25

Heather wrung her hands as she paced back and forth in her living room. After what Gavin had said yesterday, she’d barely made it through school today. She hadn’t felt like teaching, had almost called in sick again, or left after lunch. She would have, except the principal and other teachers were beginning to complain about her lack of commitment. She feared she’d put her job in jeopardy if she didn’t stay until the usual time, and she couldn’t allow any more of her life to fall apart. The people she worked with didn’t understand that she had serious problems. Her whole future stood in the balance. She’d thought Gavin might reconsider what he’d said yesterday and call or text, ask her not to go back to Scott, as she’d threatened. But she hadn’t heard from him. Why? She knew what kind of father he hoped to be. They’d talked about it before. And, as far as he was concerned, she was carrying his child.

Her pregnancy should’ve made all the difference, should’ve brought them together again.

So why hadn’t he called? Was he spending time with his new neighbor? Did he like Savanna that much?

He had to, or he wouldn’t be letting things stand as they were...

That thought caused the worst kind of panic Heather had ever experienced. How could it be that just when she’d decided to quit messing around and make him step up and commit, Savanna Whoever She Was moved into town? And not just into town, right next to Gavin?

“It’s sheer bad luck, bad timing...a bad joke.” How was she going to gain control of the situation again?

Her phone dinged, indicating she had an incoming text.

Please let it be Gavin, she prayed. But it wasn’t Gavin; it was Scott. She’d been texting him, telling him that she was sorry for everything she’d put him through, acting as sweet as she possibly could. She hadn’t indicated she wanted to get back together. She’d stopped short of that for two reasons. If she came off too desperate, Scott would hold all the power, which wouldn’t bode well in the end. And she didn’t really want to get back with him, not if there was any chance Gavin would reconsider. Still, she had to extinguish Scott’s anger, in case she needed him later. She was beginning to fear she’d wind up a single mother, and that fear only grew worse when she read Scott’s text. Fuck off.

The panic churning in her gut burned until she thought she might scream. Don’t do it. Don’t freak out. Everything will be okay. She didn’t need Scott. Who did he think he was? Somehow, Gavin would come around. He’d said he wasn’t ruling her out. He was just hoping to explore the attraction he felt to his neighbor, and why not? He deserved to have a little fun before they settled down. Gavin hadn’t been with anyone since she got with Scott. Chances were it wouldn’t go anywhere. He was meant to be with her; she’d known it for years.

She still had his baby, which was a powerful bargaining chip.

If it really was his baby...

“God, help me.” The child had to be Gavin’s. If it was Scott’s, her life would be far worse. Scott could be so vengeful. Unless she forced the issue, he wouldn’t even pay her child support.

Her phone went off again; her mother was calling.

She silenced the ringtone. She couldn’t deal with her parents, not on top of everything else. Ever since they learned she was pregnant, they’d been hounding her about what she was going to do.

Another text came in. No surprise—it was from her mother. Apparently, Vickie refused to be denied.

With a sigh, Heather forced herself to call back. Vickie would only be more difficult to deal with if she put it off. She shouldn’t have told her parents about the baby, but she’d been trying to put as much pressure on Gavin as she could, and she thought making the announcement official would finally convince him to get serious about their future together.

“Sorry, Mom,” she said when Vickie answered. “I was in the bathroom.”

“How are you feeling?”

“I’m fine,” she lied. “Just tired. Had a hard day at school.”

“What was hard about school?”

Showing up was hard, especially when she wanted to be anywhere else. “Teaching isn’t as easy as it seems.”

Ignoring that, her mother launched into what she considered important these days. “Have you talked to Gavin?”

Heather winced. “Not today. Why?”

“Why do you think? We’re wondering when we should schedule the wedding. We need to pick a date before you start to show, and the church is getting booked up.”

“I realize that you’re feeling some pressure.” What did she think Heather was feeling? “But we’re...we’re thinking of getting married after the baby’s born.”

“What?” her mother squawked. “Why?”

“Gavin says there’s no reason to rush and...I agree.” She hated that she’d said the last two words so softly, but she’d always found it difficult to stand up to the gale-force wind that was her mother’s will.

“What are you talking about? There’s every reason to rush. Do you want your child to be born a bastard? Doesn’t Gavin care whether his child carries his name?”

She’d thought he did. But he’d broken things off instead of setting a date. “He’s not particularly religious, Mom.”

“But you are, and so are we. He should have some respect for our beliefs.”

