CHAPTER 12

‘Sid, is there a problem? I’ve been that worried since I got Kirsten’s call. It was all I could do to wait ’til two o’clock.’

Sidonie could hear the worry in her voice. As it had worked out she’d gotten to the apartment earlier than expected and had also found it hard to wait out the time. After too much coffee, a track had been paced in the carpet and even the tennis had failed to distract her.

‘Relax, Honey,’ she soothed, ‘there’s nothing wrong.’ She tucked her legs up more comfortably. ‘Gee, it’s good to hear you. How’ve you been?’ Her deep voice made Tenille ache inside.

‘Missing you terribly. Sid, I’m hating being here. There’s so much tension in this house. Dad’s been great, but he’s at work all day … and mom and I … well, we just can’t get along.’

‘Yeah … I know Babe. It’s tough when someone important in your life can’t understand where you’re coming from,’ she commiserated. ‘But listen, I think I’ve got good news.’

‘Sid, you’ve found somewhere,’ Tenille guessed.

‘Darling, I hope.’ She drew a deep breath and did her best to describe the situation. ‘It’s not the greatest, but the best news is … we can move in as soon as we like. I’m sorry about the stairs though. They are quite steep.’

‘Oh Sid, this is wonderful.’ Her heart raced with excitement. ‘The stairs are nothing. My love,’ she rushed on: ‘I don’t care if it’s not perfect. If we can be together, then it is perfect for me.’

‘OK, OK.’ Sid laughed. Goddess Sophia. It was so good to be in contact again. ‘We have to be sensible too,’ she reminded her soberly. ‘Can we afford $400:00 a month? Do you have savings to carry you through until you’re working again?’ She changed her position, rolling onto her back and stretching her legs over the end of the arm. ‘I make good money at the track, but if I get into Guelph I’ll only be on a student’s stipend.’

‘Oh yes Sid, you’re right, we wouldn’t want to get in over our heads. I’ll be fine once I’m earning again. I could carry that rent myself, so if you can take the lion’s share now and help with a percentage later, we’ll be cooking.’ Ten thought some more. She hesitated. ‘Until I’m back though, I don’t have much put by. The doctor said I should be partial weight-bearing by the beginning of next month, so come September, work should be on the cards.’ She wondered if Phyllis might object to a staff member on crutches – in a shoe store?

‘Talk to her, see what she has to say. You never know. Do you get along with her? Do you think you can get her on side?’

‘We rub along, I guess, but I’m not sure how co-operative she’ll be.’ A tentative demur.

‘Well Honey …’ Sid tried to get back on track, ‘ …do you think we should wait ’til you speak to her before deciding on the apartment?’ Tenille noticed the let down in her voice, she must be really keen. ‘I’ll call her, then I’ll call you back,’ she suggested.

‘Cool. I’ll keep my fingers crossed,’ she promised.

‘You’d really like to move into this place?’ She pressed for confirmation.

‘I guess now I’ve gotten this far along, I’m ready to go all the way, as they say.’ She threw her head back, laughing at the double entendre. The sound was so infectious, Tenille found herself joining in. She knew they would be each other’s inspiration. ‘We’ll do that too, in our new home,’ Sid delivered through happy breaths.

‘Let me go now and I’ll call you back.’

‘Right-oh, talk to you soon.’

Sid didn’t know what to do with herself whilst she waited, but settled for looking through the CD collection and playing some old favorites. She found a Linda Rhonstadt ‘Best Of’ and listened to HEARTBEAT ACCELERATING. How she loved that voice, and the lyrics simply melted her. Lost in reverie, the phone’s chirruping gave her a start..

‘Good news,’ Tenille’s voice came down the line. ‘Phyllis is prepared to have me whenever I’m ready. Next month is the start of the store’s busy period.’ There was joy in her words. ‘So yes, go visit Moira and Rani and see what you can arrange.’

‘Oh Honey,’ she let out a deep sigh of relief: ‘I’m that happy right now, I could leap over the moon. I can hardly believe it.’ She jumped up. ‘I’ll stop by this evening. I’m sure you’ll like them. They seem to be your sort.’

‘What do you mean, ‘my sort’?’ She asked in a teasing voice.

‘Oh you know, professional, well educated, softly spoken. Ten, you know what I mean. Stop being a shit ass.’ Ebullience flowed from her as she hung up, a smile playing on her lips. A quick flick to the wrist for a time check – half past three. Too keyed up to hang about in the apartment, she headed off to the gym located in the basement level of the building grabbing her grip on the way. She need only sign herself in under Reine’s number. It was deserted.

Feeling good to be going through her workout regime, she realized how mixed up everything had gotten lately. Now things were about to change again. “Oh well …“ she thought philosophically, “ …that’s life. We don’t just stand still, if there’s one thing we can be sure of, it’s the fact of change itself.” She moved onto the cable crossover and began with shoulders, proceeded downward and finished on the hip abductors and adductors. Finally it was the long crossbar for preacher curls.

Unobserved by Sidonie, a resident had slipped in and started working. He looked middle aged, but fit, his body well toned. He had noticed the quality of Sidonie’s movements and the amount of her weights and been impressed. As she began her final stretchings on the mat, he strolled over to her and began to make conversation. She was not pleased. She had been enjoying her privacy, her own thoughts and this guy seemed to think she’d like his attention. Well, she didn’t. Instead of responding to his questions she got up and simply looked at him squarely for a moment, then said, curtly: ‘I’m off.’ She left him looking after her, dumbstruck, wandering what the hell he’d done. Such a cut. He’d always fancied himself as a sharp mover.

‘Well, who the fuck does she think she is, anyway?’ he grumbled, moving over to the treadmill.

Sidonie regained her composure in the pool where she put in some heavy laps, six sets of time trials, going all out. The afterglow did wonders for her mood. She checked her watch again. Time had flown; back to the apartment to make the call. She was in luck. Moira answered and she identified herself.

‘I’ve spoken to my friend and she’s definitely interested. Er..r I wonder,’ she paused, unsure of the best way to proceed, ‘ …if you’re home tonight, could I drop by?’ She suddenly had a chilling thought. ‘The apartment is still available, isn’t it?’

It seemed like a long wait before the reply came. ‘Yes, yes … it is.’ Moira stopped then started again. ‘We would have liked to meet the other possible tenant before making any final decisions. It would be best, don’t you agree?’ She spoke as though there would be no dissension. Hardly a question at all. Sidonie’s heart sank. Obviously, not certain enough about her.

‘Well, that’s difficult,’ she temporised. ‘She’s currently staying at her parents’ in Lindsay. If this play for the apartment went through then I was going up there to collect her. If not, then of course there’d be no reason for her to come down to Toronto.’ She was beginning to feel a little annoyed. How much did these women expect? The apartment wasn’t that fantastic … and they wouldn’t be running off with that furniture, it was only Crippled Civilians stuff, anyway. “Calm down,” she told herself. “Of course they want to be sure they’re not landing themselves with a busload of headaches.”

‘Well, come round. We’ll get a little more information on both sides.’ She was just replacing the receiver as Thea let herself in, giving her a big hug and asking: ‘How’s tricks?’

She held out her hand, palm down and a quick shake.

‘I’m just about to plug in the kettle,’ Thea told her. ‘Want one or do you have already?’

‘Thanks, Thea, but I’ve got to go see the people again.’

‘Anything wrong?’ sensing some of her dejection.

‘Not really … I hope. It’s just they’d like to meet Tenille. It’s a tricky one. If I collect her and bring her down and we don’t get the apartment, then she’ll have made the trek for nothing and I’ll have to take her back.’ She sighed. ‘She’s not happy up there, so if this doesn’t work out … her having to return to her parents’ place would really be the pits.’

‘Yes, I can see,’ Thea said slowly. She began moving about the kitchen, putting away her shopping. She thought on the problem while the girl stood, staring wistfully out the window seeing, but not seeing, the dynamic skyline. Such an engaging city, but its attractiveness was lost to her just now.

‘Sid, how much is Ten getting around?’ she joined her at the balcony. ‘I’m thinking, if this apartment were not to work out, well, she could still stay at her bachelor pad. We can help with shopping and the like. You finish work about mid-day, so you’d be able to give a hand.’

Sidonie’s face cleared. This reminded her of the original plan. Even on the phone she’d said how independent she was now. She put her arms round her friend and gave her a loving squeeze. Thea had that rotund figure which invited hugs. Best of all, she could be demonstrative with her and never have to fear the warmth of her affections would be misconstrued.

‘You genius woman. That’s it. If we don’t make it then we have your plan, PLAN B, to fall back on.’

Thea laughed. This was more like her Sunbeam. ‘After your appointment come for dinner and you can fill us in on what eventuates,’ she suggested, encouragingly.

Rani was also home when Sidonie arrived. They offered coffee, but she refused. The upshot of the meeting was that Sidonie would return on the weekend with her friend. A decision would be made then.

