Chapter Eighteen
Anne stretched out on the chaise, sick of lying around. Her mind was whirling with all there was to do. They had to find a place to live. There were clothes to purchase. She’d asked for pen and paper and had been refused. She couldn’t even make a list of things to do.
Even more galling was letting Lady Danford and Nathaniel take care of everything, including the clothes on their backs. She hated taking charity from anyone, but what choice did she have? She’d just have to pay them back, somehow.
Juliet was sitting in the parlor with her, her nose stuck in another book from Lady Danford’s library. So much for Juliet being good company. Anne had tried to read, but she couldn’t focus on the words. Her head still hurt.
“Juliet, dear, it’s too dark in that corner to read. At least come by the window,” Anne said.
“If I must,” Juliet mumbled, not looking up from her book.
“Now would be a good time. You’ll ruin your eyes.”
Juliet slammed the book shut and pulled herself out of the chair with a huff. She stomped over to the window seat and plopped down. “Better?”
“Don’t be smart.”
“Are you going to marry Mr. Matthews?” Juliet asked suddenly.
“No.” Anne was adamant about that. She still didn’t trust his feelings for her.
“But everyone says you are ruined. Shouldn’t you marry him?”
“Mrs. Worth is not everyone.” Anne had managed to avoid this discussion with her sisters for two days. She guessed her time was up.
Sophia burst through the door. “Mrs. Worth has told everyone that you are fast. It’s all anyone can talk about.” She removed her bonnet and sat down on a nearby chair. “When you make a mistake, you certainly do it wholeheartedly.”
“We’re going to have to move, now, aren’t we?” Juliet muttered. “I liked it here.”
“You like Lady Danford’s generosity with her library.”
“Perhaps we can go with John to London or return to Kent,” Sophia said. “How are you today, Anne?”
“Sick of having to lie here. I have to find us another place to live. John can’t afford the house in Kent. London would be out of the question. The creditors are after him.”
“Then you have to marry Mr. Matthews,” Juliet said. “He does like you and he’s rich.”
Anne shot a nasty glance at Sophia. She should have kept her mouth shut.
Sophia laughed. “Don’t give me that look, Anne. He does like you.”
“He comes out of your room often enough,” Juliet added.
Anne felt the heat flood her face. She couldn’t deny it. The last two nights, Nathaniel had insisted on sleeping, just sleeping, beside her. She rather liked it.
“This is ridiculous. We must find another place to live.” Anne swung her legs to the side of the chaise. “I can’t lie here any longer.”
“I wouldn’t get up if I were you,” Nathaniel said from the doorway. He was still dressed for riding and hadn’t yet removed his greatcoat. “You’re supposed to be resting.”
“I feel fine.”
Nathaniel looked at Sophia. “Please tell me she didn’t come down the stairs by herself.”
“Of course I did. How else would I get down?” Anne said.
Sophia smiled. “She’s never been a good patient, sir.”
“I’m perfectly well.” Anne stood too quickly and grabbed the back of the chaise to keep from falling. “I just can’t get up very quickly.” Her sisters smothered another round of giggles.
“I came to ask if you’d like to take a stroll around the garden. I suspected you would need to escape your imprisonment.” There was a twinkle in Nathaniel’s eyes.
“I would like that.”
“Here’s the cloak you requested, sir,” a maid said as she stepped into the room. Nathaniel took the cloak and placed it around Anne’s shoulders. He put up the hood around her hair. “This is rather thin, so we can’t stay out long, but I know how you miss your walks.”
He took her arm and led her out of the parlor, down the stairs, and outside. Anne breathed in the crisp air, which held a hint of wood smoke. The bare trees stood in stark contrast against the blue sky. It felt good to be outdoors again.
Nathaniel led her to the side garden. The hard frost had withered the remaining roses and the garden had the look of winter to it. He waited until they were away from the house before asking, “You are feeling better?”
“I’m fine. It was just a bump on the head.”
“And smoke inhalation,” he reminded her.
“Very little of that, thanks to you. Have you found Mr. Jones?”
“The magistrate and some men are still looking for him. He’s probably long gone by now. ”
Anne nodded. “He must have been searching for anything of value.”
Nathaniel shook his head. “The parlor furniture was overturned. There was more damage than what a fire would cause.”
A bleak feeling washed over Anne. “What about the rest of the house?”
“There might be something we can salvage.” Nathaniel pulled the miniature from his pocket. “I found this.”
Anne took the small picture from his hand and clasped it to her chest. Tears welled in her eyes. “Thank you.”
“Is it your mother?”
Anne nodded, too emotional to speak. She gently brushed the soot from the picture.
Nathaniel pulled her into his arms and pressed his lips to her hair. Anne snuggled into him, shivering in reaction to his touch.
“We need to talk. Juliet saw you leaving my room in the morning,” she said.
He trailed a gloved finger across her cheek. “Then you’ll have to marry me.”
“Nathaniel, we’ve been through this.”
“I’ll not have my future decided on the whim of fairy magic.”
