37

The Family

‘I do hate to be unquiet at home.’

Samuel Pepys

Family concerns are highlighted here. This does not necessarily mean the traditional set-up of father, mother and children. Any two or more people who share their lives on a day-to-day basis by living or working together would constitute a ‘family’ in this instance. What matters is to keep your house in order. This could literally mean that some clearing-out or home maintenance is required. Or it may be that family relationships need attention. Mutual affection and support are the necessary ingredients for a happy communal life. Relationships which work well do so because those concerned show respect for each other. But all too often, alas, it is a case of familiarity breeding contempt. Living at close quarters can result in people behaving with a lack of courtesy which would be unthinkable in the outside world. Consideration for those closest to you is what will carry relationships safely through difficult times.

An opportunity for personal growth

Be cooperative and willing to fulfil your particular function within the family or closely-knit group in question. Do not insist on asserting yourself. Be receptive to the needs of others so that you can contribute to their well-being. Avoid asking people to do what you would not be prepared to do yourself. If you are to be taken seriously, your words must have power. Say what you mean and mean what you say. If you practise what you preach, you will gain authority and win respect. Do your best to be gentle and tolerant. But do not hesitate to be firm and exert your authority when necessary. It would be wrong, for instance, to tolerate destructive or anti-social behaviour within the family unit.

Further aspects of the situation

NINE AT THE BEGINNING

Right at the beginning of any endeavour, the role and responsibilities of each person involved must be clearly defined. Make sure that everybody knows exactly where they stand. This helps to minimize the risk of matters getting out of hand in future. Once a bad habit or a negative pattern of behaviour is allowed to take hold, it becomes much harder to deal with.

SIX IN THE SECOND PLACE

Quietly pay attention to your immediate responsibilities. Carry them out to the best of your ability. Don’t try and take on anything more. Avoid acting on impulse.

NINE IN THE THIRD PLACE

Words spoken in anger can cause endless damage. Bad temper must be controlled and respect for others encouraged. Within any group there must be discipline. But it must not be too strict. On balance, however, it is better to err on the side of severity than to be over-indulgent. If you are too permissive, the result will be chaos.

SIX IN THE FOURTH PLACE

Be willing to be of service to others. Your support is immensely valuable to all concerned and will bring great rewards.

NINE IN THE FIFTH PLACE

An atmosphere of mutual trust and affection is indicated. This is the basis of happiness in relationships. If you have a position of authority, use it to care for those who depend on you rather than to exercise control over them.

NINE AT THE TOP

The best way to influence others is to be true to yourself. Do not try to exert authority. If you faithfully carry out your responsibilities, people will respect and trust you.