Gavin sat on Savanna’s bed, which he’d put together when he helped her move in. “Take off your clothes,” he said.
A sudden wave of self-consciousness caused Savanna to hesitate. “This is how you’d like to start?” she asked nervously.
“Why not? I want to watch.”
Even after three glasses of wine, she wasn’t sure she had the nerve to strip down on her own. She preferred he do the honors—and that it happen in the dark, so she wouldn’t feel quite so exposed. She started across the floor, but he got up to intercept her. “What are you doing?”
“Turning off the light.”
“Because...”
“Because I have some imperfections I don’t want you to see.” Like the stretch mark that’d appeared on her lower right abdomen when she was pregnant with Alia...
“I’m not worried about your imperfections,” he whispered. “That’s not what I’m looking for. If we have only one night, I want to remember every detail. That’s all. Let me see you. Let go of your fear and inhibition and just...act on what you feel.”
It was unusual that she felt anything. She was grateful if only for that. With Gordon, sex had become as monotonous as vacuuming the floor. But it was the exact opposite with Gavin. She was so excited she could barely breathe. “I know it sounds strange, since I’ve been married for nine years, but...I’m not used to having a man look at me the way you’re looking at me right now,” she told him. “I mean...it feels like you actually see me. And that leaves me nowhere to hide.”
He caught her face between his hands. “I do see you. And I like what I see. You don’t need to hide from me. So come on, Savanna, show me more.”
Closing her eyes, she tried to let go of her worries, to embrace the buzz the wine had given her as well as the pleasure of desiring a man who desired her in return. Even if Gavin wasn’t as impressed with her body as she wanted him to be—which was partly what was hanging her up; no one had seen her after she’d had her children except Gordon—what did it matter? This was only for one night. And then it would be over. She had nothing to worry about. She’d cared so much about everything for so long. Now she was exhausted in a way she couldn’t even describe and refused to care about anything except getting lost in this moment.
“There you go,” he murmured as she pulled her shirt over her head, revealing the sheer black bra underneath.
When he backed up to look at her, and she saw the effect she had on him—the highly focused expression and proof of his arousal farther down—she grew confident enough to smile as she unhooked her bra.
“That’s the sweetest smile I’ve ever seen.” His gaze shifted to what she’d revealed, and he added, “Damn, you’re gorgeous!”
Encouraged, she started to undo her jeans, but he couldn’t seem to keep from touching her any longer. Closing the distance between them, he ran his knuckles down her bare arms before lowering his mouth to hers.
His lips felt every bit as good as Savanna had hoped. So did his hands. They moved up her back as he parted her lips and found her tongue.
She wasn’t sure if she was the one who moaned or he did, but when he cupped her breasts, her knees nearly gave out on her. “This feels completely new,” she said. “As if I haven’t been touched in years.”
“You obviously haven’t been touched in the right way,” he said.
There was a reverence in how he treated her that made her feel valued, important. He gave her the impression he felt lucky to have this opportunity and respected her as an individual, another person with the right to make choices and decisions of her own. After they were married, Gordon had so often treated her as an object, one that existed solely to make his life easier. The stark difference between the two men bolstered her belief that Gordon had to be guilty of attacking those women, and that came as a relief. After the excuses he’d given her this morning, her confidence had begun to flag, and those terrible questions she tended to ask herself—Am I the one at fault here? Could I or should I have done more?—had started eating at her again.
She leaned back as Gavin’s mouth moved down her neck. All the nerves below her stomach seemed to be drawing into a tight knot, creating a minibomb of energy that felt ready to explode. And he hadn’t even taken off his clothes yet.
“Your skin is so soft,” he said. “I’ve never touched anyone this soft.”
When his beard tickled her breast, she almost laughed. She remembered wondering what kissing him would be like. Now she knew. She could definitely feel his facial hair—on her lips and on her body. But she liked it, liked him. The deliberate way he kissed her. The confident and yet sensual way he touched her. She couldn’t regret inviting him over.
His mouth settled over one of her nipples and that proved the end of clear thought. Everything melted into sensation and instinct took over. As she rubbed her pelvis against him, he responded by squeezing her ass and finding her mouth again.
