The firs and the pines wear snow and ice like royalty, flaunting their winter jewelry, bringing a grudging feeling of respect and envy from the naked oaks and birches.
Ian MacDowell’s journal
The winter thaw continued. Now, well into February, the mountains of snow that had once been cold and dry were suddenly heavy and slickly encrusted. It probably wouldn’t last. March always brought more snow, more gray, dull skies.
This had been one of her father’s favorite times of the year. Scotty caught herself and smiled. Every season had been his favorite. A frog sang lustily behind her, somewhere from the depths of the shallow stream that flowed through the cabin.
She continued to gaze outside. How would her father describe a day such as this? The sun made everything sparkle. She wistfully wished she had his gift for words.
Suddenly Muggin was at her side, trilling nervously. Scotty shook herself and studied the landscape. Someone was coming. As she watched the figure approach, her stomach filled with butterfly wings. A flush started beneath her skin, creeping to the surface and warming her all over. Pressing her fingertips to the bounding pulse at her throat, she swallowed hard and stared as Alex slogged through the snow toward the cabin.
She hurried from the window, dove behind her privacy screen and stared at herself in the mirror. Not enough time for a transformation. With nervous fingers, she smoothed back her hair, shoving curly stray ends into the braids that hugged her scalp. Glancing down at her clothes, she cringed. Had she known he was coming, she’d at least have changed into one of her own shirts. She could hear his footsteps now, crunching against the crisp snow. Her stomach took a brief pitch downward. No time. No time at all to make herself either attractive or appealing.
When she heard him knock, she took a deep breath and went to let him in. As she opened the door, her gaze moved to his face, and her heart swelled, filling her with an emotion so strong she nearly fainted. He was beautiful. Handsome. Dark and dangerous. And her insides splintered into ecstatic little pieces.
“Hello, Scotty.”
Ah, his voice. How many times had she heard it in her dreams? Deep, masculine, brooking no nonsense. Hard, but could be gentle. Husky, when he’d been skunk drunk and seductive.
She tried to smile, to make herself respond with a cool, short answer. To be as calm, collected and as indifferent as he appeared to be. She couldn’t She wanted to throw herself at him and hang on, feel his big, hard body against hers. Touch him. Smell him. Taste him. She wanted to hear that he’d come for her. That he would live with her forever in their valley paradise. Instead, she lowered her gaze and opened the door wide, allowing him to enter.
“Alex,” she answered, not trusting her voice further. Muggin shrieked behind her, then disappeared.
“Well,” he said dryly, in response to Muggin’s reaction, “I see nothing has changed here.” He stamped his feet outside, then stepped into the cabin.
Scotty closed the door behind him and leaned against it, grateful for the support. She found herself holding her breath, waiting to hear why he’d come. When he turned and looked at her, she stared back warily. His look told her that her daydreams were for naught. Somehow she’d known that. It hurt, just the same.
With a dark sigh, Alex removed his jacket and flung it over the bench by the table. He perused the room. Scotty knew what he was thinking. He was remembering his imprisonment, sorry to be back.
“I thought you said you were never coming back,” she ventured.
Blowing on his hands to warm them, he crossed to the fireplace. As he stood before the fire, he said quietly, “We have to talk, Scotty.”
Her insides heaved upward. Instinctively she went to her spice drawer and began preparing tea. She faltered, suddenly remembering how much he’d hated it. A bite of anger surfaced. The devil take him! She wanted tea.
She finished preparing it, left it to steep, then crossed to her chair by the fire. “So,” she said, ordering her voice to stay firm, “talk.”
He settled into the chair across from her. Her father’s chair. The chair Alex had occupied every day for months. She bit her lip, not understanding the force of her emotions as she saw him there once again. A part of her wanted to tie him into it, and not let him leave—ever. Now that he was with her again, she realized she hadn’t appreciated his presence as much as she should have back when he wasn’t able to get away from her.
