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CIARA STOOD IN THE driveway of a blue house. She smiled, letting all the memories resurface.
She remembered how she and Theo had first come to visit his mother. Ciara had been scared his mother wouldn’t like her, and Theo had tried to calm her nerves. Still, Ciara and his mother had instantly become best friends. His mother had always been welcoming of her.
They had hosted barbecues in the backyard. It had been a year since the last one.
The house held a lot of memories. Wonderful memories, but they brought back the painful ones, too.
Ciara didn’t mind. She didn’t want to forget Theo, even though it hurt to think about him.
Exhaling, she walked to the front porch. She raised her hand and knocked three times like Theo had always done.
Soon Estella Boucher—Theo’s mother—opened the door for her. “Ciara!” The older woman beamed with joy, pulling the younger woman into an embrace.
Ciara hugged her back. “It’s so good to see you, Estella.”
They were on a first name basis. Estella had always preferred for Ciara to treat her as family. And Ciara had nearly become her daughter-in-law.
If only things had gone differently...
“As it is you, dear,” Estella said and released Ciara from her embrace. “Come on in.” She ushered Ciara inside, closing the door behind.
Ciara shrugged off her coat and hung it on the coatrack. She followed Estella to the kitchen, where they sat down at the island.
“How was your trip?” Estella smiled at Ciara.
Ciara grimaced. “Eventful, unfortunately. But I’m fine, so no worries.”
Estella’s smile turned into a frown. “What happened?”
“Two witch hunters attacked me. Josh was there to save the day, so I’m fine.”
“Be more careful.” Estella sighed. “I mean, of course you are careful. It’s just...after Theo—”
Ciara reached for Estella’s hand to hold it. “I know.”
“He wouldn’t want anything to happen to you.” Estella’s voice faltered. “He loved you so dearly.”
Ciara had to blink back tears. “I know.”
“Did you visit his grave yet?” Estella’s voice went quiet.
“I was going to, but then there was the attack. I’ll visit his grave later today.” Ciara fidgeted with her hands. “I haven’t visited in a while.”
Estella smiled, though the sorrow was visible in her eyes. “I know you’re thinking of him, even if you don’t visit his grave all the time. There’s nothing to feel guilty about.”
Ciara had always been easy for Estella to read. But Ciara had nothing to hide from her. Estella was like another mother to Ciara. She would have been a fantastic mother-in-law.
“I wanted to visit his grave on the first of this month, but then...well, I was in England, and I couldn’t come here. I nearly forgot about it.”
“It’s just a date on the calendar,” Estella said, placing a comforting hand on Ciara’s shoulder. “It doesn’t matter when you visit his grave. What matters is how much you think about him. And I know you think about him.”
“Of course I do.” Ciara swallowed, feeling as if there was a lump forming in her throat. “I loved him.”
That was it—all it took for her to break. Tears cascaded down her face, and she tried to hold in the sobs.
Estella rushed to hug the young woman breaking into pieces in front of her. It wasn’t the first time Estella had seen her break.
***
CIARA WOULDN’T CRY. Despite losing control over her tears, she had kept her sobs in check during the funeral.
She was glad she hadn’t worn mascara. The tears would have smeared it all over her face even before the funeral.
Her heart had been breaking. It was as if it had slowly cracked into small pieces. Staring at his coffin had caused her physical pain. Her legs had nearly given out. She had wanted to vomit from the physical pain the grief caused her.
But she hadn’t let it show—except through the tears.
Until she and Estella were at Estella’s house. The door was barely closed when Ciara’s legs gave out and the sobs began.
***
IT TOOK CIARA A WHILE to gather herself again. Estella hugged her and tried to soothe her through the worst of it before making some tea for them. Ciara continued to breathe in and out, trying to calm the storm of feelings inside of her.
She still missed Theo. So much.
She tried not to let it show, but she wasn’t made of stone. She was more like thin ice.
Soon the room filled with a light scent of herbs and spices, meaning the tea was ready. Estella handed her a teacup, and Ciara curled her fingers around it, comforted by its warmth.
“Ciara.” Estella’s voice was soft. “Haven’t you let yourself grieve?”
Ciara looked at her tea. “I don’t know how to.”
“There’s no right way,” Estella said. “But grieving will help you move forward.” The brown-haired woman sighed and sat down beside Ciara. “I think you won’t let yourself grieve because you’re afraid of moving on.”
“I don’t want to move on. I want to go back to that day in January and prevent it.”
Estella smiled sympathetically, looking at the heartbroken girl. She pushed Ciara’s hair behind her ear. “There was nothing you could have done differently, dear. It wasn’t your fault.”
Ciara furrowed her eyebrows, still staring at her tea. “I don’t want to leave him behind.”