It took some self-restraint to break away. But before this went any further, she had to ask him a question. “Do you have birth control? Because I stopped taking the pill...”
Looking slightly dazed, he lifted his head. “I grabbed a couple of condoms when I went home.”
“A couple?”
“Okay, three. Since tonight’s all we have, I didn’t want to be caught shorthanded.”
“Sounds as if we’re going to make the most of our time together.”
He gave her a devilish grin. “We’re definitely going to do that.”
She liked the conviction in that statement, the license it gave her to cut loose and enjoy his body without reservation or restraint. Pulling the tie from his hair, she let her hands delve into the silky thickness, even buried her face in it. “Your hair smells nice,” she said.
“You’re easy to please,” he joked. “It’s time a man took better care of you.”
“I can tell I’m in good hands now. I bet there aren’t many men who know how to make love like you do.” She could tell he was surprised by the generosity of the compliment, but she meant it. Maybe he could tell. Maybe that was why her words seemed to stoke the fire of his excitement, making it burn that much hotter and brighter. She loved the purposeful glint in his eyes as he started to undo her pants.
She dragged his mouth back to hers and kissed him deeply, hungrily and far more passionately than she’d ever kissed anyone else. She was letting loose, letting herself forget the concerns that had been weighing on her so heavily. “Just tasting and touching you. It’s so good. Maybe it’ll be enough,” she told him.
“I hope not,” he said with a hoarse laugh.
She laughed, too. “You’re right. Forget I said that. When are you going to get rid of your clothes?”
“After the lights go off.”
She could tell he was joking. “Funny,” she said. “But the lights are staying on. It’s my turn to see you.”
He went back to her jeans instead. “I was hoping to take it slow, but—” his hand slid inside her panties, and she felt his fingers seek and find the place where she was most sensitive “—I’m not capable of it right now. I’m dying to have you. So to hell with slow. We’ll go slow next time, okay?”
“Or the time after that,” she said, her voice barely audible as he pressed a finger inside her. She caught her breath at the pleasure that simple act brought, but it was the raw desire on his face as he added a second finger that triggered an even more powerful response. She’d never felt such primal need. And the tautness of his body, the rigidity of every muscle, told her she wasn’t alone. She could tell he was trying to be gentle instead of completely unleashing, and that built her excitement, too. The apparent difficulty of that struggle made her feel powerful in her femininity.
“Good thing you brought three condoms,” she told him. “I think we’re going to need them.”
He didn’t even crack a smile. He seemed to understand that she wasn’t joking. “We don’t have to stop at three. I can always go back for more,” he said, and removed his hand long enough to yank off his shirt and pull her onto the bed.
* * *
Gavin felt guilty for what he was doing. He wasn’t back with Heather, and he hadn’t promised Savanna anything more than this one night. She was the one who’d made that stipulation. And yet he knew he was operating in a gray area, that he shouldn’t be feeling what he was feeling toward his new neighbor when his old girlfriend could be pregnant with his child. His wanting someone else didn’t seem fair to Heather, even though she’d obviously been sleeping with Scott the past two months.
Still, with all the uncertainty in his life right now, he was being foolish to complicate the situation. That was why he’d tried to talk himself into leaving Savanna’s house before he could wind up in her bed. He just hadn’t been able to follow through. And he couldn’t entirely regret that decision, not when he finally entered her, not while he moved inside her. He loved the way she responded to his touch, the way she stared up at him and met each thrust with a look of wonder on her face, as if she was only now discovering how enjoyable sex could be, and how close it could make two people feel.
She deserved far more than she’d received from the man who’d been responsible for loving her so far. Not only had Gordon betrayed her in the most painful and humiliating way possible, he’d starved her of the nurturing all humans needed. Gavin hated him for that as much as the rest of it. Maybe she was confused because she wanted to believe the father of her children when he proclaimed his innocence, but Gavin had little doubt Gordon was indeed the rapist the police believed he was. The physical evidence was overwhelming. They’d tied him to one of the victims. He had a job that gave him the freedom to be out and about on his own. And they’d found zip ties, a knife and a mask in his locked shed! Even his extreme selfishness didn’t speak well of him. How could the man who’d attacked those women be anyone else?
