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Tania walked into her room in a daze, she truly didn't know if she was coming or going.
Looking back on things, Tania had to admit to herself that she still had feelings for DeWayne. But guys like Dewayne were out of her league, or at least that's what Mona had drilled into her.
Tania's feelings about herself, about her appearance, were all shot down because of Mona. She never realized how much control she'd allowed Mona to have over her life. If Mona said it, to her it was good as gold.
Tania sat on the side of her bed and thought long and hard about how she'd allowed years of carrying Mona's words in her heart as if they were the gospel.
She realized that she had to free herself from all of the hurt and pain. Tania also wondered if her anger toward Mona had affected her relationship with Naomi. It had to, she reasoned. Otherwise, how could have abandoned her baby sister to be raised by someone with the potential to be so cruel? Maybe, at the heart of it all, she just couldn’t relate to Naomi’s pristine image of Mona. Their different perspectives on Mona stood between Tania and Naomi. But no more.
Immediately Tania dropped to her knees and began to pray.
“God, thank you for another opportunity to seek you. Lord, I come to you tonight asking you to deliver me from past thoughts that I have allowed to control my life. Lord, change my thought process and how I look at myself. I realize, God, it's those thoughts that I have allowed to hinder me, and to keep me from seeing the beauty of who I really am. I was made in your image, and you numbered every hair on my head. Lord, teach me to love me more and not put myself down because of what others have said. Lord, I renounce every horrible word I have said about myself; I renounce calling myself fat, and thinking that I am a failure because of it. Lord, your word says that if I keep my mind stayed on you, you will keep me in perfect peace.
“I also want to repent of taking out my anger on Naomi. She didn’t deserve to be abandoned. It was bad enough she lost Momma. Then I abandoned her, too, because of Mona.
“Lord, let my focus be on you. Lord, renew my mind, renew my heart so that I will have a greater desire to not only love myself but to accept love and give love as well, in Jesus’ name I pray. Amen.”
Tania got off of her knees and stood in the bathroom mirror naked and repeated the words from Psalms: I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Tania had no idea why she was in the mirror chanting; it had to be the Holy Spirit leading her to do so. She chanted it four more times: I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Tania cried, but this time she cried tears of joy because she felt free, she felt renewed, felt God holding her in His arms. All of those years of torment were over.
The next day Tania woke up and decided to check in with Stacy to see how things were going at the store.
“Hey Tania, how are things going?” Stacy asked.
“Stacy, God is so good, things are going fine.”
“How is your aunt?”
“She's doing better. Hopefully she'll get out of the hospital soon.”
“How are things going at the store?”
“Same ole thing, no worries,” Stacy reassured her.
“Stacy, thanks for your prayers. I truly appreciate you. I regretted coming here, but I honestly feel like God needed me to return so that I could face my issues and heal.”
“Praise God, that's great. I'm so excited for you and your sister.”
“I'm not sure what will happen with my sister, but I am thankful that God is dealing with me, healing my past wounds.”
“What do you mean you don't know what will happen with your sister?”
“I saw my sister and let's just say things didn't go well.” Tania sighed.
“Well, hopefully things will work out.”
“I pray that they will and I am sure Mona has a lot of healing that needs to be done that has nothing to do with me. Anyway girl, I ran into an old classmate and we went out on a date, I guess you can call it a date, we were at the park.”
“Wait a minute... what? You went on a date? Unbelievable.” Stacy laughed.
“Yes, I went out on a date and Stacy, it was truly amazing.” Tania beamed.
“Amazing. How, girl? Quit holding out, give me all the details.”
“Well, his name is DeWayne Watkins and I have had a crush on him since forever. I ran into him at Wal-Mart; he gave me his number and we went out last night.”
“Yeah, Wal-Mart has a way of bringing people together.” Stacy joked.
“Really Stacy? You think you got jokes. Keep your day job.” Tania laughed.
“Ok, obviously Mr. Watkins made some sort of impression on you, because honey, I see that smile on your face all the way in Uhl.”
“Stacy, an impression is an understatement, all of those feelings that I've had for him overtook me. Do you think it's silly to be so in awe of someone you haven't seen in years?”
“No girl, that's not silly. So are you guys going out again? How long are you going to be there?” Stacy quizzed.
“I plan to see him at the wedding on Saturday, but I honestly want to see him again today.”
“Look at you... go ahead girl. He could be the one,” Stacy said.
“Speaking of him being my man, Stacy, he said he wants us to see where things will go. I am on cloud nine and scared all at the same time. I know he's been sincere with me, normally I am guarded but with him this just seems right. Don't laugh when I say this, but I feel like I'm supposed to be with him.”
“Tania, that's awesome, and I won't laugh because I only dated my husband for three months before we got married. People laughed and told me I was crazy. I knew how I felt and how he felt and that was all that mattered. I love him and he loves me and we're happily married. I say go for it, and don't let anyone talk you out of it. You know your heart doesn't lie and also you've known him for a while, and even though you haven't dated him, it doesn't matter. Go for it, girl.” Stacy said.
“Thanks Stacy, you always seem to know what to say.”
“Just call me Dr. Stacy.” She laughed.
“Ok, Dr. Stacy, thanks again and I'll see you on Sunday, girlfriend.”
Tania decided to call Leslie to see how her aunt was doing.
“Hey T, what's going on; where are you?”
“I'm at the hotel, just got up, how's auntie doing?”
“Girl, she's good. I was about to call you. They are going to discharge her this morning. You know she's been ranting and raving, saying she can't miss Naomi's wedding.”
“Girl, Aunt Jean is a mess. She still shouldn't be trying to attend the wedding, for God's sake—she just had a heart attack.”
“You know you can't tell Mama nothing, she hard headed.” Leslie laughed.
“Well, I'm just glad she's ok. I'll call you when I finish getting dressed to see if you guys have left the hospital, or if you've made it to the house.”
“Girl, you know the hospital will say ‘discharged in the morning’ but then it'll be lunch time before we actually leave.”
“Oh yeah, that's true; they do take their time.”
“T, did you call DeWayne yet?”
“Yeah, I called him.” Tania giggled.
“What’s with all the giggling? You up to something, I know it.”
“Nothing’s up, we went out and he’s coming to the wedding with me,” Tania blurted out.
“Coming to the wedding? Girl, all of that in one night?” Leslie said, shocked.
“Yes, all of that in one night,” Tania said confidently.
“Girl, I wanna hear these details in person, so hurry up and get over here.”
“Alright, girlie see you in a bit,” Tania said.
Tania and Leslie ended their call and Tania noticed that she had a text message from DeWayne.
Good morning beautiful, I enjoyed you last night. Let's have lunch.
Tania texted back:
Morning handsome, I'd love to have lunch with you.
Tania smiled and headed to the shower. During her shower she replayed last night’s date with DeWayne in her mind over and over again.