neck and shoulders with wet kisses that left a cool trail in their wake. By the time her arms were released, it was all she could do not to take herself.
Allyn lowered her mouth to the tender skin just below her hipbone, where she sucked until it left a purple mark.
For a moment Bea was sure she intended to mark the other side as well, but instead she looped both arms around her thighs and captured Bea’s most sensitive spot between her lips. No teasing, just an unrelenting onslaught of lips, tongue and teeth that brought every neuron in her body to focus on that one tiny space.
Bea was torn between clenching the muscles in her hips and giving Allyn what she wanted now, or going limp in an effort to make it last. But then Allyn began to moan, and the intermittent vibrations made her options moot.
“Oh, God.” She began to writhe, driving her heels against the mattress to push herself deeper into Allyn’s mouth as her climax erupted.
Allyn never moved her lips, not even when Bea’s bones turned to liquid and she soaked languidly into the bed.
The love bite on her hip throbbed like a brand—Allyn’s brand. Bea was owned.
* * *
Allyn lolled beneath the covers and checked the clock. Almost midnight. After nearly five hours of making love, dozing and making love again, her body was sated but her heart wanted more.
Bea returned from a clandestine walk with Dexter and stripped off her clothes again. Before getting back into bed, she settled him on a blanket in the corner.
Allyn savored the picture from behind as Bea bent over to nuzzle him with sweet talk.
“I can feel you looking at me,” Bea said without turning around.
“I was memorizing that sight so I’d have something to think about tomorrow when I doze off at my desk. I have this mental slide show…it starts with those big green eyes looking up at me through all that rain dripping off your hair.”
“I had no idea you’d be so glad to see me.” She turned off the lamp and climbed into bed, where she molded into Allyn’s side. “Something must have happened to change your mind.”
“What makes you think I changed my mind? I never decided on Melody. I tried, though. I admit that. I thought it would be easier for everybody, and I probably could have forgiven her for cheating if I still loved her. I kept waiting for my old feelings to come back. I imagined us being together again and all I could think was how empty it was. That’s because I love you now, and I don’t have room for anyone else in here.” She placed Bea’s hand over her heart. It was remarkable to hear her own words tumble out so easily. She knew exactly what she wanted.
“I felt the same way. It killed me to think about you with anyone else, and even more to think about being with anyone else after being with you. You’re it for me, lady.”
Allyn kissed the top of her head and smoothed her hair, noting that it was softer than usual after a rinse in rainwater. “I know how hard it must have been for you to let me see Melody again, to have dinner with her and go down to Olympia to see her family. That made me love you even more because it showed you cared more about me than you did yourself.”
“There was a little self-interest too. I didn’t want either one of us to ever have to look back and wonder.” Her arms tightened around Allyn’s waist. “I was hoping you’d realize right away you didn’t want Melody back. When you didn’t, I got scared you’d leave me so I left you first. That was stupid because I love you.”
“For what it’s worth, I was already planning to show up at your house tomorrow with my suitcase. If you hadn’t let me stay, I was prepared to camp out in my car in your driveway.”
“You need to be careful with this pillow talk or I’m going to keep you up another hour past your bedtime.”
“About that…we need to work on our schedules because I have a feeling this sleeping together and staying up half the night making love is going to be a regular thing.”
As Allyn closed her eyes, she took a mental inventory in search of doubts, fears or regrets. None, though one important question remained: Would there ever be a place in her life for Melody, or the history they’d shared?
She didn’t have to answer that tonight.
Epilogue
Kit grunted and steadied her legs beneath the heaviest corner of Allyn’s desk. Even with her bad shoulder, she was still stronger than anyone else in the house. “Back it out. It won’t fit this way. We have to turn it.”
Bea obliged, walking it back into the widest part of her newly-configured hallway. “We should have put the desk in there first and built the office around it.”
The addition, a twelve-by-fourteen room with large windows and a sliding glass door leading onto the back porch, had taken ten weeks to complete. It was hard to know which excited Allyn more, a new office or the peace and quiet from having the construction workers leave, taking their noisy hammers, drills and saws with them.
Their second attempt to maneuver the desk was successful, and after a couple of false starts Allyn chose its final resting place where she could view the backyard. Then she walked from one corner to the next admiring the layout.
Remembering how pleased she’d been when first presented with the idea of an addition, Bea reveled in her look of pride and satisfaction. Allyn had moved in gradually over a period of several months, leaving her apartment for good at the end of February when her lease expired. However, she soon realized Bea’s second bedroom was too cramped and cave-like, not at all pleasant as a home office. This was a giant step for them—a permanent one, since Allyn had laid out over twenty thousand dollars for improvements on a house that was still in Bea’s name only.
That would change in about two months on the last weekend in August, which happened to be their one-year anniversary of running into one another at the Pak & Ship in Broadview. It was the day their lives changed forever, and they planned to commemorate it with a simple backyard wedding among friends, including Wendy, with Krystal nearby. As far as Bea was concerned, August couldn’t get here soon enough.