Whatever his mood, it was hidden behind his aloof facade. She saw no warmth at the memories they’d shared. No softness toward her. Certainly no memory of the passion they’d shared that last, fateful night. A night she would never forget.
If he refused to acknowledge that, then she wanted to remind him of the walks they’d taken down by the river. Of the snow banners that launched grandly from the peaks, and of the jays that stole booty from the squirrels. She wanted to remind him of so many things that might make him remember with fondness the beauty of the valley. But a sharp feeling of anguish told her nothing she said would ever make things the way they’d been.
“It’s time for you to leave here, Scotty.”
Even though she wasn’t surprised at the words, her heart sank and her stomach twisted painfully. She hadn’t wanted to hear them. She’d already begun to prepare herself for disappointment, yet hoped against hope that she was wrong.
“I see,” she answered quietly. The moment of silence stretched between them, hanging in midair like an unfinished sentence. This wasn’t the way it was supposed to end. As much as she knew it might happen, she hadn’t wanted to hear the words. “And where, pray tell, do you propose I go?”
He moved in the chair, his motions strained and uncomfortable. “I’ve come up with a plan—”
“Oh, a plan, is it?” She hurt so much. That he could feel so little for her only made the hurt deeper. Hurling herself from the chair, she came and stood within inches of him. “Let me tell you what you can do with your plan, Mr. Fancy San Francisco Lawyer. You can … you can …” She shook with frustration, angry at him for bringing bad news, and angry at herself for caring for him so much that she thought things could ever be different.
“I can what, Scotty?” he asked dryly.
Suddenly she realized that he would never leave if she showed resistance. With blazing clarity she knew that one of the reasons he’d been sent to do the job was that he would do it well, and thoroughly. She was but a bothersome wart on the rump of governmental politics. She needed time, and she desperately needed a plan of her own. She would feign a benign front—for now, just for him.
Allowing her shoulders to slump dramatically, she said with forced capitulation, “I’m sorry I got angry. It’s just … just that I’ve lived here for so long, I dinna know anything else.” She fiddled with the buttons on her shirt, pretending a vulnerability she suddenly realized was no act. “I wish you’d leave. I … I can’t think about this today. Maybe if I’d known you were coming …”
He cocked his head to one side. “Don’t you want to hear my plan before you send me out into the cold?”
Don’t tease. He shouldn’t tease. It weakened and puzzled her. It always had. “No,” she answered. “I … I have too many things on my mind today.” She turned and hurried toward the cave entrance. “Today’s the day to muck out Glory’s stall. I’ve put it off too long already. And … and … Rosie. Oh, Rosie needs milking. I have to get to it now. Poor thing, her sac is so full, her teats are about to explode,” she said with conviction. “Tomorrow. You … you can come back tomorrow and tell me—whatever it is you need to tell me.”
He stood, searching her face. “Where do you propose I spend the night?”
“Well, you can’t stay here!” she shot back, snappy as beans. The words tumbled from her mouth without conscious thought. He’d spent months with her. He’d been intimate with her without even loving her. If he’d done it once, he surely wouldn’t have any compunction about doing it again. And … and she didn’t know if she’d stop him if he tried. That was why he couldn’t stay the night. She didn’t think she was strong enough and she refused to put herself in a position where she’d humiliate herself again.
He raised a devil-black eyebrow in her direction. “Well, well. Such intensity. Isn’t your objection just a bit too strong, Scotty?”
Her face was aflame. “I dinna know what you mean.”
“Oh, you ‘dinna,’ ” he mimicked, his voice surprisingly warm. “I think you do, and I’m surprised you don’t want to try your luck again. Maybe this time fortune will smile on you.”
She swallowed hard. Suddenly his presence was more than she could bear. The room seemed to shrink around him, and he filled every breath of space. He was insinuating something again, and although she knew it was something slightly indecent, she still didn’t understand.
The last time, the implications had hurt. This time, they made her mad. “I dinna know what the devil you’re talking about, Alexander Golovin. I think you’d better leave before I take my shotgun to your fancy behind.”