“You don’t believe me. Why am I not surprised?”
“Anne, the talk in town is serious. We have to marry.”
“No. We don’t.” She turned to walk around the edge of the garden. “I need to send out some inquiries for a place to live.”
“Feel free to use the library for your correspondence,” Nathaniel said. “Though I’m not sure how you’ll pay for a place to live.”
Anne shot him a hard look. “That’s not your concern.”
“Anne, Sir John can’t take care of you.”
“Lord no, he has no money.”
“And you do?”
“We’ll manage.” She still had some of her mother’s small inheritance. They had lived on less. “I think I’d like to return to the house now.”
Nathaniel took her arm and led her back to the Lodge.
Nathaniel had been in bed for over an hour, unable to sleep. He was starting to hate this wish of Anne’s and her belief in fairy magic. Worse still was her lack of confidence. How did one go about making someone believe they were worthy? He had no idea.
He needed Anne. As painful as it was, as sexually frustrating as it was, he wanted to hold her, breath in her scent, feel her curves against him. He flipped the covers back and pulled on his clothes. Society be damned. Anne was his and he would sleep with her, marriage or no marriage.
He crept down the hall in bare feet. Easing open the door of her bedroom, he slipped in and closed it. He turned the lock as quietly as he could.
Anne lay in bed with the blankets tucked under her chin, her dark braid curved around her neck. Nathaniel shivered in the cold room and moved to stir the embers in the fireplace before removing his robe and slipping into the bed. He curled his body around Anne’s, letting her warmth sink into his skin. Her scent wrapped around him. He loosened her braid and then ran his fingers through the softness of her hair.
“Nathaniel?” she said, turning to him. She was sleepy and warm. “You shouldn’t be here.”
“I sleep where you sleep.” He spread her hair on the pillow, smoothing it from her face. It curled on the linen as if it had a life of its own.
“It won’t change things.”
Nathaniel nuzzled her neck, moving her nightgown down from her shoulder. “I hate this thing. It looks like something my grandmother would wear.”
“It probably is.”
“Go back to sleep before I forget myself.”
“Not without a kiss.”
Nathaniel groaned. “You don’t understand, Anne.”
She kissed him. “I understand that you want me. I want you too, Nathaniel.” She pressed her mouth to his as she ran her hands across his chest. She teased her tongue across the seam of his lips.
“You are a quick learner,” Nathaniel growled as he took her mouth in a deep kiss. She tasted like mint. She tangled her tongue with his and he caught his breath. “You are tempting me.”
“Good,” she whispered.
He gasped as she played with his nipples. He had no idea he was so sensitive there. “If we do this, we will be married before the week is out. I’ll not risk our baby being born out of wedlock.”
Anne studied him through lowered eyelashes. “Aren’t there ways to prevent it?”
“How would you know that?”
“I live in the country. We talk about everything.” Anne kissed him again, winding her arms around his neck. “Isn’t there a way?”
“It’s not foolproof. I won’t risk it.”
“And you say I’m stubborn.”
“There are other ways to make love.” He started unbuttoning her night rail. His mouth found her breast and pulled the nipple into his mouth. She arched beneath him. Her hands caressed his back.
He loved how she responded to him. With each new introduction to passion, she embraced it. He longed to sink himself into her warmth, feel her tight around him. But not without marriage.
Anne relished his warm skin against hers. She couldn’t control the desire coursing through her as he pulled on one breast then the other. He pulled the nightgown over her head and tossed it aside. His chest hair teased her sensitive breasts.
“Oh God,” she gasped as his hands caressed her stomach. His hand found his way to her curls and she arched up against him. “Nathaniel?”
“Easy, sweetheart.” He kissed her briefly. “I need to taste you.” His lips teased her breasts, then trailed down her stomach before settling between her thighs.
She tried to push him away. “No! It’s not proper.”
“Trust me,” he said as he nuzzled her. “You taste delicious.” He settled in to the task.
Anne arched against him and cried out, unable to stop herself. Dear God, the things he is doing are unseemly. His mouth, hot and moist, drove her ever closer to the edge.
“Easy, sweetheart. You don’t want to wake the entire house.”
Anne felt like she was coming out of her skin. His mouth teased at the throbbing between her legs. She wanted more. He entered her with his fingers, stretching her, pumping her as she pressed against him.
Finally, she arched against his hand and gasped. Her body shivered with release. She collapsed back against the linens.
Nathaniel looked at the sated woman beneath him. He ached to sink himself within her. She smiled up at him as her hand trailed down his chest. He sucked in his breath as her hand followed the trail of hair down his abdomen. “Anne—”
“Let me.” She pushed him over onto his back. He was powerless to prevent her. She took his cock in her hand and caressed him gently.
“Like this, sweetheart.” He showed her how to stroke him, how much pressure to use. Soon he found himself arching into her hand and gasping. A bead of moisture on the head of his cock was licked away and he looked down. “What are you doing?”
“You did it to me.” She swirled her tongue around the rim, then took him into her mouth.
