Alexis Malvern sat at Sebastian’s desk in the bedroom, writing in his diary.
She thought of it as continuing their story, and it gave her pleasure. It helped to ease her anxiety as well. If she wanted to, she could turn back to the entries he had made, run her fingers over his handwriting.
Outside her window, the gardens were in full bloom and she planned to walk in them later; for now she was enjoying the warmth of the summer sun falling through the windowpanes onto her skin as she wrote.
Although she was lost in concentration, the sudden rattle of wheels on the cobblestone courtyard brought her head up with a start. She was not expecting anyone on this July morning. Who on earth could it be?
Running downstairs and through the small entrance foyer, she opened the front door and went outside.
Much to her surprise, it was Claudia. And her heart sank. Pushing a bright smile onto her face, Alexis walked toward the carriage.
“Good morning, Claudia. I didn’t expect to see you today. I thought you would be at Courtland.”
“Good morning,” Claudia said in a clipped tone of voice. “I canceled out the country for today. Because of you.”
They were now walking to the house, and the carriage had gone around to the back, where the trough of water was. The horses always needed to drink after the trip from London.
Having digested the words which seemed to blame her for the delay to Courtland, Alexis asked, “What do you mean when you say because of me?”
Claudia stopped, stared hard at her. “You didn’t come to Lavinia’s birthday tea yesterday, even though you accepted the invitation. We waited and waited, and then I worried, and so did Jane, that you might be ill or perhaps in a road accident. You ruined the birthday party.”
Alexis flushed bright red as she led Claudia into the library, everyone’s favorite room at Goldenhurst in Kent.
“I was going to come, but I began to fill with panic and anxiety. That happens sometimes when I have to go out, leave the house.”
“Why didn’t you send a message with one of your drivers? Or send a telegram?” Claudia asked, sounding irritated.
Alexis shook her head. “I didn’t think of it.” She sat down and motioned to Claudia to do the same, her face taut, her eyes clouded with tears. “I didn’t really think you would notice.”
“You didn’t think of it!” Claudia repeated, looking flabbergasted. “Are you actually ill, Alexis? Do you need to go to see Dr. Freud in Vienna again? Are you mentally deranged?”
“No, of course I’m not!” Alexis exclaimed. “I’m just not quite myself at the moment.”
“I’d call that the understatement of the year. You hide down here, doing nothing, mooning for my father. He is dead. Accept that! Come back to London, start living! He would want that.”
“It’s too hard” was the only comment Alexis made. She leaned back in the chair, gazing at Claudia, her face without expression.
Claudia stared back at her, nonplussed, wondering how to jerk Alexis out of her stupor, how to push her into returning to London. To start over, she thought. She was annoyed with her, but also felt sorry for her in many ways.
Taking a deep breath, Claudia continued, “You must pull yourself together and get back to work. When I first met you, every woman I know admired you for your independence, going to work, competing in business. Young women like me thought of you as a great example, a role model.”
“I didn’t know that,” Alexis mumbled.
Claudia said, “It’s a man’s world. It always has been, and it always will be. Nothing is going to change. They run everything, institutions, banks, every big business. Control is their middle name, and women are second-class citizens. Only recently have a couple of laws changed so that a woman can keep her own inheritance. It used to go to her husband when she married. But you gave so many women hope, fired up their aspirations. You say you didn’t realize this, but it is true. Come back. Do it again. Give some ambitious women hope.”
Alexis shrugged. “I suppose I’d forgotten that part of my life. I’m not feeling well enough. And none of you needs me.”
“Please endeavor to revive yourself, Alexis. Women just have to take a stance. We cannot allow ourselves to be so dominated by men. Even the queen is surrounded by male advisors, the prime minister, other ministers in Parliament. Things need to change on every level. Everywhere, in fact.”
“Does Queen Victoria listen to all their prattle?” Alexis wondered aloud.
Claudia shook her head. “I don’t know. But she did listen to Albert when he was alive. Although I heard they had their rows.”
“Does Cornelius boss you around, Claudia?”
“No, but perhaps he is the exception to the rule. Did my father ever try to control you, Alexis?”
“No. He even said I could work after we were married if I wanted to do so—” She broke off and closed her eyes.
Claudia gave her a moment, and coughed behind her hand, then said, “I must go, Alexis. I need to get back to London.”
Alexis opened her eyes. “I’m sorry I missed Lavinia’s birthday. How can I make it up to her?”
“By going back to being the woman my father fell in love with. Pull yourself together, get back your looks and go to work alongside your father. You must know he misses you. Furthermore, you are his heir. It is going to be your company one day.”
“I will put my mind to it,” Alexis promised.
Claudia nodded and rose. “I must go to the back, to the carriage, and return to London.”
“I will walk with you,” Alexis murmured.
Together they left the library, went along the corridor and outside to the stable block. As she headed for her carriage, Claudia turned to Alexis and in a low voice said, “You’re letting my father down. He wouldn’t approve of your behavior, or the way you’ve let yourself go. Buck up and lose some weight.”