Deciding not to take Thea up on her offer she made for the track and an early night. She could be in for a lot of driving tomorrow if everything went according to plan, but they were both invited, Saturday.

*   *   *

Sidonie got away on her coffee break at about nine-thirty and went to the public phone, located off to one side of the backstretch canteen. At that time of day it was jumping. Men on early break were leaving just as those on late arrived, all catching up on the daily racing news. They regularly placed bets, not necessarily on the horses in their stable but, just like ordinary punters, on their favorites. Inside the kiosk it was still noisy with the men’s shouts and laughter. This was her call to Kirsten, at home with Shania. Could she deliver a message to Tenille?

Once having committed herself, Sidonie was impatient with everything. Any extra chore only added to her tension. She wanted the time to fly. It was a long way to Lindsay, but she wouldn’t notice the distance. Not with Tenille at it’s end.

Quitting time finally arrived and although she’d had to muck out two stalls today, not usually part of her duties, she’d been able to get done with time to spare. Jogging back to her room, she thought how wonderful it will be when there’s no more need to make arrangements like this; being forced to watch the clock with such exactness. Living at the Residence was really getting to her. It had been acceptable in the beginning, but life had been different then.

Twelve-thirty, Tenille was spot on time.

‘Hi darling,’ were the first words she heard. Tenille’s voice, light and clear with that touch of excited expectation, had a slightly breathy sound. ‘How are you?’

‘All the better for hearing you,’ she responded brightly, her body tingling. ‘Listen Sugar …’ she rushed on, ‘ …can you be packed and ready to leave by say … at what, three o’clock? The owners of this apartment want to meet you before they’ll give the final OK. I know it’s a lot to ask at short notice …’ her voice trailed away.

‘Sid, it’s fine,’ she assured her. ‘I don’t have that much here. It will be more the shock to my parents that will be the difficulty.’ She paused, but Sidonie did not interject. ‘More warning would probably have been easier, but I think harder on me having to live through the days of my mother’s reproachful looks. At least this way it will be like a surgical strike, as they say. I can call them later; that will give them time to calm down. Sid …’ Tenille stopped abruptly, ‘ …what if it doesn’t work out?’ Doubt audibly clouded her voice.

‘It’s OK Ten, Thea thought of that too. You can manage stairs now, so if you return to #226, I can look after you and she’s offered to help with shopping, etc. What do you say to that?’ She was willing her to find this alternative acceptable. She so wanted her back in Toronto.

‘Oh, yes,’ came the reply down the wire. ‘I’m heaps better.’

‘That’s my girl,’ she approved. ‘I’ll get organized and see you about three.’

She had to get active; begin the steps that would bring her toward her goal. “Get moving,” she admonished herself. “You should be on your way by one.” She showered and changed into her ‘What Part Of NO’ T-shirt, wanting to be comfortable and packed a collarless blue denim long sleeved shirt with patch pockets, to change into before meeting Moira and Rani. Blue jeans and clean joggers, not the old grungy pair. Thinking ahead, she should fill up with gas at the Rexdale Petrocan. They were usually quick and checked the oil too.

With a light, bright heart and a feeling of happy anticipation, she was on her way, even taking time to enjoy the beauty of the sky which was of the palest blue and white, ensuring a fine, hot day. Swirling wind gusts were whipping the silvered clouds into a dancing millrace across the vast canopy above the dales, exactly suiting her mood.

The pastures were enchanting; the crops ripening to fall colors, the trees still lush and green after all the months of waiting as bare skeletons. She pondered on what the cattle beasts thought, as their eyes followed the passing car. Did they ever wonder about the strange animal, always whizzing by, never stopping to graze?

She actually made Lindsay in under the ninety minutes. With time to kill it was necessary to decide between going straight there, or stopping for a coffee and doughnut at Tim Horton’s. She didn’t want to risk turning up too soon; confronting Mrs. Fenech. She opted to wait, but took her refreshment over to the park, biding her time observing the little kids playing Frisbee. So much energy; running and jumping everywhere. Those chubby legs just growing and getting stronger by the day. Of course, they also sleep long hours too, she reminded herself.

When next she checked her watch, it was just on three o’clock. Now she was going to be late. Damn. As she pulled up opposite the front walkway, the door opened and Mr. Fenech came out with Tenille’s suitcase, followed by her. Sidonie’s heart missed a beat and her hands were suddenly clammy on the steering wheel. Tenille descended the steps expertly, her smile radiant with eagerness. She thought her face looked a little thinner and she was pallid, but there was no mistaking her happiness. Sidonie resolved that at the first opportunity she would pull over. With heart pounding erratically, body movements jerky, she accepted the luggage from Mr. Fenech.

‘Hello Sidonie,’ he called out to her.

‘Hi there.’

On the exchange he declared: ‘Tennie told me the plan. I think it’s best for all concerned.’

‘Thank you, Mr. Fenech.’ Her words were brief but heart-felt. ‘I’m sure Tenille will let you know how it works out,’ she added. She went to the passenger side to open the door for her. All she said was: ‘Hidy,’ her throat too constricted for more.

Tenille, for her part simply looked at her, drinking in every detail of face and form, as one parched before a well. She neatly swapped the crutches over to her right hand and reached down to the seat with her left, to lower herself between the two and easily swung her legs up into the car. Sidonie set the crutches into the back.

Alex came round to say goodbye. ‘Take care of yourself won’t you, Tennie,’ he cautioned.

‘I’ll call you as soon as we’re settled, Dad. And don’t worry, I’ll be fine.’ She had wanted to add: “Now that I have Sid to care for me,” but thought better of it. She didn’t want to appear to be casting aspersions on her parents’ abilities, although her dad probably wouldn’t take it that way.

Sidonie returned to her side of the car and thought fleetingly: “Like my side of the bed.” Since this got her hot and flustered, she reckoned she should concentrate on the driving and give her body time to get itself under control.

Easing out into the flow of traffic on Kent Street, she headed south towards Highway #115. So acutely aware of each other, they became tongue-tied. It wasn’t until the 401, that Tenille broke the silence by asking if they were going straight to the apartment.

“So much for my stopping,” Sidonie laughed to herself, still feeling that sweet, sweet longing as she looked at the woman beside her. ‘Yes,’ she acknowledged. ‘I thought it best you get to meet each other … so we’d know where we stand. Is that OK with you?’ She didn’t turn to look, her body was doing all sorts of crazy things today and she didn’t want the uncontrollable shaking to start.

‘Afterwards we’re invited to Thea’s for dinner, but we can stop at Mrs. Sandrelli’s too, if you want to see her.’

‘Yes, that would be nice. I’d like that,’ she replied briefly as her eyes feasted on the rippling muscles of her arms as she drove, weaving in and out the traffic fast, but always safe. Would they be able to be together tonight? she wondered. How her longing consumed her. She lived for this girl. She would never tell her; it could be burdensome. Every waking moment had been filled with thoughts of her; remembered times together, even those innocent days at the gym. Now they were side by side and they hardly spoke, but the electricity was there. It would take only one touch to open the floodgate. There was so much to make up for; then they would talk.

*   *   *

Close to five o’clock Sidonie pulled up outside the house on Robina. She cut the motor and turned to Tenille. ‘This is it Honey, #39.’

She scrutinized the facade closely. It looked well cared for and she liked what she’d seen of the neighborhood. Sidonie jumped out and was collecting the crutches as the front door opened, Moira standing there, casually dressed in shorts and open necked shirt. Both garments were large and ballooning to accommodate her rotund figure.

‘Come in both of you. Rani and I have been keeping a lookout.’ She showed them into the same room Sidonie had first seen. Rani, seated on one of the uncomfortable chairs, looked regal in a flowing sari of crimson and gold, idly turning the pages of a magazine. She threw it onto the side table. A glossy fashion review, it seemed, as she caught an upside down glimpse.

Moira made the introductions and the three shook hands. ‘I’ll take you to the apartment,’ she said, brusque as ever. The stairs were steep, but Tenille negotiated them well. She wasn’t impressed with what she saw, but for their own space and privacy, she was prepared to accept anything. The kitchen and bathroom really were a letdown. Only one closet in the bedroom and nowhere to eat. It should be possible to find something second-hand, she surmised. Otherwise the scale of the rooms and the large windows were pleasing.

Returning downstairs the rich aroma of freshly brewed coffee assailed them. “They must have a routine going here,” Sidonie mused. This was just like last time. Here was Act II, Scene I, enter next prospective tenant. ‘Would you like coffee? Or we have lime cordial,’ Rani offered. Tenille accepted the coffee; Sidonie opted for juice.

‘What did you do to your leg?’ Moira enquired, trying to get the measure of Tenille by encouraging her to talk. She explained the circumstances of the accident in brief and both women appeared to respond favorably to her conversation. Then she asked: ‘And you Rani. Do you dance?’

