The Purpose of Life Is Purposeful Living
“Nothing we ever imagined is beyond our powers, only beyond our present self-knowledge.”
– Theodore Roszak
I believe you can find the person in you who can inspire you to pursue the goals that are most meaningful to you, no matter what others may think of them, or how far away they may seem.
It is time you believe this about you, too.
We can always find lots of reasons, and other people, to blame for why we're where we are in life versus where we want to be.
Do not allow excuse-making to hold you back any longer.
Your dreams are too precious to give anyone or anything the power to keep you from them, including you.
Your dreams are too precious to give anyone or anything the power to keep you from them, including you.
Stop doubting. Stop thinking about all the reasons why not. Break the cycle.
From here on out, it's on you to make change happen.
Harder than making change is recognizing and accepting our need for it. Doing so requires us to acknowledge that so much of what we've been doing has gotten us off course. Deep down, we know that there are ways in which we have not been helping ourselves, or have even been shooting ourselves in the foot. But we silence that voice of awareness. We convince ourselves that we've been making investments in getting to where we want to go, and that the lessons we've learned, the pain we've endured, the milestones of highs and lows we've experienced have been in the service of self-betterment and personal growth. But without aim and objectives, without intention, those investments, life experiences, and pivotal moments may not steer us in the most meaningful direction. “If you don't know where you are going, then any road will get you there,” wrote Lewis Carroll,1 author of Alice's Adventure in Wonderland and Through the Looking-Glass.
“If you don't know where you are going, then any road will get you there,”
A wonderful article2 on life purpose by Hélène Tragos Stelian described how so many of us meander through life versus taking intentional acts toward specific outcomes. She wrote, “I have lived most of my life ‘mindlessly,' that is, without clear thought behind my actions and decisions. I chose the college I did because that's where my older brother was going, joined a sorority because that's what ‘everybody' was doing, majored in History because it had few credit requirements, pursued a career in retailing for lack of any other interests, married my first husband because I was afraid of being alone—you get the picture.”
Stelian then shared that she'd had a life-changing realization when she turned 50. “I finally had a wake-up call that, with several decades of empty-nesting ahead of me, it wasn't too late: I could still craft a more ‘conscious' life for myself.” That's when she decided to choose what her future should look like and then live life in that direction. She combined her interests in human connection, psychology, research, writing, and teaching, along with her dedication to performance and results, and identified her strengths, passions, and values to craft a mission statement for her life.
My personal mission is to use my talent for researching and synthesizing ideas, along with my passion for informing others, to challenge, empower, and inspire people to purposeful and transformative action.
Now, as an executive leadership consultant, her mission statement serves as her guiding star. Because she has articulated it, it provides her with clear direction whenever she comes to a decision point in her life. She wakes up every day knowing why she's on this planet and what she's meant to do, excited for the journey ahead.
Take a moment. I'm going to ask you a question and I want you to be ready to reflect on it. You don't need to answer it fully yet; you're probably not ready to respond. That's just fine. Just let it roll around in your mind as you keep reading.
What is the reason you live?
I had thought I knew the answer to that question. But as I dove into the work for this book, I realized I just had semblances of purpose in my life mixed in with realities of responsibility. I was confusing the two as I tried to function as best I could. That was in part because I'd never really been asked to articulate what my purpose in life was, or what I wanted it to be. I'd been told lots of things about what it was—to be a good student, to make a good salary, to be a good parent. But I had not been encouraged to delve deeply into my personal values and aspirations to find my purpose. In fact, I'd been led to think that purpose is out there and will come to us.
I don't know about you, but I was told by my parents, and learned from books, movies, and TV shows, that to find a sense of purpose we have to venture out in the world and search for it. That notion has appeal because it suggests life is an adventure in which we'll eventually discover what we're meant to be doing, often entirely by chance. It doesn't require us to do the work of grappling with setting our own course; it suggests we'll find our way to a life rich in purpose by following the basic recipe of success and a flash of serendipity.