She was far less religious than her mother believed. She just couldn’t admit that, either. “Mom, please. Don’t start. My life is difficult enough right now. We have to give him some time to adjust. I was with Scott the past two months. Gavin’s the type that...that’s responsible and kind, but he needs...he needs to come to terms with the sudden change and the shock.”

There was a slight pause. Then she said, with more suspicion than Heather cared to hear, “Are you sure it isn’t Scott’s baby?”

The tears that’d been burning behind Heather’s eyes for most of the day welled up. It could be Gavin’s child. She’d gone off birth control a week before they broke up. But she couldn’t admit that. It was, however, part of the reason she’d freaked out when his ex-girlfriend came to town and wanted to spend some time with him. She’d felt she might already be pregnant and they should be beyond that. “We’d better hope not,” she said simply.

“What does that mean?” her mother demanded.

“It’s over between Scott and me. When...when I went back to Gavin, that was it.”

“Gavin’s the one you love, anyway. You’ve chased him for years. And you said he was going to marry you. That’s true, isn’t it?”

“Of course,” she said. But he hadn’t called her since he told her he wanted to see someone else. And he didn’t call her for the rest of the week. By the time the weekend came and she had to check his website to see where he’d be performing instead of hearing it from him, she knew she had to do something—or she’d lose him for good.

* * *

Gavin had enjoyed the week. Every day when he came home from work, he joined Savanna, Branson and Alia for dinner, but he didn’t spend the night. Savanna didn’t want to make her children feel as though their father had already been replaced, and since Heather was pregnant, possibly with his child, Gavin felt he had to be more restrained and cautious than they’d been with such a whirlwind start. As difficult as it was, not sleeping with Savanna gave him the chance to be sure he was interested in her for the right reasons, that he wasn’t simply avoiding the situation with Heather. So they’d eat and play games with the kids while Branson and Alia were awake, and then they’d stay up talking until Gavin could finally convince himself to head home and go to bed—alone.

The crazy thing was, he looked forward to seeing Savanna each day like he’d never looked forward to seeing anyone else. Going without sex didn’t change anything, except make him want it that much more. He wasn’t sure how much longer they’d be able to hold out, but abstaining felt decent, right, considering the circumstances, so they were trying. In any case, they had plenty to distract them, since they also spent a great deal of time after the kids went to bed brainstorming her upcoming trip to Nephi.

Twice Gavin stood over Savanna’s shoulder, providing input and advice as she wrote Gordon. She also added a hundred dollars to Gordon’s “books” so he could buy more products at the commissary. Even if he didn’t need anything, he could trade items for better shoes, a newer jumpsuit, physical protection or other favors, which would make his stay in jail more comfortable. Those with money fared much better on the inside than those without.

Gavin could tell Savanna hated pretending she had any interest in her former partner. She couldn’t help wondering if she was sacrificing her integrity by deceiving him. At times, Gavin felt the same reluctance she did. But Allison March, the detective from the Emma Ventnor investigation, had reached out to encourage them. March said that not only was Gordon working nearby the day Emma went missing, he had no verifiable alibi—wasn’t at the mine—when it happened. He claimed he was getting lunch but couldn’t remember where he ate, and she hadn’t been able to find video footage of him or his vehicle at any of the fast-food restaurants or gas stations in the area.

“I can’t wait until it’s all over,” Savanna said as Gavin drove them both to his gig at a bar called Limelight in Santa Barbara on Friday night. They’d dropped the kids off at his mother’s house, since Aiyana had offered to babysit.

Gavin reached over to take Savanna’s hand. “Won’t be too much longer now.”

“What if we’re mistaken?” She turned to him with a worried expression. “What if Gordon’s innocent, like he claims? I would hate to wrong someone so terribly, especially him. I’m not in love with him anymore, haven’t been for a long time, but he is the father of my children. Hurting him means hurting them. And even if there wasn’t that connection, I don’t want to make his life any worse than it has to be. I don’t want to make anyone’s life worse than it has to be.”

“Because you have a conscience,” Gavin said. “From what the detectives are telling us, Gordon does not.”

“Do they know?” she asked.

“I can’t say they do with any certainty,” he replied. “But we’re only trying to make sure he wasn’t involved in Emma’s disappearance. You won’t be able to get information he doesn’t have, so if he didn’t do it, he’s safe.”

“That’s what I keep telling myself. But he’s been claiming all along that the police are out to get him, and there have been plenty of examples of that type of thing happening to other people in the past. I’m scared that, when it comes right down to it, I’m doing this for the wrong reasons.”