This took her by surprise, but she was happy to tell her that no, she didn’t, but she enjoyed listening to Indian music. Her culture was very important to her. She belonged to the Overseas Club at the University.

‘We have a drop-in centre where they feature a guest speaker or performer on a regular basis.’

Tenille then turned to Moira and smiled. ‘Have you ever been to one of these evenings?’

What was Tenille doing? Sidonie wondered. She threw her a questioning look. It was like she was interviewing them. “Don’t put their backs up, Honey,” she prayed. But far from being upsetting, they seemed quite at ease, this meeting being more successful than hers, she realized. The exchanges back and forth moved easily. Tenille seemed to have a facility that she lacked. By the time they’d finished their beverages the three of them were chatting and laughing and Sidonie felt left out. No matter. If it scored them the apartment, it was all to the good.

Moira returned to the business at hand and moved on to introduce the possibly contentious issue of rent.

‘Have you thought any more about this, Sidonie?’

At last she was being included. ‘Yes. We’ve discussed it and we feel we can carry it all right,’ she affirmed. ‘In fact we feel you are being quite generous to us and we appreciate it.’

Rani and Moira beamed at this acknowledgment.

‘We have a standard landlord and tenant lease here. Will you look it over and sign, if everything meets with your satisfaction?’ She handed the sheaf of papers over to Sidonie, who proceeded to share them with Tenille. No great dramas. Just one month’s rent in advance and to pay for any damage occurring to walls, floor or appliances.

‘Will you give us a moment to talk together?’ Sidonie asked.

‘Of course.’ Moira waved her hand.

‘We’ll just go look at the garden Tenille hasn’t seen the back.’

‘Yes. By all means,’ she agreed.

She took Tenille out through the front and round to the side, passing by their entrance to go through the gate now ahead of them. Tenille liked the yard and exclaimed her pleasure.

‘We would have the use of this space too,’ Sidonie elaborated. She looked about her. ‘There’s a BBQ grill somewhere.’ She turned to Tenille. ‘Well, what do you think?’ her enquiry tentative. She knew she wanted it, but didn’t want to be too forceful.

‘Well, I’ll be honest with you Sid,’ she looked back at her. ‘I don’t think the apartment is all that great but …’ she held up her hand to stem any argument, ‘ …but,’ she continued, ‘ …there are mitigating circumstances.’ Sidonie’s eyes met hers.

‘1: I like the people. 2: I like the neighborhood. 3: If we take it, we can be together, real soon. And that’s the best argument of all, don’t you agree?’

‘Oh Ten, are you saying ‘yes’?’ Sidonie rushed in jubilantly.

‘Yes darling,’ she replied with a smile. ‘In fact I’m saying ‘yes’ to a lot more than the apartment.’ She moved closer and looked deeply into her eyes, her face solemn. ‘I want to be with you, Sid. I want us to be together, alone. To feel safe from prying eyes; to be able to turn the key and know that our space is inviolate.’ She continued to look steadily at Sidonie, but here was no smiling countenance. The solemnity of the moment added years to her demeanor. The thought intruded … this is how Tenille will appear as time takes its inevitable toll on her beautiful face. A depth of character would be added to its beauty and she felt the impact, experiencing a propitious tightening under the ribs. This scene would be remembered in every detail, down to the scent of the wild thyme growing in the herb garden and the hum of the honey sucker’s wings, as it hovered intently before a gladiolus trumpet. These imprints would remain ’til her dying day. She took Tenille’s left hand in hers and placed her right over it, the gravity of the sequence made her eyes glisten.

‘With your hand in mine, I pledge to give you my loyalty, my faithfulness … and my love, for as long as you desire them.’ Sidonie’s face had taken on an aspect of profound earnestness, testament to the seriousness of this proceeding. These were no light words but, intoned with solemnity, whilst standing in the centre of the lawn, were spoken from the heart. Here was an intermission of emotional transcendence. It had come suddenly, in the midst of making a working decision; to rent or not to rent. Standing in the broken sunlight, passing through the shadowy leaves of tall shrubs, they had embarked upon vows of love and dedication. They would have anticipated making them at some special restaurant, over candlelight and wine, certainly not at six o’clock on a Saturday afternoon, jaded and travel-weary.

Tenille said nothing, too moved to articulate coherent thoughts. Instead, she looked down and extricated her hand to retrieve her crutch. “Not even sealed with a kiss,” she thought in passing, as they returned to Moira and Rani.

Sidonie spoke for them both. ‘Where do I sign?’

‘Oh, we’re so glad,’ Rani poured forth her pleasure. ‘We were really getting desperate. We do so want people living upstairs and you are both so nice.’

Sidonie was happy to hear this. She had thought them critical people and that nothing would be satisfactory.

‘As I mentioned before,’ Moira reminded them: ‘You can move in any time.’

‘Thank you,’ Sidonie said. ‘What about next Saturday?’ She faced Tenille. ‘How much notice do you need to give Mrs S.?’

‘Just a week would be acceptable to her I think. Yes, so Saturday should be fine.’

Rani beamed. ‘That’s settled then.’ She looked at them in turn. ‘Would you like another drink?’

‘No thanks, Rani. We must get over to Tenille’s place and get everything squared away with her landlady. Thank you anyway,’ Sidonie finished.

Back in the car they just sat and looked at each other then … ‘We’ve got it and we’ve done it.’ Sidonie reached for her hand and Tenille clasped it eagerly, taking some calming breaths, slow and deep before continuing. ‘This will be the start of a new life for us Sid, won’t it?’ she prophesied.

‘Yes,’ Sidonie agreed, overwhelmed and joyful at the same time. Everything was beginning to take shape. Could she believe it? ‘Let’s start it right away by going to Mrs. Sandrelli’s and then celebrate tonight at Thea and Reine’s.’

‘Yes. I’ll be with you on that,’ she said in buoyant concurrence. They regarded each other a moment longer. To kiss now would have been perfect pleasure. Their own private space was secured. This was a public space, so to wait a little longer was not beyond them.

‘Right,’ Sidonie said decisively. ‘Mrs. Sandrelli’s it is.’

Dusk gathered quickly, with the lights of the city springing up in ever more rapid succession. When Serafina heard the news she was happy for Tenille, but felt sorrow at losing her.

‘Perhaps you will drop by to visit, sometime?’ She smiled as she spoke, plump cheeks dimpling in a way that made Tenille resolve she would definitely be back.

When she looked around her room, seeing it through eyes detached by distance, she realized that despite her efforts to impart warmth and individuality, it still looked like a motel. She had very much appreciated finding #226, but she wouldn’t be sorry to leave. She glanced across at Sid, busy in the kitchen making them coffees and marvelled how things had turned out. Was it only five months since they’d first met? She was preparing to share herself with this woman, still a girl really. Her life, her hopes and her dreams. She smiled to herself for a fleetingly warm second. What a step. No – what a plunge.

‘Here you are my Sunshine. Your coffee, just as you like it … and no sugar ‘cause you’re already sweet enough.’ It was a hackneyed saying, but their mutual beguilement was intoxicating. She beamed down into Tenille’s eyes, brimming with wellbeing and contentment. How she filled up her empty spaces. Her true and most intimate self was centred with her.

Taking the mug, Tenille asked, with a sudden change of mood: ‘Sid, did you know they say the gods are jealous when they see people enjoying too much happiness?’ Her eyes, no longer sparkling, held hers.

‘Do you mean us, darling? And that now we’re in for a crash?’ Sidonie squatted down beside her chair.

‘It’s said they will find punishments for those who glory in their love. Are you not a little afraid?’ she pressed, impelled by fear.

‘That something will happen to make us unhappy?’ she raised her eyebrows in enquiry. ‘No..o. I’m not afraid. If I were to be afraid, I wouldn’t venture into the world to take my chances.’ She looked serious. ‘So long as you have no regrets, then take courage in both hands; be prepared to meet what lies ahead. Don’t go thinking bad thoughts, Precious. There’s nothing hovering anywhere near our horizon to mar our contentment.’ She stopped suddenly, her brows narrowing, then asked sharply: ‘You’re not having second thoughts, are you?’ her ice blue eyes drilling into her.

Tenille stroked her soft, blonde hair, reflecting light, like so many laser beams, in the glow from the bedside lamp. ‘No, I’ve no second thoughts, my love,’ she murmured gently. ‘I did a lot of thinking back there in Lindsay. I don’t need to think more. I need to live … and especially no regrets.’ She paused for a moment and took another sip from her cup. ‘Except perhaps, that I’ve wasted time by not meeting you sooner, but then, you would have been too young and I’d not have looked at you in that special way.’ She bent down and gave that precious, golden head, alive with a fiery light, a rain of soft kisses.

