INTRODUCTION
1. Marilyn Elias, “Marriage Makes for a Good State of Mind,” USA Today, 14 August 2000.
2. Michael J. McManus, “How to ‘Build Children’ Rather than ‘Build Jails,'” The Washington Times, 4 August 2000.
3. Katherine Kersten, “We Should Work to Save Kids from Divorce,” The Minneapolis Star Tribune, 26 July 2000.
CHAPTER 1
1. Philip D. Harvey, “Divorce for the Best,” Washington Post, 11 August 2000.
2. James Dobson citing Cheryl Wetzstein, “Researchers See Marriage as a Weakening Institution,” The Washington Times, 28 October 1999, A2.
3. Matt Ridley, “Will We Still Need to Have Sex?” Time, 8 November 1999, 66.
4. Lyndsey Griffiths, “Brave New World,” Toronto Star, 4 November 1999.
5. The Mishnah is the oral tradition of Judaism which most scholars believe was put into writing in the third century A.D.
6. Marriage Partnership, Fall 1998, 10.
7. We are aware of Solomon's own tragic experiment with polygamy as recorded in 1 Kings 11:3. Many scholars believe that in the Song, Solomon is describing the ideal relationship between one man and one woman, as he lamentably knew it should have been.
8. Cited in Entertainment Today, 2 January 1997.
9. Tom Gedhill, The Message of the Song of Songs (Downers Grove: IVP, 1994), 104.
10. G. Lloyd Carr, The Song of Solomon, TOTC (Downers Grove: IVP, 1984), 78.
11. Duane Garrett, Proverbs, Ecclesiastes, Song of Solomon, NAC (Nashville: Broadman, 1993), 387.
13. Shirley Barnes, “Keeping It Together,” Seattle Tribune, 2 August 1998.
CHAPTER 2
1. Gary Smalley and John Trent, The Gift of the Blessing (Nashville: Thomas Nelson, 1993).
2. Gedhill, The Message of the Song of Songs, 113.
3. Steve Stephens, “37 Things to Say to Your Spouse,” in Stories for the Heart, compiled by Alice Gray (Sisters, Oreg.: Multnomah, 1996), 177–78.
5. Carr, The Song of Solomon, 84–85.
7. S. Craig Glickman, A Song for Lovers (Downers Grove: Inter Varsity Press, 1976), 37.
8. Norman Bales, All About Families Newsletter, 7-26-2000.
9. Tommy Nelson, The Book of Romance (Nashville: Nelson, 1998), 26.
CHAPTER 3
1. Patrick Rizzo, “For GenX, Sex Rules,” Reuters News Service, June 6, 2000.
2. Stephens, “27 Things Not to Say to Your Spouse,” in Stories for the Heart, 175–76.
3. Carr, The Song of Solomon, 86.
5. John G. Snaith, Song of Songs, NCBC (Grand Rapids: Eerdmans, 1993), 25.
6. Paige Patterson, Song of Solomon (Chicago: Moody, 1986), 45.
8. Some students of Scripture believe these verses are a reference to oral sexual pleasure and activity.
11. Garrett, Proverbs, Ecclesiastes, Song of Solomon, 392–93.
CHAPTER 4
1. Dorthy Rosby, First for Women, 23 February 1998, 114.
2. South China Post, 25 April 2000.
3. “Spouses Browse Infidelity Online,” USA Today, 7 June 1999.
4. Gary Chapman, Toward a Growing Marriage (Chicago: Moody Press, 1996).
6. Richard Leigh and Layng Martine, Jr., “The Greatest Man I Never Knew.” used by permission Layng Martine, Jr. Songs (EMI) and EMI April Music Inc./Lion-Hearted Music (ASCAP) (all rights for Lion-Hearted Music conrolled and administered by EMI April Music Inc.).
7. Erma Bombeck, Family—the Ties That Bind … and Gag! (New York: McGraw-Hill, 1992).
8. Dale Hanson Bourke, “It Will Change Your Life,” Everyday Miracles (Nashville: Broadman & Holman Publishers, 1999), 5–8.
