The noise of the school hall pounds into Harrie’s head; every scrape of knives and forks on the plates screeches in her ears. For a moment she wishes she could fast-forward the lunch break and the afternoon history lesson. As if she cares about Ancient Greece right now. But fast-forward to when? Her body tenses. It doesn’t matter if she’s at school or at home, awake or asleep, there’s nothing she can do to stop her mind replaying what happened.
Harrie looks down at her lunch bag and the uneaten food. Her stomach rumbles, but the tiny bites she tried to eat have left her feeling sick. How can she swallow it when there’s a constant lump in her throat? She zips up her lunch bag and stands up to leave with the others.
Across the hall, Elise catches her eye and raises her eyebrows in a silent ‘you OK?’ question which Harrie pretends not to see.
Rufus weaves his way through the group until he’s beside her. He scoops a wave of brown hair behind his ear and nudges her side as they leave the lunch hall. She jumps at his touch, feeling instantly stupid. Rufus is loads shorter than Harrie and definitely not someone to be scared of, but fear lingers like the images of last night. ‘Do you wanna go in goal today?’ he asks.
She nods. Not because she wants to or even because she wants to play football, but because nodding is the easiest thing. At least in goal she can be alone.
Miss Holloway appears in the classroom as they reach the coat pegs. ‘Are you feeling all right, Harrie?’ she asks, lines appearing on her forehead. ‘You’re awfully quiet today.’
Harrie nods again, too scared to open her mouth now. Too scared of the words that might fly out, the truth, the confession that is swirling in her head. Images of the man’s body crash through her thoughts.
Laughter breaks out from the boys around her. Tyler jumps out of the line forming by the door. He throws his body one way and another, singing a stupid song.
‘Found this on TikTok,’ he laughs as Ben joins in, the two of them pushing against the line.
A second later, Tyler is next to Harrie. He crosses his legs back and forth, flossing at the same time, before losing his balance and barging into Harrie. She stumbles back, unable to right herself. The feeling of helplessness drags her back to that room and with it comes the terror – an all-consuming tidal wave of fear.
No, no, no. Let me go.
Her body reacts before she can stop it. Her hands reach out, shoving Tyler with such force that he flies across the room, his back hitting the side of a table.
He yells in pain but Harrie doesn’t hear it.
‘Harrie,’ Miss Holloway cries out.
Harrie ignores that too and without waiting for permission, she runs to the door. With every step she waits for the hand to grab her, the hot breath on her face.
The day is bright and grey, the air cool on her flaming cheeks. A sob catches in her throat as she races across the playing field, only stopping when she reaches the fence and Elise and Rufus catch up with her. Their faces are a mix of admiration and worry.
‘He totally deserved it,’ Rufus says first.
‘Yeah.’ Elise is staring into Harrie’s eyes in a way that makes Harrie want to tell her everything.