He pressed the brake as he came up on a slower-moving vehicle. He finally had his truck back. It’d been repaired and Dorothy’s insurance had paid the bill, but Dorothy had maintained the strange silence that had started the night she so briefly showed up in Silver Springs, which continued to be both a relief and a curiosity to Savanna. “How could you be doing it for the wrong reasons?”

“Keeping him in jail serves my own purposes now. Our purposes, if we continue seeing each other. I’m happier than I’ve ever been, would rather he not be free to bother me, which I know he will if he has the chance.”

“You were going to Nephi even before we started officially seeing each other, weren’t you?”

“Yes. I keep telling myself that, too. It’d just be so much easier for us if he remained behind bars. That makes me feel guilty for doing what I can to keep him there.”

“If he’s been attacking women, he deserves to be locked up. You believe he attacked the three victims he’s being charged with raping, don’t you?”

“I do. And yet...I can’t be one hundred percent. That bothers me.”

He gave her hand a squeeze. “At the end of the day, you have to be able to live with yourself, Savanna. So play it by ear when you’re with him. Weigh what the police have found against what you know of him and his character, what he says and what you think of his current behavior. That’s all you can do, right? Make an educated guess.”

“The stakes are so high. I hate to base everything on a guess. But you’re right—that’s all I can do.”

“If he gets out, we’ll deal with it as best we can.”

She offered him a smile. “Thanks for understanding.”

They fell silent, listening to the playlist on Gavin’s phone, which he’d plugged into his stereo system. But even after several minutes, Savanna seemed pensive, so Gavin turned the music low.

“Are you going to be okay tonight? Maybe, with all the stress you’re under, you would rather have stayed at home.” He’d wanted her to come with him, so he’d made the arrangements with his mother and hadn’t really probed whether she felt up for a night out. Maybe he’d assumed too much and she hadn’t spoken up because she didn’t want to disappoint him...

“I’m looking forward to seeing you perform,” she insisted. “It isn’t that. It’s Gordon, like we’ve been talking about.”

“But we’ve been dealing with Gordon all week, and you haven’t seemed quite this troubled.”

“It’s getting closer to Tuesday.” Her chest lifted and fell as she sighed. “But you’re right. That isn’t everything.”

He punched the gas pedal to get around the vehicle in front of them. “So what else is going on?”

“I hate standing in the way of you getting back with Heather if it means you won’t be able to be the father you’ve always wanted to be.”

“Don’t worry about that,” he said. “That’s my problem.”

“It’s my problem, too,” she argued. “We might be able to ignore the situation right now, but what will happen once the baby arrives? Will you be miserable? Regret getting with me?”

“No.”

“But you won’t be able to move to Nashville. Are you sure I’m worth such a sacrifice?”

He lifted her hand to his mouth so he could kiss her knuckles. “I’m more sure of it every day.”

“That’s what you say now. But what if you begin to resent me for what I’ve cost you? I’ve never met anyone like you, Gavin. I don’t want to take more than I have a right to take, don’t want to rob you of anything when you’ve been so kind and generous with me.”

He’d been expecting this subject to come up eventually. They’d been so focused on the more immediate problem of Gordon that they’d barely spoken of Heather. To top it off, Savanna didn’t know much about his background and how that might impact his response to the situation. He’d glossed over the painful details, given her the sanitized version he reserved for new acquaintances. But it would have an impact, make things more difficult for him, and she deserved to understand why.

They should talk about all of that. They had at least an hour yet to drive, so they had time. But just remembering made him sick, and he had to perform tonight. “You’re not taking anything from me I don’t want to give,” he said, and let go of her hand so he could turn the music back up.

* * *

The bar was crowded when they arrived. Savanna knew Gavin was a good singer, but she hadn’t realized that he’d already developed somewhat of a following. She couldn’t help feeling a sense of pride in his ability and accomplishments as she watched him set up onstage. She’d been telling the truth on the drive over. She was concerned about the situation with Heather and how he might feel about his choices later. But it was difficult to let that or anything else bring her down once she got swept up in the excitement and anticipation of those around her. She was with the man she wanted to be with. That made her happy right there, even if it wouldn’t last.

