“OH, IF ONE could only realize one’s ideals in this world!”
“Does it not satisfy you now?” Hilda asked softly.
She was lying back on the great roomy sofa in Lady Laura’s morning-room. Her clinging white wrapper, as Arthur had assured her, was the very garment for the lily-maid, and the warm rug across her feet took, for the nonce, the place of the coverlet of cloth of gold.
She had acceded with a little blush and smile to her host’s eager request for a sitting, and since then Sir Arthur, having transferred his sketch-book and himself from the studio to the morning-room, had spent most of his time in making attempts, which invariably ended in failure, to portray her in the character of Elaine.
Dorothy was sitting a little behind her. She leant forward.
“Why, Arthur, that is beautiful! If it does not content you, you must indeed be hard to please.”
“How can I be satisfied when I look at the original?” Arthur inquired gloomily. “That glowing colour—I wonder whether I dare ask you to let your hair down, Miss Hilda? I want it to fall on both sides like that—do you see?”
The girl’s delicate colour deepened a little, her long lashes drooped beneath his gaze, but she raised no objection.
“I will let it down with pleasure,” she declared at once, “but I am afraid it will come far short of the required length, Sir Arthur.”
She drew out the pins as she spoke, and both Dorothy and Arthur made exclamations as the hair fell around in a glittering golden mass.
“It is beautiful,” Dorothy said with honest enthusiasm, “and it curls so prettily round your head, Hilda.”
“It is a lot of trouble to keep in order,” Hilda complained with a pout, a little flickering smile playing round her mouth as Arthur, with a gesture of despair, went back to his paint-box.
“Oh, to catch that wonderful sheen!” he cried as he turned over the tubes despairingly. “But it is hope-less!” rumpling up his hair. “How can one dream of obtaining it with paint and canvas?”
“I am sorry I am such a difficult subject,” Hilda said demurely, “but I have never been painted before, and I must plead that as an excuse.”
Dorothy lifted her brown eyes and glanced at her cousin; the significance of the remark was apparently lost on him. With evident love in his eyes he was gazing at his beautiful model.
Dorothy saw that if advantage was to be taken of this apparent return of memory on their mysterious visitor’s part she must be the one to avail herself of it; her cousin’s absorption in his work and his model was so great that he had not even noticed it.
She put a stitch or two in her work before she spoke, then she said in a carefully matter-of-fact tone:
“Have you ever been photographed, Hilda? A good photograph is often a great help.”
The blue eyes looked at her for a second vaguely.
“I don’t think I have a very good one,” the girl began slowly, then her face clouded over, and she put up her hands to her head. “I think I have a photograph somewhere—in fancy dress—I seem to see it—but I can’t remember. Oh, why did you ask me? It is so dreadful not to know.” She burst into a passion of tears.
Dorothy drew back in dismay.
“I did not mean—Indeed, I am so sorry,” she faltered.
Sir Arthur flung down his palette, his eyes full of a passionate pity.
“Do not think of it, do not try to remember. It will come back some day—all the doctors are agreed upon that. In the meantime you know how delighted we are to have you with us; if we could only teach you to look upon the Manor as your home.”
“You are all so kind to me,” the girl said as she sobbed, “far too kind, and I am very stupid and ungrateful. But it seems to bring it home to me somehow what an absolute waif I am when I am asked a simple question like that and cannot answer it.”
Sir Arthur’s face darkened as he glanced impatiently at his cousin.
“Dorothy should not have asked it,” he said shortly. “I thought you had been warned, Dorothy—that you had been told all excitement was to be avoided.’’
Two hot red spots burned in Dorothy’s cheeks; it was the first time her cousin had ever spoken to her in that tone and the tears were very near the surface.
“Indeed, Arthur, I am very sorry,” she said penitently. “But Hilda spoke of not having been painted before, and I thought if I answered her in the same strain it was possible that she might recollect.”
Arthur frowned irritably.
“Thought!” he repeated testily. “I wish you would use a little more discretion, Dorothy. Don’t you see how bad all this is for her?”