That can certainly happen, but let me ask you, how long do you want to wait for that lightening to strike?
How long do you want to wait for that lightening to strike?
Did you know that the average life expectancy for Americans is 78.7 years?3 That means living to witness 28,725 sunrises or sunsets (whichever motivates you more). Multiply your age by 365 and subtract that number from 28,725. That's how many (estimated, of course) sunsets or sunrises you have in the time gifted to you to make an impact, to do something with your life that you love, to become the person you aspire to be.
This is one of those humbling and maybe even upsetting thought exercises. Yet, it's so helpful in sparking motivation to get going with the things you really want your days to be about. Do you want to be one of those people who on their deathbed are regretting all of the could have, should have, would have, wish I hads they didn't do?
In the 1993 coming of age film Dazed and Confused, the one that launched Matthew McConaughey's career, his character, David Wooderson, uttered this line that would become his catchphrase and part of the modern vernacular, “Alright. Alright. Alright.” Those now iconic words, his first lines ever on film, were completely unscripted.
The origin story of “Alright. Alright. Alright.” is pretty cool. McConaughey shared what happened behind the scenes, before shooting that now famous scene, in a 2011 interview.4
“So we go up to the set. I get in the car ‘cause I'm nervous. First scene ever on film. And right before we're about to shoot I've got friends in the car and I had been listening to this live Doors album and in between two of the songs Morrison goes, ‘Alright! Alright! Alright! Alright!'
'Alright! Alright! Alright! Alright!'”
“So right before we're about to go, I go, ‘What is Wooderson about? He's about four things: He's about his car, he's about gettin' high, he's about rock ‘n' roll and pickin' up chicks.' I go, ‘I'm in my car, I'm high as a kite, I'm listenin' to rock ‘n' roll …'
Action … and there's the chick. ‘Alright, alright, alright …' three out of four!”
McConaughey wasn't just following the movie's script and taking direction. Right from his very first scene in his first movie he was applying his creativity to being self-directed. He was not only shaping that fictional character, he was shaping his own future, from the very beginning working to give the kind of inspired and distinctive performance that has made his acting so captivating. That creative approach led to his Best Actor win at the 86th Academy Awards for his performance in Dallas Buyers Club. And he didn't rest his laurels following that win. He's continued to craft mesmerizing performances, such as in Christopher Nolan's Interstellar and Martin Scorsese's The Wolf of Wall Street.
He's not only talented; he's focused and driven by a purpose to achieve true artistry.
Right here, right now, choose to define and pursue a life of purpose according to your values.
According to the Oxford Dictionary, purpose is the reason for which something is done or created or for which something exists. That's probably the sense of the word most of us begin with, but a life purpose is so much more. Purpose is not just the rationale for doing or creating something; it is the lifeforce that keeps you energized and motivated. It fosters physical, mental, and spiritual strength. Purpose is what separates mediocrity from greatness. It gets you out of bed each day with the fire and determination to create something incredible or perform some amazing feat showcasing your brilliant mind and bright soul. It's mindful and deeply personal, and it must be articulated.
According to Steve Taylor, PhD, senior lecturer in psychology at Leeds Metropolitan University in the UK, and author of The Leap: The Psychology of Spiritual Awakening, says “Purpose is a fundamental component of a fulfilling life.”5
It's easy to get lost, especially against waves of incredible distraction. We can feel stuck. We can drift away from our centers of reference and goals and wonder, What's the point of it all? Purpose, though, offers orientation.6
It's easy to get lost, especially against waves of incredible distraction. We can feel stuck. We can drift away from our centers of reference and goals and wonder, What's the point of it all? Purpose, though, offers orientation.
Why does purpose have such positive effects?7 For one thing, research has shown that a clear sense of purpose makes us less vulnerable to what Taylor calls “psychological discord.” This is the sense of unease we experience whenever our attention isn't engaged. It makes us susceptible to distraction, which we've seen fosters negative and unproductive feelings and behaviors. It can also manifest into anxiety and depression. Clarity of purpose helps us focus our mental energy on positive and productive activities.