‘That special way,’ Sidonie repeated slowly, savoring each word, and the moment. ‘That’s true too, Ten. We met each other when the time was right for us.’ She kissed Tenille’s gently rounded softness through her cotton shirt, then continued. ‘Earlier would have been too soon … later, well we’d be different people again, with different life experiences and then it could be too late.’ She drew in a deep breath and lifted herself to the arm of the chair. ‘No, as things stand, I believe everything has been perfect in its timing. Just as you are perfect.’ Now she was overflowing with rapture, unable to contain herself. She jumped up to encircle her arms about Tenille and plant a smacking kiss on her.

‘Get your gear together, woman. I’m taking you out for dinner.’

She took off to get her own coffee. ‘What do you need for tonight – dress, pants? I’ll get them for you.’ Tenille laughed. Sidonie was in that mood she found so infectious. Oh, she was so good for her. Her heart’s desire.

‘A skirt, Honey. Otherwise it’s shorts. Pants are too difficult to get over my cast.’

‘0..kay, which one?’ She stood in front of the closet and swished hangers along the rail, inspecting the clothes. The selection was not great. As Tenille watched she suddenly said: ‘That one. No, back one.’ Sidonie had moved too fast. It was a full black skirt, three quarter length with little purple flowers over it. They sprouted small, turquoise leaves.

‘Oh, very nice,’ she admired. ‘Now tops. You keep them …?’ Tenille indicated the middle drawer of the chest. ‘What color are you after?’

‘As to that,’ she responded, ‘I’ll have to look myself. I need to refresh my memory as to what all I have.’

‘Now here am I …’ she stood with hands on her hips, ‘ …trying to save you effort and you’re going to get up anyway,’ she grumbled in mock annoyance.

‘I’m not an invalid, Sid,’ she objected: ‘I just have to do a lot of hopping that’s all.’

‘Oh, I know Babe, but I like being of assistance.’ She turned from the chest and smiled back. ‘Just being in a position to help you makes me feel good.’ Adoration shone from her young face.

The two women stood side by side, looking at the spilled contents, happy in their close proximity. Tops were to one side, winter sweaters the other. They chose together, selecting a purple, cotton shell featuring three, thin straps over each shoulder. This meant Tenille wouldn’t wear a bra and they both liked that.

‘I’ve been having baths at mom’s so I was able to keep my leg up on the side of the bathtub. In a shower I have to use a plastic bag. Can you get me one Sid? and I’ll go clean up.’

‘Sure thing.’

‘There, in the bottom drawer. Yes, there.’

She brought the bag over. ‘How do you keep it on?’

‘I just screw the open end up tight and tuck it into the top of the cast,’ she explained.

‘Do you remember when you used to itch inside there? It was driving you mad at one time?’

‘Yes, I do,’ the reply came with feeling. ‘Thank goodness that stage is over. I wasn’t very easy in those days, was I?’ she admitted.

‘No problem to me. It was worse for you. Now can you manage all right? Do you need anything more?’

‘No, this is fine. I’m set.’

‘OK then. While you’re showering, I’ll just nip out and get my tote bag. I’d like to freshen up too. I’ve got a change of shirts, which I’d meant to do earlier. Never mind, now is fine.’

On her return, Tenille was out of the shower and cleaning her teeth. ‘All yours,’ she mumbled through the foam.

‘Good. I’ll be quick. I’ll have to stop off at the beer store to pick up a six-pack, so we should make tracks soon.’

Tenille rinsed her mouth, then just clutching the towel to her, hopped out the bathroom and over to the bedside. Sid stopped and watched, admiring the curves and her naturalness, straight from the shower – just as nature made her. She went into the bathroom to change, feeling too shy to strip in the room. Their moments of intimacy had been too scattered for her to have built up an easy way of being. When she emerged again, she was dressed in her denim shirt, looking wholesomely fresh.

“So brimming with life and vitality,” thought Tenille, whilst she, in comparison seemed like a dotty senior plodding along. Ah well, she sighed, it would change.

‘How lovely you look,’ Sidonie told her, biting her lower lip; trying to fight the sudden rush of emotion. She had felt the pull of her. Tenille smiled, as much to herself as the girl. She had just been indulging in a bout of self-commiseration. Obviously Sid didn’t see what she saw.

‘Thank you, darling,’ she replied graciously. ‘I think you look pretty terrific yourself.’ The denim brought out the intensity of her cobalt eyes, the reflected sparkle almost metallic.

‘Well, now that we’ve established ourselves as a mutual admiration society,’ Sidonie laughed: ‘I think we should split. Thea and Reine are flexible over time, but I don’t want to hold them up and it is past seven.’

‘All right. I’m ready. Just have to grab the crutches and turn out the lights.’

‘I’ll do that. You head for the door.’

The beer store was south of Bloor, on Spadina, easy to make before closing. By half past, they were buzzing to pass through security.

‘Tenille. How lovely to see you.’ Thea kissed her in greeting. ‘Come in. Come in. Reine will be out directly.’ She gave a loud holler just to speed her up. When she appeared she was looking sharp in a freshly ironed yellow blouse, sporting the collar with the points up. She had teamed this with duck pants and braided Brazilian sandals. She carried her bulk well and, although large, there was no doubt she was getting fitter.

They made a handsome couple in their contrasting styles. Thea had that mother-earth appearance which attracted nascent Lesbians who couldn’t turn to their own mother for guidance. In her they found the support and empathy they so desperately craved. She volunteered at a gay youth, drop-in centre at #519. She loved this work and willingly attended extra meetings when required. It was a natural extension of her mothering instincts, unable to indulge them on children of her own. Meeting Thea, Sidonie had reflected on how many different ways existed to express those innate nurturing feelings. Certainly more than being a heterosexual mother. The gay guys knew this well with their pampered pooches.

Tenille and Sidonie responded to Thea’s warmth and felt a wonderful repose settling upon them as they sank into the chesterfield’s cushions and gratefully accepted the offered drinks. Scully greeted Sidonie as vocally as ever and, it seemed, took to Tenille as an extension of her, demanding equal time for caresses and cuddles.

‘Now tell us. How did it go this afternoon?’ Thea asked, impatiently.

Tenille was happy to sit back and let Sidonie fill them in on the developments. Her mind drifted into future realms as the talk ebbed and flowed around her. She had this week to get her gear together and to square away with Mrs. S. She would have to phone her mother. Or should she write? Scully let out a protesting meow. She had involuntarily squeezed too hard.

‘Sorry Little One,’ she apologized contritely. Writing would mean she’d not have to put up with histrionics. No, she’d better bite the bullet and phone. Tomorrow. No good having it hanging over her head, dampening her enthusiasm. Sidonie’s voice intruded into her ramblings;

‘Isn’t that right Ten?’

‘Oh, sorry, I was miles away,’ she responded scratchily, having momentarily lost her voice.

‘I was saying you thought them nice people too,’ Sidonie reiterated as she gave Scully extra caresses behind her ears. She didn’t know how she felt about their landladies, but this was a good time to find out.

‘Well …’ she began, ‘ …it was a very brief exchange, but they seemed nice enough. Sid thinks they’re an item, but I’m not sure on that score. I think I’m, too new on the scene to be able to pick them with confidence.’ She smiled at Sidonie and added: ‘Unless they give each other a big kiss in front of me.’ They all laughed at this, pleased she felt relaxed enough to joke.

‘I like to see how women interact between each other,’ Thea elaborated, ‘rather than overt demonstrations. For example, there’s a quality of checking with the partner you don’t usually see between two women friends. Also, in new relationships, couples tend to look into each other’s eyes for a brief span when no words are exchanged, but they are still communicating.’

‘Yes, of course,’ acknowledged Tenille: ‘That’s true. You just have to be sensitive enough to pick it up.’

‘Once you’re on the wavelength you’ll find it often knocks you right between the eyes, it’s so obvious. Women in love cannot hide their feelings. They give themselves away in many ways.’ Tenille looked guiltily across at Sidonie, wondering if they’d been obvious to the world around them, when she’d been thinking no one would suspect. Thea picked up on the glance and hastened to reassure her.

‘Don’t worry, most people are not looking for it so the cues pass them by.’ She chuckled. ‘They expect all gays to be part of a stereotype anyway.’

‘Yeah. Like me,’ interjected Reine. ‘But I’m old enough not to worry or care. I have a circle of friends whom I’ve known for a long time and love dearly. I’m ‘out’ at work so there’s no problem there. If I invite them round we have no need to ‘straighten up’, as they say. What more could you ask for?’ She drank deeply of her beer.