Shocked at her words and her tone of voice, Alexis was rendered speechless. Before she could say anything in response, Claudia had stepped into the carriage and banged the door shut.
As it rolled away, Alexis stood watching her go. There was no question in her mind that Claudia Trevalian Glendenning was angry with her. And she had traveled a long way to tell her.
Claudia settled back on the carriage seat and closed her eyes. She was glad she had left at that moment. She had said enough for today.
Her tone had been stern, her words harsh, but this technique might work. Certainly being nice had not. Claudia now understood that kindness didn’t work with Alexis. In fact, it was almost like colluding with her.
Jane and she had discussed this trip yesterday, when Alexis had not arrived for Lavinia’s birthday party at the Grosvenor Square house. Jane had begged her to be tough, and she had taken Jane’s advice.
Claudia opened her eyes and sat straighter on the seat, sorry now that she had not brought up Haven House. Alexis had not visited the home for battered women for almost two years.
This charity, which Alexis had founded, had been a huge success so far. Women came to them in droves, desperate to escape their abusive husbands or the men with whom they lived. She, Lavinia, Marietta, and Jane spent time there once a week and, fortunately, the money Alexis had given and raised amongst her friends had lasted. It had been used carefully.
But now Claudia understood only too well that it was time Alexis Malvern came back to Haven House. Jane had promised to make that happen. Fingers crossed, Claudia thought, and closed her eyes again, wanting a rest from her constant worry about the woman she had just left.
Alexis found Tilda in the garden, cutting the last few roses with the garden shears and laying them in the flower basket.
“I’ve been looking all over for you,” Alexis said, coming up to her lady’s maid, smiling at her.
“I’m so sorry, Miss Alexis, but when Miss Claudia arrived I decided to come out here. I realized she wished to speak to you in private.”
“She did, and she was annoyed with me. I might go so far as to say she was angry.”
“She did have a ferocious look on her face.” Picking up the basket, Tilda showed it to Alexis. “These are the last few of your favorite roses. I thought they’d be nice in your bedroom.”
“Thank you, Tilda. It’s a lovely gesture. Can you please come and sit with me in the arbor? I need your help.”
“But of course, Miss Alexis.” The lady’s maid picked up the basket, put the shears in it, and together the two women walked on the path through the flower beds, making for the secluded corner.
“Sit down here, Miss Alexis. We must keep your face out of the sun.”
Alexis did as she was told. Once Tilda was seated, Alexis turned to her maid and said, “I’ve lost my looks, haven’t I?”
“No, you haven’t, but you have been neglecting yourself, I’m afraid to say,” Tilda said, adding, “We’ll soon get them back. You need a few of my special face rubs and several body massages to make you relax. Those also help.”
“I know I’ve neglected my hair, and there are some gray patches, or streaks, I should say. How do you get rid of these?” She stared at Tilda, and her eyes grew damp. “Miss Claudia told me to lose weight. Am I fat, Tilda?”
Tilda hesitated. She knew Alexis Malvern was upset, and she was pleased that Claudia Trevalian had spoken out so clearly. The harsh words which had probably been said had obviously had an effect on her mistress, of whom she was very fond.
Finally, Tilda spoke. “Yes, you are. You must go on a special diet. Immediately. Mrs. Bellamy makes delicious meals and you have to stop eating them.”
“She’ll be offended,” Alexis exclaimed.
“Not if I explain that you have to eat much less for your health and in order to wear your best dresses.”
“They’re not too tight,” Alexis protested.
“I’m sorry to disagree with you, Miss Alexis, but they are. Anyway, you haven’t worn them for ages. You live in your silk blouses and long skirts.”
Alexis was about to contradict her and instantly changed her mind. “A diet, facials, massages. And the gray streaks? What do you use to get rid of those, Tilda?”
“Henna mostly. Special shampoos to enhance the auburn, and perhaps a few new hairstyles. Work with me, Miss Malvern, and I can bring back your beauty and your glamour.”
When Alexis was silent, Tilda continued, “The biggest problem is your weight, I think. You will have to walk in the garden a lot, do certain exercises, and perhaps go riding every day. That will also get you into better shape.”
“It does sound like a lot of work.”
“A big effort indeed. But once you become your old self, are reborn, in a sense, I can then get your frocks and outfits altered. Then they will fit you perfectly.”
“I understand.” Alexis hesitated, then continued slowly, “Claudia says I must go back to London, go back to work. But I do become very anxious when I think about that.”
“You mustn’t be. And you have to live in London, part of the time at least. I know I have to as well.”
Alexis gaped at her maid. Reluctantly she murmured, “Then we must try to get me reasonably attractive, I suppose. How long will it take?”
“I don’t know, Miss Alexis. That is up to you.” As she spoke Tilda was well aware that her mistress was genuinely overweight. These pounds would take months to come off.
“You can’t give me a date, can you?”
Tilda shook her head. “No. But let’s get going today and put all our energy into making you look ten years younger.”
Alexis looked around her, at the beautiful gardens and the farmhouse. This place had been her refuge. But was Claudia right? Perhaps it was time to leave it behind.