The girl made no reply, her lips were trembling, her eyes were full of unshed tears.
Sir Arthur glanced from her to Hilda. The latter was apparently making a brave attempt to conquer her sobs.
“I shall be all right directly, thank you!” she murmured. “You must not be vexed with Miss Dorothy, it was all my own stupidity; she did not mean to hurt me.”
“I am sure she did not,” Arthur assented more calmly; his momentary annoyance with his cousin was passing, and he gave her a kindly glance. “I am very sorry it has happened. I cannot have my Elaine upset.”
This was too much for Dorothy’s equanimity. That Arthur should blame her—as she felt unjustly—was bad enough, but that Hilda should make excuses for her to him was the last straw. Forgetting that Lady Laura and Mavis were both out, and that she had promised to sit in the improvised studio until their return, she caught up her work and hurried out of the room.
Upstairs, throwing herself down by her bed, she burst into an agony of sobs. Those shy, sweet hopes, which she had hitherto hardly dared to put into words, even to herself, but which a month ago had seemed so near fruition, were now withering away. Ever since Hilda’s coming to the Manor she had fancied that there was a distinct change in Arthur’s manner; she had done her best to persuade herself that she was mistaken, that he was the same as ever, but this morning she told herself that it would be folly to deceive herself any longer.
Evidently Arthur had found out that his feeling for her was merely cousinly affection, and this beautiful stranger was absorbing his whole thoughts in a fashion which, she knew well, she had never been able to do.
There, on her knees, wrestling with her first agony of humiliation that she should have given her love unsought, Dorothy told herself that she could have borne it if she could have believed that the object of Arthur’s devotion was worthy of it—that the love itself would make for his happiness; but despite her best efforts, though she knew that Lady Laura and Mavis had succumbed to her charm, Dorothy had never been able to bring herself to like Hilda, and the utmost she could do was to resolve that no word or look of hers should reveal her feelings to others.
In the meantime, in the morning-room, Arthur was making dangerous strides in his intimacy with Hilda.
She, finding herself left alone with him, had made obvious efforts to control her agitation, and smiled resolutely through her tears into his concerned face.
“Do go on with your picture, Sir Arthur, or I shall feel that I have wasted your morning, and you will say that I am a shocking model.”
“You are so absolutely an ideal Elaine that the impossibility of doing the subject justice is almost driving me crazy,” Arthur declared, tossing his fair hair back from his forehead as he gazed despairingly at his morning’s work. Nevertheless, he went to work with feverish energy and painted away with a sort of fierce absorption for a short time.
Presently he looked up.
“That is better, I think. I am not tiring you, I hope, Miss Hilda!”
The girl twisted up her hair with a laugh as she nestled into her cushions.
“I am the most luxuriously-served of models, and one could hardly get tired of lying on this couch, but I must confess it is a relief to turn over sometimes.”
“I was a brute not to remember before,” Arthur said contritely, “but the fact is, when I am looking at you, I can think of nothing but Elaine.”
He was mixing his paints on his palette as he spoke.
Hilda looked at him in silence for a few minutes. At last she spoke in a subdued tone:
“Sir Arthur, may I ask you something?”
Sir Arthur looked up, palette knife in hand, in some surprise.
“Anything I can tell you—”
Hilda glanced round her fearfully a moment before she spoke.
“Where is Nurse Marston, Sir Arthur?”
The young man started; he hesitated a moment before replying, for he knew that the mystery attaching to Nurse Marston’s curious departure from the Manor had been hitherto kept from her patient, but it seemed to him, looking at the girl’s agitated face, that some hint of the circumstances must have reached her, and he deliberated as to whether it might not now be more expedient to speak out.
Hilda’s eyes were fixed upon his wavering face, as if they would wring the secret from him.
“Where is Nurse Marston?” she reiterated. “Where did she go when she left the Manor? ‘‘
“I do not know,’’ Sir Arthur said slowly at last. “I wish I did,’’ he added.
