CHAPTER 9

Tenille awoke before seven and wondered for a moment where she was, then smiled to herself as memory flooded back. Basking in the sensual luxury of a long stretch, she turned towards Sidonie only to discover she was alone in this big bed. She’d not heard her rise or dress. Not surprising; she’d not slept this soundly for so long. Despite that, an intense stab of loneliness overcame her as she realized how long it would be before they would see each other, let alone be as intimate, as last night. She rolled over onto her stomach and let her mind relive the overwhelming experiences.

Sidonie had opened up new feelings in her, had shown her a depth and intensity of love she had never known possible. Her body ached for her again, the need to have her with her once more, almost cruel in its demand. “Don’t be silly,” she chided herself. “You sound lovesick”

‘You are lovesick,’ she told herself out loud. ‘Head-over-heels-in-love, sick.’

There was a firm knock on the door and a clear voice called out: ‘It’s seven o’clock, Tenille,’

‘Thank you,’ she responded, ‘I’m awake.’

‘Coffee’s waiting for you downstairs when you’re ready, okay?’

‘Yes, thank you.’

She heard retreating footsteps, muffled by the thick pile of the carpet, as she sank again into the pillows. “Get a move on … can’t spend all morning daydreaming.” Time wouldn’t hold still for her, just because she was in love.

After the shower, packing her things, she found Sidonie’s cologne amongst her toiletries. Yielding to temptation, she removed the cap, inhaled the musky aroma, then looked at the bottle. ‘Anteus’. It now had assumed an erotic association; she felt her body go hot as her senses became engulfed in that dark, yet tangy, evocation of her lover. She didn’t collect the bottle up with hers, but transferred it to her purse, happy to have something so intimate close to her.

The hosts tried to enforce a big breakfast, but she couldn’t eat. Although the journey to work was shorter from here than her apartment, somehow she hadn’t been able to get the body moving and now was pressed for time.

On the point of leaving, she thanked Robert and Neville for their kind attentions and enquired if Sidonie had settled up. They assured her everything had been taken care of. They hoped she and her friend would return again, soon.

‘Oh yes,’ she replied fervently, but inside was thinking, if only they could. There was little likelihood of this eventuating. She left for the States this weekend. They only had one more week.

She had to straphang all the way to work. Downtown the TTC was jam packed in both directions. Her thoughts kept revolving around Sidonie. She knew she would see her tomorrow night for softball, but not being able to be close would be a killer. Not even a kiss. She sighed.

Sid’s car. Perhaps she could persuade her to drive somewhere? She had her class with Raoul tonight, but with so little sleep, maybe she should give it a miss. Sidonie would catch up this afternoon, then maybe … maybe they could be together tonight? With this half-formed plan she jumped off the Dundas streetcar and plunged, like the other workers, into the Eaton Centre.

The day turned out to be busy and time moved quickly. People commented on her changed mood, but said nothing of the dark circles under her eyes. With her coloring she showed very readily, when she went without sleep, or was under the weather, especially at period time. By the end of the afternoon she had decided she should go to class. The more dance practise she got, the better prepared she would be for the tour.

Mrs. Sandrelli saw her come in. For some reason Tenille experienced a pang of guilt when she heard her voice. “This is being silly,” she admonished herself, fiercely. “What I do is my own affair.” Because Serafina had called out, she veered and popped into the kitchen.

‘How was your evening, Cara?’

‘Very nice, thank you.’

‘I called you because your Mama rang last night. I told her you were with friends. This seemed to put her out a bit, so I hope I’ve not said anything.’ Serafina looked at her sharply.

‘No. No … Not at all,’ she replied, as she tried to think of something plausible. ‘It’s just that Mom doesn’t know these people. She thinks I live a hermit’s life.’

‘Perhaps you’d better call her, just to put her mind at rest,’ She worried away at the situation. Mrs. Fenech had cross-questioned her so much, in the end she had felt put on the spot.

‘Yes, I will,’ she agreed, feeling impatient, just wanting to get all this off her back. Fuming, she went down and began to get organized for class, complaining to herself the while. Her mother had not called in an age. Why did she have to pick last night? She should have called her on the weekend. That would have forestalled all this. Bummer. Should she phone before class or after? If before, she’d be kept talking, making her late. Now she had decided to go she was looking forward to it. If later, there would be complaints just before bed. Darn.

‘Hi Mom. It’s me.’

‘Where were you dear?’ There was no preamble and the voice sounded suspicious.

‘Oh, I just stayed over with friends,’ she responded as offhandedly as possible, hating a third degree, especially when she was trying to be evasive. Deflect the conversation to the upcoming tour. Doris was not reconciled to the idea, but she did accept it as a fait accompli. Eventually, when she hung up, she was feeling out of sorts. Her mother had had the last word, as usual.

*   *   *

Everyone was there when she arrived, but this time she was able to slip in and pick up without making waves. Devon flashed her a warm smile. They went through the performance dances with a fine toothcomb, checking the blocks with Raoul, assessing the presentation from an audience viewpoint. The session was successful and everyone’s expectation was positive.

Tenille was looking very Spanish. Things had come together in the last few weeks in a most effective way. It had been a gruelling workout and she was exhausted, but confident she could hold up her end and it made her feel good. She returned to her little domain, wishing the hours to fly fast ’til tomorrow, when she would be with Sidonie again. They had arranged a pick up like last time, driving over to Riverdale Park together.

*   *   *

Sidonie’s excitement at the prospect of seeing and being with Tenille was mounting steadily, as she got herself ready after the gym. It had been a punishing session, but she noted with satisfaction, how her weight gain had translated into an increase in the kilograms she was able to lift. Her body had never looked better. Just that little extra bulk had eliminated the last of any remaining fat. Now she was smooth and lean; taut all over, her compact build full of athleticism. Heads were turning when she walked by. In jeans her bottom was tight, but rounded and showed to best advantage above her strong legs. All this, coupled with the light tanning of her skin and shining blonde of her hair made her stunning. She chose her khaki shorts again which, although cut on the loose side in front, gave prominence to the small curve of her backside and a slight hint of her crack. They were also short enough to reveal the good definition of her quads and hamstrings. Perfectly proportioned legs with a shapely calf, tapering to a slim ankle. She had her Flyers’ club shirt on, which she planned to wear down, but would change into something else after.

As the sun dipped lower late in the afternoon, traffic was heavy, the streets jammed tight with impatient commuters. Sidonie, with the sun in her eyes, was against the flow as she approached downtown. The quantity of cars and rush hour buses slowed her to a ‘stop and go’. Impatiently, she checked her watch, but held herself back from taking risks. The radio would provide some distraction. Brandy was singing HAVE YOU EVER? She seemed to be speaking directly to her. She went into her ‘Tenille reverie’, remembering, yet again, the play of light across her neck and shoulders as she was seated at the dressing table. She felt an almost painful stirring within her and having to cope with a prominent clitoris all the time was making walking and sitting uncomfortable; but she loved the power of these images. Remembering a kiss could send a charge through her, shooting from each strand of hair, down to the tips of her toes.

Tenille herself answered the doorbell, positively radiant, the light in her eyes flashing such pleasure at seeing her again. She was dressed more casually today. A pale lemon, tight fitting top with little cap sleeves and matching tailored, town shorts. Over top she wore a russet colored, linen vest. The effect was chic, the soft tones bringing out the brilliance of her eyes, which had turned moist and the amber glow of her skin.

‘Hullo,’ Sidonie said huskily, not able to command her lips and tongue to articulate more. The vision before her took her breath away. She watched Tenille’s mouth as the corners lifted in a shy smile, wishing she could feel, right this minute, their soft and sensuous warmth, meeting her own hungry need. Since she just stood and stared, Tenille had to break the silence by remarking that her timing was perfect.

‘I’m allready,’ she declared, closing the door behind her. ‘Shall we go?’

‘Oh, yes … yes of course.’ Pulling herself together, she followed Tenille down the path to the car and gallantly sprang to unlock the door and usher her into her chariot. As she sat, just before she would swing her legs into the car, Tenille looked up. There was no mistaking the admiration that shone from Sidonie’s glowing face. ‘How have you been?’ she enquired softly, reaching out and stroking her cheek with the back of her fingers. Tenille clasped the caressing hand and brought it down to her gently swelling breasts.

‘I’ve missed you dreadfully, darling,’ she admitted, now bringing the captured hand to her lips.

Sidonie desperately wanted to lean over and take this woman in her arms. Longing was suffocating her, almost to the point of sickness. She had better move on. Mrs. Sandrelli could be watching.

As they sped across town, Tenille reached out and laid her hand intimately on Sidonie’s firm thigh. ‘You’re looking exceptionally fit today, Sid,’ she observed warmly. ‘Of course you always look good,’ she amended, ‘but today … I don’t know, there’s something special about you that I can’t define.’ Sidonie’s laughter held a note of self-conscious embarrassment.

‘It’s the same old me, Babe, just dressed to play ball.’ She manoeuvred her turn into the Riverdale parking area and this time took no note of whose car was already there or not. ‘We might be a bit early so we’ll have time to get you settled.’ However, Tenille was struck by the number of motorbikes in evidence. Obviously for many, this was a favorite or preferable mode of transport. They were parked more to one side in a special area. Perhaps those women travelled together?

Strolling over to the bleachers Sidonie looked along critically, for a good vantage point. They made a striking couple. She so fair, blonde hair shimmering in the shafts of early evening sunlight, illuminated with a bright gold brilliance, fluffy and silky after the shower; physique compact and powerful. In contrast, Tenille was willowy and dark, a dancer’s figure, the voluptuousness only hinted at; dark brown, almost black hair, bound by a silk scarf, a paler shade than the vest. The curls were kept out of her eyes, but still rippled and bounced as she walked by Sidonie’s side. Reine and Thea spotted them and remarked how good they looked together.

‘Hi guys,’ hollered Reine, still some distance away.

Sidonie stood up and waved as she recognized her friends. ‘Greetings earthlings,’ she called out. ‘You made it early too.’

‘Hello Thea,’ said Tenille and Thea gave her a quick hug.

‘How be you?’ she enquired as she lowered herself down.

‘Very well – and you?’

‘Better this week. The family hassles are over thank God.’

‘All right, girls,’ Reine addressed herself to them: ‘We’ll be off and see you after the game.’ Sidonie gave Tenille a quick, secret smile as she turned to follow her friend.