‘It’s the young’uns I feel sorry for. Baby butches can experience a pretty rough time if they’re not thick skinned, or until they’ve built up a support network. They have to meet a few like themselves. Being able to swap stories and experiences is a great help. We all hate feeling alone in the world with a guilty secret.’ She drank again, still with that air of introspection. She had been speaking from the heart. ‘Mind you, it’s a lot easier now than in my day. We never had counselling centres or youth action groups when I was coming out. Also … I lived in a small town. I’m from Nappanee originally. A more one-eyed, red-necked hole in the wall, you couldn’t hope to find. That was those days too. It’s changed now. Girls were all expected to conform to the straight ‘norm’. Go out with boys, then pick one to settle down with.’ She looked around at the listening faces and settled on Sidonie. ‘Today, if a girl wants to pursue a career, like Sid here, it’s accepted as a viable alternative.’ She smiled at her. ‘Of course, she’ll see the light and come to her senses, then she’ll settle down and get married.’ They all joined Reine in her outburst of mirth. She continued: ‘It’s true, work for females when I was young was only for biding her time. Something to do while she was looking. Now the pressures on youngsters are so great, the suicide rate has increased alarmingly. But many don’t know it’s highest amongst those who are gay. Gay males, that is.’

The evening continued on its leisurely way. Thea served a delicious dinner; simple rack of lamb, minted peas and potatoes baked in their jackets. ‘No fussing tonight,’ she had declared. ‘I didn’t want to miss anything.’ Since Sidonie had to be up early for work as usual, they didn’t stay late.

‘Will you need help moving, Ten?’ Reine asked, as they stood on the threshold.

‘I think I’ll be okay, thanks.’

‘Yes, I’ll be there after lunch, Friday,’ Sidonie was quick to assert. She could look after her woman. ‘We’ll be all set for a move on Saturday. I tell you guys, I can’t wait.’ She looked across at Tenille and, despite all her self-control, Tenille felt her cheeks go hot and knew the others could see it too. Starting a new life with Sidonie and all this would entail was just so overwhelming.

‘Before you disappear …’ Thea interjected, ‘ …when would you like me to pop over to help you with laundry and any other odds and ends?’

‘Thea, that’s so kind of you,’ she averred. ‘Everything’s okay just now. Can I phone you in the week and let you know how I’m fixed?’

‘Yes, of course.’ She waved an admonishing finger. ‘Now you be sure to do that,’ her voice was stern, but the smile soft. ‘My only evening commitment these days is Wednesday night.’

They all embraced except Reine and Sidonie. ‘That’s funny,’ Tenille thought, but put it on one side to think about later.

Sidonie pointed the nose of the car in an uptown direction and very soon they were outside the house.

‘The evening’s over too soon,’ Tenille complained sadly. ‘I do like your friends, Sid.’

‘They’re your friends now, Babe,’ she reminded her. ‘When we’re settled, I’d like to invite some other friends over to visit and meet you … if that’s OK with you, of course?’

‘Yes. I’m looking forward to becoming more a part of your world instead of being a sideliner,’ she confessed.

Sidonie turned to her and took her by the shoulders, her eyes flaring. ‘You have never been a sideline with me. Don’t say that,’ she blurted, hearing her voice too loud as she gave Tenille’s shoulders a small, rattling shake. ‘Up front and centre is how you are with me, since the moment I set eyes on you.’ She released Tenille and sat back in her seat, a dark look clouding her face, her eyebrows closing together, drawing with them deep furrows.

‘Honey, don’t take on so. I didn’t mean it the way it sounded.’ Tenille’s concern caused her voice to quaver. ‘I just meant that, as a couple, we’d be socializing and doing things … together, different from us meeting out … and everything.’ She felt a strangling feeling in her throat and tears pricked behind her eyelids. ‘Darling, you know what I mean.’ A sensation close to alarm washed over her. For a fleeting moment she had forgotten about this girl’s volatility. She hoped, desperately she’d not turned her mood. She looked at her, wet eyes full of concern as anxiety choked her throat. ‘You do understand what I’m saying don’t you?’ she appealed, her face stricken, tears threatening to spill over.

‘Yes Babe, I know where you’re coming from.’ She pressed her fingers to the tops of her eyeballs. She had felt unnerved. ‘It’s just that you are so important to me. I hate to think of any misunderstanding between us.’ She took her hands away. ‘You know we’re too intense, too serious sometimes. We’ll have to learn to loosen up.’ She grimaced. She should lighten up. It was not Tenille.

‘We will,’ she assured her. ‘When we get ourselves settled.’ Her voice faltered slightly as she felt the beating of her heart. ‘Do you realize that although we’ve known each other since April, we’ve never really spent ‘ordinary’ time together. Our moments always seemed to be snatched from busy schedules, or stolen between other people’s time.’ Her dark eyes gleamed brightly and Sidonie could just discern the trembling of her full, bottom lip, before she leaned her head against her shoulder.

‘When we’re in our own place we’ll actually be able to wake up together,’ she continued, ‘like a normal couple. We’ll drink our coffee and OJ while watching the news on TV.’ She lifted her head slightly to look at Sidonie.

‘Do you have a TV?’

Sidonie cleared her throat. ‘I haven’t.’ She looked at her through the corner of her eye. Once home she was too tired to do anything but shower and crash. ‘Still,’ she added confidently: ‘Sally Ann’s bound to have an ‘el cheapo’ with our name on it. Hey … ‘ the thought struck her, ‘ …will this mean I’ll have to give up going to the bars?’ pulling back to look squarely at the woman beside her.

‘I don’t know,’ she measured her words slowly as she returned her gaze, eyes wide with innocence. ‘Perhaps we can both go … or do you only dance with strangers?’ delivered with a playful punch on the shoulder.

‘Dance with you?’ she teased. ‘I’ll have to think about that one.’ The evening together had been wonderful. Knowing a place to live had been taken care of, it was now possible to loosen up. Her inner feelings were being given a freer rein. The troubled mood that had beset her was gone and the bright, curving smile was back.

‘Time you headed for home, Honey,’ Tenille sat up.

‘Yeah. I’ll see you inside Babe and then be off,’ but the fire in her eyes quickened.

Sidonie helped Tenille out and to her door, then dealt with the key. ‘Can I … come in?’ she asked tentatively, unable to fight the impulse to spend just a little more time with this delicious woman.

‘Of course,’ she reassured her. ‘I’m not the one who has to get up, so I’ll be guided by you as to how long you stay. Do you want a nightcap?’

‘I want you.’ she said huskily, her eyes devouring as they followed her into the room and watched the crutches being set against the counter. Ten turned from the kitchen sink as she felt her come up close. ‘Tenille.’

She could hear the raw desire in her low, hoarse voice, its sound running along her nerves as Sid picked her up, her strength making light of Ten’s delicate body, the bones so slender and fragile.

‘Darling,’ Ten murmured into her hair as she felt herself transported by long, purposeful strides to the bed. She thought she may be unceremoniously dropped, but with one knee braced on the side, Sid lowered her gently to the coverlet. She felt herself sink softly against the pillows, heart pounding against her chest as if to burst forth, the power in Sid’s body and the heat of her proximity invading her. Such a response, it was all she could do to draw breath, the blood pounding so in her ears. She turned towards Sid as she lay down beside her, arms clasping and binding her tight against her breasts to still their aching tightness. An electrifying shiver ran through her as she pressed her hips against her in a desperate need for closeness. Sid’s hand smoothed its way across her back as she drew her in. She felt her firm butt and slim hips, letting her own move against Ten’s softness. Her mouth was just inches away and at last, their lips met in that longed for union of a deep kiss. Their minds fused in thoughts of each other, their admiration: their respect: their love. This moment, awaited for so long, was finally theirs. Yet this was much more than just desire, an overwhelming sense of belonging flooded them.

The rhythm of Sid’s movements translated itself to Ten. She began her own rhythmic response as their lips parted to allow the delicious exploration of the soft, warm wetness of an intimate kiss. This silent relish of each other’s hidden secrets carried the two lovers up to another level of passion. Sid had to explore more, losing herself in the essence that was Ten. Finally she pulled away, with a groan.

‘Ten, I love you so,’ she sighed into her. She began to stroke her neck with wet licks, interspersed with little kisses, each one inflaming this woman until she could wait no longer to feel her lover on top of her. She began to roll over, bringing Sid with her, who now had one leg either side of her thighs, as she sank down onto her. She could feel Ten’s pelvis pressing against her clit. She began to move, each lift causing a piercing shaft of exquisite sensation to rack her body. She placed her hand on the soft mound of Ten’s breast. It was lush and full, spilling into her warm palm. She felt the nipple hard in its insistent demand. Gently she grazed its erectness with the pad of her thumb until she began to moan with the pleasure of it.

Sid’s mouth sought once more, those sensuous, moist lips which she had watched so many times in animated speech, but this time could taste and savor. Ten’s body began to tighten and twist convulsively into her. She could feel her own wetness against her and her vagina contracted, the spasms in rhythm with Ten. Deeply, she thrust her tongue until it seemed to cut through, straight to the centre of her heat. She began to move faster, wanting more but not finding what she needed. She was on fire. She couldn’t stay like this; the hunger had to be satisfied. The sensitive tips of her breasts were at breaking point.

