Sarah
I wasn’t sure why I couldn’t speak, but David’s admission of his feelings gave me what could best be described as stage-fright. The moment the word yes left his lips, I felt as though a huge spotlight was turned on me, as if everyone in the diner around us was listening, even though I knew they weren’t.
It didn’t seem to bother David much, he couldn’t stop beaming, and he’d been that way since we’d left Richard’s office, even while talking about his past with Ella. I couldn’t believe that was so much worse than I thought. She’d used him, and broken his heart, and while I would never ever do that intentionally, I worried that my own admission of my feelings would seem less genuine on the heels of his own.
Before I could stew on it, the waitress brought our check. David took out his wallet and paid telling her to keep the change. She flashed a flirty grin and thanked him, and then sauntered away. He was a good guy, genuine and generous through and through.
“You ready? We still need to go to your apartment and get my guitar.” I nodded, still lost in a battle of thoughts, and he seemed content to give me space.
On the way back to the apartment we didn’t talk much. I kept my attention on the road and he played with his phone. I pulled into my parking space and checked the time. “We can go up for a few, we’ve got time.”
He nodded. “Sounds good. I want to call the hospital.”
“Sure.” I shut off the car and we got out, him once again giving me space as we went up to my apartment.
David went right to the couch where he called his parents and I went to my room to put a little more space between us.
I sat on the bed and thought back to the last time I had felt this nervous with Rick. He was pressuring me to commit and I wasn’t sure it was the right time. The problem was, I did have strong feelings for Rick at the time, but I wasn’t sure it was love. The problem wasn’t my feelings, though, it was Rick’s. The suspicions of his infidelity had proven true too many times and I didn’t think I could give him my heart. In the end, I decided to take a chance on him, only to be disappointed, to be heartbroken, and now I felt myself on the same precipice.
I wanted more than anything to be with David, and to give him my whole heart. I knew he’d take care of me and love me more than anyone else could. But for some reason when he admitted his feelings, I’d choked.
I’d always hoped that in my life I’d have better luck than my mother, and though I felt I had that with David, I also couldn’t go into it lightly or take it for granted like my mom had for so long. She’d lost out so many times not making up her mind, wanting it all and never choosing what was best. I’d vowed my whole life, that if I ever found someone that loved me like I know David does, I’d never let them go. So why was I so nervous?
“You okay?” I raised my head and found him leaning in the doorway.
“Yeah, I’m good.” I stood as he closed the distance between us. I hated that he’d found me in such a vulnerable state.
“You’ve been pretty quiet. I hope I didn’t make things weird earlier, but I mean, we do know we’re getting closer, and we’re taking a huge step together already with my music, so I didn’t think I was too far out of line.”
“No, not at all, I think I just wasn’t sure how to react.” I was so confused I wasn’t sure what I was unsure of. I was standing on the high dive of life, but I was too afraid to jump even though I knew the water was fine.
“It’s okay. In case you didn’t notice, I wasn’t sure what else to say either. I guess it’s too much greatness for one day.” He took out his phone and glanced at it. “I’m just going to grab my guitar and we can go.”
As he turned to go, I grabbed his arm and pulled him to a stop. “Why didn’t you know what to say?”
“I think it’s probably the same reason you didn’t. Because our feelings are too real, and words just seem inadequate?” His brow raised and he lifted his chin. “At least I hope that’s why you couldn’t.” He searched my eyes and I smiled to reassure him.
I relaxed knowing he’d understood. It wasn’t that I had doubts about how I felt, but I had doubts about how to express what I was feeling. Words were inadequate, but our feelings weren’t. I stood up on my toes and kissed him, and he pulled me closer, deepening the kiss as if to reassure me, his strong hands lifting me up and carrying me to the bed where he sat, pulling me to his lap. I didn’t protest, though I knew we should get a move on, but he held me there, caressing my hair, my back. Neither of us spoke and it was like we just needed that moment to let it all sink in.
My nerves calmed and after a moment he whispered in my ear, “We better go.” I stood and pulled him to his feet, and we left, the quiet moment stretching out for minutes more.
*
The clear, soulful sound of David’s voice rang out, filling the studio. I stood behind the glass with the producers at Broken Branch and watched as their faces lit in recognition of David’s talent. They whispered amongst themselves and there were a lot of nods and smiles shared, which was definitely a good sign.
David looked and sounded like he was made for the setting, and I knew things were going to happen for him when one of the producers, Bob, leaned in and whispered close to my ear. “Where’d you find this guy?”
I smiled as my heart filled with pride. “Oklahoma, in a little dive bar about ten hours from here.” I thought of the first time I saw him up on Kinsey’s stage singing, owning every note. I’d known I could get him here from the start, but what I didn’t know was how hard and fast I’d fall in love with him.