He smirked. “Oh, you remembered, then?”
She glared at him, remembering very well what his front and his behind looked like. Her face flamed hotter. “Leave.”
His smirk widened into a grin. “I can see you’re not ready for this. All right,” he added, moving toward the door. “I’ll be back in the morning. But this can’t be put off any longer, Scotty.”
“Yes, yes,” she said, nearly shoving him out the door. “I’ll be perfectly willing to listen to you tomorrow.” Unfortunately for you, I won’t be here.
After he’d left, she stood and watched him trudge off until she could no longer see him. Oh, God, but she hated it when he teased. She got all flustered and befuddled, even when she wanted to be madder than hell.
Continuing to stare outside, she realized that if he hadn’t teased her, she might have felt guilty about sending him away, especially if he had no place else to go. In some ways, she was glad he had teased, for she couldn’t afford to be generous with him. Not anymore. And after all, why should she feel guilty when he obviously didn’t?
When she was sure he was far enough from the cabin, she hurried into the cave and fed the animals. Afterward, she shoved a few things into an old leather pouch that had belonged to her father, slid into her jacket and called for Muggin. If she could get to Tupi’s cabin before evening, she could spend the night there. It probably wouldn’t give her much of a reprieve, for if Alex didn’t find her at her own place in the morning, he would no doubt check Tupi’s. If he did, she didn’t want to face Alex alone again. She wasn’t able to sort out her feelings for him, but whatever they were, they had already brought her too much pain and a whole lot of uninvited topsy-turvy emotions.
Tupi’s cabin squatted under the trees. Scotty hadn’t been there in over a year, yet nothing seemed to have changed.
“Haloo!” she sang out, grateful when Tupi opened the door and waved at her.
“We’re happy to have Scotty visit,” he answered around his grin.
Her stomach dropped. “ ‘We’?” She stepped inside, allowing Muggin to leap to the floor. Sitting at the table that Tupi had placed in front of the window was Jamie.
He gave her a stern look. “What are you doing here?”
She raised her eyebrows. “I could ask you the same thing.”
He shrugged, pulled a pipe from his pocket, fiddled importantly with it, then lit the silly thing.
She snorted a laugh. “A pipe, Jamie? Since when have you smoked a pipe?” It looked perfectly ridiculous. Why, Jamie was still a mere boy, surely not old enough for pipe smoking.
He gave her a secretive look. “I’ve learned to do a lot of things since my stay in San Francisco, Scotty.”
She didn’t like the supercilious look he gave her. “Well, you look like a chick parading as a rooster, Jamie Bowers.”
He sucked on the silly thing, then shoved it to the side of his mouth, biting on the stem with his teeth. “When will ya learn ya can’t win a man with such plain talk, Scotty?”
She hesitated, feeling a rush of blood as she remembered a similar speech, although far more heated, from Alex when she’d wanted him to teach her to please a man. He’d scowled at her, standing before her in nothing more than a towel, water coursing through his woolly chest hair. He’d scolded her in a similar fashion, but it had affected her so much more, and differently, too. With Jamie, she was merely impatient. With Alex, she’d felt hot, then cold. Weak, then angry. Frustrated, then puzzled.
She forced the odious man from her thoughts. “I’m not out to win you, Jamie. I’ve already told you, I won’t marry you, no matter what. It just boils my blood to think men believe we can’t exist without them.” She didn’t really mean to get angry with poor Jamie, but whenever she thought about Alex, her anger devoured everything in her path.
Jamie shrugged and turned away, showing her his profile as he sucked on the silly pipe.
Tupi took her jacket and hung it on a peg near the fireplace. “What is Scotty doing here?”
No sense in pretending any longer. “The government man was just at my cabin.”
Tupi frowned and Jamie stood so fast, the chair clattered to the floor behind him.
