6

Conflict

‘No one wins a conflict unless both feel understood and enlightened about the theme or the nature of the other.’

Arnold Mindell, The Leader as Martial Artist

Conflict can arise because you have not made your position clear from the beginning. This is a lesson to bear in mind for the future. Once you are involved in a conflict, you are faced with finding a solution. Stay centred and keep cool. An aggressive approach will only make matters worse. Before making a move, ask yourself what you are hoping to achieve. Do nothing which might work against this. Where there is a breakdown of trust, an impartial point of view is needed. This may mean involving somebody who can be trusted to act as a mediator. The most successful outcome will be if everybody involved feels they have won something. For this to happen, you must be willing to give the opposing point of view a fair hearing. Do not start new projects or make major changes in your life until the conflict is resolved.

An opportunity for personal growth

There is nothing to be gained by prolonging conflict to the bitter end – even if you are in the right. It will only serve to increase bad feeling. If neither party is willing to compromise the situation can only deteriorate. Whereas if you are prepared to meet the other half-way, a solution can be found. Your pride may suffer a little, but a flexible attitude under these circumstances is a sign of strength. It does not mean giving in. On the contrary, you must support your own case. But this does not prevent you from listening to the other’s point of view, and trying to understand their feelings. Although a dispute may be painful at the time, something positive can emerge from it. A conflict can serve to jolt you out of your usual standpoint and widen your horizons.

Further aspects of the situation

SIX AT THE BEGINNING

Put a stop to a conflict which has just arisen. It will be relatively easy to let the matter drop without incurring too much had feeling. There may be some minor arguments but the overall outcome will be good.

NINE IN THE SECOND PLACE

There is no point in engaging in a conflict with someone whose position is more powerful. The odds are stacked against you. Do not allow yourself to be drawn in even if it means having to swallow your pride. The consequences of losing would affect others as well as yourself.

SIX IN THE THIRD PLACE

The tried and tested ways of doing things are best at this time. Do not be tempted to initiate new developments in order to gain recognition. You have achieved something solid and worthwhile. Be content with this and keep a low profile.

NINE IN THE FOURTH PLACE

Do not try to gain advantage for yourself by creating conflict with someone more vulnerable. If you listen to your conscience, you will realize this is wrong. In giving up the idea, you will preserve your peace of mind.

NINE IN THE FIFTH PLACE

If the conflict is to be resolved in a satisfactory fashion, justice must be seen to be done. You may well need the help of someone qualified to act as mediator, whose judgment you can trust.

NINE AT THE TOP

If you carry the conflict through to the bitter end, you will undoubtedly win. But the price of victory will be high. Others will not respect you. You will find yourself constantly under attack. Is the matter worth losing your peace of mind for?