Clarity of purpose helps us focus our mental energy on positive and productive activities.
Purpose is also good for our psychological health because it enhances our self-esteem. When we avert distraction and focus in order to create and achieve our goals, we feel capable and successful.
Purpose also pulls us out of our harmful self-focus and makes us feel part of something bigger, beyond ourselves. It frees us from our rumination about ourselves and the past and keeps us oriented toward the future, with a sense of what we can contribute. That fuels our creativity.
According to researchers Jorunn Drageset, Gorill Haugan, and Oscar Tranvåg,8 there are four main experiences that foster a strong sense of purpose in life:
To live purposefully is an ongoing journey. It is said that the two most important days in your life are the day you are born and the day you find out why.11 I love that, but I'd change the why to what for. I'd also add that discovering your what for is not a one-time event. The way you define your purpose will continue to evolve.
The two most important days in your life are the day you are born and the day you find out why.
When Matthew McConaughey won the Oscar in 2014, in his acceptance speech, he cited three things he needs each day:
First, McConaughey said he looked up to God who has graced his life with opportunities.
Second, he looked forward to his family—who's always there for him, always supporting him.
Third, he said he chases his hero.
Who's his hero?
McConaughey said that when he was 15, someone asked him who his hero was, and after thinking about it for some time he said, “I know who my hero is—it's me in 10 years.”
Ten years later when McConaughey turned 25, the same person asked him, “So, are you a hero?”
He said he was not even close. “Every day, every week, every month, and every year of my life, my hero is always 10 years away,” he said. “I'm never going to be my hero. I'm not going to obtain that; I know I'm not, and that's just fine with me because that keeps me with somebody to keep on chasing.”
Living purposefully is to live in a state of constant growth. But because life is such a juggling act, to set our course and to stay true to our purpose as we continue to evolve, we need a point of reference we can always rely on—a North Star. This is where writing out a purpose helps. It assists, on a daily basis, with deciding how to spend our time.
Living purposefully is to live in a state of constant growth.
So, let's get you started crafting your own mission statement for this leg of your lifescaling journey, which I will call your purpose statement.
Grab a piece of paper or open a new note or document on your laptop, tablet, or phone.
Please write out the following questions1 and do your best to dig deep and answer them:
Note: From this point on, as the questions get a little more challenging, I have added my own answers to help spur your thoughts.
How do I want to feel every day? (Beyond the easy answers, that is, happy, fulfilled, successful, and so on)
My responses included:
What things can I do every day that put me on a path to those feelings?
My responses included:
What work can I do that lets me pursue these activities? How can I make a living that keeps me feeling like this?
My thoughts:
This exercise is a great route to awakening. I hope you are now buzzing with inspiration about the changes in your life you want to begin making. When I did it, this exercise made me feel hopeful and driven; it also made me feel disbelief. I was dumbfounded that I hadn't yet gone through this exercise in my life.
Now you want to draw on your answers to those questions, as well as reflect on the set of leading values you identified earlier, and write a declarative statement that summarizes the life purpose to which you are committing. It can be a sentence or two or it can be longer, as I'll show you in a bit. I found writing mine challenging, so I researched purpose statements to find some solid examples to share with you. In doing so, I discovered great ones from a few of my idols.12 I knew there was a reason I was drawn to them!
Oprah Winfrey
“To be a teacher. And to be known for inspiring my students to be more than they thought they could be.”
__________
In an issue of O magazine, Winfrey recalls watching her grandmother churn butter and wash clothes in a cast-iron pot in the yard. A small voice inside told her that her life would be more than hanging clothes on a line. She realized she wanted to be a teacher, but “I never imagined it would be on TV,” she writes.