“You’re not doing that. He’d want you to move on. To live your life to the fullest.”
“Even looking at another guy makes me feel like I’m cheating on Theo.”
“You’re not cheating on him. He’d want you to be happy. And I want you to be happy.”
“But I wanted to be happy with Theo.” Ciara’s words were hollow. Theo was gone, and no amount of longing and anguish was going to bring him back.
“He’s gone, dear.”
Those words hurt Estella as much as they hurt Ciara. It was like a cracked glass shattering from the final hit.
“I know.” Ciara’s breathing became shaky. “I just wish nothing more than to have him back.”
She didn’t cry this time. But there was a clenched aching around her heart.
“Me, too.”
They were both silent—deep in their own thoughts. Ciara was drowning in hers. She had to get out of the depths of her mind to catch her breath.
“How have you been, then?” Ciara took a sip of her tea and turned to look at Estella.
Estella sighed, also taking a sip of tea. “I’m dealing with it. I’m back at work.”
“That’s good.”
Silence filled the room again, but it didn’t last long.
“I’m sorry I haven’t been around as much as I should have,” Ciara said.
“You’ve been around enough.”
“But if you ever need anything, you can ask me. Okay?”
Estella smiled. “Of course, Ciara. You’re like a daughter to me. No matter what happens. I hope we can still stay in contact.”
“I’d like that.”
Estella’s smile widened. “So, how is England? Have you met any old friends?”
“Some of them,” Ciara said, nodding. “I’ve been staying with my best friend, Henry.”
“I remember hearing about him. A decent boy, according to Theo.”
Ciara smiled. “Henry’s great.”
“Anyone else?”
Ciara shrugged. “Some friends from school. We were a group of four girls back then. We had lunch together. Well, Henry tagged along. He was the one who set it all up.” Ciara couldn’t contain her smile, thinking about how great her friends were. “I think he’s crushing on one of my old friends, Jenna. They both work with magical creatures, so I suppose it’s no surprise. Henry adores people who love animals, and Jenna does.”
“Sounds like they’d make a perfect couple.”
Ciara grinned. “They would.”
“How did everyone react to your return, then? I bet most were excited.”
“I suppose they were. Especially at first.” Ciara furrowed her eyebrows. “Now, I’m not so sure. Some of them are starting to remember how angry they were when I left.”
“They’ll come around,” Estella reassured her.
“I hope so.” Ciara sighed. “It’s just that Henry hasn’t spoken to me for a few days. He doesn’t like that my work includes dealing with the witch hunters.”
“Henry’s just worried. He’s lost you once and doesn’t want that to happen again.”
Ciara nodded. “Maybe.”
Estella took Ciara’s hand into hers and squeezed it. “You’ll be just fine. I’m sure he’ll come around.”
Ciara smiled. “You’re still the best at pep talks, it seems.”
“Thank you.”
Ciara was glad she was reminded of how much she appreciated having Estella in her life. Estella was like family. Like a second mother—sort of like Mrs Rossler.
Ciara was lucky that way, but she still missed her own mother.
“Did you meet your ex-boyfriend?”
Estella knew about Liam, but she didn’t know everything.
Ciara nodded. “Yes, I did. He’s engaged now. He even invited me to their engagement party in January, but I didn’t go.”
Estella’s eyebrows rose. “Oh.”
Ciara looked down and nodded. “It’s the girl he began dating before I moved to Canada.”
“Oh, I remember hearing about her.” Estella sounded mildly angry.
“She’s actually nice.”
“She is?”
Ciara nodded. “I’ve hung out with her. Even alone.”
“You’re not angry with her?”
Ciara shook her head. “But hanging out with her is still odd.”
“Odd how?”
“She doesn’t want me near Liam. Liam and I have barely talked since I went back.”
“I thought she was nice.”
“She is. It’s just that she seems jealous of me. She even told me she was jealous.”
Estella smiled. “Well, I’m sure you’ll get a chance to talk to Liam.”
“I hope so. It’d be great to be friends with him again.”
“So, no old feelings have resurfaced?”
“He’s engaged,” Ciara said. “Besides, I’m not over Theo’s death. It would be highly inappropriate, and—”
Estella smiled gently. “But you didn’t deny it.”
Ciara’s eyes widened.
“You can’t control your feelings. You left him because you loved him so much that you simply wanted him to be happy. It wouldn’t surprise me to hear that you never actually got over him.”
“I got over him,” Ciara insisted. “I didn’t love him when I loved Theo. And I still love Theo.”
Estella nodded understandingly. “I know you loved Theo, and I believe you still do. But there is nothing wrong with moving on.”
“I’m not ready to move on.” Ciara’s lips thinned, pressing together. “And I would never try to move on with someone who is engaged.”
