Savanna had spotted Heather’s Pathfinder sitting in Gavin’s drive almost the first moment she turned down the narrow road that led to both their houses. As she drove past, she’d told herself to ignore it, that she shouldn’t have expected anything less, but the sight made her feel so low that when her brother called, she didn’t answer. She wasn’t sure she had the mental energy to pull off a conversation with Reese, not without him figuring out that something was wrong. And she was tired of constantly putting him in the position of having to encourage and console her. She wanted to return to her usual role as the big sister, and she felt confident she would’ve been on that path again at last if she hadn’t gotten involved with Gavin.
What made her sleep with someone she’d just met? She had one neighbor. Just one. And she’d had to take him to bed.
Even worse, she’d liked being with him, and now she couldn’t quit thinking of that night and the one where they’d made love up against his truck. If Branson hadn’t come into the house when he did today at the barbecue, she might’ve found herself with yet another memory like that—this one at Aiyana’s, no less!
“You’re screwed up, or there’s more to that rebound business than you’ve ever cared to believe,” she told herself. But when she’d first slept with Gavin, she hadn’t thought she was truly getting involved with him. She’d thought it would be an isolated event, a temporary escape. One night of companionship. One night of forgetting.
Why couldn’t either one of them seem to leave it at that?
Reese’s call transferred to her voice mail, but once she sent Branson to shower in the hall bathroom and Alia to shower in the master bath, she carried her phone out on the porch to listen to his message.
“Hey, finals are over and I managed to do okay. I’m one step closer to becoming Dr. Pearce. This is such a long process. Anyway, call me, will you? We need to catch up.”
He’d been so busy with school and the new girl he’d been dating that she’d hardly heard from him since she moved to Silver Springs. He’d texted her a few times to check in, but she hadn’t called him nearly as often as before. She got the impression he thought she was going to be okay now that she was out of Nephi, that she was forging ahead with her life. And that was mostly true. He didn’t need to know the rest. She hadn’t wanted to disturb him if he was under pressure, or say anything that might let him know she was actually creating problems in this new place.
After summoning the mental wherewithal, she returned his call.
“There you are,” he said when he picked up.
“Sorry, I was at a swim party earlier and was trying to get the kids in the shower so they can wash the chlorine out of their hair.”
“A swim party, huh? You must be making friends.”
She would like to believe that Eli, Cora, Aiyana and Roger were now her friends, not to mention the others she’d met. They’d all been so nice. But they were still just acquaintances. Gavin was her only friend, and she wasn’t even sure she could call him that. People didn’t typically dream about making love with their friends, did they?
“Yeah, things are going well,” she said, which wasn’t a complete lie. The house was coming together. Thanks to what Gavin had done, and what James Glenn had accomplished, she now had all basic appliances, a sturdy new bridge over the creek, patches in the Sheetrock where bullets had created holes and several new lighting fixtures. She was shopping for new carpet, believed she’d soon find something she could afford. And she had more improvements scheduled in the next couple of weeks, including the dry rot repair Gavin had said he’d do next Saturday. On top of all that, Branson hadn’t wet the bed for several days, so he seemed to be doing better. It was only the possibility that Gordon had murdered Emma Ventnor, and that Savanna somehow needed to get that information out of him—and her love life, of course—that were giving her problems right now.
“Glad to hear it.”
“You coming out?” she asked.
“I can’t. Not right away. I have such a small window before classes start up again, and work is crazy. We’re short on bartenders, so I’m putting in a lot more hours than I’d like to be. Once they hire someone else, I’ll be able to fly over for a few days, though. Shouldn’t be too much longer.”
“No problem. I’d rather have the house further along, anyway, so you can see what it’s going to look like.”
“What’s left to do?”
“A fairly long list. I need to put on a new roof, for one, but we’ll be getting to the cosmetic stuff soon. That’s when it’ll get fun.”
“Do you have enough money?”
