“Begin at the beginning and go on till you come to the end: then stop.”
—LEWIS CARROLL
When I begin writing a book, I’m both awestruck and humbled at the power of a blank page. The endless possibilities and expectations are overwhelming. There’s joy in being able to take a slice of who you are and translate it into words. And there’s a crippling fear of the snowy, blinding white blizzard of emptiness, page after crisp page with no limitations except the human mind and imagination.
Beginnings—those first words, filling the emptiness—are important.
I have spoken to countless writers who approach a new project in a variety of ways. Some jump in, half-cocked, fearless, and determined to conquer the story. Others dip a toe in, test the waters, write a few sentences, then take their time to ease all the way in. There’s also a third type: those who stare at that blinking cursor, paralyzed and numb, knowing this is it. This is where everyone realizes you’re a fraud. You can’t do it again, you can’t do it as well, or this idea will suck once you commit it to paper. The spiral of thoughts take over the natural inclination until hours pass and nothing is written.
Despite that potential fear, beginnings are necessary.
We need beginnings to function. Beginnings are a New Year’s resolution: whether it’s the start of a new day, week, or year; whether it’s a graduation or birth or even death. Beginnings set the tone of the story and can change at any time. All it takes is a decision to change. And the commitment to follow it through.
I’ve been a writer since I was six years old. I’m one of the lucky ones, discovering my passion and True North while kids around me talked about being princesses and cowboys or astronauts. The moment I picked up a book, something inside me shifted, as if it were all so very familiar. My mother said I read voraciously at a very young age and all I ever wanted was to be left alone in my room with a stack of books.
I scribbled nonstop in journals and diaries. I crafted essays on my life, which didn’t include much at the time except for my love of books, my struggle in a new school, and my dog.
At twelve, I decided to write my first full-length novel. It was a young adult romance, written in longhand, bound in a yellow folder. I wrote every day without fail. It took me ten months to write that book, and I carried it to school and read it to my classmates in junior high.
By then I was hooked.
I graduated to a Brother Typewriter and penned my second romance, headphones covering my ears, carving out my space at the end of the rarely used dining room table. I twisted my angst and dreams into fictional characters on the page, realizing even then that my writing style consisted of a little truth and a lot of lies. After my third book, which I was brave enough to submit to a young writer’s contest, I was already thinking of a sequel.
Writers discover their calling at different times in their lives. Some learn it at an early age, while others fall into it due to circumstance or from an unfulfilled craving for creativity. Some write to prove they can do better than others. Others write because there is a desperate need to tell a particular story, one that’s caged inside them. It’s important to remember how we began and to honor the fork in the road that brought us to writing. Like honoring our individual birth stories, our earliest writing days should mean something.
I’m also a firm believer that everyone is already born to write. We are instinctually driven to remember, to share our stories, to be known in this world to someone. Writing is the most personal, truthful way of expressing our stories to the world—even if we are writing fiction. Our writing voice is unique to us, even when that voice may be still raw and unformed.
Writing gives us a slice of immortality, a trail of bread crumbs for the people who follow us. Our writing tells readers that we loved, cried, feared, and experienced pain. We were important. This is what we saw and this is how we showed the world our personal view of what it is to be human and alive.
I’m always amazed at the passionate way children and teens write. They are in touch with their emotions, and can tap into joy and pain more freely. Emotions are more real to them—age, society, and expectations haven’t yet anesthetized them. Their stories are full of imagination and depth. And by committing stories to the page, they allow those stories to live and breathe, and they can begin to figure those stories out.
I was lucky enough to be invited to a local elementary school to speak with fourth graders about being a full-time writer. After informing the class that the greatest benefits were working in my pajamas and getting to make things up for fun—including killing anyone who pissed me off—I asked if they enjoyed writing. Almost every single hand shot up in the air. Then I asked them if they ever wrote something—a story, a poem, an essay, a letter. Everyone raised their hand. I informed the group they were all “real” writers.
A sea of excited faces stared back at me. One little girl burst out, “But I don’t get paid!”
Sigh. Yep. I didn’t get paid either for a long time.
Did that mean my work at the time was not valuable? That I wasn’t a true writer? Sure, my writing didn’t pay my bills, but my writing helped me make sense of my life. With every word I wrote, I learned more. I improved. I built discipline. And, eventually, I paid my bills.
I told the class that if they put words to paper, and they do it with true intention, they are writers. I told them the teachers were there to help their craft and improve their writing, but no one could take away their original ideas or their unique ways of expressing them. If you put one hundred people in a room and ask them to write a story on one subject, you won’t get two stories that sound exactly the same.
My son’s teacher called me later that afternoon. She said they threw out their class schedule for the day after my speech. Instead each child wrote a story. The class was more enthusiastic and excited than the teacher had ever seen, and the students asked if I could come back and hear their tales.
My son came home that week with three chapter books written by his classmate. His friend started a series after realizing that his dream was possible—even at a young age.
