CHAPTER FORTY-SIX

Pride bolsters the spine and shreds the mind,

restoring dignity,

erasing community.

If not in service to unity

it does not serve at all.

—THE HARMONY OF BEING

The room in which Zeli stood was wide enough for the base of the obelisk, but not much wider. The pillar itself looked much like the one in the center of Gilmer’s Archives, but instead of a rich bloodred, this one was a pale rose quartz. As if the color had faded in the many years since it had last been seen.

She also had no sense of its relative size. She hadn’t been this close to Gilmer’s monolith, and the tiny, truncated room here meant she couldn’t back up to get a good look at the thing. Up close, the four sides of the stone were perfectly smooth. Lanterns did nothing to penetrate the opaque surface but if it was truly a caldera, something must be trapped inside.

Whoever had closed this up had obviously not intended to leave space for even three people to stand here gawking up at it the way she, Varten, and Darvyn now were. All of them were exhausted, having been up all night due to the wraith attack.

She didn’t know where Darvyn had been stationed during the assault—Zeli had been in one of the palace ballrooms, protecting as many of the gathered staff and residents as she could with her Song. In the aftermath, when she’d located Darvyn and asked for his help, his Song hadn’t been drained and the Shadowfox had been able to easily break through the bricks and reveal the treasure held within. But now that they’d found it, she didn’t know what to do with it.

“Do you feel that?” Darvyn asked. Grit and sweat clung to him. He must be exhausted.

Zeli could feel something, though she suspected it was quite a bit less than what Darvyn sensed. “There’s a pulse … like if Earthsong is an ocean, this is a puddle.”

He nodded, still peering at it with awe.

“Why couldn’t you sense it before if it’s been here this whole time?” she asked.

“It’s weak,” a new voice said from the open doorway behind them. Zeli spun around to find Yllis and Oola there, staring at the massive caldera.

“I’d forgotten how beautiful they were,” Oola said. She approached and ran Her hand along the smooth surface. “Breathtaking.” Zeli had been afraid to touch it, but Oola didn’t appear to suffer any ill effects.

“You likely could not sense it before because it hasn’t been used in so long,” Yllis said. “It was designed to link hundreds of Singers together. Without any in this land, it went dormant.”

“Gilmer’s still worked, and he’s only around every ten years,” Varten said. He was pressed into the corner to allow space for the others.

Zeli’s Song was just now starting to return after she’d drained it during the wraith attack. But even without using it, she sensed something off with Varten. He’d been distant ever since this room had been revealed.

“Gilmer’s Song is powerful. This obelisk will awaken eventually,” Oola said, drawing Her hand away with an expression of regret.

“We can awaken it now.” Everyone’s gaze shot to Yllis. “Well, you can.” He motioned to Oola and Darvyn. “Go ahead, touch it.”

Zeli shifted out of the way to allow space for the other two Singers to get close to the obelisk. She squeezed next to Varten who stiffened. His action shot a dagger into her heart, which she tried to ignore.

“What now?” Darvyn asked, hand pressed flat to the pale surface.

Yllis looked thoughtful. “Draw Earthsong into you and allow the obelisk to sense it.”

It made little sense to Zeli, but she watched carefully, though there was nothing to see. Only, just there—did the stone grow a touch brighter, the pink deepening just the slightest bit?

“Oh,” Varten said, leaning forward. Their arms were pressed against each other’s and there was nowhere for her to go.

The obelisk was darkening, faster now to a richer color, though still not the deep red of the king stone. Oola and Darvyn both released their holds at the same time. The pond that Zeli had sensed earlier grew into a vast sea. The transformation was amazing.

Her chest grew tight. As the obelisk awakened, the weight of expectation on her shoulders pressed down. Even without her old fear beating against her confidence, she was not sure that she was the one who should be entrusted with restoring the lost Songs.

“One of you should do Gilmer’s spell,” she announced to Yllis and Oola.

“I don’t have my Song any longer,” Yllis reminded her. “I cannot.”

She turned to Oola. “You can, can’t you?”

“Is that what you want?” Oola’s gaze on her was heavy as ever and Zeli struggled not to flinch.

“I’m not sure if I can do it on my own. I know the mechanics, but I still don’t know how it will work. What the sacrifice will be or how to get the people to offer it.”