Hilda pushed back the heavy mass of hair from her white forehead.
“What do you mean?” she asked, bewildered. “Do you know why she left?”
“What has made you ask me?” he inquired.
The girl’s face was noticeably paler, her blue eyes looked strained and terrified.
“When I was lying only partially conscious, I caught words and phrases which, disconnected as they were, made me fancy later on when I was better, and could put things together, that there was something strange—some story about her. Then yesterday Minnie was helping me to dress—Mavis is so kind, she always sends her—and I asked how it was that Nurse Marston went away so suddenly. She turned absolutely ashen white as soon as I mentioned the name and began to tremble all over. Then when I persisted she burst into tears and I could extract nothing from her.’’
“Minnie’s behaviour has been to me one of the queerest things about the whole affair,’’ Sir Arthur acknowledged. “I cannot for the life of me see how it concerns her. Yet she goes about looking like a ghost and seems to be terrified at the mention of Nurse Marston’s name.’’
“You have not answered my question—what has become of Nurse Marston?” Hilda reminded him. “You must tell me all, please, Sir Arthur.”
“All is not much,” the young man responded. “When Nurse Marston left your room on the night of the 6th of last month it was ostensibly to go to an interview with my mother in the small library.”
“Well?” Hilda said breathlessly, a queer look coming over her face.
Sir Arthur rose.
“You are faint,” he said concernedly. “You must have some wine or something. I will ring—”
Hilda put out her hands and stopped him.
“No, no,” she whispered fearfully. “It is not that; don’t you see that it is the dread of what I am going to hear? Tell me the worst, please, Sir Arthur, at once. Nothing could be more terrible than some of the fancies I have had. Did she die?”
“Die? No,” the young man said reassuringly. “Nurse Marston is alive and well, I firmly believe, Miss Hilda. The only thing is that she did not keep an appointment she had made with my mother that night, and we none of us can make out where she did go. In fact I suppose for some reasons of her own she disappeared.”
“She disappeared!” Hilda breathed slowly, her very lips looking stiff and white. “Do you mean that she was not in the house—that you could not find her?”
“We could not find her in the house or out of it,” Sir Arthur assented. “From that day, try as we will, we have not been able to discover any tidings of her whereabouts. It is one of the strangest affairs I have ever heard of.”
A tinge of colour was stealing back to Hilda’s pale face.
“She must have had some reason for going, Sir Arthur.”
“As I said just now,” he acquiesced, “but the difficulty is to find out where she did go. She disappeared, and there is the minor puzzle of how she went. Jenkins declares that the doors and windows were all locked and fastened and that it was impossible she should have gone out at them.”
Hilda’s returning colour paled again.
“You do not mean that she is still in the house, alive or—dead?” she said as she shivered. “Oh, Sir Arthur—”
“No, no,” Arthur said reassuringly. “That has been ascertained beyond all doubt. The police have searched every nook and cranny—even your room when you were out of it,” he said. “No. She got out of the house somehow. Either Jenkins overlooked some door or window or some one in the house knows why she went and secured the door after her. One curious feature of the affair is that she apparently took nothing with her but the clothes she stood up in. Nothing that she was known to have with her was missing, and two of the servants spoke to her as she went down and testify that she was not carrying anything. Still, she might have had any amount of things outside.”
“It is absolutely unaccountable—I never heard anything like it!” Hilda said breathlessly. “Then she really disappeared when she left my room that night?”
“Yes—up till now,” Sir Arthur said unwillingly. He was beginning to fear the result of the girl’s excessive agitation. “I think we may hear from her any day. To me it seems evident that she went away of her own free will. I feel sure no harm has happened to her.”
Hilda made no reply, but lay gazing apparently at the fire, her large blue eyes looking bigger than ever by contrast with the unnatural pallor of her face.
Arthur turned to his Elaine again; there was much that could be done without actually posing Hilda, and he went on with it, casting a glance at the girl’s averted profile every now and then. Presently he saw that great tears were rolling slowly down her face and that she was trembling from head to foot. He threw down his brushes impetuously and crossed over to her.