“Anne, don’t.” His voice was hoarse. Never in a million years did he expect this. She had no clue what she was doing, but it didn’t matter.
Nathaniel gently brushed her hair back so he could watch as she pleasured him. His heart raced. He couldn’t hold on for long; her naïve enthusiasm was driving him insane. He pulled her head gently away, then took her hand and placed it on him until he was finished.
He collapsed back against the pillows, too spent to move. After a few moments he threw back the covers, quickly moved through the cold room to the wash table. He cleaned up and rushed back to bed, shivering. He bent down and retrieved Anne’s nightgown.
“Here, put this back on before I’m further tempted.” He climbed back under the covers and pulled her into his arms. “Love, you didn’t have to do that.”
Anne snuggled into his side. “I wanted to.”
He brushed his lips against her forehead. “Go to sleep, my love.”
Anne stood in front of the library door, pulling in deep breaths. It wasn’t calming her down. She had just finished a conversation with John, who was giddy at the prospect of Nathaniel paying off his debts. The gall! Now she suspected Nathaniel would expect her to agree to marry him in gratitude for saving them all. He could bloody go to hell.
Anne entered the library silently, resisting the urge to slam the door hard enough to rattle the windows in the hall. She cleared her throat.
“Anne.” Nathaniel got to his feet. “Are you all right?”
“What do you think?” She walked to the front of the desk. “John tells me you’ve paid his debts.”
“Of course. Once we are married, we’ll be family.”
“You presume a great deal.”
“Anne, the gossip is already flying.”
Anne placed a hand on her stomach. While he never said how he felt, she thought he felt something. Now she wasn’t so sure. “So you are just doing your duty.”
“That’s not what I meant. It’s my responsibility—”
“I see.”
“I don’t know why you are upset. This solves all your problems.”
“Let me save you the sacrifice of ruining both our lives, and decline any offer of marriage you choose to offer.”
Anne winced at the pain in Nathaniel’s eyes.
“I see.” He clasped his hands behind his back and turned toward the window. “Forgive my intrusion, then, Miss Townsend.”
“I’ll see that John returns the money to you.”
“That won’t be necessary. While you do not wish to be my wife, I still feel responsible for Sir John’s predicament.”
Anne gazed at him, feeling as if she was letting something precious slip away. “Thank you for that.”
If John wanted to stay involved with Nathaniel, she’d deal with it. John would go back to London and she’d stay here. She’d only have to see Nathaniel when he visited Lady Danford. The silence bore down on her. She turned to leave.
“This is because of the goddamn wish, isn’t it?” His voice was hard as stone.
Anne turned back to Nathaniel. Her heart cracked open at the pain on his face. Tears stung her eyes. She couldn’t speak.
“You think what I feel is all because of some silly fairy magic. You’re afraid that I’ll wake up and suddenly see you as you see yourself. I’m right, aren’t I?”
“I—uh—” Her mind was blank.
“How did you see this ending when you lay in my arms last night, Anne? You screamed out in the pleasure I gave you.” He crossed the room and stood in front of her. He grasped her chin, forcing her to meet his eyes. “You think this is magic?”
“Why else would you look at me? You’d have never noticed me otherwise.” She yanked her face from his grip.
“There is no magic.”
“How do you know? All my life, no one has noticed me because of my sisters. Why would you be any different?”
“You refuse me because you doubt I could be attracted to you?”
“You have to admit it’s coincidental.”
“What I feel is not because of some damn fairy magic.”
“You can’t know that, Nathaniel. And I can’t risk it.” She turned to leave, but he grabbed her arm.
“Well, since you won’t marry me, I’ll be happy to set you up in London as my mistress. I can assure you I’ll be very generous and we can continue your—education.”
Anne slapped him, hard. She stared at Nathaniel for a moment, then whirled away, slamming the door so hard she heard the crystal jangle in the foyer.
She raced down the stairs, needing to put as much space between them as possible. How dare he? She barreled into Tony, who grabbed her arms to keep her from falling down the stairs.
“Anne, slow down,” he said. “Good heavens, what’s wrong?”
“Nothing.” Anne fought for calm. “I was . . .” She glanced at the top of the stairs, where Nathaniel was staring down at her, his face full of anger and pain. “I’m going for a walk. I was just getting my cloak.”
Tony looked between the two of them. “But it’s not safe. Nathaniel, tell her.”
“Miss Townsend knows her own mind, Tony. She’s made that clear enough.” He turned and went back into the library, closing the door behind him.
“See, it’s safe enough,” Anne said as she brushed past Tony. “I won’t be long.”
She closed her eyes as the front door shut behind her. She was hurt. Nathaniel was hurt. All because of her foolishness.
He deserved so much better, someone pretty on his arm. Someone without so much baggage. Her brother was broke. Her sisters needed a Season. They needed a place to live and clothes to wear.
The last thing Anne wanted was to burden Nathaniel so badly that he’d be forced into poverty again. He’d get over the pain soon enough once he was in London.
She, however, was going to have to live with this for the rest of her life.