Fei kept her eyes closed when she woke and stayed very still, maintaining her cocoon inside the sheets. The cold, sterile air supplied by the climate control system allowed her to maintain this position, which was dangerous because Fei was tempted to lie there in bed for too long, her anxiety mounting to unbearable levels.
Today GLEA would arrive en masse to attend their so-called ‘conference’. And she would have to go meet them, sit with them, maybe even say things to them.
Fei lifted her knees, then bent over and rested her head between them, breathing deeply. ‘Bock’s doing most of the talking. You just have to provide data. And supporting arguments.’
But her stomach squirmed instead of settling. Fei groaned, pressing a hand to her abdomen. Ala had taken her out the previous night and plied her with alcohol which should have made Fei feel brave, but it had only made her feel nauseous. And her nerves definitely weren’t helping right now.
Muttering some choice words, Fei dragged herself out of bed and into the shower. By the time she had scrubbed the phantom scent of Kuja from her skin and dealt with her hair, she was running extremely late so she had to sprint for the hoverlift, a piece of toast cratered against her teeth. Brushing crumbs off her lips as she stepped onto the ground floor, she caught sight of the heavily shielded hovercar waiting outside for her — and then she baulked. Dividing her from safety was a gauntlet made up of mediaists with vidcams and onlookers bristling with lasguns.
‘Am I…supposed to go through that alone?’ she demanded of the empty lobby.
Kuja didn’t arrive to rescue her. But someone else did.
‘No, that’s what ya got me for,’ Ala said, entering through the front door and supporting a bulky lasgun on one hip like a beloved child. ‘They know not to fuck with the wife of the Clan Leader.’
‘So he’s the Clan Leader today, not a governor,’ Fei noted.
‘Same smell,’ Ala replied with a smirk. ‘But it’ll make them Chippers uncomfortable if we remind them we’ve still got some real fight left in us.’
Fei knotted her hands together. ‘Ala…I’m not sure I can do this.’
Ala watched Fei closely for a moment, then jerked her head back towards the crowd outside. ‘Come on, Fei. The faster we get there, the faster it’s over. And not that I’d ever let my personal life interfere with this shit, but it’s my turn with Ginsella tonight and I really don’t want this starking conference to run overtime.’
Fei reluctantly smiled and followed Ala out the door. The screaming crowd and the heat of densely packed bodies immediately pressed in on Fei, making her lungs seize up. She couldn’t fault her protector, but while Ala’s hands on her head and shoulder kept her beneath the worst of the tumult, they did little to comfort her.
Fei, you can do this, I know you can, Kuja told her.
She latched onto the voice of the man she loved, letting it guide her steps until she was safely inside the hovercar. Sliding into the front, Ala snapped her fingers at the driver and began barking orders at him, something about taking a more circuitous route in case the Chippers had installed snipers on the main road. Swallowing her panic, Fei closed her eyes and tilted her head back against the seat.
Oh, Kuja, Fei thought. I need you with me.
I’m always here with you, the voice of her lover promised.
Fei sighed. If you say so. I’ve prayed to Bagara, asking for you. But has he really sent you? Or have I been dreaming these past two weeks?
Kuja’s ensuing chuckle was laced with desire and something else, something secret. I know you want me instead of Bagara. Just…let him stand in for me.
But I don’t want to kiss him, Fei protested.
I don’t want you to kiss anyone else either!
Fei laughed and opened her eyes to find Ala studying her closely.
‘Do ya lose focus like that often?’ Ala asked.
‘Please don’t tell me I need hyponeedles,’ Fei grumbled. ‘I get by without any enhancements, thank you. Why do you ask?’
‘Because you had a look on that face of yours just then…’ Ala frowned. ‘Like you were talkin’ to someone in your mind. I know that look. So were you? That Kuja dude?’
Fei wriggled her toes inside her shoes. They were flats, designed to mould to her feet, but now they felt too sweaty and too tight. ‘I like imagining he’s here with me. It relaxes me.’
‘How do ya know you’re not actually talking to him?’ Ala asked, her one real eye blade-thin.
‘It’s just pretend.’
‘Hmm,’ was all Ala said to that.