When Savanna’s eyes drifted shut and her lips parted, Gavin knew she was close to climax. He was close himself, too close, which was why he’d been thinking about Gordon and anything else that might help him hold off. He didn’t want to come before she could.
“That’s it,” she suddenly gasped. “Oh, God, that’s good!”
Her words snapped his restraint, which had been tenuous to begin with. Gavin clutched the pillows on either side of her in an effort to give her a little more time. But when he felt her body jerk, he knew it was impossible. That familiar tightening had already started in his groin and was now bringing with it a cascade of exquisite pleasure. He wanted her to look up at him as he let himself go—to finish together—and the moment was made perfect when she did.
“That was the strongest climax I’ve ever had.” She was sweaty and breathless but obviously happy, so he was surprised when, several minutes later, he heard her sniff quietly and felt her move to wipe her face. She even got up, turned off the light and went into the bathroom for a while, where he heard her blow her nose.
When she slid back into bed, he lay there, staring at the ceiling for several seconds, wondering if he should give her some privacy or try to console her. Something was wrong...
When she sniffed again, he rose up on one elbow. “Are you okay?”
“Yeah. That was great.”
He could hear the false cheer in her voice. “Then why are you crying?”
She let her breath go on a long sigh.
“Savanna?”
“I don’t know,” she replied.
“Are you sorry you asked me to stay?”
“Are you kidding? No. It’s just that...the tenderness you showed me has made me realize how stupid I’ve been. How naive.”
He pulled his hair back so it wouldn’t fall into her face. “You’re talking about your marriage?”
“Yes. I should’ve left him years ago.”
“You stayed because you were committed. You were trying to be a good person, a good mother and wife.”
“I was oblivious. An idiot. I didn’t even realize how badly my marriage was broken. I knew Gordon was difficult, of course. But I thought all marriages were probably a challenge. I tried to love him, despite so many things. Didn’t expect or demand enough. That’s on me.”
“The fact that you didn’t get what you needed is his fault,” he said. “Some of the people in our lives—even the people closest to us—may not possess the compassion or concern they should.” He was speaking from experience. That was what he told himself whenever he thought of that moment at the park when he’d first realized he’d been left behind. He hadn’t done anything to deserve his stepmother driving away. And yet it was hard not to feel she’d rejected him because he was unworthy of the love he needed. The ironic thing was that even after his father chose his stepmother over him, the marriage didn’t last. His father was now married to someone else, someone much nicer, not that Gavin was willing to have a relationship with either one of them.
“I’ve been under a lot of pressure, that’s all.” She was trying to minimize what she felt so that she didn’t bring him down with her. He’d done the same thing, many times. And he’d seen the boys at the ranch act in a similar fashion.
“Do you have some lotion handy?” he asked.
“Lotion?” she repeated.
“Yeah.”
“In the bathroom. Why?”
“Will you get it for me?”
When she did as he asked, he had her roll onto her stomach and used the cream to give her a massage.
“This feels amazing,” she said, “but I shouldn’t be letting you do it.”
“Why not?”
“Because it’s late, and you’ve already done so much for me. I’m your neighbor. It’s not like you owe me anything.”
“Relax. This isn’t a chore. I like feeling your skin, your body. I’m doing it because I want to.” And because he believed that touch, when used in the appropriate way, and with care and concern, had the power to heal. He’d seen his mother hold students who were so hardened, so tough, that they’d been sent to New Horizons as a last-ditch effort to help them avoid prison—and who, before long, ended up breaking down and sobbing in her arms. And he’d watched how she used every opportunity to reassure the troubled boys who attended school at the ranch by patting them on the back, giving their arm an affectionate squeeze, welcoming them with a warm hug. She always demonstrated love, and he’d seen how quickly it could make a difference. The love she’d given him had acted as a beacon that’d led him out of the storm that’d been his own childhood.
“Wouldn’t you rather make love again?” she asked. “At least then there’d be something in it for you.”
“Not right now.”
“Because...”
She had a hard time allowing others to be the one to give, he decided. “Because this is more important,” he said, and was relieved when she finally succumbed to his ministrations and eventually drifted off to sleep.