CHAPTER 5
1. Karen S. Peterson, “Sweet Nothings Help Marriages Stick,” USA Today, 30 March 2000.
2. Othmar Keel, The Song of Songs, trans. Fredrick J. Gaiser (Minneapolis: Fortress, 1986, 1994), 107.
3. Glickman, A Song for Lovers, 47–48.
5. Psychology Today, July-August 2000, 10.
6. H. Norman Wright, “The 8-Cow Wife,” Marriage Magazine, May/June 2000.
CHAPTER 6
1. Patricia Donovan, “A Prescription of Sexually Transmitted Diseases,” Issues in Science and Technology (1993), 9:4, 40.
2. Joe S. McIlhaney, “Improve Nation: Boost Marriage,” Knight Ridder / Tribune News Service, 29 September 2000.
3. Robert T. Michael, John H. Gagnon, and Edward O. Lauman, Sex in America: A Definitive Survey (Boston: Little, Brown & Co., 1994), 124.
4. McIlhaney, “Improve Nation.”
5. Michael and others, Sex in America, 125.
6. Jan E. Stets, “The Link Between Past and Present Intimate Relationship,” Journal of Family Issues, 1993, pp. 114, 251.
7. Michael D. Newcomb and P. M. Bentler, “Assessment of Personality and Demographic Aspects of Cohabitation and Marital Success,” Journal of Personality Assessment, 44 (1980), 21.
8. William Axinn and Arland Thorton, “The Relationship Between Cohabitation and Divorce: Selectivity or Casual Influence?” Demography, 29 (1992), 358.
9. Jan E. Stets, “Cohabiting and Marital Aggression: The Role of Isolation,” Journal of Marriage and the Family, 53 (1991), 669–70.
10. Robert Coombs, “Marital Status and Personal Well-Being: A Literature Review,” Family Relations, 40 (1991), 97–102.
11. Lee Robins and Darrel Regier, Psychiatric Disorders in America: The Epidemiologic Catchment Area Study (New York: Free Press, 1991), 72.
12. Catherine K. Relssman and Naomi Gerstel, “Marital Dissolution and Health: Do Males or Females Have Greater Risk?” Social Science and Medicine, 20 (1985), 627.
13. U.S. Department of Justice, Office of Justice Programs, Bureau of Justice Statistics, “Criminal Victimization in the United States, 1992,” NCJ–145125, March 1994, 31.
14. Sara McLanahan and Gary Sandefur, Growing Up With a Single Parent (Cambridge: Harvard University Press, 1994), 1.
16. Family in America, February 2000, 2.
17. George Rekers, “Research on the Essential Characteristics of the Father's Role for Family Well-Being,” testimony before the Select Committee on Children, Youth and Families, U.S. House of Representatives, 99th Congress, 2nd session, 25 February 1986, 59–60.
18. Business Daily, 12 November 1997.
19. Mike McManus, “Heritage Foundation Calls for Political Leadership on Marriage,” Ethics & Religion, 22 June 2000, column 982.
20. David Popenoe, “The Controversial Truth,” New York Times, 26 December 1992, A–21.
21. Frank F. Furstenberg Jr., “History and Current Status of Divorce in the United States,” The Future of Children, 4, no. 1 (Spring 1994), 37.
22. David Blankenhorn, Fatherless America: Confronting Our Most Urgent Social Problem (New York: Basic Books, 1995), 307.
23. James Egan, “When Fathers Are Absent,” address given at the National Summit on Fatherhood, sponsored by the National Fatherhood Initiative: Dallas, 27 October 1994.
24. “How Kids Mourn,” Newsweek, 22 September 1997, 58.
25. See the major work on this by Judith Wallerstein, The Unexpected Legacy of Divorce (New York: Hyperion, 2000).
26. Linda Waite and Maggie Gallagher, The Case for Marriage: Why Married People Are Happier, Healthier and Better Off Financially.
27. Betsy Hart, “Both Sexes Thrive in Marriage,” Scripps Howard News Service, 6 October 2000.
28. Barna Report, 26 April 2000, number 1.
29. T. Suzanne Eller, Chicken Soup for the Couple's Soul (Deerfield Beach, Fla.: Health Communications, 1999). Used by permission of the author.