Fei peered out the window as they approached their destination, a large hotel with silver cords that curled endlessly around the core of the building, reminding Fei of a twisted Bagaran Strangler. The hotel, shining so brightly it caused Fei to see its shape on the backs of her eyelids, seemed to be a newer addition to the cityscape, judging by the fact that it wasn’t decaying and decrepit like some of the other buildings crowding Atsa.
Ala jumped out of the hovercar before it had fully stopped, clearing a path with threats and a wave of her lasgun. Fei dropped her feet onto the pavement — and then went very still. Hundreds of people were waiting for her, but one man in particular made hot fear curdle in her gut.
‘You alright?’ Ala shouted over the din.
Fresh briny air streamed over Fei’s face, forcing her to blink repeatedly. The man kept watching her, his blue eyes so pale they were almost colourless. When Fei shivered, the man slowly grinned and turned away, disappearing into the crowd.
What is he doing here? Kuja’s voice demanded.
Fei’s jaw clenched and started aching. Do…do you know him?
You could say that. But it’s alright. He’s decided you aren’t a threat. For now.
Fei realised a vidcam was aimed at her so she flashed a dazzling smile. I wish I knew what it was you were actually protecting me from.
‘Ms Neron, Ms Neron!’ someone shouted. ‘If these rumours of a connection between TerraCorp and GLEA are true, why have you turned your back on a company sanctioned by the Creator God?’
Fei felt her cheeks tighten, enough to make the inside of them meet the edges of her teeth. Ala grabbed her arm, trying to pull her towards the hotel, but Fei dug in her heels and swung towards the offending mediaist. ‘If the Creator God really does care about free will then he won’t have an issue with it — and enough people accept me for me, so I don’t care if one particular god doesn’t like me. I’m done denying myself to please him.’
Fei lifted her chin, gave an imperious nod and then marched inside so quickly that Ala had to jog to keep up with her. The cool air awaiting them in the hotel lobby was a welcome change from the heat outside, but it made Fei immediately sneeze. She caught the spray on her sleeve, then belatedly realised that most of the conference attendees were staring at her. Ton Tinel was among them, the only mediaist allowed inside, his vidcam recording everything. Fei dropped her arm, mouth agape, and gave no resistance when Ala ushered her over to Bock’s side.
The Chipper who was currently speaking to the governor had smooth dark skin and his hair lacked any silver which Fei thought unfair, given the amount he had caused to grow over her mother’s scalp. Fei was glad she had tamed her own hair with a heavy dose of chemicals that morning, keeping it far flatter than his springy mop. The differences didn’t end there — her strands were brilliant green today, matched by her eyes. His natural irises remained earthen brown.
‘Colonel Lilon Neron,’ Fei greeted when she was sure her voice would remain steady.
‘Call me “Dad”,’ Lilon requested. ‘You are well aware that I am living with your mother again. You might as well give me the same courtesy you do her.’
Fei felt a twinge of guilt. You’re the reason I haven’t called Mum in a while.
Bock glanced at her. ‘This true? He’s your dad? Could’ve asked him to help us out earlier.’
‘Oh, he barely knows he has a daughter so there wasn’t a point,’ Fei said acidly. ‘In my experience, Chippers don’t care about anyone, much less their own families.’
Her father could have at least had the grace to look stricken, she thought.
‘Fei — ’ he began, his voice stern.
Head General Huw Hunslow, much more pasty and pinched in person, coasted over to insert himself into the conversation. His lips peeled back to display several layers of teeth, his face shimmering as it struggled to accommodate his predatory smile. Hunslow was poorly disguised by an illusion projected from the device on his belt, to make him pass for human in a predominantly human organisation. Fei thought her father was attempting to pass as a decent person but with less success.
‘Let us be professional,’ Hunslow said. ‘This is not the time or place for personal issues — ’
Fei opened her mouth, but Bock got in first. He laughed and patted the lasgun on his belt, a not-so-subtle warning. ‘You lot didn’t land yourself in this mess by being professional. Get in that room and into your designated seat before I decide this is all just a big waste of time and blast some extra holes in your worthless hides.’