She’d have to get a job in a few months. No way could she take a year off as she’d hoped. Everything cost far more than she’d budgeted. But the kids would be in school by the time she had to find work, so she wouldn’t need to hire a babysitter, except for maybe a couple of hours after school, so that was good. “For now.”
“And you’re comfortable living out in the country?”
Thanks to Gavin, she was. She loved having him so close. Maybe she’d screwed up when she slept with him, but she figured she shouldn’t be too hard on herself. He had a way with women, a magnetism that wasn’t necessarily apparent at first glance but grabbed hold soon after. Besides, she’d needed someone, and he’d been there for her. The move would’ve been so much harder without him. “Yeah. I’m happy here, glad I came,” she said, which reminded her that she’d soon be traveling back to Nephi, so they talked about Emma Ventnor and what she hoped to accomplish when she visited Gordon.
Reese didn’t like what Sullivan had asked her to do any more than Gavin did, but she told her brother the same thing she’d told her neighbor: she didn’t feel as though she had any choice, not if there was any chance of recovering Emma, or even her body.
“You don’t really believe Gordon will screw up and say anything, do you?” Reese said. “He’s not stupid.”
“He’s definitely not stupid, but he should be feeling a measure of panic, which might make him reveal something he wouldn’t under normal circumstances. At least, that’s the logic. Sullivan thinks if I get him angry he won’t be watching what’s coming out of his mouth.”
“I’m not convinced such a small potential for success will be worth causing him to turn his hatred on you.”
“He could screw up,” she insisted. “Who knows? He’s out of his element, must be feeling some panic.”
“About whether or not he’ll be going to prison?”
“That, too. But he’s a bit antisocial to begin with. Doesn’t like being around people—hates a crowd, especially. Being crammed into such a small space with so many other men has to be a daily struggle for him. Think of the lack of privacy. He can’t even go to the bathroom without feeling as though he’s on display.”
“You’re assuming the stress of his situation will make the difference.”
“I’m not assuming. I’m hoping.”
“That’s not very likely.”
“I know,” she said. But what else could she do?
* * *
Gavin didn’t go to Savanna’s that night. He wanted to talk to her, felt as though he needed to talk to her, since he’d disappeared from the barbecue after that highly charged encounter in his old bedroom without even saying goodbye. She had to be wondering at his inconsistent behavior. But he had to gain some perspective on the situation first, had to make sure he hadn’t made a drastic mistake telling Heather he wasn’t ready to try again. He didn’t want to swing back and forth between the two like a wrecking ball. But duty warred so perfectly with desire that he felt torn in half. When duty got the better of him, he feared he’d never be able to live with himself for making the choice he’d made with Heather. When desire got the best of him, he believed he’d never really had a choice.
In an effort to quiet his mind, he played the guitar for a couple of hours, but even that didn’t have the soothing effect it normally did. I don’t want your filthy bastard growing up in my house... He kept hearing those words over and over in his head.
Was Heather at Scott’s right now, trying to make up with him? And would he let her? It was entirely possible that he’d just been talking when he came out to New Horizons...
Gavin feared he’d abandoned his child in all the ways that counted most—done the one thing he’d promised himself he would never do, and he couldn’t seem to get past it. Finally, he called Eli to see if his brother would meet him in town for a drink.
It was a Sunday night, and they both had to work in the morning. Gavin thought Eli would most likely decline, but he didn’t. He agreed to meet up in fifteen minutes, which was about as long as it would take Gavin to get to town.
“You okay?” Eli asked, coming up behind him at the Blue Suede Shoe.
Gavin was standing over the old-time jukebox, silently cursing the poor selection of songs. The bar featured live bands on the weekends, some of which were pretty good. Gavin had played here quite a few times. But there was no live music on Sundays. On Sundays and all the rest of the week, there was only the jukebox, with its sparse collection of country songs or Top 40 from a decade ago. He felt they should at least have more classic rock. “I’ve been better.”
“Did you get a drink?”
“Bought us both a whiskey when I came in. Bartender’s pouring them.”
“Great. So what’s going on?”
Gavin shot him a look. “What do you think’s going on?”