I’m sure I’ll see his published works in the future.
I’ve voraciously read books on writing since I was young. I thirsted for other writers’ knowledge, whether that was craft, marketing, or exploring the writing life. I didn’t feel so alone when I read them.
Hearing the intimate thoughts, viewpoints, and advice of writers fed my soul and helped me grow. It still does. I have learned my own truths in my writing journey over the years.
These are the truths I want to share with you, but there is one that ranks above all others.
Writing is essentially done alone.
I didn’t have the Internet then and a mass of information wasn’t available, but even in today’s noisy, chaotic, and bustling society, writing is still done alone. The writer. The pen or keyboard. The paper or computer. The mind and soul and imagination. Nothing more, nothing less.
I explain this truth in various ways throughout these chapters, but not as well as the following piece, brilliantly written by Michael Ventura. Writers continuously struggle for the right words to communicate the vivid perfection of thought or idea—that’s the goal when one sits down to write. When I first read “The Talent of the Room,” I realized Ventura succeeded in truly understanding what it meant to be a writer. It doesn’t matter what stage of writing you’ve reached—whether beginner or advanced—there is one element to be faced every day: the room.
I’ve reprinted it here, with his permission. I’m honored to share the piece as it has helped me truly understand what it is to be a writer.
Letters at 3 a.m. – 1993 © Michael Ventura.
Used with the author’s generous permission.
Originally published in LA Weekly, 21-27 May 1993
People who are young at writing—and this does not necessarily mean they’re young in years—ask me, now and again, if I can tell them something useful about the task. Task is my word, not theirs, and it may seem a harsh and formal word, but before writing is anything else it’s a task. Only gradually do you learn enough for it to become a craft. (As for whether writing becomes your art—that isn’t really up to you. The art can be there in the beginning, before you know a thing, or it may never be there no matter what you learn.)
“The only thing you really need,” I tell these people, “is the talent of the room. Unless you have that, your other talents are worthless.”
Writing is something you do alone in a room. Copy that sentence and put it on your wall because there’s no way to exaggerate or overemphasize this fact. It’s the most important thing to remember if you want to be a writer. Writing is something you do alone in a room.
Before any issues of style, content or form can be addressed, the fundamental questions are: How long can you stay in that room? How many hours a day? How do you behave in that room? How often can you go back to it? How much fear (and, for that matter, how much elation) can you endure by yourself? How many years—how many years—can you remain alone in a room?
I know people who, when young, had wonderful talents: prose of grace and resonance that came without effort, sentences that moved intelligently with that crucial element of surprise, never concluding quite where one expected, so that you were always eager to read the next and the next. Promising work as they say. But to write anything that would keep the promise, to go beyond the letters, verse and stories of their youth, written with such enthusiasm, friends and teachers praising them, little magazines publishing them—to take the next step meant that they would have to sit alone in a room for years.
Some sat just for weeks. Some lasted months. Some kept saying that next summer, or next winter, or after they graduated, or when they moved to Europe (which they never did), or when they got a grant, or when they weren’t so busy, or when they could afford a place that gave them the space (because they needed an actual room; it couldn’t be just the bedroom or the kitchen)… sometime in the foreseeable but not the immediate future, then they’d write the novel or complete that sequence of poems.
A few of these talented people would even arrange the room. A good desk, a clean well-oiled typewriter (a computer now), the paper, the pencils, the stereo, maybe a hot plate. But after the room is ready you have to sit in it. For a very long time. (Sometimes it takes weeks or months even to begin writing.) And that’s the talent they didn’t have.
There’s no harm or blame in not having a talent. But it is very painful to have some of the talents, almost all of the talents, except the one you really need.
* * *
The teachers who fawn on your early work (if you were lucky or unlucky enough, as the case may be, to have such teachers) don’t usually tell you about this because they’re not writers, they’re teachers. They may do some writing on the side, but few have staked their lives on writing. Their wages, their prestige, their social life, their surroundings, the rhythms of their days and of their years, are rooted in the profession of teaching, which is an activity done in a room with other people, surrounded by rooms filled with people, upstairs and downstairs and down the hall. You cannot teach the demands of solitude in such places. Even if you talk about it, you’re not teaching it—the surroundings contradict the lesson.
The surroundings always are the lesson. That’s the trouble with college. What it teaches, more than anything else, is how to go to college. Thus most writing courses, by their very nature, ignore the fundamental thing you need to be a writer. That’s why, although thousands teach such courses and tens of thousands attend them, precious little work results. You’ll notice that the ratio of teaching to work accomplished is much better in med school or in truck driver’s school, because those involve skills that can be taught.
Nobody can teach you how you, in particular, are going to behave when you’re alone for hours a day over long periods of time trying to deal with unknown quantities: what you have to express, what experience your expression draws on, how that experience relates to the solitude necessary for its expression, the form in which it comes out (which is never quite the form you planned on), how that form changes as it progresses, and, most important, who you are—all these are just a few of the unknown quantities that are locked up with you in your room.