1. Bettina Arndt, “Cohabitors: The New Breed,” The Age, 7 December 1999.
2. Suzanne Daley, “French Couples Take Plunge That Falls Short of Marriage,” New York Times, 18 April 2000, 1A.
3. Debra Gaskill, “Shacking Up Strikes Out,” Kettering– Oakwood Times, Dayton, Ohio, 2 May 2000.
4. Karen Peterson, “Wedded to Relationship but Not to Marriage,” USA Today, 18 April 2000.
5. David Popenoe, “Cohabitation: The Marriage Enemy,” USA Today, 28 July 2000.
6. Brian Holman, “Co-habiting First May not Improve Marriage,” Scripps Howard Foundation Wire, 5 August 2000.
8. “Living Together: Facts, Myths, About ‘Living in Sin,'” Ann Arbor, 4 February 2000.
9. Murray Dubin, “A Mission to Remedy Marriage,” Philadelphia Inquirer, 6 August 2000.
10. Larissa Phillips, “The Case Against Matrimony.” This article first appeared in Salon.com, at http://www.salon.com. An on-line version remains in the Salon archives. Reprinted with permission.
11. This is the only time “Israel” occurs in the Song. Its presence is an indication that the poem dates prior to the death of Solomon in 931 B.C. See Carr, The Song of Solomon, 110.
12. Nelson, The Book of Romance, 76.
14. Kathy Kristof, “Love and Marriage and Money,” L.A. Times, 14 September 2000.
15. Garrett, Proverbs, Ecclesiastes, Song of Solomon, 402.
16. Dennis Rigstad, “Is It Love or Lust?” Psychology for Living, February 1988.
17. Manhattan Institutes City Journal, summer 1999.
18. Snaith, Song of Songs, 57.
19. Melissa King, “Marriage Vows Renewed by the Pattersons and 1,100 Others at Southeastern Seminary,” Baptist Press, 20 April 2000.
CHAPTER 8
1. Peggy Fletcher Stack, “What They Didn't Teach You About Sex in Sunday School,” RNS, 13 October 2000.
3. Carin Rubenstein, “The Modern Art of Courtly Love,” Psychology Today, July 1983, 49.
5. Garrett, Proverbs, Ecclesiastes, Song of Solomon, 405.
6. Cited in Patterson, Song of Solomon, 73.
7. Patricia Dalton, “Daughters of the Revolution,” Washington Post, 21 May 2000.
8. “What Happy Couples Say About Sex” Readers' Digest (February 1989), 13–16.
9. Julie Walsh, “Who's Lighting the Fire?” WebMD Medical News, 16 March 2000.
10. Glickman, A Song for Lovers, 25.
11. Linda Dillow and Lorraine Pintus, Intimate Issues (Colorado Springs: Waterbrook, 1999), 17.
1. London Observer, 9 January 2000.
2. World Magazine, 27 February 1999.
4. Cosmopolitan, January 2000.
5. South China Post, 16 November 1999.
6. Bob Turnbull, “What Your Wife Really Needs,” Marriage Partnership (Fall 1999).
7. Yvonne Turnbull, “What Your Husband Really Wants,” Marriage Partnership (Fall 1999).
8. Herbert Stein, “Why a Man Needs a Woman,” Readers' Digest (December 1999).
9. Douglas Wilson, Reforming Marriage (Moscow, Idaho: Canon, 1995), 109–10.
CHAPTER 10
1. Abby Ellin, “A Class Feminists Might Abhor,” New York Times, 5 March 2000.
2. A superb work which looks at the needs of men and women in a similar fashion is Willard F. Harley Jr., His Needs Her Needs (Grand Rapids: Revell, 1986). This book has greatly impacted my own thinking, and much of its contents are reflected in this chapter.
3. See also Steven Nock, “Does It Pay for Men in America to Marry and Raise Children?” Insight, 29 May 2000, 40–43.
4. Glickman, A Song for Lovers, 66.
5. Sandra Aldrich, “Husbands Don't Have Scriptwriters.” Today's Christian Woman 20.2 (Mar/Apr 1998), 36–39.
6. Gwen Yount Carden, Dallas Times Herald, 11 November 1989, 1E.
7. Cecelia Goodnow, “Phil McGraw Draws Raves for ‘No Bull’ Approach to Rescuing Relationships,” Seattle-Post, 4 March 2000.