While they waited, Tenille asked Thea how long they had known Sidonie and how they had met.

‘It’s a few years ago now. We used to live not far from the Hendersons, out Mississauga way. Sidonie knew my kitten, Scully. Anyway, Scully got out and wandered so far, she couldn’t find her way back. Sid discovered her in the park when she was coming home from school and brought her back to us. I invited her in and then Reine came home from work and we got talking. After that she dropped by from time to time.

‘That last winter we were there, she would come and shovel the sidewalk and front steps for us. She seemed to enjoy the homely atmosphere we provided and I think she felt comfortable with our being together for so long and …’ Suddenly she stopped, remembering Sidonie had said nothing was certain about Tenille’s sexual preference. She could be straight. She wasn’t to mention that she and Reine were a couple. Feeling guilty, she had discomfort written all over her previously jovial countenance. Tenille, observing the changes, felt for Thea’s mortification and tried to set her at ease. She wanted her to know she wasn’t bothered by … she hesitated then said: ‘The concept of women loving women. Especially if they really care for each other,’ she finished up.

Thea was so relieved, there had been no harm done. Did this mean Sidonie had at last found someone? ‘I’m so glad,’ she rushed on, ‘this means you and Sid are …?’ Tenille nodded.

‘I think so. At least we like being together at the moment.’

‘You and Sid look so good. And she’s absolutely mad about you.’

‘Is she really?’ There was no mistaking the delight in her voice at this news. ‘Thank you for telling me.’

‘You must have known by the way she looks at you.’ Thea regarded her intently. ‘Or do you think she looks like that at every woman?’

‘I don’t know,’ Tenille said slowly. ‘I don’t really know all that much about her. Especially not what she’s like with other women.’ A picture of Dearne flashed into her mind and gave her a sharp pang.

‘Well, I assure you, although Sid can have a roving eye, she’s had eyes for no one but you, for the last three months.’ She smiled at Tenille. ‘You know that song, ‘Hungry Eyes’?’ She nodded. ‘Well, that pretty well sums up Sid and you are the one.’

Tenille couldn’t stop the smile from broadening. Nor could she hold herself back from confessing impulsively: ‘I feel the same way.’ Thea was the first person she had been able to tell. It felt wonderful. ‘Every time she looks at me I feel it’s the way it should be between us. Do you know what I mean?’ She searched Thea’s face, her dark eyes large and enquiring. Thea could see the power of the pull Tenille would have on Sid. She could make her a very happy woman.

‘I do … I do,’ she hastened to assure her. ‘Listen,’ she added, in a changed voice: ‘Why don’t you come back to our place, after the game? It will be much better for talking and getting to know each other. What do you say?’ The eyes behind the thick lenses were keen and bright, the hair, still worn loose to the shoulders, was blowing in the wind and had to be brushed back impatiently. ‘We could order in Pizza or Chinese,’ she added.

‘Sounds great, Thea, but I don’t know what Sidonie’s plans are. She may have to get right back.’

‘Oh, Sid’ll agree. No problem there,’ Thea confirmed her statement with definite nods. Tenille didn’t share her confidence, remembering last time. “We shall see,” she thought and turned her attention to the game.

The teams played better this week, fewer fumbles, more accurate throws; even a few exciting moments. Sidonie didn’t distinguish herself particularly, but the woman Tenille remembered as Trent did very well, hitting a spectacular home run in the closing moments, giving her team the winning score. When she came off the field, Trent looked up at her and smiled an acknowledgment. She felt herself blush. Now that was silly, just because Trent had given her a smile. She did have this strange effect on her though. She remembered all her confusion last week, when they first met, and at The Rose. Not a woman to easily forget. Her eyes followed her off the field and she knew they liked what they saw.

When the two players joined them, pleased they’d performed better, but disappointed they’d lost, Thea immediately came out with the suggestion they drown their sorrows at the apartment; St. Jamestown was very close. ‘What do you say?’ She turned to Sidonie.

‘That’s fine with me, what do you want to do Ten?’

Tenille could still see where the mask had been pressing into her brow. What a different reaction from last week. Well, she obviously didn’t want to be alone with her tonight. This thought left her feeling disappointed, but she would go with the flow. She wanted to get to know her friends better.

‘Fine with me. Whatever you like.’

Sidonie continued, addressing Thea: ‘We can’t stay late. Tenille has to get back.’ She looked meaningfully at her, a slight frown on her face.

‘Yes,’ Tenille endorsed and said no more.

‘Not a problem,’ Reine acquiesced, cheerfully. ‘The pad’s close, we’ll be there in five.’

The apartment, although only small, was well appointed. The building complex itself in St. Jamestown, was quite old and by now a little run down, having suffered much wear and tear over the years. The apartment gave a feeling of warmth and caring. The couple had had a long time together in which to make their collection, resulting in a very eclectic assortment. Thea had an obvious love of plants, reflected by the number of pots, spilling their contents of leafy fronds and vines over every surface and numerous handsome jardinieres. Tenille estimated it would take at least an hour to water and this was only the living room. A glimpse of the balcony revealed an even greater profusion.

‘You guys want something to drink?’ offered Reine, ‘ …or coffee?’

‘Mm..m great,’ responded Sidonie. ‘I could really go a light OV.’ She turned to Tenille: ‘How about you, Ten?’ She nodded agreement, enjoying Sidonie’s use of her shortened name.

She chose a soft cushioned chesterfield, one of the many seats arranged around the coffee table. Fashioned from an old wooden and iron weigh scale, some enterprising craftsman had refinished and marketed it into a new function. As Tenille admired, Sidonie dumped herself down beside her remarking in a low voice: ‘The sight of you gladdens my heart.’

She had changed into a fresh white shirt. It was open at the throat and had the collar turned up slightly. Tenille could feel the bright blue eyes fixed intently on her face as she turned her head and smiled, looking deeply into those strong, appealing features. Being so close, her warm breath brushed lightly across her cheek. She saw her lips curving into an answering grin and wished they were on her. At this moment Reine arrived bearing drinks, Thea in her wake with a bowl each of pretzels and chips.

‘You two look very cosy,’ she observed, which resulted in their springing guiltily apart.

‘At ease,’ commanded Reine, as she put out the drinks. They all had beers except Thea who preferred Coke.

Just then Scully appeared. No longer the little kitten, but a fully-grown, beautiful British Shorthair. She was a grey/torti, the markings very distinctive. She had a special air about her, knowing she was to spend her days being admired.

‘Hello Scully, come and meet Tenille,’ Sidonie called out. As if understanding every word, she sashayed over and rubbed herself against her legs. Tenille scooped her up and gave her a cuddle.

‘Oh, isn’t she darling.’ she exclaimed, as she stroked the dense, but soft coat. Scully gave her a look, but didn’t object.

‘Good game tonight,’ Sidonie commented.

‘Lotsa room for improvement,’ Reine warned then changed the subject.

‘Say, did you read about that dreadful case where a young woman, having been raped by two men and thrown over a brick wall, broke her ankle in the fall and couldn’t move?’

‘Yeah, yeah,’ acknowledged Sidonie, her eyes round in disbelief. ‘So awful.’ She turned to the others and continued the story. ‘This guy was driving by and saw her in distress. He stopped, told her he was a nurse and would get help. In a little while he returned and proceeded to rape her himself. Can you believe it?’

‘The poor wretch got a triple whammy. Anyway …’ this was Reine, ‘ …they apprehended him, but the other two got away.’

‘You know,’ observed Thea, ‘I think women are in a worse position now than they have ever been.’

‘Why do you say that?’ asked Tenille. ‘We have more independence. Rights are more equal too. We’re not tied to the kitchen sink either.’

‘This is true, Tenille, but think again of those days gone by; a middle class family, the daughters very carefully nurtured and raised. The wives and mothers had help with domestic chores and male escorts protected most women; be they brothers or father. If not them then nanny or the governess. Today, the woman must rely on labor saying devices. If she wants equality with the male then it’s expected it’s fair game to use and abuse her, with no thought of the rights and decency which should be accorded to a human being.’ Thea shook her head, sadly. ‘It’s too bad equality legislation didn’t come when women were still respected, just as our elders were. In my opinion, equality has arrived when the male view of womanhood is at an all time low. Now, in fact, is the time that we should be given more protection, not less.’

Thea stopped to draw breath. Her audience looked at her, somewhat stunned. ‘Well,’ remarked Reine, ‘I’m glad I’m a woman for you and not a man.’ They exchanged meaningful looks. Sidonie broke into this by observing: ‘That’s as may be, but I’m more concerned about the practicalities.’ She looked across at Tenille and confessed: ‘I’ve been very worried about your riding around on the TTC, late at night. I know …’ she held up her hand to forestall any indignant outburst, ‘ …you say you’re careful, but there are loonies out there.’ She drew her eyebrows together and the storm gathering in her eyes was clearly visible. ‘You have no way of knowing what irrational behaviors could be let loose and you just jump into any carriage. Not even the guard’s van.’ The eyes were deepening in their blueness and now her mouth had a grim set. ‘You walk down Walmer Road late at night, absolutely vulnerable to attack,’ she ended, heatedly, as she fought to keep her voice steady.

Thea was anxious to pour out the oil and deflect some of Sidonie’s indignation. ‘Why is it that young males cause so much trouble in our society, do you think?’ She looked at her, but she had sunk into her beer, still fuming. Thea persisted. ‘They’re brought up in the family and through schools the same as we are, yet half the time, they seem like alien creatures.’

It was Reine who responded. ‘That’s easy. Contrary to popular belief, they are the ones who are ruled by their gonads. They make little effort to curb their urges and desires, which are often fed by video games and magazines.’ She was warming to the theme and took a large pull of her beer. ‘Unlike the days of yore, society puts few impediments in their way. In fact, I would say society compounds the problem by such attitudes as: ‘Boys will be boys’ and condoning their sowing of ‘wild oats’. There’s no reason for these double standards in this day and age.’ Now she was really getting into it, while her audience was captive. ‘It’s my belief …’ she declared, looking at each in turn, ‘ …if troublesome young men could be placed on hormone control, get those testosterone levels down, until they’ve learned to behave in a socially acceptable manner, then our prisons would be mostly empty. Rape cases would be reduced to older men, probably to those who abuse children. For sure it’s not the women of the world who require all these rules and regs. Just think who perpetrate the most traffic accidents. Who, in this society are the law-breakers?’

‘There are many women’s prisons Reine and they’re not standing empty,’ noted Tenille.