“I know. Just don’t suffocate your feelings. It’s okay to feel. Both bad and good things.”
“Still reading me like an open book, I see.” A small smile crept onto Ciara’s face.
Estella smiled, revealing her perfect set of pearly white teeth. “I know you so well.”
“I know you do.”
A look of worry replaced the smile on Estella’s face. “You have to take care of yourself.”
“I will and I have.”
“But you always put others before yourself.”
“My boss thinks so.”
“No wonder.” Estella’s voice was serious, but her eyes were kind, and her lips had curled into a smile.
“It was selfish to leave England the way I did. I want to make up for it.”
Estella shook her head sharply. “It wasn’t selfish. You came here for work, and your work has saved countless lives.”
“But my motive was to run away from my life in England.”
“There’s nothing wrong with taking a break.”
“It was three years long.”
“That’s life,” Estella said, offering Ciara a soothing smile. “I’m sure you’re not the only person that has happened to. Please, Ciara, stop feeling so guilty. Start thinking about yourself before others.”
Ciara smiled. “Thank you for being there for me when I need you.”
“I’m always here for you,” Estella assured, smiling.
The two women finished drinking their tea and continued to talk.
It was late into the afternoon when Ciara left. She couldn’t say when she would visit again, but she promised to stay in contact.
Next it was time to visit the cemetery. It had been too long since Ciara had last visited Theo’s grave.
On her way, she stopped by a flower shop. She bought a bunch of red roses as a sign of her love.
Making it to the cemetery at last, she walked between the gravestones until she found the right row. She made her way to the dark gravestone with her fiancé’s name on it and stared at the carved name for a good while before she set down the flowers.
Ciara sat down on the grass. It probably looked ridiculous to some people passing by, but she didn’t care. She wanted to sit there for a moment. Simply being there was comforting.
She missed Theo a lot.
Estella had been right. Ciara hadn’t let herself grieve. She was holding onto the past, dying to linger there a little longer.
Her eyes watered, and the thought of moving on nauseated her. No one could ever be what Theo had once been for her. She still wasn’t sure how to live without him.
***
“THE NEXT GUY TO WIN your heart will be so lucky.”
Ciara’s head whipped around, and she met Theo’s gaze. “What did you say?”
He smiled, reaching for his glass on the coffee table. “You heard me.”
“Did I hear correctly?”
“Yes.” He held her gaze, a soft, subtle smile making its way to his face. “Just make sure he’s worth your time.”
Her cheeks heated. “And are you?”
Theo’s hand froze mid-air, his wineglass stopping inches from his lips. “What?”
“You heard me,” Ciara said, imitating his earlier words.
“I thought...” He blinked. “You told me you didn’t want a relationship.” He set his glass back down, his eyes staying on her.
“A month ago.”
“You changed your mind?” He was undoubtedly biting the inside of his cheek and still failed to hide his smile.
Ciara nodded. “Maybe that kiss convinced me.”
He let out a breathy chuckle. “Was it that good?”
She shrugged. “Don’t get cocky now.”
“Can I convince you with another kiss?”
“Go ahead.”
He moved closer to her and brought his hands up to stroke the sides of her face. He took his sweet time leaning in until their lips finally touched.
***
CIARA SAT ALONE, STARING at the gravestone for hours. Seeing his name on the wretched stone made her lower lip quiver. She stayed there, staring at the engraved letters, until she was ready to go.
She stood up and walked away from the gravestone, only to see Doherty waiting for her at the end of the grave row. “Doherty.”
“It’s good to see you, Ciara.” Doherty gave Ciara a nod. “Theo deserved a longer, happier life.”
“He would have.”
“I’m sorry you witnessed him dying. No one deserves that.”
Ciara exhaled shakily. “At least he wasn’t alone.”
“Does that bring you relief?”
“Not really.”
Doherty nodded.
Ciara gave the gravestone in the distance one last look before she and Doherty walked away. Every step was heavy, but it eased when they made it to the main path—the wider path leading out of the cemetery.
“I spoke with Alan already.”
Ciara nodded. “So did I.”
“I’m glad nothing happened to you last night.”
“Me too.”
“Henry went through the flight information from Great Britain to Canada, just in case. He found out there were two witch hunters on the earlier flight.” Doherty’s eyes turned thunderous, and his lips thinned. “I contacted Alan immediately.”
“You possibly saved my life,” Ciara said. “I would have made it out without help only with luck. Josh coming to my aid was possibly life-saving.”
Knowing she could have died didn’t startle either of them. That came with the job. She had handled enough dangerous witches and wizards.
“You have to thank Henry. Looks like his worrying turned out to be a good thing.”
Ciara smiled. “I’ll thank him for worrying later.”
“Good.” Doherty straightened. “I’m afraid we have plenty of work to do now.”
“We do.”