Oola clasped Her hands and lowered Her head. “And I am not certain that I am the one to do it, either.”

Zeli’s jaw dropped. “Didn’t you start all of this? Shouldn’t you end it? You let the True Father escape. Someone could have gone after him, tried to find him. We could have prepared in some way for his return. But you did nothing.”

“I searched for him.” Her voice was low and uncharacteristically solemn. “Every night, all night. And every moment of the past days. I flew hundreds of kilometers, seeking some sign of him. Trying to feel for him, or for those who took him. But I could not.”

Zeli’s jaw set and she stared at the floor, unwilling to meet the woman’s eyes. But a finger grazed her chin, lifting her head. “I did not do nothing,” Oola said. “I did what was in my power to do, though it was not enough. Nothing anyone else would have done could have been enough. If I couldn’t find him, no one could. And yet…” She dropped Her finger and sighed. “I do owe you an apology.”

Zeli leaned back, shock surging through her. The Goddess had never apologized before.

“I was arrogant and prideful,” She continued. “And my brother is one half of my heart, no matter the evil that he has done. I have failed him and my people over and over again. But that burden did not need to be placed on your shoulders. You did not deserve the weight, and I am sorry.”

Zeli’s mouth hung open; she stared into the woman’s eyes. “Why did you do it?”

Oola still looked regal and formidable, but also … tired. “I do not belong here. Not anymore. I will see this through but then … There is no place for me here. Not in the temples, not in the land.”

It was just like Her to not answer the question. “What about the faithful?” Zeli whispered instead of pressing the issue.

“Are there any of those left?” She chuckled. “It is time for them to have faith in something else. I think perhaps they should have more faith in themselves. Not in me. It should never have been placed in me. And for the part I played in stoking that particular fire, I am also sorry.”

Zeli’s head spun trying to process this. Darvyn appeared to be having a similar reaction, while Yllis looked on sadly. “You said you want to finish this. Will you help unlock the Songs?” Zeli asked.

“I do not know any more than you do.” Oola spread Her hands. “I don’t even know the spell.”

This new humility of Hers was more galling than the arrogance. “I can teach it to you,” Zeli said.

Oola held up a hand. “Gilmer did not come to me or contact me. He could have. He did not teach it to Yllis or gift him a Song, which he also could have done. He entrusted the spell to you. It is for you to do.”

Tears formed in Zeli’s eyes as frustration wanted to pour out. “But I’m not strong. I’m not anything.”

“You are something, Tarazeli. You have already learned so much. You have sacrificed as well. Now you just must learn to have faith in yourself. You know it, you must feel it. And then you will find what you need.”

“But how do you know?” she pleaded as tears spilled over.

“Because I have more faith in you than I do in me.” Oola’s face, which Zeli had only ever seen placid and calm, was now wracked with sadness.

Yllis took Oola’s hand, his expression similarly downcast. Darvyn stared at them, his disbelief evident.

Zeli began shivering, tears flowing freely now as the two ancients turned and left. She wanted to cry out, to beg and plead, but she couldn’t find the words. Gilmer hadn’t said that only she could restore the Songs, but he could have made so many other choices and he hadn’t. His knowledge rivaled that of Yllis and Oola and still he’d taught Zeli the spell. What did that mean?

She turned to Varten, still wedged in the corner. His eyes were wide and full of fear. “What is it?” she asked.

He shook his head. “I—I should go. Let you work on this.”

“Wait, what? No. Where are you going?”

He swallowed, clearly shaken.

“Please stay,” she said, reaching for him.

He avoided her, heading for the door. “She’s right. You can do this, Zeli. I believe in you. I just—” He shook his head again. “I need to go.” And then he was gone.

Zeli swallowed as the empty doorway tempted her. She turned to Darvyn, whose expression was pitying. “You can teach me the spell. If I can help…”

“We still need the sacrifice. It won’t even matter without that.”

He nodded. “You’re not alone, Zeli.”

She appreciated his offer, but he was wrong. She was on her own again, just as much as she’d always been. If the Goddess was right then she would have to figure this out, somehow.

She wiped her cheeks and squared her shoulders.

Faith in herself. That was all she needed. And she would have to find it fast.