‘I think you will find, my dear, that the women are usually downtrodden and have been apprehended on drug offences. They have to do something to make their miserable lives more bearable.’

‘Well, we sure trashed on half the human race,’ Sidonie observed dolefully. ‘Now what?’

‘Now what, is time for us to learn more about our new friend,’ Thea suggested. Reine was just opening her mouth to ask something as Thea said quickly. ‘Anyone want to order in?’

The other couple shook their head.

‘Ok–ay, more drinks?’ Reine asked. Again they declined.

‘Driving,’ Sidonie said directly. By now, after so much stroking, Scully’s purr was audible and contented. She stretched languidly, changed position slightly, then opened one large, round amber eye to survey the scene. ‘It’s funny how she does that,’ Tenille laughed.

‘Picked up the habit from her other mom,’ Thea explained. Now everyone laughed. She looked from the cat to Tenille and enquired how come she was wandering this fair city’s streets so late at night, anyway?

‘Oh, Sid is concerned about my dancing classes.’

‘Dancing classes?’ There was a question in Reine’s voice. ‘What sort of dancing?’

‘She’s a flamenco dancer,’ Sidonie replied, proudly. ‘Spanish fire and all that.’

‘Oh, I really like that stuff,’ said Reine as she turned to Tenille. ‘You have the looks for it, too,’ she observed admiringly. ‘Where do you dance?’

‘At the Sancho Panza on Bloor at Bathurst, Saturday nights.’ She pulled a face: ‘I’m just getting into it. I have a lot to learn,’ she commented deprecatingly, then added: ‘But I do love it.’

‘I’ve been there to watch her,’ Sidonie interjected, ‘and she steals the show.’

‘You’re biased,’ a delighted laugh.

‘Well – Raoul wouldn’t pick you for the tour if he didn’t think you were good enough, would he?’

‘A tour …?’ prompted Thea.

‘Yes,’ she replied. ‘We’re going over the border for two or three weeks.’

‘When do you leave?’ This was Reine’s question.

‘This weekend.’ Tenille’s voice faded away. She rallied; she was being silly again. ‘Raoul, he’s our director and teacher,’ she clarified, ‘has some gigs booked. It will be a great opportunity. I’m very flattered he chose to ask me.’ Thea looked across at Sidonie, her eyes behind her thick glasses, sympathetic, wondering how this turn of events was affecting the girl. She saw only a stony stare, the features impassive. Inside she would be hurting, she was sure of that. Still, not even Sid could hold back the tide of events inevitable.

‘Another beer?’ Reine offered. She too, had been taken by surprise.

‘No. No thanks,’ Sidonie declined. ‘I guess we should be going,’ she observed decisively, looking at her watch. Tenille nodded in concurrence and as she stood, thanked her hosts for their hospitality. Sidonie had to shift Scully off her lap, much to that feline’s indignation. She had thought to be settled for the night. With a little trilling cry, she scampered off to the bedroom, her other favorite resting-place … between the big pillows.

‘We were glad to have you along,’ Reine enthused in her hearty way.

‘Yes,’ added Thea. ‘We always enjoy stimulating discussions. And getting to know you better was a pleasure.’

“How warm and friendly these women are,” Tenille thought.

Goodbyes over, they walked slowly down the hall to the elevator. There were no other occupants so Sidonie picked up the conversation where Tenille had left off. ‘When do you leave, exactly?’

Tenille continued to look at the closed doors. ‘There’s a flight early Friday evening. We’re booked for a midnight show at the ‘Coconut Grove’.’

Sidonie wanted to respond, but the doors opened and two people stepped in, lively in their conversation. She held her tongue ’til they were out in the car park, the darkness of the night and freshness of the breeze giving her license to expand.

‘You know I’ll miss you,’ she took Tenille’s hand, but then they moved into a circle of light from the lamp and she dropped it.

‘I’ll miss you too,’ Tenille added hastily. ‘After all that has happened in the last little while, I wish, in one way, that I wasn’t going.’

They reached the car and Tenille stopped. ‘You’ve become very important to me. You do believe that, don’t you?’ She tried to discern Sidonie’s expression, but now in the gloom between the pools of light, she was not able to see clearly. Sidonie took her hand again and she felt the pressure.

‘I have hoped for it,’ she replied huskily. Her heart pounding within her chest, was seemingly beating at twice its rate. The breath caught in her throat; hearing words at last, she had yearned for and so many times despaired of.

‘But on the other hand,’ Tenille continued, ‘it is true, what I said in there. This is a wonderful opportunity for me …’ she let her voice trail away. She had wanted to add: “Not one she could pass up,” but it sounded like she was being selfish. ‘You do understand, don’t you Sid?’ She looked up and it was clear to see the appeal for some sort of reassurance. Sidonie took both her hands in hers.

‘Of course I do, Babe. When you come back, we’ll be together again. Like the words of the song.’ She sighed. ‘It will be a wonderful reunion,’ she remarked, not quite able to hide the tremor in her voice. This time she couldn’t help herself. She gathered Ten into her arms and released the desire which had lain, pent up inside, all evening. Her lips sought her love’s, in a long, tender kiss of infinite promise, as she set her mouth over hers with open hunger.

Ten felt her own response quick and intense; more demanding, as a dense cloud of pleasure expanded inside her. She was less controlled than Sid, but Sid had to keep one foot on the brake, else they would both drown in their emotions. The time was not now. At last she set her gently down, relinquishing her hold on that sweet, red mouth.

‘Darling, you’re not a good influence on me or my self-control,’ she whispered. ‘I’ve got to drive you home remember and for that I need a steady hand.’

She understood, had felt, through Sid’s kiss, how she was inside; the raw, hard shakes through her trembling body and the knowledge had warmed her. Once seated in the car, she stayed Sid’s hand on the ignition. As if in slow notion, Sid watched her take her hand off the key and draw it across towards her. The turn was awkward, but when their bodies came together, the melting was sublime. This time there was no breaking away and the heat of their kiss spread to the centre of their passions. Ten accepted Sid’s invitation and sucked hungrily on her tongue moaning softly as Sid caressed her taut nipples, sending lightning bolts of pleasure to pierce deep inside. Sid let her hand stray to rest on the soft roundness of her belly. It excited her beyond belief, to feel the power of her touch on this woman. Girls had responded to her before, but Ten was the ultimate. Her passion fuelled her own desire in a way no other woman ever had. She longed now to feel her touch on her, as intimate as possible; to let go of her self-control … and yes, give herself totally, as she had never done before; not holding anything back against that day of possible betrayal and hurt. She was prepared to give all to this beautiful woman. Her wonderful Tenille. At last her dreams had been fulfilled and the Great Goddess had answered her most fervent prayer.

As she drew up outside #226, Tenille asked if she would like to come in for a coffee or cold drink.

‘Much as I want to be with you, I can’t stay. If I go in,’ she explained, ‘you know it will make it that much harder on us.’

‘Yes, you’re right, but I don’t want us to part here,’ she complained. ‘I won’t be seeing you for two weeks, possibly three.’ Sid wanted to point out that that was not her fault, but curbed her sudden rise of impatience. ‘I know Ten. But there’s nothing we can do about this now.’

Ten, clinging onto Sid’s hand, turned it palm upward and brought it to her cheek. She kissed it and held it to her once more. In this moment, her heart so full, the words were wrenched from her in an anguished cry. ‘I love you.’ She heard her voice, stifled, unnatural. She dropped her head to Sid’s shoulder and closed her eyes. So much of their relationship seemed to take place in the car and here she was, yet again, this time declaring her love.

Sid thought her cup would surely run over. She couldn’t bring words to her lips. She simply encircled Ten in her embrace and held her close. Her own feelings threatened to swamp her, but later she would relive this moment and savor it to the full. For now she was content just to be close with this woman. She represented all the world to her and she would do anything … provide for her happiness; protect her from all ills.

‘Tenille,’ she murmured, her voice rough with emotion; ‘You’ve given me the best parting gift possible. To be separated from you now will be easier to bear.’ A deep breath helped clear the huskiness from her throat as she pulled her even closer. ‘I was hating the prospect before and, I’ll admit it, I was beginning to hate Raoul, but perhaps there is a purpose to these events.’ Her heart swelled with overflowing love as she reached out to her face and gently turned it towards her. Peering deeply into those dark eyes, anxiously holding hers, the silken lashes lying like soft shadows on her delicate cheeks, she had been deeply stirred. She said sincerely, her voice a caress: ‘Without this, you may not have told of your love … and now I am free to say to you, I think I fell in love with you the moment I first saw you.’

Ten was totally focused on each word, dazzled by the revelation. In a ragged voice, words coming abruptly, Sid unburdened herself. ‘Every encounter since, has confirmed my feelings and made the love grow stronger. Even in the beginning, I felt we were right for each other. Everything about you enslaves me.’ Bright tears burned her eyes as she delivered little kisses to the vermilion lips.

‘Sid. Sid, my darling. I have felt your love, but I was too unsure of the meaning of a relationship with a woman. I was unable to come to terms with my feelings. It’s taken a long time to sort them out.’ She turned her head away. ‘You’re right. The prospect of this separation has acted as a catalyst, allowing me to focus my thoughts and feelings to a clarity I can recognize. I can see them for what they are.

‘Sid …’ she turned back to look at the girl, eyes burning with a brilliance so intense they grew enormous. ‘I do believe what I feel for you is more than transitory infatuation. What I feel for you is sincere. When we’re apart, I long to be with you … and when I am with you, I know it’s the right place for me.’ She rested her head again, but their bodies were beginning to suffer from cramped quarters. They shifted slightly.

‘I should go in; Mrs. Sandrelli, she notices everything.’ The look in her eyes reached out.

She knew Ten wanted her to take responsibility for their separation. She detached her arms from her, saying gruffly: ‘I’ll walk you to your door.’ Outside she took her hand as they proceeded up the path under a star dusted sky. At the steps she stopped.

‘This is the point of no return,’ she stated dramatically. ‘Although you’ll be away, you’ll be in my thoughts, constantly.’ She dropped her hand and reached into the back pocket of her shorts, drawing out a scrap of paper, which she handed over. ‘Here’s my address, should you have time to write.’ Ten didn’t look, too choked to do more than clutch the paper, once given.