8. Peter Marin, “A Revolution's Broken Promises,” Psychology Today, July 1983, 55.
9. Stephanie Dunnewind, “It's Time for a New Strategy When Nagging Doesn't Work,” Seattle Times, 6 April 2000.
10. Today's Christian Woman, March-April 1997, 19.
11. Julie Macken, “The Mystery of Why Women Marry,” Financial Review, 28 August 1999.
12. Kristen Kauffman, “Divorced After Decades,” The Dallas Morning News, 15 September 2000.
13. Christianity Today, 7 February 2000, 55.
14. Carlin Rubenstein, “The Modern Art of Courtly Love,” Psychology Today (July 1983), 46.
15. New Man (September 1997), 20.
16. Men in Action (April 1995).
17. Gregory McNamee, quoted in Reader's Digest (May 2000), 87.
CHAPTER 11
1. Garrett, Proverbs, Ecclesiastes, Song of Solomon, 419.
2. Carr, The Song of Solomon, 156.
3. “Snapshots,” USA Today, 9 June 1998, D1.
4. Dillow and Pintus, Intimate Issues, 60.
5. Ibid. See Lisa Douglass, “Orgasms: The Science,” New Woman (June 1998), 126.
6. Snaith, Song of Songs, 100.
11. “Keeping the Romance Alive,” Style (January-February 2000).
12. Carr (162–63) points out that breath could be a reference, in the Hebrew text, to the nipples of her breasts.
13. Terri Lackey, “Counselor Offers Help to Couples for Reclaiming Marriage Intimacy,” Baptist Press, 1 November 2000.
15. “Keeping the Romance Alive.”
16. Patterson, Song of Solomon, 110.
CHAPTER 12
1. Sue Ellin Browder, “New Rules for a Happy Marriage,” Readers Digest (November 1999), 100–04.
2. Ginny Graves, “7 Solutions for Sexual Problems,” Readers' Digest (August 1999), 102–06.
3. Carr, The Song of Solomon, 165.
4. David Derbyshire, “A Little Loving Makes the Heart Last Longer,” Sex and Health, 29 November 2000. The Telegraph, #2014.
5. Karen S. Peterson, “Take Time to Nurture a Marriage,” USA Today, 5 July 2000.
6. Garrett, Proverbs, Ecclesiastes, Song of Solomon, 424.
7. Ronald Kotulak, “Lonely Hearts Often Have Sick Hearts,” Chicago Tribune, 8 August 2000.
8. Glickman, A Song for Lovers, 90.
12. Michelle Weiner-Davis, “When He's Not in the Mood,” Parade Magazine, 19 March 2000.
13. Quoted in Washington Post Online Edition, 12 November 1999.
14. Adapted from Marie Pierson, “Nourishing Your Love,” Virtue (date unknown).
15. Quoted from Robert Michael, John Gagnon, Edward Laumann, and Gina Kolata, Sex in America: A Definitive Study (New York: Little Brown and Co., 1994).
CHAPTER 13
1. Frederica Matthews-Green, “Men Behaving Justly,” Christianity Today, 17 November 1997, 45.
2. Glickman, A Song for Lovers, 96.
3. Garrett, Proverbs, Ecclesiastes, Song of Solomon, 426.
4. Karen S. Petersen, “Quick Lessons for a Long Marriage,” USA Today, 3 July 2000.
6. Barbara DeAngelis, “Are You Too Tired for Sex?,” Family Circle, 16 October 1990, 32–37.
7. Adapted from John Gottman and Nan Silver, The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work (New York: Crown, 1999).
8. Carr, The Song of Solomon, 170.
11. Patterson, Song of Solomon, 117.
12. “Deconstructing the Myths of Marriage,” The London Times, 2 December 1999.
14. Jason Millstein, “A Vow of Hard Work,” The Spokesman Review, 6 March 2000.
15. David Sanford, “Learning to Love Means Staying When You Want to Leave,” Marriage Support on-line newsletter #681, Couples Place Web site. Accessed 28 December 1999.
17. Laura Schlessinger, “Modern Women Get No Respect,” The Washington Times. National Weekly Edition, 23–29 August 1999, 27.
18. Quoted in World Magazine, 20 May 1999, 12.
19. “The Truth About In-laws, Reasons for Marrying and Sex, Fidelity and Children.” Town and Country Magazine, 21 January 1999.
20. From an article by Howard Hendricks, “Yardsticks for Love.”
OUR MARRIAGE COVENANT
1. John McNally, “Darling, Will You Spend the Next Six to Ten Years with Me?” The Onion Web Site. Accessed 27 December 2000.
2. Eve Tushnet, “New on Fox: I Want a Divorce,” National Catholic Register, 19 November 2000.