“He’s a natural. I haven’t heard smooth tones like that in years. He’s sure got an impressive range.” I nodded in agreement and turned my attention back to David.
He stood behind the glass, playing and singing his heart out and every now and then he’d glance at me, as if he was tuning everyone else out.
As he sang his final note, the room erupted around me in praise. David was grinning from ear to ear and his face turned red.
Bob spoke into the mic so David could hear him. “That’s an impressive first run. I think you’re good to move on to another song.”
David nodded and began playing his intro and then his voice filled up the room as he sang one of his grandad’s songs. The style was so different from the last, but that only proved how much variety he had in his vocal ability.
Bob glanced back at me again. “It’s not often we even get a demo that clean on the first try. He’s going to make this an easy afternoon.”
As he sang, I thought about the cabin and could imagine the two of us there. I’d never even seen the place, but I already had ideas of colors and furniture I wanted to decorate it with. I’d make sure it was filled with things we’d enjoy together. I could see us spending long nights in his personal studio and then we’d retire to the big bed he’d always dreamed of. I’d make sure it was plush and comfy, like a soft cloud beneath us. We’d have it all, and most importantly we’d be able to travel back home, and help his parents with the ranch.
Home. I’d used the word as if his home were my own. It felt like my own though, I’d gotten so used to the kitchen, cooking up meals for those men, and picking the garden and milking the cow. I’d enjoyed every minute of it, except for the snake. But I’d even live with that little critter if I had to.
I let out a long breath. I missed the place. I even missed playing cards with his brothers. I hadn’t ever had any brothers or sisters. I hadn’t ever belonged to a family before with my mother shifting me around. The closest thing to a large family was when my grandmother would invite her neighbors over for those Sunday dinners. But I felt like I did now, with the Dawsons.
The thought of him ever going back home without me, uneased me. I knew right then that I never wanted to be without him again. Not one single day. I wanted more quiet moments like we’d shared in my bedroom. Moments like that when the entire world could go on or stop and it wouldn’t matter, because nothing mattered in that moment except for us.
The song was over, but I stood stone still as they congratulated him. When he came out of the room, they shook his hand and patted his back, but he bee-lined for me, pulling me into his arms for a tight embrace.
I love this man. I knew it with my heart and soul.
I’d been so worried about finding a way to give David his dreams that I didn’t realize he was giving me mine. All I’d ever wanted was a family, a home, and to be loved. David was already proving he would provide that.
“That’s an impressive first day, David. We’ll get the rest of your papers ready, but you’re off to an amazing start. You have a bright future ahead.” Bob patted his back again and then turned to play back the recordings.
As we listened together, hand in hand, I realized that for the first time in a long time I felt complete. And as we walked out to the car afterwards, I pulled him to stop and face me. The evening sun was setting, creating a soft glow behind him. “You were amazing.”
“I was so nervous. I thought I’d sound like an old toad frog.” I laughed at how ridiculous the thought was. There was no way he’d ever sound like that.
“Do you like Nashville?” He narrowed his eyes and placed his hands on my shoulders. It wasn’t until then that I realized my eyes were filling with tears.
“Where’s this coming from?” He studied me, his brows pinched tight with concern.
“Do you want to stay here?” I pressed on, urging him to give me an answer. I needed to know if he wanted to stay in the city or if he was willing to return to the country.
“I’m happy anywhere as long as I’m with you.” He took my face in his hand and stroked his thumb against my cheek. “What’s the matter, aren’t you happy?”
“When we’re done here, can we just go home for a bit?” His warm lips pressed against my forehead.
“Yes, we’re going home now.”
“No, not here. Oklahoma?” His lips turned up at the corners as the warmth of his arms wrapped around me.
“I love that you think of there as home. Of course we can, but I’d like to stay at the cabin. I’m not entirely ready to return to the daily grind, but we could have a lot of fun there too. It needs a lot of work if you’re up for it.”
“I’d like that. Since I quit my job I’ve been thinking. I’m tired of living here in the city and I’d like to settle down somewhere else. I don’t have anything here now, other than Jenn, and we can see her when we visit or better yet, stick her in a guest room for a weekend. She might be a good match for one of your brothers. But not Ted, I think she’d kill Ted in his sleep.” David nodded in agreement and we shared a laugh. “I think it’s kind of exciting that we’re not bound to this place. You heard Richard; we can live wherever and fly in when necessary. I love the sound of that, don’t you?”
“What I love the sound of is us living together, but sure. Wherever.” He lifted my chin and met my eyes. “I love you, Sarah.”
“I love you too.”