‘It’s got matron’s phone number too,’ she added, watching the stricken expression taking hold of the face before her. She tried to give reassurance. ‘It’ll be OK. Right now we feel it’s all too much to handle, but you know, we will get through this. In a way, it could be good for us. Help us to back off a little; gain a more realistic perspective.’

‘What are you saying?’ she stepped away. ‘Why do you feel the need to back off?’ looking even more distressed, as fear slipped along her spine on feet of ice.

‘No, don’t get me wrong, Babe. I’m just trying to rationalize the situation so you can go do your thing, feeling everything is OK between us, that we understand each other,’ she interpreted hastily.

‘Oh, I see,’ sustained by Sid’s concerned strength.

She pulled Ten gently to her. They stood still like this, in the dark shadow of the big house, no movement between them, only the intense awareness of each other’s presence and the acute realization of how soon they would be apart. She drew back. ‘Go in now. I’ll be here on your return.’

Ten reached for keys, the tears glistening in her eyes sparkling like jewels, caught in the shafts of moonlight escaping between the branches. At this moment, with adoration in her eyes, Sid felt she would love this woman ’til her dying day. There could be no one else for her. Never had she been so moved. Everything about her spoke to her very soul. She embodied all the qualities. Qualities she had not thought to seek, but now appreciated. Never had she dreamed she would find these attributes wrapped in the one package. Was it too good to be true? Perhaps one day there would be a stark revelation to kill her joy, but she wouldn’t let herself go there.

Once more she brought Ten’s body close to hers, loathe to let her go. ‘I’ll miss you so much,’ she whispered, the words sounding inadequate. Ten clung to her, incapable of separating from this girl. Remorsefully, she wondered if she should be so selfish. It had seemed such an incredible opportunity at first proposal. She looked again at this dear face, the love easily visible in the moon’s pale beams.

‘Oh, Sid. I’ll miss you dreadfully.’ A little sob. ‘I know I’ll have a busy time, my days filled with activity and people, but all the while, deep in my heart, I will be longing to be back with you.’ She dashed away a tear. ‘It will be wonderful when we’re together again.’ She wanted to add: “And we can make plans,” but felt constrained, yet unsure of the nature of the restriction. Perhaps feeling Sid wasn’t ready for what she had in mind, despite her protestations?

‘Go now,’ Sid repeated. ‘I’ll be counting the days.’ She released her and turned away, not allowing the effort it cost to show. She walked to the driver’s side of the car, feeling hollow inside and turned just once, to look back. Ten stood where she had left her, staring, the expression no longer fathomable from this distance. She climbed aboard and started the motor knowing, in her heart, how deep and terrifying was the love she had for this woman.

Ten’s thoughts, as she stood so still, reluctant to break the spell, were following Sid, plunging after her, deep into the shadowy places of the night.

*   *   *

The women at work couldn’t understand Tenille. This was her last day in Toronto. She would be leaving on her trip tomorrow. What a fantastic experience. Even being paid for. Yet she didn’t look the least happy.

‘Are you okay?’ Alana inquired, always the most motherly.

‘Yes, of course. Why do you ask?’ Tenille puzzled.

‘Well … you fly out tomorrow evening and anyone would think you were going to a funeral. I wondered if you’d had some bad news.’

‘No, it’s all right. I’m just over tired I think. A bit stressed out too.’ She smiled at Alana, as if to prove the truth of her words, but it lacked conviction.

She’d not been able to sleep last night. When she had finally gotten to bed, although her body had been tired, her mind would not switch off. Thoughts had continued to whirl around like pony rides at the fair. Round and round, up and down. They had given her no peace. Sid-on-ie. Sid-on-ie. She had pictured her at the gym: on the diamond: in the car: when she had taken her out that very first time: talking to Reine and Thea.

Sidonie. How was she going to manage without her? Was she cut out to be a dancer? It would mean more travelling – out of the city, possibly out of Province. Would she prefer to be settled? Give up dreams of stardom? She smiled to herself at this. “Let’s not get too carried away, Ten,” she remonstrated, prosaically.

She would have to come to terms with these questions. Before, she had thought she would do just as her mother had anticipated – marry – settle down – have kids. Now this scenario looked most unlikely and, without the expected outcome, what did lie ahead for Tenille Fenech? Last night she had seen clearly she would have to make some decisions about her life. Perhaps this was a pivotal point in her maturation. All her life she had gone with the flow, not really analysing or giving critical weight to the proposals of others. Now she had reached a particular standing; what she did, what she thought, what she considered, was truly a reflection of her own consciousness. Was this one of the aspects of rejecting society’s view of what was ‘the norm’ and stepping outside the box? In her struggle to find direction, she wondered if lesbianism had more to it, in fact, than just loving another woman? Could it mean a different way of viewing the world, with its long established ethos?

A window opened slightly. Enlightening awareness peeped out. Before, she had not made value judgements from any other perspective than that of her parents’ middle class ethics. Judgements which simply endorsed those of the establishment. Well, from now on she would do her own thinking … Sidonie was her secret life. At last she had lost her innocence. She had been asleep. Now she was awake.

*   *   *

There was to be one more meeting with Raoul at the rehearsal rooms and he would be handing out tickets. Tenille and Devon would not be going to Belen’s, but that had all been squared away with her and she had wished them well. Just the participants on the tour would be there, with Amaia, looking only slightly pregnant at this stage. This was to be their last run through before leaving; a final look at the costumes and all the bits and pieces. Tenille’s new dress was absolutely gorgeous and she looked stunning. With the different color accents, she could dress it up or down; be sophisticated or cheeky.

Devon arrived soon after Tenille and was shocked by what she saw. Dark circles under her eyes, a look of strain about them. With her mouth in a tight line, all in all, she did not appear herself.

‘Good God Ten, what’s happened to you?’ was her abrupt greeting. ‘You’re not changing your mind are you?’ she enquired more solicitously.

‘No. Silly.’ Was she too quick in her denial? Devon didn’t notice.

‘Good.’ She asked no more, but it left Tenille believing she really must look awful. Maybe she was run down with all the stress of recent weeks.

‘Listen, mother’s driving me to the airport. I thought we could stop by your place and pick you up. I know the bus service from The Royal York is good, but I thought it would be more fun if we went together. Don’t you think?’ she encouraged her.

‘Yes, thanks Dev. I’d like that,’ with so much luggage, this was great. She had had to borrow a suitcase from Mrs. Sandrelli as it was. The prospect cheered her and left her feeling brighter. It would be all right.

Raoul was very hyped, now they were so close to the end. He watched critically and even Manuel was not exempt, although ostensibly under Stavros’ direction. Eventually he was satisfied, but he wanted one more time on Soleares. He felt Tenille was too static; needed to express more personal feeling. Her steps were correct, but they had lacked the Latin fire.

‘We try again,’ he commanded her. ‘Dance with me as if I am the only man in your life.’ His eyes bored into her.

‘Now …’ The music played and they became swept up in its rhythm and passion. This time she allowed it to flow into her and fill her being, putting her all into the sensuous tempi. She whirled and stomped, her body undulating in sinuous and erotic motion. She felt the power of the music and the power of her womanliness. The fire, and her rapture for Spanish music consumed her. She and Raoul circled and circled round and round, the others watching, spellbound. This was a performance indeed. Never had they seen them dance so evocatively. They were the perfect couple. Tenille’s hair, loosened from its confining pins, was in disarray, their bodies almost touching in sensuous intimacy. The onlookers were completely caught up in their dance of the age-old male attempt for domination, and the female desire to test the worthiness of her suitor.

It was the Bulerias … its tempo even faster and wilder, when suddenly Tenille cried out and dramatically fell to the ground. The music stopped. Manuel strangled his throat. Silence filled the room and Raoul looked on, stricken. What could have happened? Devon was the first to rush over.

‘Oh Ten, are you all right? What’s wrong?’ Concern flowed from her as Tenille looked up.

‘I don’t know, Dev. One moment I was dancing, the next I felt this bang in my leg.’ She shook her head in disbelief. ‘It was like someone kicked me at the back and down I went.’

Devon thought she sounded quite normal and certainly not in serious pain, but decided to check.

‘No. I don’t seem to hurt anywhere.’

‘Can you get up?’ Raoul asked.

‘Yes. Actually I’m fine. I don’t know what made me go down.’ He helped her to her feet, the others didn’t move, watching intently. As soon as she was on her feet, she realized there was something wrong. It was her left foot. She gasped, as realization took hold and she leaned heavily on Raoul’s arm. ‘Damn. Damn, damn.’

‘What is it?’ Devon was beginning to feel anxious. ‘Can you walk?’

‘No, not properly.’ Tenille’s medical training re-asserted itself. She recalled her rotation on Orthopaedics. She had encountered sports people with this. ‘I’ve severed my Achilles tendon.’

‘You’ve done what?’ Raoul cried out, bewildered, as he looked down at her.

‘You know the big fat tendon at the back of your ankle, above the heel,’ she explained. They all nodded, paying close attention. ‘Well, it’s let go, either partially or wholly. I don’t know which yet, but I do know this. It’s put paid to my dancing.’ She stood with Raoul and Devon, one on either side, giving support.

‘You won’t be able to dance?’ Raoul was stunned by the sudden news. They were all numb with shock.

‘For how long?’ Devon asked.

She pulled a woebegone face. ‘Let’s put it this way. The tour is off for me.’ Illogically, inside she was experiencing a sense of relief. From one viewpoint this accident was good … no question of leaving Toronto now. From another, the chance of a lifetime was about to be lost. So very mixed up, in the end it was impossible to decide what she felt, apart from aghast.

‘Okay everybody,’ Raoul ordered: ‘This is it for tonight. The tour is still on, but it will have to be minus Tenille. I’ll see if I can get a replacement. It’s short notice, but I’ll ask Janine. It’s worth a try and she’ll have no problem with documents.’ There were nods of agreement, but people were still reeling from the speed of the change of events. ‘Whatever happens, the tour isn’t cancelled so I’ll see you all at Pearson International, tomorrow night at six o’clock.’ They began to drift away. The drama was over and Tenille was not desperately ill.

Raoul turned to the women. ‘Can you two manage? Have you got your car, Devon?’

‘Yes. I’ll take care of her,’ she agreed as she sat Tenille down on the chair which someone had thoughtfully provided.

Raoul spoke directly to the seated woman.