She knew what level of excitement Ten was at. She was attuned to every change of pitch. At the moment when she felt gloriously she would give her what she so desperately sought, her own orgasm burst forth and overwhelmed her. She cried out in surprise at the suddenness and its intensity; shuddering against Ten in wave after wave of pure, exquisite feeling. This had never happened to her before. It felt unreal. She heard, as if from a long way off, Ten’s voice crying out.

‘My darling Sid. You wonderful woman. I can do this for you. It’s made me so happy.’ Her own need had been submerged as she realized the plateau to which Sid had risen. She revelled in this newfound awareness, loving Sid’s climax, if possible, more than her own. In their moment of closeness, swift thoughts had flashed fleetingly. Could this be what a butch was looking for when she exercised her magic of sexual power over a woman? This undefinable feeling of accomplishment? It wasn’t simply of power. No, more subtle than that, and oh, so satisfying. She held Sid in her arms, knowing her body to be spent and at ease in that beatific aftermath of orgasm. She held her tight and stroked her hair, damp and clinging; her flesh dewy with the sweat of lovemaking.

‘Next time you’ll let me caress you there, won’t you?’ she asked softly.

A lump had formed in her throat, making it hard to enunciate, but she did manage to get out the words. ‘You must have bewitched me.’ She was too overcome and still in awe. She felt warm and spent … thunderously happy. How could Ten have brought her to a climax when she had all her clothes on and she hadn’t even touched her? Oh, she would have to straddle her again like that. It was so..o good. Finally, back to earth, she thought of Ten’s need. She didn’t want to leave her hanging, in a state of unsatisfied longing. ‘I’m not going to be the only one,’ she said in a ragged voice as she rolled off, her anticipation exultant.

‘I’m okay Sid, really. I’m glad for you and I can wait,’ came Ten’s reassurance, but her heart still pounded.

‘Oh no you can’t,’ she told her commandingly, her voice returning to its more usual authority. ‘You’re not going to wait my girl. You just lie there and see.’ She smiled a smile that lit her already jubilant face to a bright, incredible rapture. ‘I promise you, you won’t have to do a thing.’

She lay against Ten’s right side while she softly kissed the corner of her mouth, experimenting with the taste and texture. Suddenly, she flicked it with her tongue, sharp, like that, making Ten gasp. She slid her hand up under her skirt, coming to rest at the top of her thigh. Ten thought her desire had passed but, with the flicking tongue and the pressure of her hot hand against her tender flesh, the flame leaped ever more fiercely.

As Sid moved her hand she gently brushed past her clitoris, already sensitive against the tight nylon of her panties. There. She’d brushed her again. Ten could die in her arms. She gave herself up to whatever she would do and knew herself captive to this girl, every sensation sweet and sharp, rushing together in glorious abandon.

Sid began to kiss less playfully, almost too hard; never hurting, but her softness had gone. She could feel the muscles of her arm, flexing firm against her belly as she … as she … as she pushed inside her panties. It was like an invasion, but one she welcomed. She pulled the fabric to one side so that Ten’s hairs sprang free and her clitoris could rise up to be noticed.

‘There my darling,’ crooned Sid, as she stroked this pink, full bud, neglect adding to its prominence. As she kept doing this, Ten’s movements gradually subsided until she lay still, her face pressed against Sid’s neck. Then sinuously, she began to move her pelvis, undulating to Sid’s rhythm. ‘Not long now, my lovely,’ Sid told her softly. ‘Just stick with me and I’ll take you there.’ Her breath was quick and hot against her cheek.

Ten clung more tightly and Sid found her lips again, capturing them with her own carnal mouth, hard and hungry against that soft flesh, yielding pliantly to the demanding, deliberate intrusion of her tongue.

She began to increase her stroking, feeling the nub so big as she appreciated Ten’s mounting excitement. She maintained her control, keeping her hand light, but with a steady pace and then … she was there, toppling over the edge, falling into swirls of pleasure, holding onto Sid as her anchor, as she made her spinning way through one of the most intense orgasmic journeys she had ever known.

Sid had not stopped her contact and the climax continued in a wonderful prolongation of sensation and pleasure, reverberating to the outer limits of her body until eventually, she opened her eyes and Sid saw tears pooling the lids.

‘Who said she didn’t want to come tonight? My silly Pumpkin.’ Sid’s exultation shone from her eyes. Ten just stared back, eyelashes glistening with droplets. Never had she seen her look more appealing. This would be a treasured memory for all time; the tendrils of hair curling in glorious disarray on the pillow; her luminous eyes looking up, filled with devotion and wonder.

‘Want a coffee?’ Sid asked prosaically. ‘Cold beer?’

‘Coffee please.’ Ten’s voice came back still thick from passion. She turned on her side and watched as Sid slipped off the bed and into the bathroom. When she emerged she had that clean smell of soap about her and her hair was once more combed into place.

‘I hate to have to wash you off me so quickly, Babe,’ she apologized, ‘but I’ve got to get going. I’ll make us coffee. I think that was going to be my nightcap, wasn’t it? …then I must leave.’

Ten could do nothing but lie and watch her darling as she moved about the kitchenette. She couldn’t tear away her eyes, drinking in every detail of this wondrous creature who, praise be, had chosen her to be the one with whom to share her life.

‘Coffee Madam,’ she said graciously, depositing the mug on the night table. Ten sat up at last and took savoring sips of the hot brew.

‘Mm..m, lovely. Thank you.’

She sat herself down on the bedside and gently stroked the curve of Ten’s hip as she lay on her side, head propped on one hand as she drank. ‘You are so special, Ten. A very special person,’ she added. ‘You know, there is something about you that glows.’ She smiled into her eyes, as Ten looked dubious. ‘It’s true. It radiates from within.’

‘Sid.’ she exclaimed.

Sid, looking pensively back said slowly: ‘I’ve given this much thought and I’ve come to the conclusion that the real beauty lies in your mind. Your way of thinking allows you to see good and noble things.’ She placed a gentle finger to Ten’s lips. ‘I have never heard you voice an opinion that puts people down. You don’t bring to mind gruesome horror stories. It’s just not in your makeup and I love that. You have gentleness and refinement …’ she continued to stare at her ‘ …and I mean that word in the nicest way.’ She leaned forward and kissed her lightly on the tip of her nose.

‘I believe you see things that aren’t there,’ she observed with a chuckle.

‘Do you want to make me mad?’ Sid flared, the words exploding fiercely. Ten’s eyes grew big in alarm as she shook her head in dumb submission. ‘Well, say things like that and I will be.’ The heat of Sid’s impatience struck her full force. ‘I want to share my feelings and thoughts with you, but if all you do is laugh at me … then I won’t.’ She had a reddened, inflamed look. Ten could see the frustrated three year-old inside the young woman; eyes a cloudy grey as if terrible abstractions had washed the sparkling blue from their depths.

‘I’m not laughing at you Sid,’ she objected, trying to placate this complex creature, so full of changing moods, yet so dear. ‘You overwhelm me and I don’t feel I deserve such accolades. But what can I say? “Yeah, you’re right, I’m wonderful?”’ She reached up and stroked the earnest face regarding her with such single-minded attention, the eyes glaring ferociously. ‘I don’t feel what you describe. I find it embarrassing to be analysed to my face in such glowing terms.’

‘So I embarrass you now, do I?’ Her voice was cool as she turned away, feeling confused, not only by Ten, but herself too. She didn’t want to be quarrelling, especially not now, after such a wonderful and thrilling time together. Sometimes she’d like to screw herself up and throw herself into the trash can; start over with a new model. Too many times lately, she brooded, she was rubbing herself the wrong way. What was happening to her? She didn’t know herself. ‘I’m sorry, Babe,’ turning back apologetically. ‘I don’t know what gets into me sometimes.’ Her voice was raw with ill concealed despondency. Try as she might she could not help rogue memories from souring her pleasure.

Ten put her coffee down and leaned forward to embrace her lover. ‘It’s okay. I know you don’t really mean it. It’s just sometimes, emotions get too hard to handle and we get tangled up.’ Gently, gently. A rigid attitude now would make Sid emotionally unavailable and she desperately wanted to avoid this. What a sad reality, the state of happiness being so tenuous, when what is wanted actually coincides with what is received. She knew that what is claimed to be wished for, too often fails to deliver the cherished desire.

With the hard look still staring out, Sid contradicted: ‘You don’t. You stay serene and calm.’ Her mouth was set in a determined line, but the underlying vulnerability showed through.

She scrutinized this girl with narrowed eyes. “Sweet Goddess, did she really believe that?” wondering if she knew her, the real her, at all. A stab of fear shot through. She didn’t want to be apotheosised. Perhaps Sid had constructed this paragon and one day would wake up; discover her Tenille had feet of clay.

‘Remember, dearest,’ she said gently, ‘everyone has their ‘other side’, maybe you just haven’t seen mine yet.’

