THOMAS REMAINED IN BIRCHTOWN FOR ANOTHER TWO weeks. He and Sarah shared a joyous time: talking, laughing and dancing. His love was a healing potion, nourishing Sarah’s emptiness, leaving room in her thoughts for only him. At first, she hesitated, trying hard to maintain her feelings for Reece, trying to figure out how such a thing could happen, but this new fire and passion sought her out and devoured her.
It may have been his smile or his confidence or the way he thought about life, she wasn’t sure. Perhaps it was something that happened on the evening they went to the clearing to a boxing match. The strongest Negro men in Birchtown lined up in pairs to fight each other. By the fifth round of the first fight, Thomas had turned to her and said, “Such brutality. The Negroes fight for a few coins to please this senseless crowd and the white men from Roseway who come to drink, take our women and make sport of the men who tear each other apart. We’re always for their amusement and never their equals. These men who cheer for us at night will jeer us during the day.” Without asking permission, Thomas took Sarah by the arm and said, “After coming out of slavery, we should never have to witness such brutality again.” And with that, he led her away.
On another occasion, he stopped by the cabin and carried her buckets from the well. Instead of sitting on a stump and watching her do the wash, like most men would have done, he pitched in and helped, not giving it a second thought. She grinned, thinking of how in an instant the idea of women’s and men’s roles could change. He brought a fresh view of life. There was a lot to like about Thomas Cooper.
On the evening before Thomas left, Sarah took out the red dress and put it on. They stood in the moonlight holding each other as though bound by some syrupy tonic. “Sarah,” he said, with her face in his hands. “You and I belong together. I have never felt so certain about anything in my life. I love you deeply. More than I could ever have imagined.”
When she did not answer, he continued gently, “Come to New York with me. This life here has nothing to offer but lost dreams and misery. We can have a good life in New York. We will have a chance to grow there.”
In the unforgiving chill of the Birchtown night, Sarah found no easy words to answer a question that demanded such quick action. Hadn’t she dreamed and longed for a better life, wanted to fly like a bird, be her own person? She looked down at the dress, admiring its showiness and defiance. Her smile grew narrow and her eyes closed. Nothing was ever clear-cut. What was holding her back? It was the timing and all the tangled bits and pieces of her life and, just as importantly, family. She could hear Thomas’s voice pleading with her to answer. It sounded far away and desperate. She opened her eyes.
“Sarah, don’t turn away from me.” He was shaking her gently with both hands. “Come away with me. We can leave in a few days. I have enough money. We can take your things with us. I have thought about this. I have a plan.”
Sarah did not answer. She kept staring away in the darkness. She was searching her heart, trying to grasp what was happening. She studied his eyes, not wanting to turn away from the passion in them, but she did, suddenly, uttering, “No. I can’t. It would not be right to leave. I have family here, hopes and dreams. I could say that I do not love you and put an end to this right now.” She shook her head wildly and continued, “But no, that would not be the truth.”
“Then what is the truth? What is it, Sarah?”
“The truth is … I care deeply for you.”
“You love me, I know it. Say it!”
“I do love you.”
Thomas hung his head and stammered, “What can I say that would change your mind?”
“I can’t say … just that I know I am where I need to be.”
“I understand your need to stay, but I can’t stand the thought of leaving you behind. I will not try to persuade you against your will.”
Her eyes held his and she knew what she felt was as true as the moon above, but still … Unexpected thoughts of Reece surfaced and it came to her mind how her faith in him had been dashed by his sudden leaving. She ran her fingers along the edge of the puffed sleeves of her dress, feeling the fine detailing, the expert stitching: steady and even, like she wanted her life to be. She would help raise young Prince and follow her dream of becoming a tailor. If Thomas loved her so much … She wanted to scream it out loud, but it would have been selfish, and so what she said was, “Let’s not be sad. Some things are not meant to last forever. We found joy in each other’s company and maybe we should be happy with that.”
“Perhaps. But if you should change your mind, you come to New York and find me. I will make my name known in every Negro quarter.” He reached for her hand and this time she did not push it away.
Later that evening, she carefully folded the red dress, smoothing the wrinkles as though she were erasing the troubling lines of life. She wondered who it had belonged to, if it had been part of another romance, part of a lavish ball with handsome gentlemen. She wasn’t feeling at all like the child who needed Grandmother to speak for her or the one who needed direction and advice. She was in charge, looking out for herself. Blessings and curses, joy and sorrow, all at once, like a thunderstorm when the sun was shining. What was this mixed-up crazy life really about? Sarah had worn the red dress for perhaps the last time. She gazed at it for a long time, then gathered it up in her arms and placed it in the trunk at the foot of her bed saying, “Guard the memories this dress holds dear.” And she closed the lid.