‘This is such a bad thing to happen to you, Ten. I’m really sorry you’ll not be coming with us. You know I really had hopes for you and me, dancing together.’ He stared hard into her now troubled eyes. ‘Yes, I had big plans for you and me.’ He let go a deep sigh. ‘Spain, even.’ She gazed back at him thinking too, of her lost opportunities. It was a hard blow. ‘Our last dance together was magnificent,’ Raoul enthused. ‘You felt it too, didn’t you?’ He looked at her earnestly.

‘I did, Raoul. I felt it was our best yet,’ she acknowledged.

Now Raoul hunkered down in front of her and took her hands in his, holding them gently. ‘Can I see you when we get back? Will you be here or with your Mama?’ She looked into his excited, Spanish eyes and thought he had never looked more handsome than in this moment, on his knees, before her. But she was not for him.

‘I don’t know, Raoul.’ She could see the worry lines on his face, his black hair in boyish dishevelment from the dance, a lock falling unnoticed across his brow. His dark, heavily lashed eyes were seeming to bore into her, trying to communicate his innermost feelings at this eleventh hour, before they would leave each other.

“Another separation,” she thought sadly. Raoul had been very good to her and she appreciated all he had done. The encouragement: extra coaching: she owed him a great deal. She turned to the tall woman by her side.

‘Dev, will you get my purse please? I’ll give you both my mother’s phone number so if I’m in Lindsay when you get back you can call me and tell me all your news.’ Devon went off to do as requested, and then Raoul pulled up a chair. He put his arms around Tenille and clasped her to him. Muffled words floated to her as he spoke into her hair, still holding her tight.

‘I never told you this before, Tenille,’ the words hovered above her: ‘I thought we’d have time once we were away, but I really feel a lot for you and would very much like to continue our relationship, apart from the dancing.’ He pulled back now to ask: ‘Would you like that too?’ He tilted her chin towards him and she could feel an imminent kiss. She didn’t know what to say. This was the declaration she had feared and had tried so hard to avoid. “Devon, hurry up,” she prayed. She needed rescuing; what could be keeping her?

‘Raoul, I appreciate all you have done for me,’ she stalled. It was difficult talking with her chin pushed up like this. ‘Especially important to me was your belief in my ability.’ She looked back at him sincerely. ‘I guess you saw to my inner depths and could see the dancer who still, as yet, has not fully emerged.’ She was now able to turn her head away. She looked down at the floor. ‘For all these reasons, you are a very special person to me.’

He could feel the ‘but’ coming so took his hand away, although his eyes held their gaze. He wasn’t used to a rejection and his Latin temperament began to assert itself. He clenched his fists ’til the knuckles showed white. Then he cut across her words, harshly.

‘Carramba. Are you telling me you are not attracted to me?’ He jumped up and spun towards her on his heels, eyes blazing, darts of resentment shooting her way. In his frustration he lashed out, boiling to a white heat inside. ‘You lead a man on, then tell him NO. Well, you don’t mess with Raoul Losada like that.’ He was shouting now and jerked her up to her feet with one hand. She almost fell, but his grip was tight. His flaming anger built quickly to the flash point. ‘Lead me on, Bitch, would you? Dance with me like we just did. You whore.’ He grabbed her by the shoulders, squeezing so hard she whimpered. Both his anger and frustration erupted together as he pulled her roughly against him and crushed his mouth to hers. The salty, metallic taste of blood as his teeth cut her lip, but he didn’t care, losing control at a fast rate. He wanted her to suffer for her insolence. For being a cock-teaser and he had fallen for it.

‘Fucking cunt.’ She was almost bent double.

‘RAOUL?’ a voice called. ‘What are you doing?’ Devon ran into the room and tried to spin him away. She was shocked at what she had seen. The treatment had been brutal. But he was too strong, too mindless.

‘RAOUL,’ she commanded again. ‘Stop this, for god’s sake.’

This time the sound of her voice brought him to his senses. He released Tenille and stepped back, breathing heavily through flared nostrils. Regarding her coldly, eyes still smoldering he delivered himself of his final words. ‘This is goodbye. After your recovery, don’t try coming to me to get you back onto dancing feet. I’ll not be used a second time … I never want to see you again.’ With the completion of this parting shot, he strode out of the room, slamming the door. They looked at each other, stunned. Devon was the first to recover, although still dazed.

‘Sit Ten.’

She lowered her gently to the chair. ‘Your poor lip.’ She took her face in her hands and looked it over carefully. ‘Men are such bastards. No wonder we don’t like them,’ she observed cynically.

Tenille was taken by surprise, as Devon pulled up her chair. This opinion had never been expressed before. Was she changing?

‘What happened Ten? Can you talk about it?’

This time they were Devon’s arms around her. It was all becoming too much. She just wanted to get home; to be left alone to deal with this herself. Pulling away from the embrace, her reply came out sharper than she meant. ‘No. Drop it. Let’s go, okay?’

Devon looked down, taken aback by this rough response and let her arms fall. She had been sure Tenille would want comforting, but she too, was being rejected. Perhaps this woman was nothing more than a user, as Raoul had accused.

‘Yes,’ she said coldly, ‘I’ll help you to the car.’ She stood up and raised Tenille to her feet again, the pen and paper lying forgotten, on the seat beside them.

‘Oh Dev, I’m sorry.’ Tenille felt guilty over hurting her friend. ‘I don’t mean to take it out on you, I’m just in a state right now, please try to understand. So much has happened.’ Her dark eyes grew round with pleading. Devon could not hold out against such an appeal to her better nature.

‘No. It’s I who should say sorry … I wasn’t thinking and just being my usual selfish self.’ She took Tenille’s weight as she hopped to the top of the stairs. Getting down them wasn’t easy, so in the end she sat and went down, one stair at a time. Devon helped her to the sidewalk where she sat until her return with the car. Settling Tenille inside, she finished up by saying, ‘I’ll go get our things and be right back.’

As she disengaged the hand brake she enquired: ‘How does the ankle feel now?’

‘It’s really all right. I feel something of a fraud. But it’s for sure, I will need to get it fixed.’

‘Perhaps I should take you straight to the hospital, rather than home?’ Devon amended.

‘They may keep me, so I want to have the things I need … and certainly not go dressed like this.’ She looked down at her practise gear; tight, black leotard top with low, scooped neckline; apple green skirt. They’d think she was off the street.

‘Okay,’ she agreed. ‘Your place first and get you organized for the hospital.’ A cyclist forced her to jam on her brakes, shooting Tenille forward. This made her pay more attention to the road from there on. Eventually she asked where she wanted to go, suggesting the Toronto General Hospital, but Tenille opted for the O&A.

‘I’ll call in and see if they can take me. They specialize in this sort of thing so I’d rather go there. I know too much to settle for less than a specialist facility.’

Silence fell between them as Devon drove the rest of the way. She would be taking off tomorrow and wouldn’t see Tenille for two, maybe three weeks. She wouldn’t know where to get in touch with her on her return either, unless she got her parents’ number.

‘Will you still give me your mother’s number, in case you’re out there when I get back?’

‘Yes, of course.’ She remembered the last time Devon had been away and how desperately she had tried to be in touch with her. Now it was she who wanted to be sure to make contact. How situations can get turned around. She sighed.

‘Are you all right?’ Devon picked up on the mood.

‘Yes Dev, I’m okay. Don’t worry, there’s nothing wrong. I do appreciate your helping me like this. You’re a good friend.’ She turned and smiled at her. ‘You know that?’

Devon felt a warming glow suffuse through her body. Everything was going to be good between them, after all. Tenille was such a lovely person. She couldn’t bear for anything to go wrong now. When she came to think of it, she had known Tenille for getting on nine months and really, there had never been a time when she’d not shown herself to be a generous, kind-hearted person.

“Not like me,” she reflected, knowing herself to be selfish; ruthless even. Somehow Tenille managed to bring out the best in her. She liked thinking about someone else for a change. Especially someone so attractive and desirable. Finally, they pulled up outside the house. ‘Don’t worry about your gear, I’ll bring it in for you,’ she offered.

‘I don’t know how I’d manage without you, Dev,’ she replied with feeling. Devon smiled at such a positive response.

‘Here we go,’ she said, as she helped her from the car. She hopped up the walkway, then rummaged in her purse for keys. Inside, divesting herself of her dancing clothes she realized sadly, it would be a long time before she wore them again. Perhaps never. She shuddered at the prospect. She wouldn’t let herself go there. Sage counselling had always been: ‘Take it a day at a time.’

Devon came in with her things and set them down by the closet. Opening the doors, she asked what she would like to take.

‘Actually Devon, the stuff I need is more in that tallboy than the closet … clean underwear. I won’t take a nightie, they always provide a gown. She looked across at the other door. ‘My toiletries are in the bathroom.’

Devon rummaged through her personal effects, enjoying handling all her intimate apparel. Tenille favored ‘full brief’ panties, but they all featured lace and/or satin. Also, they were either black or white. “No colors,” she observed with interest. The same with her bras and they were mostly front fastening or crop-tops. Her body was responding to erotic thoughts at the sight of the lingerie. These unexpected treasures deserved a more self-indulgent lingering. Too bad. She didn’t often get a chance like this to pamper, not quite a fetish, but an intense turn-on all the same. She proceeded to the ensuite.

‘My toilet bag is in the vanity.’

Tenille was now lying stretched out on the bed, looking up at the ceiling. ‘Just tooth brush, etcetera – and moisturizer. I think that’s all I’ll need.’ She rolled over onto her side to face the washroom, as she spoke: ‘Maybe my shampoo. I shouldn’t be more than four to five days, if that. If there are no complications,’ she amended.

Devon returned to the main room with her things. ‘Now, what about street wear?’ Tenille had been stretched out in her terry robe. The medics would be sure to want to compare legs, so she figured shorts would probably be the way to go.

‘I’ve got some loose cotton ones in the closet and T-shirts in the middle drawer. A white one will do.’ She brought the clothes over to her and she slipped them on. Devon watched greedily.

‘Well, I guess that’s it,’ she declared. ‘I’ve got all the papers I need and money in my purse. Will you put my book, clock radio and toilet bag in the gym grip? It’s on the floor in the bottom of the closet. You can empty out the contents, if you wouldn’t mind.’ Mentioning the gym made her think of Sidonie. She would like to phone her, but she couldn’t call her at the track and leave the bald message … “going into hospital.” They may not even admit her tonight. No. It would be kinder to wait for more definite news. No need to set off alarm bells.

‘All ready.’ Devon called out, heart still racing, as she stowed the last of Tenille’s belongings into the grip.