Allyn dropped a box of files on the corner of the desk. “This is going to sound weird, but I can’t wait to start work tomorrow morning.”
“You like it?”
“It’s awesome.” She kissed Bea on the tip of her nose. “Just like you.”
Kit groaned and yelled loudly so Marta would hear her in the kitchen, “They’re doing it again.”
“You should try it sometime,” Bea said, wrapping her arms around Allyn’s waist.
Marta appeared in the doorway with her purse slung over her shoulder. “You could have told them to get a room, but they already did that. We need to hit the road if we’re going to make it home in time for the Storm game.”
“You guys can watch it here if you want,” Allyn offered. “I owe you dinner. We can order a pizza and some wings.”
Kit snorted. “You’re not getting off that easy. Bea comes in every day bragging to Grady and me about whatever you cooked the night before. We want the works.”
“You’re on.”
Allyn insisted on cooking at least four nights a week because she enjoyed it, while Bea insisted on going out or ordering in for the other nights. They had a chance to fix the mistakes they’d made the first time around, and she didn’t want Allyn to fall back into the domestic role she’d had with Melody. Theirs was a partnership.
After Kit and Marta left, Bea spent another half hour setting up the computer, printer and phone while Allyn arranged her office supplies and files in a credenza that fit neatly beneath the window. The only other furnishing in the room was a stationary bicycle. Over the winter they both had added a few pounds, but the longer days of summer meant more playtime after work, and softball started up again in two weeks.
“You were right. It’s awesome,” Bea proclaimed. “I vote we call it a day.”
Allyn checked her watch. “It’s four o’clock. That gives us a couple of hours to check one more thing off our list.”
“Oh, no. Not today.”
“Today.” Ignoring her objections, Allyn went into the bedroom and changed her T-shirt, which had gotten dirty in the move. “Today!”
Bea sighed as she walked down the hall, her feet slapping the floor as though she were being pushed from behind against her will. “I can’t believe I let you and Wendy talk me into this already. You two make a diabolical team.”
“It’s for your own good.” She tapped Bea’s chest with a finger. “There’s a hole in there and we need to fill it.”
Dexter had indeed left a gaping hole, succumbing to lymphoma after only seven months, well short of the year Kyle had optimistically predicted. Their time together had been worth all the effort and expense, joyous until early April when his tumors returned and he began showing signs of distress. Her decision to let him go was resolute, but her sense of loss was still raw and unrelenting. She wasn’t ready for another dog. But Allyn and Wendy insisted another dog was ready for her.
Or ready for them. Allyn had stepped seamlessly into the role of caregiver for Dexter, and losing him was as hard on her as it had been for Bea.
“I don’t want another dog that looks like Dexter. I’m not replacing him.”
“Agreed. There’s no replacing Dexxie anyway. Maybe we should get a girl.”
“That’s a thought.”
More apprehensive than excited as they drove toward the shelter, Bea considered asking if they could postpone it for another month or two. Or six. Or more. But Wendy especially was insistent they adopt another right away.
“What is it with you and Wendy? Why can’t I have some time to grieve? It feels disloyal to Dexter to run out and get another dog. Like he was just a little gadget or something that broke, so I have to go buy another. He was more than that.”
“I know.” Allyn reached across the console and wiggled her fingers for Bea to take her hand. “Wendy was worried about you dragging your feet. I told her you might need some time, but she said you were capable of a lot of love. She didn’t want you to waste it.”
“I know exactly what she’s doing. She’s comparing it to all the time it took me to start dating again after her accident, how stubborn I was because I wouldn’t take any of those women seriously.” She curled her wrist to bring Allyn’s hand to her chest. “Turns out I was right to wait. Otherwise I could have been tangled up with the wrong lady when you came along.”
“Hmm.”
“See, I got you.” Bea pulled into the parking lot at the Seattle Animal Shelter, but didn’t turn off the engine. If Allyn conceded her point, she was prepared to drive back home without going inside.
“No, you didn’t. In fact, you made my point. So thanks for playing.”
“How do you figure?”
“What if I’d played it your way? Let’s say I decided not to go out with you last year because I wanted to brood a little longer over Melody. What do you suppose would have happened if she’d come back around after things fell apart with Naomi?”
That was, frankly, a terrifying prospect. Their window for being together had been quite narrow. If either of them had chosen to wait, they wouldn’t be sitting here together. Allyn would be back with Melody, and Bea would be mourning Dexter by herself.
“Our next dog is waiting for us in there right now, Bea. What if she goes home with someone else instead?”
Bea couldn’t begin to push back against an argument like that. With one hand, she brought Allyn’s fingers to her lips, and with the other, opened her car door. “Let’s go get her. Maybe she can be our ring bearer.”
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