Gavin had made sure she had a front row seat and turned every once in a while to acknowledge her. He’d grin and she’d grin back, and then she’d try to tell herself that somehow they’d overcome everything they were up against. She’d never met anyone like him, anyone who remained so peaceful and calm and measured in his reactions. That brought peace and calm into her life, too. She was falling in love—the head over heels variety that made her feel dizzy and breathless and too warm every time she thought of him—which was why she was worried. She’d just been through a shocking ordeal, and it wasn’t over yet. She couldn’t imagine coping with a painful breakup on top of everything else.

But the moment Gavin started his set, she was able to forget her fears and simply enjoy the performance. Like so many of the other women there, she was mesmerized by his voice, the convincing emotion he put into each song and his personal charisma.

She was having such a great time that when she went to the bathroom an hour later, she wasn’t even thinking about Gordon or Heather or any of the potential pitfalls she and Gavin faced. She was looking forward to hurrying back to her seat, ordering another drink and listening to some more songs when someone grabbed hold of her upper arm.

She turned and found Heather, dressed in what looked like a sheer black bra and miniskirt, pushing to get past the last two people separating them in the narrow, crowded hallway. “Heather!” she cried. “What are you doing here?”

“What am I doing here? I could ask you the same,” she retorted. “What kind of person tries to move in on another woman’s man when that woman is expecting a baby?”

Several of those who were jostling to get into the bathroom whipped their heads around to see who was talking. “Whoa!” Savanna heard one woman say to her friend. “There’s gonna be a fight in here tonight!”

Hoping to avoid any more of a scene, Savanna lowered her voice. “I haven’t done anything to ‘steal’ your man. I’m sorry for your situation. It must be frightening. But Gavin hasn’t been with you since I’ve known him. I couldn’t take what you no longer had.”

“You’re kidding yourself if you really believe that. You’re the only thing standing between us. He’d marry me if not for you. Do you really want to be responsible for his child going without a father?”

“He’ll be there for his child—without a doubt.”

“It’s not the same, and you know it.”

Conscious of the stares of those around them, Savanna cleared her throat. “Heather, don’t start something. This isn’t between us. This is between you and Gavin. You need to talk to him.”

“No, I need to talk to you.” She seemed oblivious to the attention she was drawing. “You’re the clueless one. Do you even know anything about him? Do you know what his childhood was like? How badly he hates his father for allowing his stepmother to abandon him when he was only six? That’s right,” she added, smirking when she accurately read Savanna’s surprise. “She left him at a park. The authorities eventually brought him home, but the next week she beat him so badly social services got involved and took him away. After that, he went into foster care and lived with a weird family who didn’t give him any love.”

Savanna’s heart broke for Gavin. “That’s tragic.”

“So tragic that if you think his past isn’t going to come into play once I have this baby, you’re sadly mistaken. He’ll change his mind, decide to be the kind of hands-on father he’s always promised himself he would be. Do you understand? Then you’ll only be in the way.”

Savanna might’ve argued. Gavin seemed to know his own mind. She didn’t feel she had to make decisions for him. But he hadn’t revealed any of that about his stepmother or his foster situation. As a matter of fact, he’d made his childhood sound only a trifle more difficult than most everyone else’s. He hadn’t “gotten along” with his stepmother so he’d “acted out” and been sent to New Horizons. That was how he’d presented it to her. Aiyana had adopted him because he’d been so much happier there with her.

But being abandoned put what he’d experienced on a whole new level. He had to bear deep scars, just as Gordon did. Savanna didn’t think Gavin would ever react the same way, by physically harming others, but if Gavin carried that much pain, it could manifest itself at any time and change all kinds of things.

“Why didn’t he tell me?” She was mostly speaking to herself, but Heather was only too happy to supply the answer.

“Why would he? The only people he tells are the ones he trusts. That’s how you can determine how he really feels about you. What he has with you? It won’t last.”

Suddenly struggling to draw a full breath in the overheated, overcrowded, cologne-and perfume-drenched hallway, Savanna broke Heather’s hold on her arm. “Get out of my face.” Because she didn’t want to get trapped in the bathroom with Gavin’s ex, she jumped out of line. But she couldn’t bring herself to go back into the main area, where Gavin was performing. She wished she could leave, but she didn’t have a car and was an hour from home, so she simply went outside, where she could breathe more freely.

Fortunately, Heather didn’t follow her. She seemed to be satisfied to have upset her.

“Damn it,” Savanna muttered. It was too soon to get involved with someone. For all she knew, Gordon would get out of jail and raise hell—or Heather would have the baby and draw Gavin back via guilt, obligation, the desire to be a good father or all three.