Clapping an arm around his shoulders, Eli guided him to a booth, where they both took a seat. They could’ve sat almost anywhere; the place was empty except for a few diehards who played billiards in one corner.
“I like Savanna,” Eli said, jumping in without preamble. “If you have to choose between them, I say you choose her.”
“Two whiskeys!” the bartender called out.
Grateful for the reprieve, even though he was the one who’d called this meeting, Gavin got up to retrieve their drinks.
Once he returned, Eli took his glass but didn’t seem overly interested in drinking what was in it. “Not only is Savanna beautiful, she seems nice,” he said, trying to open the discussion again.
Gavin wasn’t nearly as ambivalent about the alcohol as his brother. He welcomed the burn of the whiskey as it traveled down his throat.
“Are you going to talk to me?” Eli asked, finally growing impatient. “Or are we just going to drink?”
“We’re just going to drink.” Sheer escape. No more mental torment. That sounded good to Gavin. “Do you think Cora will pick us up?”
Eli shot him a look. “I didn’t drag my ass out of the house tonight to get smashed, leave my vehicle here and wake up with a hangover tomorrow. I did it for you. Tell me what’s going on.”
Gavin couldn’t decide if he was willing to go into it, after all. He was suddenly loath to even think about Heather and the baby and what he’d done at the barbecue, but he felt bad for dragging Eli out of the house, so he made himself explain what’d happened with Heather, and once he got going it wasn’t as difficult as it seemed it would be to continue talking.
“You’re being too hard on yourself,” Eli said when he finished. “Ease up, okay? Wait and see what happens.”
“What if she goes back to Scott and together they try to make it difficult for me to spend time with my own child?”
“If you think she’d ever make it difficult for you to see your child—that she won’t care more about the child than getting revenge on you—she’s no one you want to marry, anyway.”
Gavin turned his drink around and around on the scarred old table. “She’s so sure we belong together, and that I’m making a mistake, she’ll do what she can to punish me, make me regret my decision.”
“Gavin, you were relieved when she seemed happy with Scott, remember? That right there tells you all you need to know. That has nothing to do with Savanna. But since Savanna has come into your life, we should probably talk about her, too. There’s something between you. I can feel it. Even Mom and Cora noticed it—the way your eyes kept going back to each other at the barbecue today. Mom said she’s never seen you so excited about someone.” He took a sip of his drink at last. “I’m going out on a limb here, but I doubt you could make it work with Heather, baby or no.”
Gavin agreed, or he wouldn’t have done what he’d done. “But if I don’t get back with her, I’ll have so little control. How will I protect my child?”
“You’ll do everything you can to ensure you get proper visitation, even if it means going to court. And you’ll keep a close eye on the situation to be sure the child’s treated kindly. There are a lot of couples who aren’t together, and their children are fine. It doesn’t have to go the way it did with you. I say wait and see if she’s carrying your baby before you worry too much about that, okay?”
“So I should give what I feel for Savanna a chance.”
“Definitely. Get to know her, see what happens.”
“In spite of the fact that another woman might be pregnant with my child?”
“Life is messy. If she cares about you, she’ll understand how it happened and that you want to be a good father. She’ll support you in doing the right thing.”
“What about what she’s been through recently?”
“What about it? Can you think of a time when she might need you more?”
No, he couldn’t. And Gavin wanted to be there for her. Her kids mattered, too. If Gordon went to prison, they wouldn’t have a father, not even one who could take them on weekends. Why should they be any less of a consideration than the baby Heather was carrying, even if it was his? Every child mattered. “Okay. Here’s hoping she hasn’t decided she never wants to see me again,” he said, and stood.
Eli gestured at what remained of their drinks. “Wait. We haven’t finished our whiskey.”
“I don’t feel like drinking anymore. We both have to work tomorrow,” Gavin said, and Eli started to laugh.