Sir Richard Branson
“To have fun in [my] journey through life and learn from [my] mistakes. In business, know how to be a good leader and always try to bring out the best in people. It's very simple: listen to them, trust in them, believe in them, respect them, and let them have a go!”13
Branson has Sir Richard Branson's sentiment was shared in an interview with Motivated magazine. His unconventional leadership approach has earned him cult-like status. According to Forbes, he is now worth over 5 billion US dollars.
Amanda Sternberg, founder of Dailyworth.com
“To use my gifts of intelligence, charisma, and serial optimism to cultivate the self-worth and net-worth of women around the world.”
Steinberg launched DailyWorth in 2009, to help women build wealth because she believes, “Financially empowered women are the key to world peace.” The site has since blossomed to more than one million subscribers.
In further researching best-in-class examples, I found an incredible resource in author Susan D. Kalior's work. Trained as a psychotherapist, she has gone on to write many books and offer workshops about how to live a creative, purposeful, and fulfilling life. Her website is www.manifestyourpotential.com. She offers a pair of before and after purpose statements that show how to give a statement clarity and specificity. The first is too vague while the second has great, actionable detail.
Before:
I Have Always Wanted To . . .
I have always wanted to do something about . . . saving wildlife. When I was growing up, I watched all the nature shows and poured over National Geographic magazine for hours. I love being around animals so for a while I thought I wanted to work in a zoo. I also thought about being a . . . chef, but decided it wasn't right for me. My best subject in school was writing, so I got a college degree in English and now I am working in an advertising firm.
After:
My Life Purpose Is . . .
I want to be a spokesman for wildlife issues and help people connect their daily actions to saving the wildlife on this planet.
Using my warm, engaging voice to create animal voices over the camp stove and after dinner over the campfire, I will share stories that highlight the wonders of the natural world and our connection with the animals and wildlife with whom we share this planet. Finding the humor in daily situations, I will transform the safari and wildlife outback camping trip into an adventure that opens and changes hearts—and starts a wave of quiet understanding and activism for saving endangered species and supporting sustainable environments for wildlife.
After building up a loyal client base, lots of connections with kindred spirits, and an awesome network, when I am ready to settle down, I will take my collection of campfire tested and refined stories and record them, becoming a spokesman for endangered species.
The differences are in vision, specificity, and the basis for accountability.
Now, let me show you how I took my answers to the Purpose of Life Questions and my values work and drew on them to write my purpose statement.
As a reminder, here is where I ended in the Purpose for Lifescaling exercise:
I will focus on the three creative aspects of my professional life where I feel value, happiness, and impact: (1) speaking, (2) content creation, (3) authorship. I will formally commit, and give myself space to embrace artistic hobbies where I can express creativity regardless of financial ROI.
I will find events to attend, like I used to, where like-minded souls who are well on their journey or constantly exploring how to be their best selves and how to make the greatest impact on our world, are in attendance. I will attend and host dinners and intellectual salons with friends, role models, and others who inspire me—even if I don't know them yet.
I will take more time with immediate family and my best friends to celebrate life. I will be thankful for what we have and take time to remind everyone and everything how much I appreciate them in my life.
Everything that doesn't add to or that takes away from this will be removed from my life.
I distilled those commitments into this statement:
I aim to be a creative and inspiring author, speaker, and content creator who focuses on helping people understand how technology and human behavior is evolving and how that is affecting business, markets, communities, and personal lives.
Through my work, I aim to create opportunities for people that I did not have personally and professionally. I will seek to know who they are, their challenges, and share insight through content of all forms to guide them toward new opportunities.
To connect the dots, I will use my networks to connect with people who can help me help others, who will challenge and inspire me, and who will link me to others who can raise the caliber and scale the reach of my work.
To get there, I will also focus on me . . .
From Purpose Statement to Pillars of Purpose
I am a visual thinker, and I have found creating images that encapsulate information I've learned very helpful in keeping a reminder handy that I can quickly consult regularly. So, I decided to create a graphic to represent what I call the pillars of my newly purpose-driven life. They form the foundation on which I will build as I continue to pursue and evolve my purpose. You may want to create your own version. To do so, first think about the set of main commitments you are making for your new life. Here are the ones I listed, and the way I represented them.