‘I know what I know and know what I see,’ Sid declared obstinately, not wanting her illusions, if that was what they were, to be shattered. “Don’t spoil things,” she entreated, silently, her belly clenching in apprehension. “Love can be so fragile … or is mine so weak?” She didn’t like the turn these musings had taken. How could she be so ecstatic one moment and thinking such dark thoughts the next? Her brain swung back to the task at hand and she smiled stiffly. ‘I must go. Let you get your sleep. Get my head down too.’ The words came out disjointed, an indrawn breath on each syllable. The voice seemed to belong to someone else. She felt arms tight around her as she was gently kissed. Ten had watched the play of emotions across Sid’s agitated face, knew she was hurting inside, but couldn’t figure out the reason.

‘Try to turn off for a while, my darling. Get a good sleep and we’ll talk tomorrow. We can finalize our plans for the weekend.’ She looked at her. ‘Tonight was wonderful. Thank you for this time. Truly, I feel you and I were made for each other. I believe this with all my heart. Our destinies are entwined. Everything in our lives has drawn us toward this moment … and now we are linked, only death can sever us.’ She continued to hold Sid with the power of her thoughts as well as her arms.

She felt herself relaxing, the tension that had built up, ebbing away, as the quiet soothing of the softly spoken words poured balm on her bruised thoughts. Thank heaven she was in love with an older woman, not another silly teenager like herself. Imagine, two of them like her. A minor incident would blow up into a major disagreement at the slightest provocation. She rested her head on Ten’s neck. ‘I love you so much.’

She stroked her face, hot from emotion. ‘You must go now. You need your sleep and it’s getting late.’

Sid drew herself reluctantly away from the warmth of the embrace and her billowing softness. The separation was a too brutal wrench and she hated to sever the contact, but Ten was right, she must go. Only a little time now and they wouldn’t have to go through all this. On her feet she was resolute, her mind beginning to re-organize.

‘I’ll call you about one. See how you are and what you need. Then I’ll come over and we can get stuck into it.’

Ten stayed her with her hand. ‘Before the week’s through, can you take me out to see your place? I’d like to know before it’s too late, where you lived and what your home was like.’

‘Of course. Why don’t we do that tomorrow, then?’

‘Oh, can we?’ Her face lit up. ‘Tomorrow would be perfect. For so long I’ve wondered about the Residence. It’s always been this mysterious blackhole into which you’d disappear. It would swallow you up and it was like you were lost to me.’

‘How fanciful you are,’ Sid observed indulgently. ‘It’s just a room. Anyway, tomorrow you’ll see. Let me tuck you up. I’ll let myself out.’

She drew her nightshirt from under the pillow and Sid enjoyed helping her change. Feeling exhausted, she sank back against the bedding, sensing sleep to be close at hand. She was glad she wasn’t the one to make that drive. Her eyelids flew open with a start. ‘You will drive careful, won’t you? You’re not too sleepy?’

‘No Babe, I’m fine. Now don’t take on. Close your eyes and sweet dreams.’ She kissed those beautiful, curving lips once more and slid off the bed. She brought the door to softly and took one last look at her darling, lying peacefully at rest. The moonlight, shafting into the room through the blinds had taken all the color away, leaving her pale as death.

‘If I were to lose you now,’ she whispered, ‘I would kill myself.’ She turned and made her way to the car.

*   *   *

As they took the Belfield exit, Tenille exclaimed, ‘I’ve never been this far north of Toronto. You know I’ve not been many places in my life at all, when I come to think of it.’

‘Well darling … ‘have car, will travel’. Your dad was going to teach you to drive wasn’t he?’

‘Yes, but now I’ve got to wait.’ Her brow crinkled. ‘Then I will for sure.’

Everything had gone smoothly today. When Sidonie arrived at the apartment, Tenille had allready done some packing. Her personal possessions and books she’d stowed in two boxes, to be dropped off at the house on the way back.

‘I wish it were possible to have you stay over with me.’ She pulled a face, remembering those house rules. ‘They make no distinction between males and females.’ Concentration on the corner took her thoughts.

‘Well, as you’ve said yourself, Honey, not long now and we won’t have to worry.’

Curiosity filled Tenille, her head swivelling this way and that, trying to take it all in. This would probably be her one and only visit to the backstretch and she wanted to make the most of it. The day had dawned fine and sunny, but now the usual pall, dense and hazy was settling itself over the city which she could see as she looked back, towards the Harbor. Northward was clear and blue, the dancing clouds beckoning, shining a sharp metallic white, their outline silvered.

Acres of velvet green, divided by newly painted white rail fences defined the backstretch. The residence, a single storey brick building greeted visitors in front where the gardens were artistically landscaped, but out back, where the girls had access to their rooms was only grass, albeit well mowed with neat edges.

At the gatehouse Tenille had to sign the guest book. She noticed how friendly the guys were to Sidonie. Obviously a good rapport had developed over the months. She turned to her and laughingly explained: ‘They know I’m the Night-Owler. Not many girls keep the hours I do.’ They crunched along the gravel path towards the centre of the block, Tenille managing well on her crutches, doing a dot and carry one. Passing an open doorway Sidonie observed: ‘The phone’s in there. Summer time it’s OK, but in winter …’ she shuddered. ‘It also gives us quick access to the front.’ She stopped suddenly. ‘Here we are. This is mine, #11.’

Tenille stood to one side as she unlocked the door. For no reason she could fathom her heart was pounding like a jackhammer. When she hopped over the threshold she was amazed to see how small it was. Only enough room for two single beds. The ensuite and closet were at the far end. Although the drapes were drawn there was ample light. They had a softening effect, which improved the room’s appearance. A chest of drawers doubled as the kitchen table where Sidonie now stood, taking mineral waters from her little bar fridge.

‘How do you cook?’ Tenille asked, frowning in puzzlement, as she looked about her.

‘I don’t. I buy cold meats, sometimes pate and make salads,’ she replied. ‘I’ve a toaster, an electric kettle and they do me just fine. Sorry no chairs, you have to sit on the bed.’ Tenille hopped over and stretched out on the dark green cover.

‘It’s comfy,’ she observed, as Sidonie plugged in the kettle for coffee. For now she brought over the two bottles to quench their thirst and set them on the night table.

‘So many nights I’ve lain on this bed and thought of you.’ She looked deeply into Ten, then continued, voice low and intense: ‘And here you are.’ Stretching out beside her she brought her down with eager arms, delivering soft, playful kisses holding her tight. Then with firmer grip she pressed into her back, their bodies meeting at their breasts. She moved her thighs against Ten’s. As the heat rose between them Ten opened her mouth and let Sid’s tongue explore and savor. The kiss deepened and soon she was lost in its intensity and its wonderful sensations.

Startled apart by the piercing screech of the kettle, they laughed together. Sid got up after planting one more light kiss. ‘I like plunger coffee more than perked,’ she told her, happy to be sharing the small, personal details of her life. ‘I buy my beans from The Second Cup in the Woodbine Shopping Mall. They grind a delicious French/Vienna combination. Hope you like it.’ Ten stretched languidly where she lay and watched Sid go through the ritual. Soon that delicious aroma permeated the room. She poured two small glass cups and added half-and-half. Now they sat companionably, side by side on the bed.

‘Who’s this a photo of?’ Ten asked, picking up a silver frame from the night table, curiosity getting the better of her.

‘That’s my Ma holding my baby sister, Chelsey. She’s almost 14 now.’

‘Have they ever been out here to see you?’ she pressed.

‘No. I go visit them when I can.’ Sidonie returned the photo to its place.

‘Could I meet your mother and Chelsey one day?’ she asked ingenuously, hoping only to learn more about this girl whom she found so fascinating. For some reason she could not guess, Sid was reluctant to agree to this request.

‘Perhaps, one day,’ she said, noncommittally.

She didn’t like to pursue what appeared to be a touchy area, but she couldn’t help feeling a little woeful. Change the subject. ‘Do you have any boxes? We could begin to pack some of your things.’

‘I haven’t any as yet,’ she admitted, ‘but I could start by putting my winter clothes into cases. If we take those over then I can come back and fill them again.’ The awkward moment slipped by and they were at ease again. Five o’clock found them thinking about food. Ten’s stomach had already been making funny noises, which she had been trying to ignore.

‘We could go to St. Hubert’s on the corner,’ Sid suggested. ‘It’s nothing fancy, but it’s clean, with modern decor.’ Ten’s tummy growled some more, in anticipation.

‘Sounds good to me,’ she said in perfect accord. ‘I’ll just use your loo first.’

Cases packed, Sid dragged out two boxes of odds and ends which she already had, then thought it prudent to phone ahead to be sure someone would be there, since they didn’t yet have a key. Ten waited in the car and on Sid’s return, her face told her there was no problem.