“He wants ya out, don’t he?” Jamie said fiercely. “I told ya it would happen, Nova Scotia MacDowell. Now what’re ya goin’ to do?”
She cringed at the use of her full name. He was the only one who ever used it, and then, only when he was very angry with her. “I told you I had a plan,” she said, reinforcing her lie.
Jamie stomped to the window and peered outside, as if expecting to see the dastardly Alex lurking somewhere in the snow.
“You won’t see him sneaking around out there, Jamie. I told him I needed some time to think. He’ll be back at my place early in the morning. By then,” she said with more confidence than she felt, “I’ll have decided what to do.”
“I still say ya should marry me, lass. That’ll solve all of your problems with the damned government man.”
Her choices were few, at best. Truth to tell, she had no choices at all. Jamie’s proposal was out of the question. Even though they’d spent most of their growing years together, and she cared for him deeply, he’d become a different man than the one she’d known. She didn’t much care for him anymore, especially when he acted so tough and cocksure. Those qualities weren’t displayed on him in a positive manner. They made him smug and arrogant. No, marrying Jamie was no choice at all. But something would turn up. It always did.
She crossed her fingers behind her back.
“Someone’s coming,” Jamie said, his gaze still riveted outside.
Something in Scotty’s stomach told her it was Alex. She foolishly searched the room for a place to hide. Unlike her own cabin, there was no cave attached to Tupi’s.
Jamie swore. “I know who it is.” He stormed to the door and yanked it open. “What d’ya want here? You ain’t welcome.”
Scotty stood as far from the door as possible, somehow hoping she might blend into the woodwork.
Alex pushed his way past Jamie and came inside. “I’ll let Tupi be the judge of that—Mr. Bowers, isn’t it? I believe this is his cabin.”
Tupi tossed Scotty a woeful look, as if to tell her the decision was out of his hands. “Please,” Tupi said, coming forward. “Even the government man is welcome in my home.”
Jamie snarled something under his breath, then marched to the fireplace and moped.
Scotty almost held her breath. Alex hadn’t noticed her yet.
“I’ve come to see if—”
Muggin streaked past Scotty and leaped onto Tupi’s shoulders. Scotty groaned and made a face.
Alex chuckled. “I guess that answers my question. I followed Scotty from her cabin and wanted to make sure she made it here safely.”
In a pig’s eye. So, she hadn’t fooled him after all. Why wasn’t she surprised? She stepped forward, out of the shadows. “I’ve already told you I can’t be listening to your plan. I’m not ready. I’m—”
“Can’t ya see you’re bothering her, man?” Jamie interrupted, suddenly moving to Scotty’s side and pulling her close. “I don’t know what your proposin’ to do, but I’ve already asked Scotty to be my wife. Ya can’t stop that, now, can ya?”
Something flickered behind Alex’s eyes. Scotty extricated herself from Jamie’s embrace and went to the fire, nervously stoking the logs. Even though she had no intentions of marrying Jamie, having him announce it in front of Alex embarrassed her.
“So, she’s going to marry you, is that right?” Alex’s voice was calm, but Scotty knew the tone. It was deadly. She couldn’t understand why he’d care one way or the other. At least if she married Jamie, she’d be out of Alex’s hair.
“Yes,” Jamie said more confidently. “She’s gonna marry me.”
“Has she said yes?”
“Well, it’s just a matter of time—”
“I haven’t said aye or nay, Jamie Bowers, and don’t go putting words in my mouth,” Scotty sputtered, finally turning to face them. “And I might only be a silly twit of a woman, but I don’t appreciate the two of you talking about me as if I weren’t even in the bloody room.”
Alex turned away briefly, then looked back at Scotty. “I want you to listen to my proposition before you make a decision, Scotty.”
“I’ll see you in hell first—”
“Now, now,” he soothed, his palms up in a gesture of defeat, “the least you can do is listen. All right?”