1. Liquidity: I aim to support my family and loved ones and have reasonable choices and flexibility for life's important moments, stages, and events. Also, I seek, and I've learned the hard way, to facilitate family time in everyday routines and also excursions that break us from those routines so that we can grow together.
2. Fatherhood and Marriage: I will live life so that as I learn, my family learns and as they learn, I learn. I will be an active listener, a strong and loving leader (partner), a guiding light, an approachable teacher, an empathetic and compassionate friend, consistent role model, and a present, loving, fun, and nurturing father/husband/brother/son/uncle/cousin/nephew. In marriage, I will ask the same. No relationship is a one-way street.
3. Health(ier): I will love my mind, body, and spirit and live a healthier lifestyle; eat more consciously; exercise regularly; practice focus, mindfulness, presence, and depth; constantly learn and unlearn; establish positive and productive routines and nourishing behaviors; and surround myself with like-minded and aspirational friends, colleagues, and role-models. I will also free myself of stuff and emotional baggage that is weighing me down.
4. BFF: There are several people in my life to which I will dedicate time to cultivate more meaningful relationships. There are also people I've not yet met, but need to, and I will open my closed doors to new friendships. There are certain people in my life (and I'm sure there will be others) who lead me astray, sap precious energy, and leave me feeling worse about myself.
5. Creative: I will hone my artistry and practice creativity in all I do, from everyday work to fantastical creations. I will explore more creative and productive outlets beyond those I use to make a living, to stay sharp, improve my skills and capabilities, and give my permission to enjoy (not stress over) my expressions to feel happiness during the process of creating and in my output.
6. Connected: I will plug into the communities where I can continue to learn and be inspired. I will also connect to the communities where my creativity can benefit others directly, create new opportunities for those who seek it, and do so at scale.
7. Thankful: I will slow down to appreciate my blessings, all of the wonderful people in my life, the experiences (big and small), the work I'm fortunate enough to create (day in and day out), the cherished things I've earned over the years, my health and the time I've had and have right now. Gratitude reciprocates.
I'm committing to hold all seven in a loving and nurturing heart and a dedicated embrace. Investing in each pillar of purpose takes daily work and this is why we must choose carefully the goals to which we're committing. Too many pillars of purpose mean you will have spread yourself too thin to succeed. Too few give you room to develop and grow and build new pillars as needed.
Keep in mind always that you are going to make missteps. You'll falter, encounter failures, and doubt yourself along the way. We all do.
Remember, living purposefully is an ongoing process, not a one-and-done achievement. A positive outlook is vital to keeping your energy up and motivation strong. So, let's next take a good look at how we cultivate a positive mindset.
1http://www.goodreads.com/author/quotes/8164.Lewis_Carroll
2https://www.huffingtonpost.com/helene-tragos-stelian/defining-your-lifes-purpose_b_11379968.html
3 http://fortune.com/2018/02/09/us-life-expectancy-dropped-again/
4http://www.cbc.ca/strombo/videos/matthew-mcconaughey-alright-alright-alright-origin
5https://www.nytimes.com/2018/07/02/obituaries/gillian-lynne-choreographer-of-cats-is-dead-at-92.html
6http://richardleider.com/unlock-the-power-of-purpose/
7https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/out-the-darkness/201307/the-power-purpose
8https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5661934/
9Rose, 2001
10https://www.neuropsychotherapist.com/spirituality-as-connectedness/
11https://quoteinvestigator.com/2016/06/22/why/
12https://www.fastcompany.com/3026791/personal-mission-statements-of-5-famous-ceos-and-why-you-should-write-one-too
13https://www.forbes.com/sites/drewhendricks/2014/11/10/personal-mission-statement-of-14-ceos-and-lessons-you-need-to-learn/#223083ac1e5e
14http://motivatedonline.com/sir-richard-branson-on-a-mission-to-mentor/
15https://www.forbes.com/profile/richard-branson/