As if waiting for this command, the gold floor-to-wall doors of the conference room swung outwards in an ancient style, revealing a brightly-lit interior. Ala followed the other conference attendees into the room but Bock calmly waited outside, letting everyone else pass ahead of him.
Fei cleared her throat. ‘Thank you, Bock. But I think I can fight my own battles now.’
‘I figured,’ he said. ‘But stark, I really like putting ’em in their place.’
Bock held his arm out to her.
Smiling, Fei took it and let him lead her to her fate.
• • •
That same potted plant inside the Chipper outpost on Saren warned Kuja when Zareth began packing. The Rforine swiftly formed a body and stomped down the hill, using the walk to query the nearby virus. It confirmed what Gerns had already told Bagara that morning — there was now a barrier in place around the town that it couldn’t cross.
Kuja allowed a brief smile, impressed. Gerns did it, she actually did it — I’ll have to get her a drink for real this time, to celebrate.
He made his way into the outpost’s sleeping quarters and fixed his most potent glare on the moon’s only remaining agent.
‘So now that Gerns has saved these people,’ Kuja said, shaking his head in disgust, ‘you’re going to leave and take the credit whenever a mediaist asks.’
Zareth stared at his visitor, a spare purple jumpsuit dangling from one hand. ‘You can’t seriously think that’s what I’m up to. I’m going to Gerasnin — I gave it some thought and I realised I can’t change things out here on Saren. I have to do what I can to save other worlds, the ones that don’t have blackmail material to protect themselves.’
‘I have a feeling that Bagara considers every moon, rock and planet under his protection, regardless of their climates,’ Kuja said, his voice firm.
‘No sub-level god can look after that many people,’ Zareth said. ‘The galaxy’s too big for them. Us mortals have got to pitch in where we can.’
‘Maybe mortals aren’t meant to protect, just be protected.’
‘Maybe,’ Zareth echoed politely, his mind full of disagreement.
He resumed packing his things. It didn’t take long; within ten minutes, he was bidding the townspeople farewell. Zareth told the Sarenites he would return one day with agents enough to protect the moon, either from pirates or opportunistic criminals. This didn’t seem to be an immediate problem for Saren, but Zareth’s promise made many of the townspeople emanate relief.
Kuja watched Zareth talk to each individual who asked for his time, thinking, I wonder…I wonder if Zareth will manage to change GLEA. Is it possible that while mortals can corrupt the Agency’s purpose, a mortal can also correct it?
Kuja accompanied Zareth to the landing pad where both men waited as another egg-shaped ship descended from the sky, its hull covered in multiple solar panels that glinted in the sunshine.
‘Will you go back to Fei?’ Zareth asked. ‘You don’t talk about her much, but I get the feeling…’
Kuja shook his head.
Zareth turned to grip Kuja’s forearms, his gaze deep and fervent. ‘Kuja, you need to pursue what you want, even if it means risking everything.’
Kuja’s chin hit his chest. ‘I…I have failed before.’
‘So you’re giving up, just like that? You can’t!’ Zareth’s hold on Kuja tightened. ‘When you failed before, did you fail because you weren’t good enough, or because you expected to fail?’
‘There was no way to win,’ Kuja said haltingly. ‘I didn’t want to give up but I…it was inevitable.’
‘Was it?’ Zareth challenged.
As the starship came closer to the ground, nearby branches whipped to and fro, performing a frenzied dance and slapping leaves onto the ground.
Zareth leaned further in, until their noses were almost touching. ‘Fight, Kuja. Fight because it’s the right thing to do. And who knows…you might even win.’
The ship finally settled onto the landing pad, throwing grit over their faces. Kuja kept his feelings churning low in his gut as he waved Zareth off, but when the ship rose into the sky, it sent a solid gust of air against his midsection, dislodging everything he’d tried so hard to hide.
Kuja clenched his fists and stamped his feet, a scream tearing out of him — raw, angry, defiant. Some plants begged him to calm down and others cheered him on, demanding retribution, but all of them carried the image of Fei, the woman who had inspired their god, the woman who was — the Creator of Worlds? Kuja paused, taken aback by the title the rainforests had given her.
Well, she does create worlds — and she needs me right now, he realised, feeling her distress.
He swiftly shed his body and sent a large portion of his presence over to Yalsa 5.