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Tania sat up in the middle of the bed, panting. She got up and went into the bathroom to wash her face.
Why is this happening? Why am I remembering these things? That part of my life is over.
Tania finished up in the bathroom and busied herself finding something to wear to church. She loved Sunday mornings, she loved being a greeter and couldn't wait to hear a word from her pastor. Tania settled on wearing a royal blue and white maxi dress and a pair of white sandals.
Looking at herself in the mirror, she was disappointed. It appeared as if she’d gained at least five pounds. Her butt looked huge. Every angle of the mirror confirmed that she hadn't lost a pound. She'd fixed smoothies and even tried the latest weight loss shake, Fat Be Gone, but none of that seemed to work for her.
Tania was convinced that she would spend the rest of her life as the cute, light skinned big girl with nice hair and a beautiful smile.
She took a final look in the mirror and grabbed her Bible and headed for the door. She couldn't wait to get to church and receive a word from the Lord.
As she pulled into the church parking lot, a heaviness settled on her heart. She seriously needed to go to the altar and pray about her thoughts about Mona. Tania took a few deep breaths and got out of the car. She noticed that Sabrina was parked next to her and waited for her to get out of the car so that they could walk in together.
“Hey, Tania girl. I was about to call you,” Sabrina said, hugging her.
“Hey, Sabrina.”
“Ummmmm, what's wrong? You don't sound like yourself.”
“I'm ok, just need to clear my head.”
“Come on, Tania, you’re talking to me. What's really going on?” Sabrina asked.
“My sister, Naomi sent me an invitation to go home for her wedding.”
“Tania, that's great! Maybe you and your sisters will get a chance to talk and mend the broken places in your relationship,” Sabrina cheered.
“Sabrina, you know how I feel about Mona and I don't have a desire to talk about anything.”
“I really think you should consider it. I think you'll feel better if you do. And besides, she may be a changed woman.”
“Yeah, right. My cousin Leslie said that she's changed, but I doubt it very seriously.”
“How would you know? You haven't seen her nor have you talked to her,” Sabrina reasoned.
“I don't talk to Mona because we've never gotten along, so why waste my time?”
“Tania, seriously think about it. Your sisters are the only family you have. Now’s your opportunity to repair the relationships.”
“Girl, let's get to our post before Sis. Emma starts looking for us,” Tania said, changing the subject.
Tania and Sabrina headed inside and gathered their programs to hand out to people as they entered the sanctuary. She gave her friend and assistant at the bookstore, Stacy, a hug as she and her husband entered a little later than normal.
“This baby had me up early,” Stacy said.
“Won’t be too much longer now,” she encouraged her friend.
Uhl Community Church was a mid-sized church with about 150 active members. Not only were the members local but they also had church members from the nearby cities of Glenn Heights and Ovilla, Texas.
After passing out their programs Tania and Sabrina sat on their designated back pew near the ushers. They made it just in time to hear the choir sing “Every Praise” by Bishop Hezekiah Walker.
Tania joined in singing God my Deliverer! Yes, He is!
Tania absolutely loved that song, she was really feeling it. After the choir sang, Rev. Beckting, the associate minister stood and announced that it was time for altar prayer.
Tania went to the altar.
“Oh God, we come to you today, God as humble as we know how, God, asking for forgiveness for our sin. God, we realize that we fall short of your glory, so before we ask you for anything, we want to thank you for everything. God, you've been so good to us and for that we say thank you, thank you for being a provider, a way maker, a mind regulator and a peacemaker. God, please remove any bitterness that we may have in our hearts for we know if we have bitterness, it cancels out our blessings. Lord, remove any iniquity that we may have. You told us in your word if we have iniquity in our hearts you won't hear us. Lord, we want to be heard. Forgive us for bad feelings and unpleasant thoughts that we may be harboring, Lord. Lord, bless the sick, shut-in and bereaved families of our church; bless those in need, and bless our pastor as he prepares to speak a word, for it's in Jesus’ mighty name we pray. Amen.” Rev. Beckting wrapped up his prayer and the congregation returned to their seats.
His prayer had touched Tania’s heart. Her mind was racing; she had so many questions. Was she harboring bad feelings in her heart? Was that considered bitterness? Why was she feeling guilty when Mona was the one who had treated her horrible?
Tania couldn't wait for service to end so that she could talk to Pastor Green. She needed to get some answers and try to get some advice on her current dilemma. If she was truly delivered from her past, why were these feelings suddenly overwhelming her?