Parking at the Orthopaedic and Arthritis Hospital was conveniently close and the lateness of the hour meant there wasn’t a run on hospital services. By now it was a quarter of eleven; reception quiet, almost empty.

‘I’ll wait for you,’ Devon promised, when Tenille was called.

Despite her confidence in her own diagnosis, there was some trepidation as she hopped to the cubicle, with the nurse’s assistance, to await the Resident’s examination. In fact he didn’t take long to confirm that indeed, she had sustained a total severance of the Tendo Calcaneus. It would require surgical repair and she would have to keep her weight off that leg for the time being. He could not confirm however, if she could have surgery the next day and went off to check the OR list for tomorrow. She waited alone, getting chillier and chillier in the strong air conditioning of Emergency, hoping her luck would be in and it would be soon.

This moment of respite allowed her thoughts to return to their last goodbye. Back then she had thought it was for a few weeks. Now, with this accident there need be no separation. The prospect of not seeing Sidonie had weighed heavily on her. Now that she was just a phone call away, she understood how crushing that weight had been. Above all, her changed circumstances crystallized to a sharp focus, as nothing else had, the fact that she was truly a special person in her life. Inside, deep in her heart, she believed if she could share her life with her, as in living together, this would be perfection. She was such a wonderful person. Her admiration was wide-ranging and, without doubt, there was a physical power that even during her infatuation with Devon, had been shockingly intense.

She took a deep breath, readjusting her position on the plinth. There was something about Sidonie she found utterly compelling. It felt so good in her company. Not like in the beginning when she had been unsure of herself, always wondering if she were doing the right, or even worse, the wrong thing. They just seemed to click. Their wavelengths coincided since they’d opened up their hearts. There was a confidence she’d not had before, since that night of lovemaking. She admitted that knowing how Sid felt about her; how attracted she was, let her ride the biggest high. Without her close, she missed that sense of being truly alive, right down to her fingertips and toes. Did she make her feel the same way? One day she must ask her how she made her feel, if …

The young Resident returned to interrupt her reverie, an apologetic smile playing about his lips. This woman has beguiling eyes, he admired to himself. “There’s probably some hunky dude enjoying her favors. Lucky devil.” Being a Resident he was stuck here all the hours God made. He coughed to clear the sudden roughness of his throat and began to explain that the repair could not be scheduled until Saturday, am. She would be admitted tomorrow afternoon and prepped the next morning for a noon op.

‘Will you be doing the repair, Dr. Jamieson?’ she had to ask, feeling a confidence in this doctor, despite his youthfulness. She wanted to know her fate lay in capable hands; one heard such stories of the wrong limb being operated on or worse, removed.

‘Gees. Not me.’ He was shocked. He’d only joined this Residency three weeks ago. ‘No. Dr. Suli will be the surgeon on duty this week end.’ He saw her face drop. ‘Don’t you worry, she’s very capable; years of experience.’ A woman surgeon? Yes. This was even better. She’d always liked the sincere and caring approach of women doctors. They seemed to have more time for details.

‘Thank you Dr. Jamieson. I’m not the least bit worried and am only anxious to get through the next stage of my life as quickly as possible. I know the non-weight bearing period will be awfully long and tedious.’

‘Yes. Well, it used to be about three months, but with the more sophisticated techniques at our disposal today, we’ve been able to shorten that quite considerably. If there are no complications, that is.’ He smiled once more, giving her the benefit of his boyish grin, he, for once, totally captivated by the direct, yet soft gaze which had been turned on him. He really would like to get to know this woman better. There was an indefinable difference about her. Almost as though she were talking to anybody and not a strapping, virile Scot like him. He was used to women responding to his maleness as much as his position, but this one appeared not to notice his physical appeal. She intrigued him; held mystery.

‘I’ll see you again, after surgery; just to check that all is going well,’ he promised himself as much as her. With this he gave her one more searching look then asked: ‘Do you have someone to take you home and bring you tomorrow?’

‘Yes, yes … I think so, thank you.’ She was thinking rapidly. Could she get hold of Sidonie to drive her over tomorrow? She finished work at noon, she knew that. But then she would take off for the day, not expecting to get a call from her this late.

Dr. Jamieson helped her out and the nurse took over. Devon jumped up as soon as she saw them and crossed to the desk. ‘So, what’s the story?’ she enquired anxiously.

Tenille pulled a face. ‘Not ’til Saturday.’ She had paperwork to complete before leaving. ‘I have to wait ’til tomorrow afternoon to be admitted.’

‘Still, that’s better than next week,’ Devon amended. ‘C’est la vie.’

Tenille shrugged and sighed. ‘Well, c’est ma vie, just now,’ she emphasized dolefully.

‘It’s home then?’

‘Yes, nothing to be done ’til tomorrow. I’ll have time to make phone calls and let my mom know I’m here and not with you guys.’

‘How will you manage tomorrow?’ Devon worried. ‘We take off in the early evening, but I could come by for you if I get time off work, which I’m pretty sure I can.’

Tenille had to turn her full attention to the nurse who was going through the procedure for admission. Devon stood and watched, lost in her own train of thought. She regretted she was going away and wouldn’t be in town for the next two weeks. Tenille would probably need someone to lean on and she would have liked it to be her. This would have been a chance to show her good side and perhaps get over the bad patch she’d been going through with her recently. Well, it wasn’t exactly a bad patch. She wasn’t like that. But to get close to her again. Now she supposed that other girl would be hanging about. She couldn’t see what she saw in her; so unsophisticated and quite lacking in feminine charms. Again she asked how she’d manage, keeping her voice as innocent as possible. ‘Have you got anyone who can help you while I’m gone?’

‘Oh yes, Dev. Mr. Sandrelli will probably run me over tomorrow. I know Mrs. S. won’t let me starve.’ She laughed. ‘Anyway, I’ve still got one good leg and I don’t want to inconvenience you any more than I have already.’

‘Ten, don’t say that. You know I’m only too happy to be able to help you, any way I can.’ Her voice took on a petulant tone as she added: ‘What are friends for if they can’t help out in a time of need.’ She didn’t want someone else muscling in. It should be her.

The nurse said: ‘Doctor has given you a prescription for pain in case you have trouble sleeping. Now I must measure you for crutches.’ Tenille wasn’t happy about this development but, of course, it had to be. Already her body felt tired from trying to keep her weight off the bad leg. She was shown how to use crutches, ordinary wooden ones.

‘After the operation,’ she explained, ‘the physiotherapist will show you how to use them in a variety of situations, since you’ll be on them for quite some …’

‘Yes, I know,’ Tenille interrupted, frustration making her impatient. She remembered learning to use them during her nurse’s training. At that time she had never thought to see the day she would be using them for real. It was almost midnight. As they drove back to the apartment Devon continued to quiz her about how she would manage, but she really couldn’t think everything through. Work would have to be informed … must fill her parents in on all the details, such as they were. It was too late for Sidonie.

Outside #226, Devon said: ‘Okay, I can tell you’ve had enough. How about I call you tomorrow from work and see how you’re doing. Does that sound like a good idea?’ She went into park.

‘Yes, that’s it, Dev. I’ll have a better handle on what’s happening by then.’ She lapsed into silence as Devon made busy collecting her gear.

Thoughts were spinning in her brain, the impact of the situation finally hitting hard; implications and ramifications beginning to loom enormous. As she looked for keys, she knew Mrs. Sandrelli would have to be told. She was expecting her to be gone … but not to the hospital.

‘I hate to leave you like this,’ Devon complained, ‘but I’ve still a fair bit to do before take off.’

‘Don’t worry about me. I’ll be fine. I’ll go to bed now and tomorrow will be soon enough to make all the necessary phone calls. Then I’ll be in the capable hands of the nursing staff.’ She tilted her head across to the tall woman who had closed up the closet and now was looking at her worriedly, where she lay. ‘You go on this tour Dev. Have a wonderful time.’ She dropped her voice and added, slowly: ‘I wish I were going too, but sometimes things are just not meant to be.’

Devon approached her and standing really close looked down into the sleepy depths of her eyes. ‘I’m sorry you won’t be with us too, Ten. I’ll miss you. I’d been looking forward to spending our days together … you know, like in the beginning.’ She stopped, but continued to stare at Tenille. The latter was surprised to see a flush rise to the pale cheeks and reached out to touch her. Instantly, Devon’s arms were around her and she felt herself assailed by the other woman’s tumultuous emotion. She wanted to draw away; she was being submerged in a wave of longing in which she had no part. It made her feel swamped; airless.

‘Dev … Dev, take it easy. We’ll see each other when you get back. Remember, I’m not going anywhere.’ She drew herself a little apart and looked at her friend genuinely. ‘Dev, I want to thank you so much for your help tonight. You know I couldn’t have managed without you. You’ll always have a special place in my heart.’ She took a deep breath: ‘Go now, it’s late. You still have lots to do. I’ll be fine.’ She gave a reassuring smile up into the concerned face. ‘Have a good trip. Come back and tell me all about it.’

Devon released her grip a little and leaned forward to brush her lips against Tenille’s. She knew she had to hold back on her feelings. Now was not the time to go over the top.

‘You’re right Ten. I hope your night will go well. No pain. I’ll call you.’ With that she opened the door and passed through. Tenille heard her footsteps springing lightly up the stairs and fade into a faint tapping down the hallway. Left alone she gave a wistful sigh. How Devon had changed. If only she had been like this over New Year’s. She sighed again. No, it wouldn’t have worked. She had been too much of an innocent then. She had needed Devon to help her mature and was a different person now. They could not have made a go of it, so really there was no point in regretting the past. She had enough to deal with in the present without mourning over lost love.

*   *   *

Tenille’s first telephone call was to work. They knew, of course she would be away for a while, but she had been expected into work that day. Phyllis was most solicitous and glad she wasn’t suffering.

‘So how long will you be off now?’ she wondered.

‘I’m not sure. But I have to have my leg up for a while and then be non-weight bearing on crutches for a few weeks. If you’ll let me hop around the store on them, I’ll return as soon as I’m able to manage. Unemployment insurance will cover me ’til then.

‘Don’t rush back too soon. I want you to take good care of yourself.’

The next call was to her mother. She’d not been looking forward to this. ‘Hi, Mom,’ she began, as brightly as possible: ‘It’s me.’

Doris had had a busy week with entertaining scheduled for that evening. Already feeling frazzled, (and God knew Alex would be no help at all), she didn’t appreciate this interruption.