If you’re Sharon Doubiago, your room is your van; if you’re the young Ernest Hemingway, your room is a café table; if you’re Emily Dickinson, your room is your garden; if you’re Marcel Proust, you write in bed; if you’re William Faulkner, you compose As I Lay Dying in six weeks in a humid shack while you work days in a factory (or was it work nights and write days?). But whoever you are, whatever shape it takes, that room is the center of your life and it’s very crowded. Everything you are and everything you’re not backs you up against the wall and stares at you. You stare back. And eventually you get some writing done.
The thing about the room is this: it’s likely you’ll have to remain there for years before you even know whether or not you’re any good—and it may be years more before anyone else knows. Because you can have the talent of the room and can spend years there but still not be much of a writer. Or twenty years can go by and you are good, but you don’t get published; or you get published, but nobody notices; or they notice, but they hate it; or you’re a lousy writer, but they love it and you get rich. Whatever. The only thing you know you’ll have twenty years down the line is the experience of the room—how you behaved, what you felt, what you thought, what you dared, what you fled, how you lived life, how life lived you, alone, in that room.
Remember, even if you’re financially successful at writing, and even if success comes early, you still have to spend the rest of your life in that room. Money and recognition make many things easier, but they don’t change the basic conditions of writing. You may furnish the room better, but you still have to enter it alone and stay there until something happens. And if your livelihood and your family’s well-being now depend upon your behavior in that room, then the quality of that behavior becomes crucial in many new ways. Your honesty, your originality, even the accuracy of your memory may very well become financial liabilities.
Most people can blame their sellouts on the institutions they work for, or on the way everybody else does business, or on the political climate, or whatever. The vast majority of us are simply hired to do a job and then ordered to cut corners, and we feel we have little choice. But nobody orders anybody to become a writer. And nobody becomes a writer without dreams of glory and art. Writers do their selling out consciously, alone in their rooms, where they can’t help but know what they’re doing, adjusting sentence after sentence to what’s saleable, to what the publishers or the editors or the studios want. It takes a while for those adjustments to become reflexes—a long while of whittling away what’s best in yourself. When the process is over you have a face to match it, which is why most screenwriters and freelancers look the way they do.
* * *
When it’s all over, if you’ve stuck and had some luck, you have a few things published that you’re proud of and a pretty good idea of who you are. Without the first you probably wouldn’t have stayed in the room so long, and without the second you’d have gone crazy a long time ago. Crazy as a writer would define it: too unbalanced to work. If you can still write, then how crazy can you be?
Plenty crazy, is the answer. The room can become a hole. Your talent of the room, your ability to be there with all your soul, can overwhelm you. Then the rest of life becomes unreal and, worse than unreal, a kind of unlife. So you find yourself writing with a very sophisticated consciousness but living in your relationships with other people far beneath what you write, because it’s gotten so you only really exist in that room and you don’t care about outside. And since you write necessarily from memory—for writing in a sense is memory, is what you cared about yesterday, or last month, or in your childhood—your lack of feeling for the present may not show up in your work for a while. But when it does, you’re through. You may still be published, still make money, still be read, but people won’t care the way they used to—and they’ll know it, and they’ll let you know it.
The room, you see, is a dangerous place. Not in itself, but because you’re dangerous. The psyche is dangerous. Because working with words is not like working with color or sound or stone or movement. Color and sound and stone and movement are all around us, they are natural elements, they’ve always been in the universe, and those who work with them are servants of these timeless materials. But words are pure creations of the human psyche. Every single word is full of secrets, full of associations. Every word leads to another and another and another, down and down, through passages of dark and light. Every single word leads, in this way, to the same destination: your soul. Which is, in part, the soul of everyone. Every word has the capacity to start that journey. And once you’re on it, there is no knowing what will happen.
Locking yourself up with such things, letting them stir, using these pure psychic creations as raw material, and deciding, each time, how much or little you’re going to participate in your own act of creation, just what you’ll stake, what are the odds, just how far are you going to go—that’s called being a writer. And you do it alone in a room.
It doesn’t matter what type of writer you are—whether you have a story lodged in your heart, clawing to escape, or you are a full timer with a dozen manuscripts behind you. It doesn’t matter if you’re a seasoned veteran or working on your first project. You are a writer because you write. Because you have something to say. Because you are alive, and want to share or work out what burns within your soul—both good and bad.
So, together, let’s do the most important thing a writer can do.
Let’s begin.
Take some time to remember and write down what you know about your birth. Birth stories tell us how we came into the world and may hold a mysterious key to how we look at life. Sketch the details of your story, whether it’s happy, sad, or painful.
Now, remember the first time you decided to write. Journal about how it made you feel, what you wrote, and what your experience was. Don’t judge yourself—this is an exercise in exploration; there is no good or bad. Read it over. Then let it go, because right now, in this moment, it’s your new beginning and the story you want to tell.