* * *
After she hung up with Reese, even after she’d put the kids to bed and had a shower herself, Savanna wouldn’t let herself go out of the house, not even to stand on the porch and enjoy the stars. She knew she wouldn’t look at the sky for long. She’d head down to the creek to see if Heather was still at Gavin’s, and what would be the point of finding out? Why continue to torture herself? He’d told her he was getting back with his former girlfriend. She needed to accept that, despite the confusing encounter they’d had at the barbecue earlier. Those few seconds of unbridled passion had flared up out of nowhere—and then nothing. The way he’d behaved, both before and after, suggested he hadn’t changed his mind about the future. She needed to accept that Heather was going to be around a lot—at least until they moved to Nashville—and quit cringing every time she thought of running into them together.
The next day when she drove past his place on her way to the grocery store, she told herself not to even glance over, but she couldn’t help it.
The Pathfinder wasn’t there. Neither was Gavin’s rental car, which he was still driving because he didn’t yet have his truck back from the collision repair place. But the absence of both vehicles didn’t tell her anything. This time of day, they’d both be at work.
“She’ll be there again tonight,” she muttered as she came to a stop in front of the mailboxes.
“Did you say something?” Branson asked.
Savanna looked over at her son. He rode in the passenger seat, while Alia sat in back, since she was smaller and it was safer there. “Me? No. Nothing important, anyway.”
“It’s my turn to get the mail!” Alia called out. Branson had done it yesterday, so Savanna gave her daughter the key.
It took Alia longer than Branson. She had to stand on her tiptoes, and the lock wasn’t always easy for her small hands to manage. But she enjoyed the challenge, so Savanna didn’t mind the wait.
“We got three letters and a magazine,” Alia announced as she climbed in the car.
“I hope the letters aren’t all bills,” Savanna joked.
Branson reached back to take the mail and glanced through it. He handed Savanna the magazine, then a notice from the power company and a solicitation for a new credit card.
“What’s that one?” Savanna asked when he held the last envelope for several seconds.
“It’s a letter from Daddy,” he replied softly.
She could tell her son missed his father.
Branson was a good reader for third going on fourth grade, but she didn’t dare let him attempt to read what Gordon had sent, whether he missed him or not. She had no idea whether Gordon would be sending his love or villainizing her for leaving him.
Fortunately, Branson didn’t ask to open it. Pretending he didn’t care what Gordon might have to say, he handed off that letter, too. “I wish he’d just leave us alone,” he grumbled.
Savanna wished the same, except, if she hoped to get any information on Emma Ventnor, she needed to keep up a relationship with him. That he’d sent a letter came as a bit of a relief, since he hadn’t called in so long. She hoped it might give her a better idea of what to expect when she paid him a visit in two days.
She put his letter in her purse for later, when she wasn’t around the kids, and was about to shift into Drive when her phone beeped. Since she was already stopped, she took a moment to look at the text.
Can I bring you and the kids dinner tonight?
It was from Gavin.
Savanna felt her heart pound as she stared down at his message. She wanted to see him in the worst way, but she knew it wouldn’t be wise. She was complicating her life when it was already complicated enough.
And where will Heather be? she wrote. I know I was the one who insisted on remaining friends. I wanted to hang on to some small part of you at least. But it’s getting too confusing for me. You’re such a great guy, and I appreciate all you’ve done for us, but at this point in my life I don’t have the emotional resilience to deal with the ups and downs. The kids and I will be okay now. You’re free to do what you feel you should with Heather, and I wish you both nothing but happiness. Honestly. You deserve it. Thanks for helping us get a solid start here. And please know, especially for when you leave, I’ll always remember you fondly.
She stared down at that text for a long time without sending it, so long that Alia and Branson grew impatient.
“Mom, come on!” Alia said.
“What are you doing? Aren’t we going to go to the store?” Branson added.
“Yeah. We’re going.” After briefly closing her eyes, Savanna forced herself to hit Send, even though it felt like she was running her heart through a shredder, and dropped her cell in her purse. She hoped what she’d done would finally release her from the constant preoccupation she had with Gavin. She had to do something; he was all she could think about.
But as the day progressed and she got no response, sending that text only made her feel worse.