‘What are you doing calling me this time of day?’

‘I know Mom, but I have something to tell you.’

Instantly, Doris was on the alert and premonition told her it would be news she’d not like. ‘What is it? Have you had an accident?’

‘Well, not as bad as that, but I do have to go into hospital for a few days.’

‘Oh, Tennie, what’s happened?’ Doris was now full of motherly concern.

‘It’s okay, really,’ she hastened to reassure her. ‘I’m not in a bad way or anything like that. It’s just that I’ve severed my Achilles tendon; the left one.’ Doris gasped. ‘I go in to have it repaired tomorrow. I’m being admitted this afternoon. That’s why I wanted to phone you this morning.’

‘Oh darling, are you all right? When did this happen?’

She could hear her mother’s voice becoming charged with emotion. She didn’t want her to break down; come rushing to her sick bed.

‘I’m fine, Mom. I feel a bit of a fraud. The worst part of all this will be the inconvenience. Not being able to walk for so long.’

‘Yes, of course, you’ll have to use crutches, won’t you?’ Doris thought rapidly. ‘You must come home after it’s done.’ She was moving into her organizational mode. Now she knew her daughter was not dangerously ill, she would enjoy shouldering her dependency. For a while she would have her darling little girl back, relying on her mother; appreciative and loving. The role of most significant person in her life would once more be hers. ‘I’ll get Dad to drive to Toronto and pick you up when you’re discharged. That should be …’

‘Now Mom, hold on,’ Tenille broke in. ‘You’re going too fast.’ This was going to be worse than the grieving mother. She could feel her gearing up, just like the old days; getting ready to take over her life. ‘Let me call you after it’s done and we can take it from there.’ She couldn’t resist saying: ‘I won’t be totally helpless you know.’

Her mother’s voice came down the line deflated. ‘You mean you’ll stay in Toronto, then?’

‘No, I’m not saying that. I’m just not sure yet, how things will be. It’s best to see how it all turns out and what the doctor will and will not let me do. Okay?’ she added, feeling guilty she’d upset her. ‘A day at a time, Mom. Okay?’

‘Yes, of course, you’re right darling. I’m just a bit stretched right now. We’re having the Kohlers over tonight and you know what a strain that husband of hers is. So hard to please. I have to do it though. We owe them.’ She switched back to her daughter’s concerns. ‘Will you get a phone in your room? Daddy will pay for it and then we can be in daily touch.’ This wasn’t really what she wanted, but going along with it would make her mother happy.

‘Yes, I’ll do that, then I’ll call you as soon as my head clears from the anaesthetic.’ She hung up pondering. It would be nice to have the phone … to talk to Sidonie on a regular basis. She couldn’t come downtown all the time. She would leave the message now, whilst she was still up. The foot was beginning to swell and she would have to lie down soon to elevate it. This call was quick and the supervisor of the Residence promised to put a note on her door before her return from the backstretch.

The list was almost complete, the last item being to inform Mrs. Sandrelli of the new developments. After a quick tap on the living room door, she hopped into the kitchen, sure she would find her there. Mrs. Sandrelli lived her life around food, one way or the other it seemed.

‘Sit down, Cara,’ Serafina smiled at her, not having observed her mode of entry. ‘Did you take the day off to get ready for your trip? Here’s a freshly brewed coffee.’ She turned and placed a steaming, glass mug before her and Tenille helped herself to milk from the carton. She thought idly how her mother would never allow this. Milk always had to be decanted into the creamer and consequently there was never enough.

‘No Mrs. Sandrelli, I’m not going on the tour.’ She took a sip of the hot brew, savoring the rich taste and let the information sink in. Serafina turned away from the counter and looked at her visitor incredulously.

‘Not going. What do you mean, not going? Why not?’

Tenille twisted around from the table to hold her leg in the air.

‘I’ve sev––, cut the tendon to my heel. I have to go into hospital this afternoon to have it sewed back together again.’

‘Oh, you poor bambina.’ She went over and put her arms around her shoulders. ‘What a disappointment for you,’ she soothed: ‘Did you cry? Does it hurt?’

‘The answer is no to both questions,’ she smiled up at her.

What a lovely daughter she would have made, Serafina thought, looking down at Tenille’s face; the open expression, the slight lift to the corners of her mouth as the smile wanted to break out into laughter.

‘It’s not as bad as that Mrs. Sandrelli. I am disappointed not to be part of the troupe. I was very much looking forward to it, but I also think that perhaps I was being pushed a little too fast. Perhaps this is for the best? I don’t know.’ She sighed deeply and looked down at her left foot. ‘Anyway, I’m resigned to my changed circs. and, thank goodness, have no real pain, at least, not at the moment. It’s more like an ache sometimes. That’s really because I’m not using my leg naturally and the muscles are getting tired.’

‘How brave you are, Tenille.’ Serafina hugged her again. She made her feel very much cared for. She really was fond of Mrs. Sandrelli.

‘I’m going to rest my leg now. I’m expecting a call about noon. Will you be here to let me know, if I can’t reach the phone fast enough?’

‘Yes Bambina. I’m home all day, today.’ A dark frown crossed her face. ‘How will you get to the hospital? Is it far? Can you take a taxi?’

‘That’s what the call is for. I think a friend of mine will come pick me up.’ With that, she pushed herself away from the table, thanking the older woman for the refreshment.

She appreciated the chance to stretch out on the bed and take time for herself. She had planned to read, but after all the events of the previous evening and her brittle sleep of the night before, it wasn’t long before the book dropped and she fell into a fitful dose. The next thing she knew, Mrs. Sandrelli was knocking at her door, telling her her friend was on the line. It was natural to jump up to rush to take the call, but once on her feet she remembered her ankle. From now on it must be hopping with the crutches. Grabbing them, she called out her thanks. At the phone she was breathless, not yet being adept in the use of crutches, especially on the stairs, needing to hold the rail and go very slowly. ‘Hidy.’

‘This is a surprise.’ She heard Sidonie’s voice in her ear, low and musical. ‘I didn’t expect to get a message from you for two weeks, at least. It’s a pleasant surprise I might add.’

It was wonderful to hear those slightly gruff tones again, but she couldn’t continue in this self-indulgence. ‘Sid, there’s been a change of plan – a change of my plan, that is.’ She took a deep breath and plunged on. ‘I have to go into hospital this afternoon.’

‘Tenille, what are you telling me?’ her consternation acute. ‘What’s happened?’ A stab of fear took possession of her, twisting her heart.

‘It’s okay. I’m not sick. It’s just that I’ve had an accident.’

‘An accident. Oh my God – you’re hurt.’

‘No Honey. Let me explain.’

After filling her in an all the details, she heard a sigh of relief from the other end of the line, but Sidonie was puzzled at Tenille’s apparent calmness. ‘You must feel dreadful about missing this wonderful opportunity with Los Flamencos,’ she observed: ‘But you’re not expressing it how I thought you would.’

‘I know Sid. I’m surprising myself,’ she sounded perplexed. ‘I’ve thought about it and I should be more racked, but really, I’m more happy I don’t have to go two or three weeks without seeing you.’ She let the words hover down the line as the silence between them lengthened. Sidonie felt her heart begin to thump against her chest as it began to sing. What she had wanted all along was happening. Tenille would rather give up this wonderful chance to further her dancing career, although the situation had been forced, than be apart from her. Surely this must be love. Oh, by all the stars in the night sky, she could never feel more happiness than this. Now she was absolutely sure of it. They were made for each other.

‘Stay right there, my lovely. I’m coining over. Together we’ll get you prepared for the hospital.’

Tenille laughed with joy at the happy sound in Sidonie’s voice as she began to plan what would be needed to be done. She could picture her face, flushed and excited at the prospect of their spending time together, her eyes bright with anticipation, when just moments before her thoughts must have been of separation.

‘Sid. Slow down. I’m ready for admission, but I would so like you to be with me. Is that okay?’ she enquired, tentatively, although in her heart she already knew the answer.

‘What a Dodo you are, Ten. “Is that okay”. I’ll not even bother to reply to that one.’ Laughter broke from her throat. ‘All right Precious, I’m on my way and … and Ten …’

‘Yes?’

‘I love you.’

Sidonie hung up and stood still, contemplating her plans for the day. She would phone Milka. No, later. She didn’t need to take up the time now. Better to grab some overnight gear. Who knew what would be going down in the next few days? She raced back to the dorm and went quickly round her room, selecting items at random and hoping that by the end she’d picked something of use. She really wasn’t thinking straight – that was a good one, but her heart was beating in her ears and she felt she could explode with happiness.

Driving settled her as she resisted the temptation to be her usual racy self. It would be too dreadful to have some sort of run in with the police or worse, land up in hospital herself. She was stopped at the lights. If Tenille wouldn’t be operated on until tomorrow, there was all the rest of today together. Green. She pulled away feeling ready to shout and holler and do a jig. Instead, she very politely slowed down and invited an older lady driver into her lane, receiving a pleasant smile of acknowledgment for her pains. She continued to drive automatically, her thoughts leading her at their whim. She marvelled at how ‘down’ she had been, feeling sorry for herself, alone and unloved. Now here she was, hastening to be with her wonderful Ten.

‘She is a 10, too. Great Goddess. I’m so lucky.’

It was nearly two o’clock by the time she arrived at #226. She had stopped to pick up some Quiche Lorraine and a double serving of Waldorf salad. Other people would turn up bearing flowers. Not she. Too practical. Still, she was sure Tenille would appreciate lunch. Time enough for flowers. She turned on the car radio and sat back enjoying a cut from the Deep Forest CD, BOHEME. This wasn’t her usual style of music, but today, everything was giving her pleasure and she liked its ethnicity. Next they played ANASTHASIA from the same CD. It was only short, but most enjoyable.

Traffic had been heavy along Bloor, but turning off into the quiet side roads, no one would guess this was a Friday afternoon with the heavy build up of weekend traffic. A lucky park, right out front. She felt her body so excited, her breasts taut against the T-shirt and the butterfly feelings, flitting around inside her pelvis as she walked up the path, would give her no peace. She knew desire was hot within her, but considered this would be the last thing Tenille needed.

It was Mrs. Sandrelli who responded to her knock. She told her she was expected and to go right down. She wasn’t sure what to say, but since she and the older woman had met on a few occasions now, some sort of exchange was in order.

‘I’ve brought lunch.’ She held up the bag.