The meal went down very well. Just French fries and chicken in St. Hubert’s special sauce, a roll and salad, but the ambiance was congenial. ‘I don’t usually eat here,’ she confessed: ‘Just pick up something and take it back with me. It’s nice to be sitting and eating properly for a change.’ “Especially sitting opposite such a beautiful woman as you, you gorgeous creature.” ‘I tend to be an eater on the run,’ she admitted. ‘Mind you, when I was training for the competition I was stricter with myself. I would eat regularly and quite substantially then.’

‘Sid, what has happened about that?’ she queried. ‘You’ve not mentioned your training or the competition recently.’

‘Oh, I decided to bow out, this year. It was too much work,’ she replied airily.

‘Sid no.’ eyes growing wide with dismay. ‘That can’t be. You were so keen … the team and all …’ With a sudden foreboding she blurted out: ‘It was because of me, wasn’t it?’ Her brow creased. ‘You should have been working out, concentrating on your program and instead, you’ve been chauffeuring me around and looking for a place. All things that would distract you from your goal.’ Remorse cut. ‘Darling, I didn’t want you to miss out on this.’ Sid tried to speak, but she continued without pause. ‘You’ve put so much into it and you have such a good chance of doing well.’ How she regretted her not pursuing her interest. She had been thoughtless and demanding, completely forgetting the girl had her own life to lead. She bowed her head, twisting her napkin between agitated hands.

‘It’s OK Babe.’ Sid reached out to still the distressed movements. ‘I made my decision as to what I wanted to do and you were … are, my priority.’ She took away the shredded serviette and imprisoned her hands in both of hers. ‘Maybe later, sometime in the future, I’ll enter for another competition.’ She smiled into her eyes and gave her hands a reassuring squeeze. ‘There are always new challenges coming along. Don’t be down, this is our time together,’ she encouraged. ‘We get so little of it,’ she added, trying not to sound bitter. In fact she hated any time away from Ten but … the shekels had to be earned and life went on.

When they arrived at the house it was almost seven o’clock. Talking easily together over dinner, time had slipped by, but Moira and Rani didn’t mind, being without plans. Moira opened up for them. Tenille felt helpless, the others busy unloading, but she couldn’t ship or carry. However, bringing up their bits and pieces didn’t take long.

‘I’ll get keys cut for you Sidonie,’ Moira promised then complained: ‘I’ve not had a moment’s free time these last few days.’

‘That’s OK Moira,’ she replied, congenially. ‘I only don’t like having to bother you each time,’ she explained.

‘I’ll tell you what. Take mine.’ She picked up her keys from the little table by the door and began to slip two off the ring. ‘You take these. I don’t need them right now. Probably you would get keys cut sooner than I anyway,’ she added. ‘I’ll leave you,’ bestowing a benevolent smile: ‘Stay as long as you like.’

About to close the door, Sidonie called out to her: ‘Will next Saturday – our official moving day – be OK for the rent cheque?’

‘No problem. I’ll get a receipt book.’ Moira looked well satisfied as she went downstairs, leaving the two alone in their new home.

They took time to look around with more attention to detail. On second inspection, the apartment had more character. They would have to rectify lack of storage space, but the floors were beautiful parquetry, in excellent condition. Some interesting Dhuris, scattered about, would soften the sparseness and add warmth. Second time around, they appreciated the high ceilings and the moulding detail of the cornices and architraves, recognizing that older homes still had a style all their own. There was even a stained glass panel in the two side sashes of the bay window. With the sun in the right direction, colorful shafts of red and blue, would streak in.

Sid decided to try the bed, although it was only a mattress on a box spring. She bounced up and down; stretched out on her back and jumped again to her knees. ‘It’s good,’ she declared: ‘Doesn’t creak or complain. I like that.’

Ten laughed. ‘Oh, you think sleeping is a noisy business do you?’

‘I intend to give it a good workout,’ she replied archly, a wily look escaping from beneath hooded lids. She reached out her hand. ‘Come here,’ she said simply. Ten slid the crutches to the floor and sat beside her. She pulled her down and suddenly, they were in each others arms, lost in a deep kiss, oblivious to their new surroundings; bewitched by Sappho’s spell, devoted to giving and receiving with a finely tuned receptiveness. At last they drew apart and Ten, taking a deep breath remarked: ‘Yes, the bed will do very well.’ She looked conspiratorial, letting a small smile play about the corners of her mouth. Sid sat up, drawing Ten with her. She said, full of enthusiasm: ‘It’s not late. Let’s shoot over to your place. We’ll do some more packing for you. Oh yes,’ she added as an afterthought, images flashing through her brain at a great rate: ‘We should make a list of the things we need.’

‘I think we’ve probably packed enough for today, Honey,’ Ten temporised. ‘But let’s go back and I can make us drinks while we plan.’ She gathered up her crutches and tucked one under each arm. It felt strange to Sid to be locking the door behind her, knowing her belongings were there and she’d not be in contact with them until week’s end.

It was actually later than she’d thought. There was only time to have coffee and make a few jottings. ‘I don’t want you cracking up on me,’ Ten scolded, trying to look stern, with a fierce frown on her face. It didn’t come off.

‘I won’t,’ was the calm reply. ‘I know how to catch up on my sleep.’

‘Yes,’ she agreed, ‘but that’s when I’m not around. Otherwise you make the drive downtown and get involved in other things such …’

‘Speaking of other things …’ she interrupted, as she put an arm around Ten’s waist, ‘ …what do you think of this idea?’ She’d pulled her down onto her lap, since there was only the one easy chair.

‘What idea’s that?’ as she nestled in more snugly.

‘Well, my Sweetness, we neither of us has loads to pack, so we can spare one evening to take in a movie, eh?’

‘Oh yes,’ she responded, full of excitement.

‘I noticed that the UPTOWN is re-showing, ‘Salmonberries’. Now I missed it when it first came out. Did you get to see it?’

‘No, I didn’t. I don’t even recognize the title,’ she admitted.

‘Well, it’s k.d.’s movie,’ she explained. ‘I’ve heard the gang talk about it. Some thought it absolutely great, others were disappointed.’ She looked at Ten and gave the soft part of her ear lobe a gentle nibble. ‘I’d rather like to judge for myself,’ she declared, settling back to regard her intently. She was the most fortunate girl alive. To have found someone to love so totally. She had given her heart to this woman and she had absolute, but absolute confidence, she would never be betrayed. Would never have cause to regret this final submission; her complete capitulation to another. In the past she had kept something back, her reservation, to a greater or lesser degree, depending on the person. Even with Karen. She knew it had been hurtful. But if it wasn’t there then she couldn’t pretend. With Ten it felt so right, so perfect.

Ten was looking speculatively back. ‘You were miles away, Honey,’ she said. ‘Where did you go?’

She laughed. ‘I’m here, Babe. What do you think? We could catch the early show Tuesday, which is half price and then go somewhere for dinner afterwards.’ She gave Ten’s ear another nibble as if to start eating her, but she twisted her head around and laughing, began a similar activity in retaliation.

‘Sounds like a great idea,’ she agreed. ‘Just think, now I’m back in town we’ll be able to do lots of things together. Do you like Art Galleries?’ Suddenly she realized she knew little of Sid’s tastes and interests. They had only talked of more personal and/or pressing issues. At last they could begin to get to know each other fully. She loved sharing and to have someone as wonderful as Sid to share with … life was joyful. Artistic things delighted her, be they paintings, jewelry, clothes or sculptures, but they had to be small. Having scant ability with her own hands, she admired and appreciated the products of other people’s. Women’s ceramics really appealed, managing as they did to blend texture and color with such novelty.

‘Well,’ Sid responded hesitantly: ‘I have to admit I’ve not had much experience in that line. I guess I’ve always been too busy with sports and that kind of stuff,’ she ended vaguely, feeling somehow she’d let her down. ‘But I’m always willing to try something new, especially if it’s something you enjoy.’ This sounded more positive; she gave her an extra hug.

‘Well, we’ll see. If something catches my eye that looks good, then we might go along,’ Ten amended, not wanting her to feel obligated.

‘OK Babe.’ She gave her ass a little pat. I’d better make tracks. Now, you’re all organized for tomorrow. Mrs. S. has set up enough provisions for you and I can pick up anything else you need on my way in. I’ll phone you after work to check it out.’

Ten laid her cheek against the top of Sid’s head. ‘Don’t fuss Honey, I’ll be fine. Just call me when you can and I’ll see you when I see you.’ She got up and Sid handed her her crutches. They moved over to the door where she kissed her tenderly on the lips and smiled into her eyes. ‘Go safely Sid, and I’ll be here when you call.’ She clung to her, not wanting to let go. Sid felt the reluctance, but what could she do?

‘Bye. I’ll let myself out.’

She was gone and she was alone again, but this time there was no desolation. Only one sleep and Sid would be back by her side. She got herself ready for bed and soon was dreaming blissfully.