The MDMA Dealer of Capitalism Is the Corporate Communications Exec

There’s an inverse correlation between the level of bullshit in a company’s mission statement and its actual performance.

More specifically, companies have fallen in love with “yogababble,” a term I coined a few years ago to describe the nonsensical pontification that had replaced English in tech unicorns’ mission statements. At best, a company mission statement describes the purpose and value of its product in a clear, concise manner. At worst, it massively exaggerates the cosmic relevance of a business, totally obscuring its actual product and means of generating revenue. At worst, a mission statement is yogababble.

Yogababble grew up in the brand era, when inanimate objects started to take on animate characteristics. Objects and companies could be personified—likable, young, cool, patriotic. Corporate comms execs began to scale the charisma and vision of their business’s founder. Overpromise and underdeliver became a means for access to cheap capital. (Elon Musk, April 2019: “A year from now, we’ll have over a million cars with full self-driving.” Number of such cars on the road in early 2022: zero.) The lines between charm, vision, bullshit, and fraud have nearly evaporated. The smokescreen that enables this kind of bad party trick is yogababble.

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Yogababble

“To make video communications frictionless.”

Bullshit rating: 1/10

“To unlock the potential of human creativity by giving a million creative artists the opportunity to live off their art and billions of fans the opportunity to enjoy and be inspired by these creators.”

Bullshit rating: 5/10

“On the most basic level, Peloton sells happiness.”

Bullshit rating: 9/10

“If our planet is to continue to sustain life and enchant future generations, we must change . . . . This is where Rivian’s potential lies.”

Bullshit rating: 10/10

Source: Prof G analysis.