‘Oh, good. Wait, uno momento,’ Serafina requested. ‘I cut up cantaloupe this morning. I give you a bowl to have for dessert.’ She disappeared and returned soon, bearing a plastic bowl covered in saran wrap. ‘Will you be taking Tenille to the hospital?’

‘Thank you. Yes, after we’ve eaten.’

‘Bene. Good. That much better than going by cab.’ They said goodbye, Serafina returning to her kitchen; Sidonie proceeding to Tenille’s quarters. She knocked gently on the door.

‘Come in Sid. It’s open,’ Tenille’s light, clear voice came floating through. Once inside, Sidonie rushed over to the bedside, dumping her gear as she ran. She knelt down and gathered Tenille’s hands in hers.

‘Darling. My darling. I’m so happy to be with you and so sorry you’re hurt. I feel guilty I’m pleased this has kept you in Toronto, when I should be commiserating that you’re not in Florida.’ She was kissing Tenille’s hands throughout this declaration all the while Tenille was looking ecstatically at her, feeling wonderful they were together again. With some tugging, pulling and manoeuvring, she managed to get her up onto the bed beside her. At last, with their bodies stretched out, they quietened down into dreamy contentment, holding each other close, hands gently caressing, murmured endearments soothing their stretched nerves and finally calming them.

Sidonie sat up and suggested Tenille tell her exactly what had happened whilst she prepared them a bite.

‘Sid, I’ve got very little in,’ she bemoaned in consternation. ‘I let stocks run down, you know, thinking I’d not need anything.’

‘Worry not, dear heart, you have Sid to the rescue. I bought us lunch,’ she declared, triumphantly.

‘Oh, you wonderful, thoughtful girl; kiss me again before you go.’ She reached up and pulled her back down.

‘All right. Just one,’ Sidonie replied with mock severity. ‘Otherwise we’ll run out of time … What time are you supposed to check in, anyway?’ extricating herself from clinging arms to head for the kitchenette.

Tenille watched her lithe body moving about in the confined space, reminding her of a caged animal; powerful energies scaled down, but capable of being unleashed. She loved feasting her eyes on this girl. The sunlight, pouring through the window above the sink, danced across the top of the fridge before sparking off her shimmering, golden head. Tenille’s fascination was endless. Sidonie turned around and caught her watching. She laughed aloud. ‘A penny for them.’

‘No.’ Tenille exclaimed perversely, ‘you’re too young and innocent.’

At that, she dropped the forks she’d been about to place next to the slices and made a running leap to the bed, landing heavily and making Tenille bounce on the mattress. She straddled her thighs with her knees and placing her hands on her shoulders began to shake her as she said: ‘What was that I heard? Too innocent did you say?’ She moved her hands down and began to tickle her ribs. Tenille was beginning to feel helpless with laughter. ‘And what do you know about it Miss Smart Ass?’ she growled.

This sudden release of energy directed at her, made Tenille’s body leap with stimulation. She was ready to surrender herself, but totally, to her assailant’s touch. Desire burned within her. She could feel her wetness and yearned for caresses; her passion wild. She reached up her arms to pull Sidonie down against her breasts, just as the girl, in one bound, leaped over the side of the bed, saying through her laughter: ‘Now look what you’ve made me do. Our coffee will be cold … you temptress. It must be something to do with seeing you lying here … on this bed.’

‘I’m tempting you.’ Tenille responded in mock indignation. ‘You’re the one parading your body in front of my eyes in those hip hugging, thigh revealing shorts … not to mention that suggestive T-shirt,’ she added archly.

‘My T-shirt, suggestive? You’ve got to be kidding,’ Sidonie corrected as she brought their lunch over on a tray to the night table.

‘You should see it from my vantage point,’ she teased. This made Sidonie stop dead and she knew her face had colored. She was embarrassed at this reference to her breasts, for although not large, they were very responsive where this woman was concerned.

Tenille, noticing the moment of discomfort, hastened to make amends. ‘Just funning you, Honey. Don’t get serious.’ She reached out and took her hand, pulling her gently to a sitting position. ‘What did you bring us? Show me.’ She stroked Sidonie’s back and was rewarded by seeing the bright lights return to her eyes, as she proudly set the tray before her.

‘The cantaloupe is courtesy of Mrs. S.’ She was back to her usual, carefree self. ‘She obviously wanted you to have a well-balanced meal.’ She collected the other pillow for Tenille’s lap. ‘Mrs. S. likes you a lot, doesn’t she?’ she observed as she began to dig her fork into the rich, eggy mixture. Being with Tenille had made her appetite for food disappear, but she needed to put up a good show, and she wanted her to stay in this happy mood. ‘Tell me all the details while we eat,’ she suggested. There was companionable ease between them, once more.

She caught Sidonie up on the events, except an account of Raoul’s heated and headstrong outburst.

‘I’m glad Devon was there to help, but I wish it could have been me,’ she lamented. Tenille’s eyes snapped up, surprised. ‘Sorry Babe. It’s just I want to be the one you turn to.’

‘You are the one,’ she told her earnestly, leaning forward to kiss the part she could most easily reach, which happened to be her tattoo. ‘You have a beautiful body,’ she observed, the words out before she really realized what she was saying.

‘Do you think so?’ she asked as she handed over the dessert.

‘No more, Sid, please. I’m about to burst as it is … and yes, I do. I began to admire it as long ago as your show at Yorkdale and I’ve continued ever since.’

‘You could turn a girl’s head with talk like that,’ she remarked lightly, enjoying the compliment nonetheless. ‘I know we could dally here all day but, we’ve places to go … things to do … and people to see.’

‘Who’s dallying?’ Tenille asked as she leaned forward and ran her hand lightly over Sidonie’s shoulder and down her arm, to drop more heavily onto her thigh.

‘Forward woman,’ she responded as, with exaggerated care, she picked up the straying hand and placed it on the bed. She regarded her intently, saying: ‘Things to do and I don’t mean those sorts of things.’

Tenille made a little pout as the dishes were gathered up.

‘I’ll wash these before we go. You don’t want to come back to mouldy plates. What about the fruit?’

‘Put it in one of my plastic containers Honey, and take it for you to eat tonight. I’ll just hop to the toilet, then I’m all set.’

It was nearly four o’clock by the time they got under way, but the hospital was reasonably close so it didn’t take long. She dropped Tenille off at the door, then went to find parking. On her return to the admissions section, she found her idly leafing through an old back issue of WHO magazine, which she chucked onto the pile as soon as she saw her.

‘Not an easy job,’ she observed, ‘judging by the length of time you’ve been gone.’

‘Not too bad. Just a bit of a stretch,’ plonking down beside her. ‘What do we do now, wait?’ she asked, placing the overnight bag on the floor between then.

‘Yes. The nurse reckons about twenty minutes, then it’ll be my turn.’

The waiting area was small, but there was only one other person so they could talk quietly together.

‘How do you feel about going under the knife, Ten? I must say, I hate hospitals and I’m sure I’d not be as calm as you,’ she confessed.

‘It’s not so dreadful. For one thing you’re asleep at the time and for another … I’m used to hospitals remember. I had a placement here one summer, just before my final year.’

Sidonie had been sitting and watching Tenille’s lips as she spoke, fascinated by their soft, curving lines. She could sit and listen to her talk all day. Tenille finished her explanation with: ‘ …So you see I don’t view the whole thing with great trepidation. It’s more an inconvenience than anything.’ She waited for Sidonie to respond, but since she remained silent, still looking at her, she felt impelled to ask if she’d been listening.

‘Oh yes,’ she replied hastily, jolted out of her contemplation of that desirable, beautiful mouth. ‘I was so listening,’ she defended herself.

‘Then tell me what I said,’ she challenged.

‘Er..r, you don’t feel badly about it,’ she hazarded.

‘Mm..m, I guess you pass,’ she laughed.

Sidonie reached out and placed her hand over Tenille’s. ‘Will you really be OK?’ searching her face for signs of trying to hide inner feelings, but as usual, there was no dissembling. ‘I’ll come visit you, as soon as they let me,’ she promised. A frown creased her brow and she ran nervous fingers through her hair in that way she had. ‘I wish I could phone you. I’ll be that worried not knowing how you are. I’m not next of kin, so the nursing staff won’t tell me anything. For all that you don’t consider there’s much to this repair, it’s still major surgery and you’ll be under the anaesthetic for quite some time,’ she worried.

‘You will be able to call me, Sid. My parents are renting me a phone. They offered a TV too.’ Sidonie’s face cleared at this news. ‘As soon as it’s put in I’ll leave a message at the track.’

The relief Sidonie experienced was short-lived as worry returned.

‘Don’t worry, darling, I’ll be fine. It’s not as though I’m really sick or anything, is it?’ she explained.

‘No..o, I guess not. But I can’t help it. I still don’t like it and I’ll be glad when it’s all over and we’re through to the other side.’ Her hand gripped Tenille’s tightly for a moment, then she released her grasp and sat back in the chair. Tenille felt sure all would be well, but Sidonie’s concern touched her deeply. Great Goddess. She loved this girl. So strong most times, but now feeling helpless and full of worry. It endeared her to her, even more. They sat silently, awaiting the inevitable, but the hands of the clock moved slowly. The waiting stretched on for almost an hour and they jumped when the receptionist’s voice called: ‘Miss Fenech?’ Tenille started up, grabbing her crutches. Sidonie picked up the grip and carried it to the desk.

‘Would you please complete this form, it’s just to list the possessions you’re bringing in with you. The porter is on his way.’ Tenille turned to Sidonie and smiled. ‘Thank you for waiting with me. I’ll call you as soon as I can.’

A little secret look crossed her face as she added: ‘ …And thank you for lunch.’

She put down the bag and leaned over to give her a light, goodbye kiss, on the cheek. ‘I’ll be thinking of you,’ was all she said, as she turned away and made for the exit.

Tenille stood, standing on one leg, looking at the door through which she’d gone, suddenly feeling terribly alone and not nearly as brave as when they’d been sitting close together, her hand warm on hers, giving comfort and support.

‘Don’t forget to sign it,’ the receptionist reminded her, as she was about to put down the pen.

‘Yes, of course.’

The porter arrived with the wheelchair. They would be off to the second floor of the old wing and to her new lodgings for the duration. With her belongings in her lap and the crutches propped across the chair from footplate to back, she was on her way to give up all control over her body; to relinquish her autonomy to hands she hoped would be competent and caring.