She drew in a breath, willing herself to stay calm. No point in losing her temper. It served no purpose. But both of these men were so aggravating, talking about her as if she had no mind of her own, as if they, alone, held the keys to her future. “All right,” she finally groused. “I guess it won’t be harmful to listen.”
“Why don’t we sit and talk about this like civilized human beings?” he suggested.
Scotty pulled herself up straight. “I’ll stand, thank you.”
He conceded, and began pacing in front of her. “You’re able to read, aren’t you, Scotty?”
“That’s a foolish question,” she answered, defensively. “I told you Papa taught me to read and write.”
“And sums. Can you do sums?”
She hesitated only briefly. “I’m passable at sums.”
“All right,” he said. “Here’s my offer.” He studied her briefly. “I don’t think I ever mentioned to you that I have a daughter, did I?”
Scotty felt a stunning sense of surprise. “No,” she answered quietly. “How … how old is she?”
Alex’s glance left her and he briefly studied the plain room. “She’s six years old, and she needs a tutor and companion. Badly.”
“A tutor? Why can’t she go to regular school?” Scotty asked, still wary.
He gave her an impatient look. “Rest assured, she can’t go to regular school.”
“And … and what is it exactly you’d be wanting from me?” She felt the need to sit, but wouldn’t allow herself to do it.
“I want to hire you to fill both positions.”
More leery now, Scotty perused him critically. “And why would you want me, of all people, to do this?”
Alex smiled—a gesture Scotty felt hadn’t come easily. “Because I need a companion and a tutor for my daughter, and you need a place to stay—”
“And you think I’ll pack up and follow you like a meek little mouse after you burn down my cabin, is that it?” Lord, he was the most infuriating man in the world.
He scolded her with one lift of a finger. “You didn’t let me finish, Scotty.”
Gritting her teeth, she nodded and stayed quiet. Nothing he said would make her agree to his proposal. Nothing.
“As I was saying, you’ll need a place to stay while the government builds a hotel on your land, and—”
“A hotel! A hotel on my land? Not bloody likely, Mr. Fancy San Francisco Lawyer.”
“—and,” he continued calmly, as if she hadn’t interrupted, “you’d be free to return to the valley when it’s completed. Someone will be required to run the establishment and the grounds, which will include all of the land you and your father claimed when you first came to the valley. The job is yours, if you’re interested.”
Her knees suddenly weak, Scotty moved toward a chair and collapsed into it. Well, well, well. Now, she hadn’t expected this. No, she certainly hadn’t expected anything like this…. Did he actually mean it? That she could return to the valley and live on her land?
Jamie elbowed his way forward and stood, nose to nose, with Alex. “Now listen here, she doesn’t want anything to do with—”
“Shut up, Jamie.” Her voice was calm, quiet. It seemed separate from her body, for the rest of her was quaking and shaking and bursting with a mixture of elation and puzzlement.
She watched Alex, wondering how he’d ever come up with such a solution. To her, it was brilliant. He was brilliant She continued to look at him, wishing he would cast a glance her way. He, however, seemed to have his sights set on Jamie, for the look he gave her old friend was cold, and oddly frightening.
“I only have one request, Scotty.”
She gave him a wary, questioning look. “And what might that be?”
“You’ll be expected to stay single while you’re living in my home.”
“Now, just a damned min—”
“Shut up, Jamie,” she said again, no stronger than before. This proposal meant so many things to her. Most importantly, of course, it meant that she would always be close to her father and the land he’d loved so much. And, she would be close to Alex, too, for a time. The cold, mercenary bastard had grown on her, but she couldn’t let that enter into her decision. She wondered if she could live in his house if he were happily married to someone else.
Her heart ached, and she felt sick, but she knew if he had a wife in San Francisco, she’d have to get used to it. Alex’s solution was the only one that made any sense at all. She wouldn’t have Alex, but in the end, she would have the land. And that, in and of itself, was enough. Wasn’t it?
She stood, grateful that her knees once again supported her. “All right,” she said, giving in gracefully. “I’ll do it.”