“Will you not tell me what is troubling you? It may be that in some way I could help you.”
Hilda shook her head as she pulled out her handkerchief.
“You are very kind—you are all of you kindness itself to me; but it seems that no one can help me—no one can clear up the mystery overhanging my life. You can have no idea what it feels like to be a mere waif—without a home, without friends or a name even. Ah, when shall I remember?” She covered her face with her hands.
Arthur ventured to touch them softly; the sight of the girl’s distress almost unmanned him.
“Do not,” he besought her eagerly, “please do not! How can you say you have no friends when you are with us—that you are alone in the world when you know that it is the greatest joy to have you here?”
“Ah, no! I was ungrateful!” Hilda said with a pathetic little attempt at a smile as she dried her eyes. “I ought to have remembered what you have all done for me. You must forgive me; but this disappearance of the nurse is so strange that it seems all a part of the misfortune that pursues me. Do you believe in fate, Sir Arthur?”
“I can’t say I do,” Sir Arthur said in some embarrassment. He had all the ordinary young Englishman’s distaste for metaphysics, and, greatly as he sympathized with Hilda, he would have infinitely preferred to keep the conversation on less abstract lines.
“I do most thoroughly. I believe in a fate—a power that may neither be evaded nor defied,” Hilda went on to his complete discomfort; “and I feel sure that this—this woman’s disappearance is all part of the mystery that overhangs me.”
“Come, come, Miss Hilda, now you are getting quite out of my depth!” Arthur expostulated, taking a low chair and drawing it up near the couch. “How could the two things be connected in any way? Besides, I don’t suppose there is much mystery about either of them really. Nurse Marston may turn up sooner or later, and when you are a little stronger you will remember who you are and this time next year we shall be laughing to think how puzzled we were.”
Hilda’s eyes were full of trouble, the colour had not come back to her cheeks, her lips drooped pathetically.
“I have tried—oh, how I have tried!—to remember where I came from, and it is all no use.”
“Isn’t that just what the doctors said you were not to do?”
“I can’t help it. How can I?” Hilda broke out passionately. “Sometimes I fancy I am on the verge of recalling everything, and then it all goes away again. When I think of that night—the time I came here—try as I will it only seems like a sort of maze—a bad dream. I imagine that some one was unkind to me—I fancy I can remember angry words, and then it was dark and wet everywhere, and I was cold, so cold. Then through the mist and the damp I saw your face, and you were good to me—very, very good to me. Ah, I can never forget your kindness, even if I do not remember my own name!”
Arthur’s own eyes were misty now, and there was a suspicious trembling in his voice.
“Ah, if only I could make you understand how thankful we are to have you here—how desolate this house will be to some of us when you go!”
He leaned forward and dared to lay his hands on hers, and was not repulsed.
“When I go!” Hilda repeated forlornly, her hand resting in his as if unconsciously. “Ah, I must—I am sure I ought to go; and perhaps I know enough to teach, if that has not all gone too! But who would take me, Sir Arthur? I should have no references—I could give no account of myself.”
“Stop!” Arthur cried hoarsely. “Do not say another word of that sort. You know we—my mother and I—would never consent to anything of the kind. We look upon you as our special charge, sent to us from Heaven. Hilda, promise me that you will not speak of that again—that you will stay with us until you find your own home!”
“But when will that be?” Hilda’s eyes were downcast; her long lashes lay like dark shadows on her fair skin.
“Never mind! Promise!” said Arthur imperiously.
The girl gave him one shy upward glance.
“I—promise,” she murmured obediently, “since you are so kind as to wish to keep me.”
Meanwhile upstairs in her room Dorothy was making desperate attempts to remove the traces of her agitation; she smoothed her hair and bathed her face, but as she looked at the forlorn reflection in the glass her tears threatened to break out again.
“If only she is good enough for him,” she murmured as she rubbed her pale cheeks in a vain attempt to bring back her colour, “if only she will make him happy, I do not mind; it does not matter about me.”